The Battle Of Hogwarts Part One (Muggle-Style)
Hermione and Ron followed Susan back to the Great Hall. Harry ducked under his cloak and grabbed Parkinson by the arm, dragging her behind a tapestry that covered the door to an empty classroom.
"I know you don't want this," Harry whispered hurriedly into her ear, "so you need to trust me, okay?"
It took a few seconds, but Parkinson eventually nodded slowly. Harry released a breath he didn't know he had been holding.
"Okay, great. Here's what you need to do..."
"Where is she?" Bellatrix shrieked from the corridor. Harry hurriedly dropped a single hair into a vial of polyjuice and handed it to Susan, who had entered the hidden room via house-elf. She held it up and muttered "cheers" before downing it in one gulp.
Parkinson nodded to them with tear-filled eyes and then exited the way Susan had come. Harry donned his cloak and followed Susan, now disguised as Parkinson, out from behind the tapestry.
"There you are! Lead the way, girl, and be quick about it." Bellatrix ordered as soon as she saw what she thought was Parkinson.
"I go alone." Susan said tersely. "You can see him after its done."
Bellatrix glared at her and refused to let her go alone, which was probably a wise move. Harry followed them through the corridors, up the staircase, and into Dumbledore's office. Just before they could both open the door, Harry, still invisible, grabbed Bellatrix by the hair and yanked her backwards.
"Ouch!" She shrieked. Susan quickly slipped inside the office and the door clicked shut behind her.
Bellatrix recovered quickly and burst into the room only to find Dumbledore sprawled on the floor, still tied up, the bump on his head an impressive shade of dark purple. He looked very dead.
Harry willed for the pulse-hiding spell Hermione found in Snape's potions book to work as Bellatrix knelt down to press a bony finger to Dumbledore's throat.
"Dead!" She declared, smiling at Susan. "Good work, girl! WE KILLED ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, WE KILLED ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!"
She grabbed Susan by the shoulders and hauled her out of the room. Harry cast the counter curse at Dumbledore and followed them, still invisible.
"ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS DEAD!" Bellatrix screeched to the Great Hall after throwing the doors open with a loud BANG! Harry had to admit, whilst the crazy witch was evil and detestable, she certainly knew how to make an entrance. Harry was almost jealous. "Surrender now and go with your lives!" Minerva crumpled to the floor, ashen faced. Severus' grip on Draco's shoulder tightened. They might not like the headmaster, but him being dead was still a big loss.
Flitwick gasped and Sprout burst into tears. The students were silent, pale and shaking. The Order raised their wands and pointed them at Bellatrix, faces white and expressions furious.
Bellatrix danced through several curses aimed at her, singing "We killed Albus Dumbledore!" Over and over.
Harry stashed his cloak in his pocket and entered the hall. He slipped Susan the polyjuice antidote on his way past.
"Oh, hello Bella!" He greeted her cheerfully. "Here to finish that game of tag?"
"YOU!" She screeched. "Harry Potter! Come to face your death now that there is no precious Headmaster to protect you?"
"Can I just point out." Harry said evenly. "That currently, it's at least a hundred of us to one of you. I think my chances of winning are pretty good, don't you agree?
Bellatrix cackled. "Oh no, Potter. The wards have fallen, you see. My Lord is coming, along with his army. You are vastly outnumbered. Now, my Lord made me promise not to kill you." She pouted. "But he didn't say I couldn't torture you a little first!"
Harry opened his arms wide. "Go right ahead. Life has been so boring recently, I need a little something to spice it up! You'll have to do, I suppose."
"Harry!" Sirius yelled angrily. Harry ignored him, giggling instead at the offended expression on Bellatrix's face.
"I'll have to do?" She hissed. "You mean to say I'm nothing but a rebound villain to you?"
Harry nodded apologetically. "Sorry. Unfortunately my scar says that Moldy has to be my one true villain. Although, if it makes you feel better, you're much better at being evil than he is!"
"It does, thank you." Bellatrix nodded gratefully.
