Harry Potter and the Streak of Insanity

"Hello son!"

Harry got to his feet and grimaced at the horcrux piece at his feet. "Hi, Dad."

James looked a bit hurt. "I was expecting a more enthusiastic reunion, I'm not going to lie to you. I was thinking more 'oh my gosh it's my dad who I've not seen since he was a weird spectre at Voldemort's resurrection! I need to give him a big hug and cry right now!' You can see why I'm offended, right?"

Harry tilted his head. "Not really, no."

James pouted. "Lily! Your son is bullying me!"

Harry perked up. "Mum's here?"

Lily stepped forwards. "Of course I am!"

"MUM!" Harry barrelled into his mum's arms to hide his smirk from his dad. Messing with people was so fun, even in the afterlife!

James tutted loudly. "He is so much like you." He said to Lily, who smiled proudly and pulled back to study Harry's face. "I still remember that one time me and Sirius went out on an Order mission and you were happier to see him than me!"

Lily grinned. "Oh sweetie, did I upset you?"

James pouted. "Yes! You did!"

"Good."

James made a frustrated sound in his throat and Harry decided it was high time to mess with his mum too.

"Was that because he had forgotten your anniversary?" He asked innocently. Lily's eyes widened.

"How do you know that?" She asked as James had his lightbulb moment.

"That makes so much more sense!" He exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Lily smirked. "You didn't ask." Harry laughed loudly and James gaped like a fish.

"You two are as bad as each other." He grumbled. "Psychopaths, both of you."

Someone from next to James snorted. Harry wriggled away from his mum to stare at the newcomer.

Regulus Black studied him with such a Draco Malfoy look that Harry had to stifle giggle. Eventually, Regulus nodded regally and Harry grinned back. 

The reality of Harry's current situation set in. As much as he was loving being with his parents, he missed his friends and other family still at Hogwarts. His friends knew what needed to be done, and they all had the strength to do it. He just hoped that they won and none of them died, even if he sort of selfishly wanted to see them again sooner rather than later. He could probably keep an eye on them like his parents had for him.

Harry didn't like death. It's why all of their battle strategies aimed to keep as many people alive as possible. Obviously Voldemort couldn't be saved, as he had already mutilated his soul beyond recognition. It was kinder to kill him. Some of the more dangerous Death Eaters, like Bellatrix, would likely have to be taken out completely as well, but most of Voldy's emo pals were dumb fools who would be easy to keep in Azkaban and out of the way.

"So, I'm dead." Harry announced flatly. He parents smiled at him and Regulus rose a brow.

"Clearly." He drawled. Lily elbowed him in the ribs. "Ow! You're as bad as Dorcas, I swear."

"I can see why you and Snape were friends." Harry told him. Regulus smirked. 

"Who is as bad as me?" A girl Harry assumed was Dorcas walked towards them, followed by three other people. Two of them looked very familiar, but they were still-

"Oh." Harry whispered, staring at Alice and Frank Longbottom. "No offence, I'm kind of really happy for you. Being stuck in a crucio-riddled body would suck."

Alice laughed. "We go back to our earthly bodies when my son comes to visit, just so see him. Most of the time we're up here."

"We are more dead than alive now." Frank said with a sad smile. "It won't be long before we can no longer return to our earthly bodies."

"Jamie, you're an idiot." The blonde Harry didn't recognise grabbed Harry's face and started tilting it this way and that, rudely interrupting Harry's conversation. Lily rolled her eyes, clearly used to whoever this blonde was. She reminded Harry of Daphne.  "He's basically Lily with Potter hair. All that 'my son is a carbon copy of me was utter b-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Marlene." Lily warned. Marlene huffed. Oh yeah, definitely like Daphne.

James dramatically clutched his chest. "Ouch, Marls. That hurt."

Harry looked between them. "OH! Marlene McKinnon!"

Marlene nodded, looking slightly offended. "If I hadn't been brutally murdered by Moldypantsface, I would've been your Auntie Marlene. And I'm way better than Remus and Sirius because we're actually blood-related!"

Harry blinked. "We are? Also, I'm totally stealing that nickname for Moldy, it's perfect!"

James nodded. "Marlene is my cousin, my mum's sister's daughter. If they weren't all dead, you'd have lived with them."

"Oh. Um, is this the afterlife then? Because it's very... empty."

