Harry Potter and the Streak of Insanity

They won the first quidditch match of the year, of course. Luckily for the Gryffindors, the day after the match was the first Hogsmeade weekend, so they got to celebrate in the Three Broomsticks. 

Despite being his prized pupils (and Dumbledore suggesting it would be beneficial to them and to the war) Harry and Hermione had declined Slughorn's offer to be members of the Slug club, so they weren't surprised when Slughorn appeared with another invitation. 

"I'm going mining that day with Susan and Luna." Harry said in mock-disappointment. Slughorn patted him on the shoulder and left them to it. 

"Mining?" Daphne asked him as they watched everyone else in the pub. "Where to? And how?"

"I don't know, we'll figure it out. Oh look, Why is Lavender walking like that?" 

They watched as Lavender left the bathroom, eyes glazed. She walked out of the pub, ignoring Parvati's pleas for her to stop and stay longer. 

"Er, that looks like trouble." Neville said cautiously. "Maybe we should- and he's already gone." They watched Harry chase after the two Gryffindor girls and then followed him once they heard shouting.

"Harry, slow down!" Hermione panted as she caught up to Harry, who stopped when Parvati had tackled Lavender to the ground.

"There's something wrong with her!" Parvati said anxiously. "She came out of the bathroom looking all funny and just insisted she had to give something to Dumbledore. I don't know what."

"Well, don't touch it!" Harry said, relatively sane-ly for once. Parvati withdrew her hand quickly. "She's possibly been imperiused into delivering something cursed."

"How do we find out what? And why would-"

"Accio cursed object." A silver necklace flew out of Lavender's pocket and Harry caught it in his gloved hand, studying it carefully.

"Give it back!" Lavender shrieked from under Parvati. "I need to take it, give it to me!" Daphne and Hermione helped Parvati wrestle Lavender to her feet and held her firmly so she couldn't get to Harry, who gently lifted the necklace to reflect the sunlight and examined the large amethyst in the middle.

"I'm going to take this to Professor Snape and McGonagall. Give me a few minutes before following so there's no chance of her getting it back. She's lucky she's not been cursed already. Someone should go back to village to see if anyone there can help." Harry spoke quickly, pocketing the item carefully and ignoring Lavenders furious screeches.

Ron and Neville headed back into Hogsmeade in search of a teacher, whilst Harry and Draco sprinted towards the castle.

"Professor!" Harry yelled, banging on the door to Snape's office as hard as he could. 

"Potter, how many times do I have to-"

"It's cursed." Harry interrupted, holding up the necklace. "Don't touch it. It was meant for Dumbledore, someone imperiused Lavender."

"What-" Snape quickly pulled a small piece of black cloth from his pocket and took the necklace carefully from Harry. He put it on his desk and cast several spells. McGonagall suddenly appeared in his fireplace.

"Miss Brown is in the hospital wing. Is this the object?" Snape hummed and McGonagall studied it.

"They should've gone with sapphire to complement Dumbledore's eyes, purple really isn't his colour." Harry commented and was ignored by everyone, although Draco did nod in agreement.

"Definitely cursed. How it got through the castle wards is beyond me." McGonagall said, looking concerned.

"The castle's held far worse." Harry said helpfully. "The wards are terrible, Dumbles should probably fix them." He shook his head and tutted loudly. 

"Yes, he really should." McGonagall agreed, absently studying the necklace in front of her. "I'll need a written statement about what happened today from both you boys, but you are free to go. Oh and boys? The biscuit tin is on my desk, feel free to grab one."

"Thanks Professor." Harry and Draco left the office and bumped into Hermione, Ron, Neville and Daphne on the way to the hospital wing.

"The imperius wore off quickly, it wasn't very strong." Daphne told them, leading them all to the library. "They're going to check everyone's wands when they return, to make sure it wasn't another student that cast it."

"You can only go back a certain number of spells." Hermione added. "So they still might not be able to catch them. Oh, hi Hagrid, are you okay? You look upset."

Hagrid sniffed and gave Hermione a watery smile before bursting into tears.

"It's Aragog! He's dyin'!" He wailed. Draco frowned whilst Luna patted Hagrid on the arm. When she'd suddenly appeared no one knew, But Ginny and Astoria weren't with her.

"Who is Aragog?" Draco asked. Harry and Ron shared a look. 