"Shut your mouth Sirius, you'll catch flies." Harry reprimanded without looking at him.
Sirius snapped his mouth shut and glared ferociously at Harry. However, before Sirius could retort, there was a loud CRASH and the doors to the Great Hall burst open again (Harry had closed them on his way in). Hundreds of masked wizards poured into the room, no sign of their master among them.
"CHARGE!" Daphne yelled and with a roar, the students began putting their lessons to good use.
Curses and jinxes flew around the room at a dizzying pace. The students went immediately on the defence and let the Order and the Staff handled the offence. Death Eaters were wiped out one by one, but there were hundreds more of them than there were the other side.
Draco and Neville were having a wonderful time. Giggling uncontrollably, they had a competition to see who could dodge the most spells without a shield. Felix shoved and pulled them left and right and they laughed harder and harder. Susan rolled her eyes at their antics but eventually joined in, occasionally shoving people out of the firing line of more cruses.
After only ten minutes (and oddly enough, exactly when Dobby appeared with a massive sack) a train whistle echoed around the room. The Death Eaters watched, flabbergasted, as every single person except themselves disappeared.
"Well, now what?" One demanded.
"The Dark Lord is coming." Another responded. "Until then, we split up and search."
~
"Stratagem Six!" Daphne called across the Room of Requirement. "Hippogriffs, you know what that means. Find your kits and get back out there. Owls and Phoenixes, the spare weapons are here. Please only choose ones you know how to work."
Sirius grinned widely. "You have an illegal muggle weaponry!" He exclaimed, clapping with delight. "I thought you just learnt defensive magic in your little club!"
"That got boring last year." Harry said, no weapon in his hands. He did have a large knife in a holster around his waist. A horde of fly swatters with tiny little legs marched behind him. "Once we mastered non-verbal casting and some of us got pretty good at wandless magic, we moved onto muggle war strategies. Besides, Hermione and Draco worked wonders on all of these!"
"What did they do?" Remus asked, looking hesitant. Harry grinned savagely.
"You'll see." He said ominously, watching as Neville and Colin pulled Sprout out of the room.
"Who are the Owls?" Tonks asked curiously.
"Anyone who isn't an HA member or part of the Order of course, along with the house-elves. I thought that was obvious?" Daphne turned to Harry and Susan, who shrugged.
"Pretty clear to me." They said in unison.
Tonks shook her head. "You're all so weird, you know that right?"
Daphne ignored her. "Hippogriffs, find your partner!"
"And drink some Felix before you go, Dobby just stole a batch from a banshee in Indonesia." Susan began handing the bottles of golden potions around the room, Dobby next to her with his sack.
"Why does a banshee have liquid luck?" Padma asked, swallowing her potion in one gulp.
Susan shrugged. "Who cares?"
The fact that none of the HA hesitated to drink the Felix showed their trust in Harry, his friends and their crazy house-elves. After none of the students died or got sick from the potions, the Order and the Hogwarts staff followed suit.
Daphne whistled loudly. Everyone turned to look at her. "Now, Draco will tell you your designated area to fight. Stick to it and try your best not to die!" Daphne ordered. "Quick march!"
"Insane." Snape muttered, downing his portion of the luck potion.
The Order watched as the HA filtered out of the room, Ginny going unseen by her mother amongst the others, Luna and Astoria flanking her closely.
Harry sought out Bellatrix immediately, poking her in the back like he had two years ago. Stratagem Six relied on him keeping the most unpredictable Death Eater out of the fighting, as none of Voldy's other emo-pals were quite as insane as she was. Hence they were easier to plan for. The only one who could occupy the insane was the insane, so Harry keeping her distracted made the most sense. At least until Moldy arrived anyway.
"You're it!" Harry shouted. Off he ran, Bellatrix hot on his heels.