"No, this is just a passing place." James explained. "The first to ever be created, since you're the only person who has ever died but not really died before!"

"Usually it's cut and dry." Marlene added. "You have Lily's cheekbones. Lucky, because James' make him look like a-" James covered her mouth and then yelled out in disgust when she licked the palm of his hand. Harry remembered something similar happening with Daphne on multiple occasions and smiled sadly. He missed sister. And Ron and Hermione and Susan and Draco and Neville and Ginny and Luna and Astoria. And everyone else. 

Harry then realised exactly what his dad had just said. "Wait, dead but not really dead? You mean I could still go back?"

Lily brushed Harry's hair out of his face. "The part of Moldy's soul that was in your scar is dead. You, my wonder-child, are still very much alive."

"So why am I here?" Harry asked, staring around at the odd assortment of his dead relatives and their friends. 

"So we could see you, of course!" James exclaimed. "We couldn't let you go back without you knowing how proud we are of you!"

"And we need you to wind up Sirius, Remus and Snape for us!" Marlene added enthusiastically. 

Regulus smirked. "Sirius is easy. The silent treatment works wonders when you're angry with him. Tell him I say hello, won't you?"

"Of course." Harry nodded. 

"Hide a clock in Sev's office, the mysterious ticking noise will drive him crazy." Lily suggested. "If Remus or Sirius are annoying you, upsetting you or otherwise misbehaving, switch all of Remus' chocolate for the kind with nuts in and put itching powder in the pockets of Sirius' leather jackets. Works like a charm every time."

James grinned. "This is why I married you. Ignore whoever says it was us marauders who caused the most chaos at Hogwarts, pup, your mum was always the mental one."

Harry felt hope bubble in his chest. "I can go back?" He asked. "You mean it?"

~

"HARRY!" Several people screamed. Many fell to the ground, sobbing hard. Severus wrapped an arm around Minerva, who sobbed into his chest. Sirius let out a strangled cry and stumbled, Remus was the only thing keeping him upright. Remus himself was crying silently, looking everywhere but Harry's body on the ground. Molly clung to Arthur and let out a single, anguished wail - Harry was practically her son, and he was gone. Charlie put a hand on each of the twins' shoulders - for the first time in the twins' lives, there was no sparkle in their eyes. They stared in horror at Harry, blinking back tears. Bill held Ginny tightly, who buried her head into his chest as she cried. 

Dudley was frozen in shock. The HA's faces were pale and many of them were crying silently. Harry's quidditch teammates squeezed each other's hands tightly to keep from crying. Luna watched everyone with a sad, knowing sort of smile. For some reason she stood in between Trelawney and Sinistra, who wore similar expressions of knowing sadness.

Narcissa gripped Draco's hand. Draco stood still, ashen-faced and eyes filled with tears. Ron and Hermione collapsed into each other, too shocked to cry or scream or react any stronger than to stare at their best friend's body in agonised horror. Daphne fell silently to her knees and glared at Voldemort with unbridled fury. 

Susan stepped forwards as soon as the barrier broke. So did Neville.

"I will end you!" Susan yelled, wand pointed at Voldemort's heart. One of his Death Eaters quickly cast the cruciatus curse at her before she could get any closer to Voldemort, who was still laughing in celebration at Harry's defeat. Bellatrix looked oddly solemn. 

Susan screamed in pain just as Amelia Bones arrived, eyes frantic and expression furious. 

"NOT MY NIECE YOU STINKY FURRY FACED DINGBAT!" She roared at Greyback, before giving him his second punch to the face that day. The spell was lifted and Susan rolled to the side, tears streaming down her face and her anguished sobs echoing in the grief-filled silence. Draco and Hannah hauled her back and away from Voldemort, their own eyes filled with unshed tears.

Susan had known, the only one of Harry's friends who did. But it didn't make the pain any less.

Neville took the distraction and used it. "Accio Monty!" He caught the hat deftly and pulled out the sword of Gryffindor. He sliced Nagini's head off in one fell swoop. No one seemed to notice, not even Voldemort. Neville felt a single pair of eyes on him and turned around.

Luna smiled at him and winked. Her wand was out and Neville noticed a small ward around him and the snake. He smiled gratefully at her.

Neville returned to his friends' sides and the ward dropped, revealing the dead snake. Neville hid the sword behind his back and whistled innocently, still slightly high on Felix. Then he remembered Harry was dead and stopped to scowl at Voldemort instead, grief suddenly crushing him now that his allocated job was done.

