Harry Potter and the Streak of Insanity

Second day of term

"Gandalf? You're still here?" Harry asked in surprise as he and his friends walked up to the library. They might have only been back for one night, but Hermione and Draco were already NEWTs stressed.

"Yes, Harry! Hello!" Dumbledore greeted him cheerfully, waving his mop in greeting. "Filch decided to retire, so Minerva kindly allowed me to work here as a caretaker."

"Without supervision?" Daphne added incredulously. "Susan's aunt won't like that."

Dumbledore laughed. "Alas, I'm being closely watched by house elves. I do understand why, now I've begun to see the error of my ways. I am so sorry, Harry, for hurting you as much as I did." He said, sounding truly remorseful.

Harry, who had no idea what to do with people apologising to him due to trauma, just nodded awkwardly.

"Bye!" He exclaimed, and pulled Hermione along with him as he scarpered. 

"Coward!" Ron shouted after him. Harry shouted something unintelligible back.

Daphne turned to Draco and then Dumbledore, with a scheming smirk.

"Hey Dray, how annoyed do you think Harry would be if we got what he wanted first?" Daphne asked, a familiar glint in her eye.

Draco groaned. "I'm not partaking in any thievery." Dumbledore raised a brow at the students, confused.

Daphne scowled. "Killjoy. Bye Gandalf!"

Dumbledore chuckled. Now he knew who Gandalf was, the nickname made much more sense. 

~

Normal time

"Hey Gandalf!"

Dumbledore looked up.

"Catch the baby!" Harry launched a small child into the air and Dumbledore reacted instinctively. He reached out to catch the child and dropped his wand in the process. Harry's friends were staring at him, horrified.

"TEDDY!" Ginny and Ron exclaimed in horror.

They all frowned in shocked confusion when Tonks entered the same corridor, Teddy safe in her arms.

"HA!" Harry grabbed the wand from the floor. Dumbledore looked down at the baby doll in his arms, and sighed. Harry, elated, began to sing.

"I got the elder wand! I'm the Master of Death!" He sped off and his friends followed, leaving Dumbledore wandless and alone.

"Well, I did always want to be a muggle as a child." Dumbledore said to himself, picking up his mop. 

Daphne and Draco watched Harry dance victoriously around the Room of Requirement. 

"I thought he didn't want to be the Master of Death?" Draco said quietly. Daphne snorted.

"He doesn't. He's just glad he got to one-up Dumbles again."

~

Harry stared at the hooded figure dressed in black.

"Chaos Bringer." It said in greeting. Harry gasped.

"No way!" He exclaimed, just as Aurora Sinistra pulled down her mysterious hood. "Queen of the Night Time, it was you all along!"

"The one plot twist you never saw coming!" Death/Aurora cackled. 

"So you've been watching this whole time and done absolutely nothing to help me defeat Voldemort?" Harry asked, slightly hurt. "You could've collected his soul and saved me seven years of trouble!"

"It isn't that simple, Chaos bringer." Death/Aurora said sagely. "Fate would have thrown a hissy fit if I had intervened. Especially if I didn't let her prophecy come to full fruition. Besides, you put on a marvellous show!" 

Harry gaped at her. "Fate's prophecy? Surely you don't mean-"

"Sybil Trelawney. SPT. Also known as Sybil Predestination Trelawney. Predestination meaning Fate, of course."

"I actually can't believe this!" Harry shook his head. "First you, then Trelawney. Next you'll tell me Grubbly-Plank is secretly Time!"

"Um."

"No! You're just messing with me now." Harry ran a hand through his hair, completely shocked.

"Relax, I'm just pulling your leg. Grubbly-Plank is most definitely not Time."

"Phew!" Harry exclaimed, then looked disappointed. "I was going to set you up with Sirius, you were on my list!"

"I thought you were gunning for me and Snape?" Death/Aurora asked curiously.

"Sort of? But to be honest with you, Snape doesn't seem the sort for relationships." Harry admitted. "I think he's still a little bit in love with my mum as well, even if he has accepted it was never going to happen. Besides, you have an insane streak that matches Sirius quite nicely."

"Sorry Chaos Bringer, I don't date humans. Or anything, for that matter."

"Worth a shot." Harry shrugged. "So what happens now?"

"Now I put my hood back up and you pretend you never knew me as Aurora Sinistra. I quite like my fake life here, so I'd rather my little secret stayed that way so I can continue to watch your reign of terror in peace." Death/Aurora gave Harry a half stern, half hopeful look.