"Acromantula. There's a group of them in the forest. Group? Herd? What do you call a group of Acromantulas?" Harry asked Ron, who shuddered and shrugged.

"A group of spiders is a cluster." Hermione said absently, joining Luna in patting Hagrid gently on the arm as he cried.

"But these are giant spiders, Hermione." Harry said seriously. "Maybe a mega-cluster? Or a many-legathon?"

"Many-legathon." Ron said firmly. "It's perfect."

"You two aren't being very sensitive right now." Daphne said sternly. They both apologised and gave Hagrid a hug before promising to visit later on.

~

One week later, the sixth years found themselves in the Great Hall for their first apparition lesson of the year.

"This is so wicked!" Ron exclaimed as they entered the hall. "I've been desperate to learn since the twins started apparating everywhere last year."

"I know! We'll finally be able to teleport!" Harry said. " Oh! I'm so stupid - I should have had the twins apparate me into the Order meetings!"

"I swear you did at least once." Draco reminded him. Harry frowned. 

"Maybe, I remember asking Kreacher to. This is so exciting, I have so many people to visit and teleporting will make it so much easier! I hate floo travel." Harry wrinkled his nose.

"No visiting Voldemort." Hermione said sternly, using his full name for once to emphasise her point.

"I was thinking Lockhart, actually. But now you mention it Hermione, that could be fun!" Harry said brightly, taking his place between Hermione and Draco behind a small metal hoop. 

"I swear, Harry, if you so much as think about going to find Voldemort, I will-"

"Morning, Folks!" Harry stuck his tongue out at Hermione, who glared at him before turning to listen to the Apparition teacher.

Apparition was much harder than everyone was expecting. And there was, of course, a huge risk of splinching. After a brief explanation they were allowed to attempt apparating into a hoop a metre in front of them.

"But that's so boring!" Harry complained to Draco quietly. "What if I want to go for a swim in the black lake?"

"Dumbledore will have anti-apparition wards up, to protect against intruders." Draco whispers back. "So you probably just wouldn't go anywhere. The only room you can apparate in right now is this one."

"Oh, that's not very fun! Why's Daphne all the way over there? We're over here! She's such a traitor. Payback time!" Harry grinned, spun on his heel, and vanished with a crack. Everyone turned to stare at his now empty spot in silence. 

"Boo!" Daphne screeched and span around to slap Harry across the face, who had poked her in the back. 

Harry clutched at his now very red cheek and gave Daphne his best sorrowful look. She smirked, satisfied justice had been served.

"Oh my, that was positively marvellous! In all my years teaching this skill, this has never happened before! How did you manage it so quickly?" The instructor clapped, delighted.

"I didn't just go to America for a holiday, you know." Harry said, as if it were obvious. "In America, you get to learn Apparition a year earlier!"

"Surely apparating in Disney would've broken the statue of secrecy?" Hermione asked sceptically. Harry shrugged.

"Depends where you practice." He said mysteriously. "Can I go now?"

Ten minutes later after some thorough questioning and testing, Harry was allowed to leave with a full apparition license. 

"So unfair." Draco muttered, kicking the hoop in front of him. Susan smirked at him and then promptly vanished, appearing in the kicked hoop. The Apparition instructor was so excited he fainted.

That evening, Harry skipped to Astronomy class. It had been ages since he last skipped, he really aught to do it more, it was so much more efficient. If he ever became king or something, he would make it law that everyone should skip if able enough to. It would definitely do Dudley some good. 

Speaking of Dudley, Harry really should write to him. It had been a while since his last letter.

After Harry's quick little visit to the Dursleys on his way to St Mungo's, he had sent Dudley a little letter. Mostly just rambling, but to his surprise Dudley had replied! Harry was delighted to have another pen-friend - Sirius' letters got a bit boring sometimes, and Remus was always so serious. At least Tonks and the twins were always interesting. 

Apparently, Dudley had done more than just a little self-work. He'd been going to the gym and eating healthier! Harry usually sent his letters with Dobby, because Petunia hated owls. Apparently she hated house elves too, which made sense because Harry was basically her house elf for years and she despised him.