No one moved. Voldemort felt accomplished and knew he now had the upper hand, but wasn't really sure what to do now his two biggest enemies were gone. Some more torture and murder, maybe? Perhaps later. For now, he needed to give his ultimatum.

"Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore are dead!" He declared in a loud, commanding tone. "The ministry will be mine by the morning. Surrender now, or you will be detained and killed."

"Kill me, then!" Daphne exclaimed, shaking free of Astoria's grasp. "I'd rather die than live on this foul planet with the likes of you!"

Voldemort sneered at her. "Have it your way then, girl. AVADA KE-"

Sirius launched himself at Daphne and knocked her to the ground; the green light narrowly missing them both.

"He wouldn't want you to die too." Sirius said raggedly. "He needs us to win this, for him." 

Minerva, chalk white, stepped forwards.

"Let the children go." Her voice shook with suppressed grief and rage. "Do with the rest of us what you will."

"I think not." Voldemort twirled his wand and smirked. "Severus, step forwards."

"No." Severus said calmly, folding his arms and looking everywhere but Harry's body on the ground. 

"Wh- Do as I say, traitor!" Voldemort roared, jabbing his wand at Severus and sending a red spell at him. 

Severus deflected it with a flick of his wand. "No."

"You will pay for your crimes, Severus, do you understand? Your death will not be quick or painless." Voldemort hissed something in parseltongue. Nothing happened. He scanned the area for his snake and screeched in rage when he saw her head three feet away from her body.

Severus smirked. "Oh dear, my Lord. It appears the schoolchildren have bested you once again. How pathetic." 

"Haha! Nice one, Glitter Sparkles!"

Voldemort froze. "Who said that?" He asked, watching the looks of shock and delight that suddenly appeared on the opposing side's faces with apprehension and slight fear.

"Me, Moldypantsface." Harry swung a frying pan at Voldemort's head with a sickening crack. "You can thank Marlene McKinnon for that one." Then he grabbed Voldemort by the neck and yanked him so hard they both toppled into the black lake. Sirius, Ron, Neville, the twins, Dean, Seamus and surprisingly Draco whooped loudly. Susan, Daphne and Hermione laughed in delight and hugged each other tightly. Ginny and Astoria cheered. The HA clapped, smiling broadly. Molly wept with relief, Remus and Minerva doing the same. Luna smiled serenely.

Snape, naturally, removed ten points from Gryffindor for calling a Professor names. Naturally, it still didn't work and no points were lost.

"Potter!" Voldemort spluttered as he tried to regain his balance, covered in bits of soggy lake-plant.

"Yep, it's me. I'm alive! Which is sort of unexpected but I've done it many times before so also entirely predictable!" Harry said brightly. "I had a very nice chat with Mum and Dad, I reckon they'll be visiting us soon!"

"How?" Voldemort croaked, shock stopping him from killing the brat again just yet.

"What, how will my my parents visit? By train of course!"

"No, fool, how are you alive?" Voldemort snarled.

"Well, since you asked, I'll tell you" Harry said. "It all started on a lovely summer's day, two years ago ish..."

~

Summer before fifth year, Grimmauld place

"Filthy traitor's godson should not be in here!" Kreacher said crossly. Harry jumped, holding his hands out in surrender as he walked backwards a few steps.

"I'm sorry!" Harry said hurriedly. "It's just-"

Kreacher scowled.

"Can you hear it?" Harry asked suddenly. 

"No. Filthy Master's godson is insane." Kreacher said. Harry rolled his eyes.

"No! Well, yes, but listen! That locket, the one there, it's whispering. It's like-"

Kreacher's eyes went as wide as saucers. "You can hear Master Regulus' locket?" 

Harry blinked. "Yeah. What's wrong with it?" Kreacher burst into sobs. Harry stood awkwardly, watching as the elf wailed. He wasn't good with crying people.

"Kreacher failed!" He wailed. "Kreacher failed Master Regulus!"

Harry shifted from foot to foot. "Er, why don't you start at the beginning?" Harry offered. "Then I can help you fulfil whatever it was you've failed at, if you like? As long as it's not anything evil."

Kreacher scoffed, but explained his story between sobs. Harry felt his headache grow. Horcruxes? Voldemort had split his soul? That explained a lot. Was he really that scared of dying?