"Okay then!" Harry agreed easily. "From the top?" 

"From the top." Death/Aurora shook Harry's proffered hand, then put up her/it's(?) hood.

"...So, you're Death?" Death nodded. "Fun! Have you ever tried to collect a soul and just been told no?" Harry asked curiously. 

Death huffed. "I've tried to collect the soul the current Headmistress of Hogwarts seven times so far." They said crossly.

"Really?" Harry tilted his head. "Actually it makes sense, Minnie is rather stubborn."

"Yes." Death gritted their teeth. "She currently holds the record. Worse than Merlin, she is."

"Wow. Not Gandalf then?"

"You've never even met Ganda- oh, you mean the Ex-Headmaster. No, I haven't tried to collect his soul yet. The man blathers on for so long I've been procrastinating slightly." Death admitted, looking as sheepish as an omen can look.

"But Minnie is so much younger than Gandalf! Why have you tried to collect her soul first?" Harry asked indignantly. It hardly seemed fair. 

Death held their hands up. "Hey, I've never truly tried to collect your precious Headmistress' soul. Only once, when she got hit with all those stunners, did I actually try. The times before I had just heard amazing things through the grapevine about her shortbread biscuits!" Death looked a bit guilty. 

Harry nodded. "They are pretty good. I think Ginny and Luna wrote an article on them for the Quabbler. And you said she holds the record? And it's seven?"

"Indeed."

"Excellent! Something to aim for then. Look, I don't want to be your Master, it sounds exhausting! Can I just give you the Hallows and be done with it?" Harry offered, looking hopeful. 

"You could." Death said, nodding slowly. "But... keep the cloak. On me."

"Really?"

Death shrugged. "Sure, why not? Between you and your ancestors, it's made my eternity much more interesting."

"Awesome! Thank you!" Harry handed the wand to Death. "Do you... can I keep the stone for a short while longer? Just so everyone can see their loved ones one more time?"

Death nodded. "You have three three weeks."

~

"So, you're the boy who bullied my son for his entire childhood?" James glared at Dudley, who gulped.

"Leave him alone, Dad, it was a generational trauma thing." Harry defended Dudley, wagging a finger at his dad. "Besides, he shot Bellatrix right in the chest! Bang! It was epic!"

"That is true." James said thoughtfully. "I suppose I can forgive you, then."

"Of course you can, dear." Lily patted James' shoulder. "Dudley darling, it's wonderful to meet you!"

Dudley nodded uncomfortably. Harry understood - talking to dead people was weird if you'd never done it before. "You too, Aunt Lily."

"Now tell me, does your mother really still crane over garden fences?" Lily asked curiously. Dudley grinned, and Harry had a feeling he was going to be replaced all over again.

Why was he never able to just be someone's favourite? Oh well, at least he still had Minerva.

~

"Oh my!" Minerva gasped at the sight of her two ex-students smiling at her, tears in her eyes. 

"Hi, Minnie." James said with a smile. "We just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for Harry."

"Of course, James, Lily. Anything for my favourite students."

Harry stomped his foot and stormed off. 

"We wanted to thank you too, Severus." James added, smiling at the man stood next to Minerva.

"Me?" Severus croaked, still staring at Lily as if he was seeing a ghost. Which he was, technically.

"Yes, you." Lily said with an eye roll. "You've protected him so well, Sev."

"Even if you were a git for the first few years." James said. "And... I'm sorry. For everything."

Severus just nodded, apparently unable to speak. 

~

"Thank you for taking care of him, Molly." Lily said tearfully as she smiled at the woman who had looked after her son for so many years. 

"Of course, dear. You would've done the same for mine." Harry let Molly wrap him in a hug as his parents watched wistfully.

"Hey Mols!"

Molly gasped as her younger brothers appeared before her.

"Fabian! Gideon! Oh, it's really you! You have to meet the kids!"

~

"Gabian. Fideon. It's a pleasure."

"Gred. Forge. The pleasure is all ours."

"Don't worry." Harry patted Molly gently on the shoulder. "Death wants the stone back soon, they won't have time to cause too much trouble."

~

"So your Prongs, huh?"

"That's me!"

Fred and George looked between James, Remus and Sirius with awe.

"Our heroes!" They bowed to the Marauders. James, Sirius and Remus bowed back.

The twins then looked at the Marauders with identical smirks.

"No offence or anything, but-"

"-Harry has definitely outdone you all."

Harry grinned proudly. Sirius and James pouted. Remus and Lily sighed.

~

"Mum!" Luna cried. 