Dobby had returned that day claiming he was hit with a frying pan. In retaliation, Harry sent Petunia a patronus with an extremely long message, which was really just the Fat Lady portrait testing how long she could hold a high singing note. Apparently it was forever, because portraits don't need to breathe! So Harry ended up cutting her off  after half an hour, with loud raspberry. And then when he remembered the statue of secrecy existed, he had Dobby make it so that only Petunia would be able to see and hear the patronus. 

Anyway, after the first disastrous letter Dudley had written back and told Harry to "make sure the weird elf thing hid next time", so Dobby would show up invisible instead. 

It was Dobby who came up with Dudley's diet and exercise plan, actually. In fact, Dobby even taught Dudley to cook! Dobby and Dudley seemed to have a very strong bond, especially when Dudley took Dobby's dating advice and managed to get a girlfriend. Harry didn't know how Dobby managed to get Dudley to stick to it considering the environment he grew up in, but he thought perhaps the fly swatter he carried around with him might have something to do with it.

Harry had wondered where his fly swatter had gone. But then again, Dobby did seem to enjoy stealing things. Actually, so did Kreacher. Maybe Harry was just a magnet for kleptomaniac house-elves.

Dudley was even looking at universities, jobs, and flats, since he was a year older than Harry and therefore in his last year of compulsory education. Harry had made him a very glittery congratulations card, and made Dudley promise to shake it vigorously when putting it up on the mantelpiece in the living room. Dobby had been gifted Colin's old camera and used it to take photographic evidence. When Harry asked why Colin had given Dobby his old camera, Dobby had kept very quiet, but Harry had in inkling it had something to do with Colin's sudden rather busy life the past year and a bit. It appeared Dudley wasn't only one getting dating advice from a house elf.

"Hello Princess of Darkness!" Harry greeted his astronomy professor cheerfully as he skipped into the room at the top of the tower. New year meant new nicknames, after all. Oh, maybe he should do Snape this year! Also, Voldypants was getting a bit old, maybe it was time to find something new.

"Evening, Chaos Bringer!" Sinistra replied cheerfully, adjusting a telescope and turning to face them with a friendly smile.

Hermione and Neville nodded approvingly. "Accurate, and much more professional than last year's Child of Nightmares." Hermione said decisively.

Harry pouted. "Hey, I loved that nickname! Anyway, any ideas for new names for Voldy? Voldypants is so last academic year, I need something knew."

"Moldyshorts?"  Sinistra suggested immediately.

"Perfect." Harry grinned. "I'm doing Snapey this year too, I just decided. For him I'm thinking something the opposite of the norm. For example instead of dingy dungeon bad, Pretty Princess Glitter Sparkles."

"Professor Pink has a nice ring to it." Daphne suggested. Harry giggled. 

"Yes! Although so does Professor Glitter Sparkles, so I might use that too. Okay one more- I stopped using the bumblebee as much at the start of fifth year and have sort of just been using Dumbles or Dumbledore, but those two are both so boring. Especially since we have to talk about him and to him so much more now."

"Gossiping about the Headmaster are you?" Sinistra asked. "I have to say, the article in the Quabbler claiming he was part house-elf was highly entertaining."

"Well why else would he be so obsessed with socks? He must be related to Dobby. Honestly, Ginny was a genius for figuring that one out." Harry said. "Anyway, back to nicknames. Any ideas?"

Draco hummed thoughtfully. 

"Gandalf." Susan said, as if it were obvious. Harry gave her a high-five. 

"Yes! Gandalf it is!" 

Daphne looked up hopefully. "If we're back to nicknames, does that mean I can have one now?"

"Nope."

"I hate you, Potter."

~

Albus Dumbledore headed back to his office after a very pleasant breakfast. He was very much looking forward to drinking tea and eating sherbet lemons whilst he pretended to fill out important paperwork but really just getting all the latest gossip from the portraits.

"I'm so sorry, sir." The griffin said apologetically after Albus gave him the password. "That is incorrect."

"I- excuse me?" Dumbledore blinked in surprise. 

The Griffin sighed. "I really don't want to have to do this." 

"Do what?"

The Griffin looked to the right of the corridor. No one was there, but Albus could here some loud giggling. At least two people were hiding in the corridor somewhere.

"They're making me do this, I promise you. I'm sorry, Headmaster."

"For what?" Albus was extremely confused now.

"You shall not pass." The Griffin looked pained. Albus frowned. 

"I don't understand."

"You don't want to."