Well. His name in French did mean Flight From Death, if Hermione was to be believed. Which she was, obviously.

"How do you destroy them?" Harry asked. Kreacher gave him a few different methods. Harry, who was totally completely sane and definitely not a bit of an adrenaline junkie, thought Fiendfyre sounded pretty cool.

When he returned the next day, the locket had been moved. Harry searched the entire house but couldn't find it anywhere. Eventually he asked Sirius, who directed him to the third floor drawing room and gave him the password.

Harry spent days pondering this new information, pretending he was just thinking about the Order and this prophecy they were protecting. He had his suspicions about why he could hear the locket whispering. 

Once his hearing was over and the prophecy stolen (his and Susan's plan was already in motion), he would tell his friends about the Horcruxes. Maybe. But there were some things they didn't need to know.

He waited until after his ministry visit and hearing, just in case his suspicions were proved wrong at the Ministry.

He didn't realise how destructive Fiendfyre was, but luckily Kreacher had foresight to use his elf magic to ensure everyone was outside. Along with all the furniture and their belongings, which definitely didn't look strange to the muggles at all. 

Summer before fifth year, Department of Mysteries

"So what does that mean for me then?" Harry asked Susan, frowning. "One of us has to die?"

Harry's hearing was over. Colin was somewhere in the ministry waiting for them, still covered by Harry's invisibility cloak. Harry had sort of let Arthur Weasley believe he was on a date so that he and Susan would be left alone to break into the Department of Mysteries. It was deceivingly easy, as a lovely Unspeakable called Emily Jairn had been fired that morning but was expected to finish her shift, so she let them in as revenge on Umbridge, who had fired her for being a werewolf.

"Potentially. Although the wording is interesting. Neither CAN live whilst the other survives. Almost as if your life is- no, that would be impossible."

"What?" Harry asked her urgently. "Susan just tell me, please?"

Susan sighed, and Harry hated the tears he could see in her eyes. He'd gotten closer to her in fourth year, but he only really started to know her well about a week or so before their little heist. People crying made him uncomfortable anyway. 

"Almost as if your life is what is keeping him alive. Or vice versa." A single tear trickled down her cheek.

Harry sat down on the floor with a thud. "Oh." He stared into the veil of death and Susan didn't hesitate to join him, nudging her arm into his in a show of support.

After a few minutes of processing, Harry took a deep breath. He hadn't realised he'd been crying, but he cheeks were noticeably wet.

"So, what sort of connection means the life of one wizard can tether another?" Harry asked sullenly, having a feeling he already knew. Susan shrugged. 

"No idea. I think we should go and find Mr Weasley now. We can speak to your friends as soon as my Auntie lets me come and stay with you. The Black family library will have some books that might help. You're staying at a Black family property, right?"

"I do not want to know how you found that out." Harry said, his attempt at a smile looking more like a grimace. "But yeah, Sirius will have to give you the address."

Susan rolled her eyes. "I know because you told me, Potter."

Harry smirked at her, but it quickly turned into a frown. "Are you sure you're happy to help with this?" He asked quietly. 

"Of course!" Susan looked at Harry defiantly. "I know how it feels to be an orphan, Harry. I'm not abandoning you; your friends won't either."

"Our friends." Harry corrected firmly. "If you're friends with me, then you're friends with all of us." They smiled at each other and then both turned their gazes to the prophecy in Harry's arms.

"What should we do with it?" Susan whispered. Harry grinned savagely and launched it into the veil.

"If anyone asks, we smashed it." He said. Susan nodded in agreement. "Now, before we get out of here, I need to tell you something Kreacher and I discovered last week. I think it will help us destroy Voldemort. I haven't told the others yet, but now I've heard the prophecy I think it's time."

Summer before fifth year, Grimmauld Place

"So according to Regulus, Voldemort split his soul into seven pieces. Which means aside from himself, there's six vessels." Hermione said, "He's written down the objects too, but locating them will be tricky."

Kreacher had taken a while to remember the existence of Regulus' journal. 

They searched Regulus' bedroom. He'd hidden it well and it was warded heavily. Luckily for Harry, Daphne was there to help with that issue. Apparently Regulus wrote down everything Voldemort told him, which was incredibly reckless and dangerous. But Voldemort wasn't exactly smart, just scary. Kind of.