"Luna! Xenophilius! Oh, my darlings!"

~

"Mum? Dad? Is it really you?"

"Yes, my love. Oh, Susan, you brave girl!" Amelia smiled at the sight of her brother and his wife. She stood to the side for now. Susan needed this far more than she did.

~

"Mum? Dad? But you're in St Mungos!" Neville exclaimed.

Alice smiled sadly. "No, Neville darling. Our bodies are in St Mungos, but our souls have moved on."

"So... you aren't in pain?" Neville asked, looking slightly relieved. 

Frank smiled. "No, my boy, we aren't in any pain at all. Now, where's my mother? I need to have words with her and her brother about throwing my son out of windows."

"Yes, Mr Longbottom, that's what I've been saying for years!" Harry agreed vehemently. "Give them what for! Verbally, of course, I don't think you can physically hit them. Do you want me to do it for you? Hermione punches better than me actually, I'll go and get her. HERMIONE!"

Neville and his parents watched Harry go with identical expressions.

"I'm glad you have Harry as a friend, dear." Alice said. "He's your god-brother, you know."

"He is?" Neville's eyes widened. "Harry, come back! We're god-brothers!"

~

James waved at his two best friends, who were stood still and completely gobsmacked. 

"Prongs? Is it really you? Lils?" Remus asked, the first to find his voice. Sirius just gaped, eyes filled with tears.

"Padfoot, Moony." Harry smiled softly and shut the door behind them. He would go back in later, but for now they needed to talk without him present. 

~

"Albus." Ariana gave her brother a hard look.

"Ariana." Albus' voice cracked. Aberforth just watched with a grumpy expression, softening when Ariana smiled warmly at him. 

~

"Reg?" Sirius croaked, staring at his little brother in shock.

"Sirius. I'm so sorry, I-" 

"Shut up. I love you, Reg, I'm so, so sorry..."

~

"Regulus?" 

"Severus!"

~

"Did you really think you could chat to Jamie and Lils for hours and then leave without speaking to the rest of us Black? Lupin?"

Sirius put a hand on his chest, giving Marlene his best wounded expression. "Ouch, Marls. Harry said we'd speak to you tomorrow."

Marlene scowled. "Tough luck, we're here now."

Sirius gasped. "No way, really?" He asked sarcastically. He and Marlene glared at each other and burst into fits of laughter. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and Harry found himself stood between Regulus and Dorcas.

"They were always like this." Dorcas said in a low voice. "When James unofficially adopted Sirius as brother he became Marlene's pseudo cousin."

"And then none of us ever slept again." Remus added dryly. Regulus smirked.

~

"James? Lily?"

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, How DARE YOU-"

~

"Hey Bella, I know you're evil and dead and everybody hates you, but no one else will play death-tag with me!"

"One more game." The evil witch sighed. Harry brightened.

"Yay! You're it!"

~

"Hey Voldy, Since your dead and I can't send you mind messages or howlers anymore, I just wanted to remind you that I defeated you for good before Death takes the stone back!"

"POTTER!"

~

"It's time." Harry turned to smile at his parents one last time. He felt Sirius' hand on his shoulder, shaking. Remus had his hand on Harry's other shoulder, gripping tightly. They had said their goodbyes, it was Harry's turn now.

"You'll be okay." Lily whispered. "Live life to the fullest, Harry. Be happy-"

"Marry Susan please." James said with a grin. "She's hilarious." Lily elbowed him in the ribs. "Ow!"

"Great parenting, James, trying to dictate your child's life. Ignore him Harry, marry whoever you want to." Lily said firmly, glaring at her husband.

"But Lils, he-"

"We love you, son. And we are so, so proud of the young man you've become." Harry felt a single tear roll down his cheek. 

"Yes." James reached out to grip Harry's shoulder, and sighed sadly when he couldn't. "We love you to the ends of the earth."

"See you soon?" Harry asked, voice breaking slightly.

"But not too soon." Lily warned. Harry smirked. 

"Ready?" Death held out a hand. Harry waved at his parents one last time and tipped the stone into Death's palm.

They were gone. 

Death nodded to Harry and vanished. 

The three men stood in silence for a while, staring wistfully at the spot Lily and James had just occupied. Harry took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. 

"Hey Sirius? Since I showed you mum and dad again, am I your favourite godson now?" He asked, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Sirius gave a watery chuckle and ruffled his hair.

"Not a chance, kid, have you seen how cute Teddy is? Nothing can compare." He joked, wrapping Harry in a bear hug.