It was pure chaos. In the Great Hall, the Order duelled vigilantly, Felix keeping them from death. None of them quite dared to use the muggle weapons except the twins, who were somewhere else in the castle wreaking plenty of havoc. Harry ignored them all as he ran past, briefly waving at Sirius, who was duelling Yaxley with Remus.
Neville, Colin and Sprout were in one of the towers, throwing cacti down at the Death Eaters. Several loud squeals could be heard by those who got hit; they clawed at their faces that were now riddled with needles. Moody seemed to find this especially funny, having abandoned his post in the hall to watch the chaos reign down elsewhere.
"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" He yelled at random intervals, pulling quills from Death Eaters' faces and jamming back in again roughly. As they howled in pain, he handcuffed them with muggle handcuffs. Harry watched him in slight shock. Who knew Moody fought like a muggle?
The twins weaved in and out of different battles, making sure the Death Eaters were appropriately humiliated. Bad haircuts, crazy hair colours, strange ears and antlers. They also vanished a few noses, just for extra laughs. Their boomerangs attached to ropes were remarkably effective at tying up the Death Eaters in huge bundles. Harry shouted out more suggestions as he sprinted past them.
Hermione used her nunchucks to knock out both Carrows in seconds, then she whipped up a storm at the giants' feet. Ron cackled next to her, using his club to whack the oncoming trolls with a vengeance.
"Still got it!" He exclaimed, grinning as they fell down like dominoes. Hagrid cheered him on as he chased a herd of stampeding thestrals towards Voldemort's outer ranks.
"Split 'em up, boys!" He roared.
"Go Percy!" Harry cheered on his way past. "Nice shot, William!" He winked at Ron, who glared back. Hermione laughed and waved, her smile quickly turning to a frown when she saw just who Harry was running away from. Harry might have kept that part of Stratagem Six between him and Susan.
"Really, Harry? Now?" Hermione yelled exasperatedly after him.
Daphne and Susan darted around all the HA members, twin daggers flying through the air and returning back to them once they'd hit their mark. They both high-fived him as he barrelled past them, Daphne sticking her foot out to try and trip up Bellatrix as she gave chase.
Bellatrix avoided Daphne's foot but Susan's well-timed kick sent her sprawling. Harry laughed loudly but kept moving.
The house-elves split into three factions: Dobby, Kreacher and Pipsqueak (Winky was still in recovery) leading each. They all brandished a mixture of water pistols, frying pans and tin lids. Harry's squadron of fly swatters abandoned him in favour of following the House Elves instead. Traitors.
"Charge!" Harry heard Kreacher cry. He kept on running.
Seamus was using his water-to-rum spell mercilessly, setting enemies on fire whilst Dean put them out over and over again, snickering all the while. Harry saluted them both on his way past and they cheered him on, narrowly avoiding the green curse sent their way by Bellatrix.
Katie, Angelina, Alicia and Oliver flew around the castle and grounds on broomsticks, hitting golf balls with cricket bats at unsuspecting Death Eaters. They worked as seamlessly together as they always did, despite Harry and twins' absence.
Hedwig, Fawkes and Buckbeak swooped in and out of the battle, dive-bombing the Death-Eaters and pecking them as much as physically possible. Harry swore Hedwig was carrying a rifle in her talons.
Lavender and Parvati launched hundreds of crystal balls at their targets, Trelawney egging them on as she swung at a few Death Eaters with her bottle of firewhiskey.
"Your death will not be in vain, Harry Potter!" She shouted. Harry saluted her as well, smiling sadly. Parvati and Lavender's faces fell when they realised Harry hadn't denied it.
Padma, Blaise, Lisa and Theo summoned the full number of gobstones and marbles there were in the castle (12 thousand 6 hundred and thirty four, to be precise) and used slingshots to fire them at the opposing side's foreheads. The best part was once they landed on the ground, they made a fair few people trip up. Felix kept Harry's lot from slipping, though. Good old Felix.
They waved at Harry, who waved back without slowing down.