Regulus was also a master Occlumens, so Voldemort really had no way of knowing. Kreacher had only guessed what Regulus wrote in his journal, but it was the best lead they had. They had been on the brink of giving up the hunt when Draco spotted an extremely small rune on the back top left corner of the wardrobe. 

"It's a starting point." Susan said. "The Hogwarts ghosts might be able to tell us about the diadem. Zacharias Smith is a descendant of Helga Hufflepuff, he brags about it all the time. He might know about the cup."

"The snake is wherever Voldy is," Neville added, "and the diary and locket are gone. So it is just the ring."

"We can do this!" Daphne nodded resolutely. "Voldy doesn't even know we know yet, so we have time. Look how quickly we've gathered information already!"

"We're winning!" Ron cheered. 

Harry's smile didn't reach his eyes. The rest of his friends didn't notice as they scrambled to either go and eat lunch or dive into more research.  Susan, however, stood at his side.

"You've figured it out, haven't you?" Harry said, smile dropping. Susan nodded.

"Neither can live." She said simply. "We'll find a way, Harry. I don't think there's ever been a living Horcrux, but we will find a way to remove it without you dying. He will not win."

"He will not win," Harry echoed. Susan's hand twitched next to his, but neither one of them moved. "Whatever it takes. Hey, Kreacher, want to be my house elf?"

Summer before fifth year, Grimmauld Place

"I know what you're doing."

Harry spun around to face Bill, who was leaning casually in the kitchen doorway. 

"What do you mean?" He asked warily.

"I'm a curse breaker, Harry. I work with goblins, the slyest nation to ever exist. I know you've stolen paperwork, I know you've heard the prophecy. I cheated a little bit with the horcruxes, I overheard you and the others talking about them." Bill smiled at the dumbfounded look on Harry's face "Don't worry, I won't tell Professor Dumbledore."

Harry sighed with relief. 

"However, you have to let me help."

"How?" Harry asked sceptically.

Bill smiled. "However you need. I can help track things down, or ask the goblins for advice, such as how to destroy the horcrux in your scar."

"How do you know about that?" Harry hissed, touching his scar reflexively. Bill grinned. 

"You told Sirius you had a piece of Voldemort stuck in your head. I'm not an idiot, Harry. Whilst you are very much crazy by nature at this point, I know some of it is still very much fake."

"Yeah, well." Harry avoided eye contact. "Thanks, I guess. But please don't tell anyone."

"I won't." Bill promised. "I can swear on my magic if you need me to."

"Please." Harry said. "And if you wouldn't mind trying to track down an elusive ring? It's the only object on the list we have no leads on."

"Right away, sir." Bill mock saluted and Harry smiled at him. 

"And Bill?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

Bill smiled as Harry gently squeezed passed him and dashed upstairs. He vowed to himself he would do his best for Harry, who was basically his sixth brother at this point.

Fifth Year, Great Hall.

"I spoke to Smith." Susan muttered as she joined them at the Hufflepuff table. "He gave me his aunt's address. I sent her an owl last week and she wrote back this morning."

Hermione frowned. "What did you tell Smith?"

"Just that I was doing a research project on the founders to enhance my portfolio for when I graduate." Susan said airily. Hermione smirked. 

"Nice. So, what did his aunt say?"

"She didn't. Smith said she was a bit batty and to expect to hear from her house elf instead. The elf was very helpful..."

"No." Harry said immediately. "We aren't adopting a third house elf, the two we've got already prefer you anyway."

"Fourth." Susan said, slightly petulantly. "Because you put Winky on the wait- list."

"She was sad and lonely with a drinking problem! And I'm still currently her favourite for once! It was a necessary action." 

Hermione giggled and Susan rolled her eyes. "Anyway, the elf said the heirloom was stolen shortly after a visit from a young man, who called himself Tom Riddle."

"She didn't know where it went after?"

Neville frowned. "Let's think a minute. Malfoy had the diary, so clearly he was trusted. Who else does Voldemort trust?"

Harry brightened. "Luna, super spy powers activate?"

"Sorry, the nargles are cross with me today." She sighed. Ginny laughed. Harry pouted. 

"If only we have a way of peering into his head!" Harry shook his head sadly. He had an idea of his telepathic link, but hadn't yet figured out how to exploit it. 

"Bellatrix might have a horcrux." Neville said suddenly. "Think about it. She's Voldypants' right-hand woman, if he gave one to Malfoy he almost definitely gave one to her. And what's supposedly the safest place aside from Hogwarts?"

"Gringotts!" Harry exclaimed. "I've always wanted to try and break in just for fun. Want to come with, Susan?"

"Depends, are you aiming to start a Goblin War?" She asked curiously.

"No, I'll make a bet with the goblins before my attempt and then when I succeed I'll give them back the sword of Gryffindor. It's goblin-made, you know."

"Doesn't Dumbledore have it?" Daphne asked.

"... yes."

"Can we stop plotting how to steal from the most bloodthirsty species in Britain and the most esteemed Headmaster of Hogwarts and focus on how to check Bellatrix's vault for the horcruxes?" Hermione asked crossly.

"I have an idea." Harry said. "Here's the plan..."

Hi T,

We think there's a worm in one of your relatives' piggy banks. Fancy playing dress up to help us rescue it? 

If you do, I'll tell Lockhart he's a zookeeper to make your mum's life both more bearable and much more difficult at the same time. 

Stay Clumsy, 

H

Harry,

It's a deal.

Stay crazy,

T

Harry upheld his end of the bargain first. After plotting for a while how to go about getting into Gringotts, the opportunity arose when Bellatrix herself broke out of Azkaban, just after Harry finally discovered how to use the link to Voldemort properly. 

"Okay, so how about I try and possess Voldemort-"

"No." Daphne said firmly. "No way."

"Fine." Harry sulked. 

He made use of the twins well-timed distraction to sneak out of the exam hall, a polyjuiced Dobby sat in his place. Which was perfectly acceptable because they were only the mock exams.

He had Kreacher pop him over to Diagon Alley (He loved having a Black family elf, it came in very useful when bypassing Hogwarts' shabby wards), and smiled when he saw Bill and Tonks waiting by Ollivanders.

Bill went into Gringotts first and a few minutes later Tonks, now Bellatrix, swept in alone. Harry, who was under the invisibility cloak, was quite impressed with her sudden grace.

The goblins fell for it, which was awesome. They did a blood test, which came back positive because Tonks had Black-family blood, which is all the low-level blood test searched for. They were taken directly to the vault. She grabbed the cup and placed it in her bag, then she left. 

Five minutes later, Harry and Tonks entered the bank as themselves and completely visible. Bill met with them, looking pleased.

"The goblins can remove the horcrux, Harry!" He said excitedly, once they were in a private meeting room. "For a small fee, of course, but it can be done without killing you!"

Harry just smiled. He knew his answer, and why. 

Fifth Year, Hogwarts Castle

"The tiara was my mother's. It's still here, in the castle. A handsome boy, Tom Riddle, returned it here years ago."

"Do you know where?"

"I do not, but Hogwarts will always help those who ask for it."

"Which isn't very good security, but go figure." Harry said. "Thank you, Miss Ravenclaw. Come on, Ginny, let's go."

They hurried to the Great Hall and dragged the others off.

"What did she mean? How do we ask Hogwarts?" Ron asked, once they were all in the library. He was scowling, still annoyed about missing half his lunch.

"No idea." Draco said glumly. Hermione slapped her hand to her forehead.

"The Room of Requirement!" She exclaimed, and they all sprinted for the fifth floor. 

Hogwarts Castle, the Chamber of Secrets

"It's so much worse than I remember." Ron grimaced as they stomped through bones and dirt. "And it stinks!"

"There's a rotting corpse down here, what did you expect? A disco party?" Daphne retorted sarcastically, wrinkling her nose as the stench grew stronger.

"Here." Harry said, and led them all through to the main chamber. Ginny had stayed behind with Astoria and Luna, not wanting to relive her trauma. They were trying to keep the younger three girls out of most of it anyway, even though they knew about the horcruxes.

"Gross." Susan deadpanned. "Will this one do?" She walked up to the corpse and snapped off a fang.

"Yep." Harry grinned. "Stab away, Sue!"

The Gaunt House, Summer before Sixth Year

"So, this is where the descendants of Slytherin ended up?" Harry asked Bill as they walked towards a decrepit house. They had snuck out during an order meeting Bill claimed he couldn't attend due to work. Which wasn't exactly a lie, he was sort of working. Technically. At a stretch. "Shouldn't they live somewhere more fancy? Like that one?"