"I will whip, you, down!" Hannah Abbot shouted and she cracked her whip at anyone in her path. Harry backed away from the fire in her eyes and hoped he never got on the wrong side of her. Ernie and Justin watched her with mirth as they cast animation spells on chess sets to make the pieces swarm their targets. It was pretty clever of them, Harry had to admit.
Minerva and Harry, who were very good friends with the suits or armour, had already won their allegiance. Harry left Minerva to cast the spell that would bring them to life as protectors of the castle. He overheard her demanding Seamus to "stop setting Voldemort's idiotic followers on fire, Mr Finnegan and blow up the bridge instead!"
"Really?" Seamus asked hopefully. "Boom? Just like that?"
"BOOM!" Minerva yelled, flanked by Reginald and Brenda.
Reginald and Brenda deserved a mighty good polish after this. Speaking of polish....
Filch prowled through the corridors, spilling slippery polish wherever he went. Harry smirked.
"Hey Harry, over here!" Harry tossed three vials of Felix to Cedric, Fleur and Viktor, but still kept running.
Draco fought alongside his mother and Snape, who made his true allegiance known.
"I am loyal to no one but me!" Snape said gleefully, forgoing his wand and punching Greyback square in the face.
"Good shot!" Remus complimented, hitting the werewolf with Ginny's favourite - a bat bogey hex.
"200 points to Snape!" Harry called out as he ran past, flashing his 'Malfoy's Minion' badge at Draco with a wink. Draco glared at him and Harry giggled as Bellatrix tried in vain to catch him.
"Run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!" He sang, just as Luna, Astoria, and Ginny flew into the Great hall on broomsticks. They pelted everyone with the remains of Harry's gingerbread Hogwarts, now stale and rock-hard. Arthur Weasley used the distraction to summon Harry's secret stash of rubber ducks and set them on fire, using his wand to toss them at his targets.
Harry liked the idea, it was pretty ingenious and right up his alley of completely mental, but he was a bit sad that his ducks had to suffer for it.
"Itty bitty Potter!" Bellatrix hissed, grabbing Harry by the throat. He jumped, so distracted by pouting about his burning ducks he hadn't heard her catch up to him.
"Hello!" Harry greeted her cheerfully, pushing her off. "You finally caught me! Does that mean I'm it now?"
"I suppose." Bellatrix tilted her head. "Want to ditch this lot and play in the forest? People keep getting in our way."
Harry shrugged. "Sure, why not? We have some kill before Voldy arrives, I'm sure. Shall I give you a head start?"
"Please."
"Okay, you have ten seconds. But if anyone asks then I'm trying to kill you, okay?"
"Okay."
"NO! Lestrange is mine!" Harry roared angrily when Molly raised her wand. Bellatrix grinned and fled. Harry counted to ten and sprinted after her. He would have felt bad for leaving the others to fend for themselves, but he would know when Moldy arrived and he was currently keeping the most dangerous Death Eater occupied.
"Harry Potter? Are you fleeing the war?" Firenze asked curiously ten minutes later. Harry shook his head.
"No, just playing tag whilst we wait for the finale." He said, turning his head as to keep looking at the centaur he ran past and crashing headlong into a tree. Bellatrix bent over, screeching with laughter.
"Hey! That's mean." Harry pouted, getting up and putting his glasses back on. "I don't want to play with you anymore!"
"Fine, be like that then." Bellatrix said snottily. She stalked off in a huff.
"I'm... I think I need to relearn to read the planets." Firenze said, looking ill. Harry shrugged.
"Oooh, Surveyor of Planets! Great nickname for next year! Thanks Firenze, I hope you all liked your bows and arrows we got you!"
"Very much, thank you!" Firenze shouted after him.
Harry re-joined the battlefield. Everyone had moved outside and were fighting hard, but Harry could see that the Felix was starting to run out. Thankfully, just as he'd pushed Padma out of direct spell-fire, Voldemort arrived in a swirl of black and green. Oddly enough, Harry's scar didn't really hurt. Probably because he'd gained the upper-hand in the mental connection.