"That's a muggle house." Bill said, shaking his head. "In the middle of a muggle village."

"I know, it's where Voldy's dad lived. I've been there." Harry said, wondering why the descendants of Slytherin chose to live so close to muggles. 

"You have?" Bill asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, it's where I met Voldy face to face for the fourth time!"

"Er, right. Well, it's lucky you managed to see into his mind, we never would have found this place otherwise." Bill said sarcastically, still not pleased Harry was refusing to have the horcrux removed just so he could have an advantage in a war that wasn't even his to fight.

"And it's lucky I brought Daphne, she's amazing at wards." Harry quipped back. Bill looked mildly insulted, but saw Harry's point when the blonde girl managed to dismantle more wards in five seconds than Bill could do in five minutes. 

"Want a job?" He asked her. Daphne blushed. 

Harry ignored them both and skipped into the house. 

"Guys, this place is so cool!" He yelled. "Watch out for the knives, I think the place is booby-trapped! Oh, a shiny red button! I'm going to press it! Wheeeeeee!"

Daphne scowled as the sounds grew fainter and fainter.

"Guys? Guys, I may be stuck in a hole!"

Daphne sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose "Of course he is. Can we just leave him in there for a bit?"

Bill shrugged. "Sure, why not?" 

They tore the house apart, Harry complaining from the hole in the middle of the kitchen floor. There was no shiny red button in sight, but there was a shiny golden goblet on the table that had clearly been picked up and dropped in shock. Honestly, Harry could be as bad as a niffler when it came to shiny golden things. He blamed it on being a seeker but his friends knew better.

Eventually they located the ring, Harry shouting out ideas and random reptile facts from the hole. Daphne reached out to touch it but Bill grabbed her wrist.

"Don't." He warned. "It will definitely kill you."

"Guys, if you want to destroy it, you'll have to get me out of this hole!" Harry shouted smugly. "I have the basilisk fang!"

"Accio basilisk fang." Daphne said, waving her wand. She wasn't bothered by the threat of the statue of secrecy, not when the ministry were too busy worrying about the imminent war.

"Hey! That's cheating!"

Bill quickly stabbed the ring, smirking, then his jaw dropped in shock.

"No. Way." He breathed.

"What?" Harry said, peering over his shoulder. Bill jumped. "Sorry, I got bored so I had Dobby come and rescue me. Oooh, that's a pretty stone. What's that symbol on it for?"

Grimmauld Place, summer before sixth year

"So the tale of the three brothers is real. Harry has the cloak, which is a family heirloom and therefore he is a descendent of the literal Peverell brothers?" Ron asked, shocked. "Mate, next you'll tell me you're secretly a king!"

"Er." Harry said. Ron fainted. Luna giggled. "Anyway, so we have the cloak and the stone, but no idea about the elder wand."

"Dumbledore." Draco said instantly. "I vaguely remember reading somewhere that Grindelwald believed he had possession of it. Everyone thought he was crazy; Dumbledore disarmed him and it never came up again."

"Oh, how fun! Susan, can I please rob the headmaster? Pretty please?"

"Sure, go ahead." Harry pumped the air with his fist. "But wait until we've sorted Voldy first."

Harry sighed. "Okay." He said miserably. "But we can't let him keep it forever, because he's an irresponsible grown up."

~

Hogwarts Grounds, Normal Time

"And that is how a group of teenagers found out about your master plan and foiled it! My, we were even younger then you were when you first put this plan in action! How poetic!" Harry clapped his hands once and very carefully avoided looking at anyone else. 

"You still owe me a Gringotts break-in, Potter!" Susan called out. Harry gave her a thumbs up.

Harry grinned widely at Voldemort. "I still haven't decided whether it was the fact I was a horcrux that allowed me to live or the crazy amount of Luck Potion I ingested. You know, I think I'm slightly high right now."

"Me too!" Draco and Neville chorused. 

"Oh, also!" Harry grinned and rolled up his sleeve. "Look Seamus, Dean! It's gone!"

"What's gone?" Hannah asked curiously. 

Dean rolled his eyes. "His super cool danger mark." He and the rest of their Divination class said in unison. Harry smiled proudly. He had no idea if his actual scar was still there or not, but he also didn't really care. When his name came out of the goblet, he wanted to make a name for himself that was separate from heroics and his scar. Now he'd achieved that by being a complete and utter madman, he didn't hate his scar as much as he once did.