He glared at Harry across the courtyard. Harry grinned back. Voldemort raised a hand and all his followers backed down, falling back to watch the carnage with bloodthirsty grins.
"Hey, Barbie! You're out of jail!" Harry said joyfully, finding Lucius in the crowd. "Does that mean you can tell us where to find the peacocks? Gellert is really missing them, you know." Draco hit himself in the forehead with a loud groan.
"Enough." Voldemort said hoarsely. "Silence!"
Harry heard the Order and the rest draw to a sudden stop behind him and Voldemort once again erected his favourite ward - Voldemort and Harry would be seen and heard by all, but inside the ward, it was just Harry Potter and Voldemort. They wouldn't hear anyone else.
Voldemort's snake rested at his heels. Harry smirked at it.
"Hello, Tommy." Harry wrinkled his nose. "Ew, actually, I'll stick with Moldy, since that's what you smell like. Not that you'd know, noseless."
"You insolent little-" Voldemort raised his wand. "Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, destined to die. How does it feel, to admit defeat now that the Headmaster can no longer protect you?"
"Well, he was a bit pants at the ministry last year, he wasn't there in my fourth year for your weird rebirth thing, or in the chamber, or with the stone, so I'd say I have a pretty good track record of beating you myself, actually." Harry counted each point he made on his fingers as he spoke. "And honestly, with these wards? It was bound to happen soon enough."
"Yes, the school is rather poorly protected. Now, Harry Potter, any final words?" Voldemort twirled his wand between his fingers.
"Er, yes actually. UMBRIDGE STINKS! Okay, you can kill me now." Harry opened his arms wide with a smile. He briefly looked at Remus and Sirius, who were both glaring at him heatedly and looked like they were going to cry. Whoops. Oh well, they couldn't kill a dead man.
Harry knew he would have to die. He had known for a long time and had hidden it well. Inside, he was a mess of anxiety and sadness, but he knew the wizarding world relied on his sacrifice. So he had no choice.
Harry opened his eyes. Voldemort was staring at him, momentarily stunned.
"Hurry up then!" Harry urged him, wriggling his fingers invitingly.
"What? No, you have to fight for your life! That's how this works!" Voldemort raged.
Harry blinked. "It is? How strange. Okay fine, if that's what you want I guess. But we do it my way."
"Oh?"
"Verbal dance battle." Harry stated as he and Voldemort began to circle each other. He was quite glad he now had his back to his friends and couldn't see theirs' and the Orders' faces. He knew he would be done for if he wasn't already going to die today. "I'll start. How about, before you kill me, I tell you a little secret?"
"How pathetic. Your secrets are meaningless to me!" Voldemort raised his wand.
Harry lifted a brow "Even ones about prophecies?"
Voldemort paused. "You willingly offer such valuable information? Are you insane, Potter?"
"Yes, very." Harry confirmed. "Also if you can hear me Colin, take pictures and some notes for dear old Rita would you?" Colin gave him a thumbs up. "Thanks mate. If I wasn't about to die I'd owe you one, so I'll let Daphne owe you one instead!"
Voldemort blinked. "Go on, then. Tell me about the prophecy." He ordered.
Harry crossed his arms. "Say please."
"What? No!" Voldemort snarled.
"Say it!" Harry demanded, raising his eyebrows and tapping his left foot on the ground in obvious impatience.
"Never!"
Harry sighed. "I'll count to three. One, two.."
"Fine. Please." Voldemort hissed, looking like he was going to murder Harry any second. Which, to be fair, he was.
Harry smiled. "Good job! Now, the secret. You know the prophecy but you don't know the full thing. Unless you do. Wait, do you?"
".... no."
"Well, the secret is..." Harry leaned closer. Voldemort subconsciously did the same. Harry smiled and used the telepathic connection he had with Voldemort for the last time. He watched as Voldemort's face twisted with rage as the projected image of the prophecy being hurled into the Veil of Death reached his mind.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
Harry closed his eyes and embraced the green light with a small smile.