Sort of poetic if you didn't think about it too much.

"You know, Tom." Voldemort flinched. The crazy glint in the Harry's eyes had vanished in a millisecond and the child before him was now a warrior. "The last line in the prophecy, neither can live while the other survives, is the only part that really mattered. The bit you wanted to know so badly. And that single line alone led to your downfall."

Voldemort raised his wand. Harry raised his.

"As long as I was alive with a bit of you in my head, you could come back. But now, all of those are gone. I had to die to get rid of the horcrux you put in me. Which also means you couldn't live if I died. Huh, maybe the prophecy isn't actually that smart. Sorry, Professor Trelawney."

"I-"

"But know this, Tom." Harry took a step forwards. "As long as I live, you will not survive. Because I would die sooner than let you take over this world. EXPELLIARMUS!"

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

The spells collided. Harry's parents smiled at him proudly and waved merrily at Remus and Sirius. Harry pushed on, and pushed, and pushed. More and more shadowy figures appeared out of his wand.

Regulus cheered loudly and blew a loud raspberry at Voldemort, then waved merrily at Sirius and Kreacher, who were both sobbing. Marlene gave Harry a thumbs up and Dorcas rolled her eyes. Alice and Frank didn't show, but Voldemort hadn't killed them. He technically only killed Regulus indirectly, but it must've still counted. The muggle from the Riddle House, Frank Bryce, was also there, waving his walking stick and yelling at Voldemort.

Voldemort's resolve broke, and so did his wand.

It was over.

"WE WON!" Susan yelled, throwing herself at Harry. "WE WON!"

Bellatrix screeched with unbridled rage. Hedwig suddenly swooped low from where she had been circling the fight from above with Fawkes and Buckbeak. "Cruci-"

BANG. Bellatrix's spell died on her lips and she fell to the floor, dead. Dudley smirked and lightly tossed the gun in the air.

"Anyone else?" He asked. Hedwig trilled happily, no longer carrying a gun. How peculiar! 

The rest of the Death Eaters fled. Or tried to, anyway. Daphne's quickly erected wards prevented them from going anywhere and they were detained by the Order. 

"Ha! Take that you psycho killing machines!" Monty the Sorting Hat cackled loudly from Neville's arms. Neville almost dropped him in surprise.

"Ron was right again!" Dean exclaimed. "Harry's cousin really did kill the hyena!" 

Harry found himself in a dogpile of humans. Sirius, Remus, all the Weasleys and all his friends fought over hugging him, making sure he was really there, really alive. 

A cheerful voice interrupted the reunion.

"Ah, hello everyone. The castle is in a bit of a state, did I miss another Weasley prank?"

"Albus?" Minerva whispered. "But... you're dead!"

"Dead?" Dumbledore laughed. Severed ropes hung from his wrists and ankles and his bruise had grown to twice the size. "I think not. Miss Bones gave me something lovely to help me sleep."

"She hit you with frying pan, tied you up and force-fed you a sherbet lemon." Hermione reminded him. Susan grinned bashfully.

"Actually, Kreacher hit him with the frying pan and the dreamless sleep was all Harry." She said honestly. "All I did was tie him up and buy the sherbet lemons that we laced with Harry's dreamless sleep."

"You like sherbet lemons too?" Dumbledore clapped delightedly at Susan's nod. "How wonderful!"

"Hey!" Harry said, offended that Susan stole his dreamless sleep. "That was my emergency stash! I had Kreacher ward it against any other human!"

Susan smirked. "I asked Dobby to get it."

Harry scowled. "Cheater. By the way, Gandalf, Voldy is as dead as a doorknob!"

"I- but- you- Harry, dear boy, he isn't truly gone until all of the you-know-what's have been destroyed!" Dumbledore exclaimed, frantically looking around at their audience. Amelia Bones eyed him sharply. 

"Ugh, Hermione, can you fill him in?" Harry groaned. "Preferably the long version, so I can have a decent nap before he tries to tell me I need to die."

Dumbledore stilled. "How did you-"

"Bye!" Harry skipped off, Colin and Rita Skeeter following him purposefully.

"Potter? Do have a biscuit first, dear."

"Awww, thanks Minnie!" 

Hermione turned to Dumbledore, predatory gleam in her eye.

Dumbledore gulped at the look on her face. It was going to be a long, long night.