fred weasley and the pirates of death

i will not tell lies

i will not tell lies

i will not tell lies

i will not....

"hey professor" harry whispers.

"what is it potter! did i tell you to stop writing lines" umbridge yells at harry.

..tell lies

"have you ever thought about becoming a pirate" harry asks while writing lines.

i will not tell lies

i will not tell lies

umbridge was speechless, what the hell was this boy talking about...

"no? what are you talking about you dumb boy! clearly the quill has gotten to your head..." she muttered the last sentence while shaking her head.

i will not tell...

harry's hand stopped writing. "but being a pirate would be so cool dude"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING DUDE??? ARE YOU INSANE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CARRY ON WRITING AND SHUT YOUR SNOBBY MOUTH" umbridge screamed at him.

...lies

"okay geez...." harry said and he continued writing.

i will not tell lies

i will not tell lies

i will not tell lies

i will...

"hey professor..."

"shut up."

"professor!"

"write your lines"

harry pouted and started writing.

professor is a bitch

professor is a bitch

professor is a bitch

professor is a bitch

professor is a bitch

"potter what are you writing"

"...nothing"

"show me that"

"NO!" harry screamed and threw the quill at umbridge running out of the classroom and slamming the door.

shocked umbridge sat at her desk.

"what the fuck is with that boy" she muttered as she stormed out of her office leaving behind the blood quill on the floor and potter's parchment.

---

fred weasley was having a lovely time poking hermione in the head.

"stop it weasley."

"oooo weasley am i"

"yes stop."

he poked her again.

hermione threw her book on the floor and george gasped.

"now you've done it fred...."

fred sat on the couch with eyes wide as hermione dug in her mary poppins bag and procured a set of dental pliers.

"what the fuck are you going to do hermione"

"i told you to stop poking me"

fred stood up and started running towards the portrait not wanting his teeth to be ripped out like poor mclaggen...

"stop running fred... or are you not going to listen to me again!" hermione asked.

fred jumped over the coffee table running towards freedom, he pushed the portrait open and started sprinting.

"WEASLEY IF YOU EVER MANHANDLE MY PORTRAIT AGAIN IM POSSESSING A TOAD AND LICKING YOUR EYEBALLS OUT YOU FUCK WAD" the fat ladies portrait screached.

"what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck" fred muttered as he ran down the hallway, hermione calmly walking towards him throwing her dental pliers up and into her hand.

at this point fred didnt even know if they were dental pliers.

fred looked away from hermione and her (maybe?) dental pliers, just to see luna building a huge pirate ship in the middle of the corridor.

"LUNA WHAT THE FUCK LET ME THROUGH" fred screamed eyes full of terror.

"sorry harry wanted to know what its like to be a pirate!" luna happily said in a sing-song voice.

"oh what the fuck let me through please please" fred begged on the verge of tears.

"well alright through here" luna pointed at the cannon.

"are you insane thats a cannon" fred sobbed

"thats not a cannon silly thats a portal to gringotts hidden lair in the underworld! well alright follow me" luna started walking towards the mast of the ship and opened a door.

"through here fred!" luna smiled

"THANK YOU" fred cried and ran through the door only to be met with a super long corridor that was super long.

"oh fuck thats super long" said snape from behind fred.

"AUEHAUH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE" fred screamed

"one bajillion points from griffindor for making me sad." snape said with tears in his eyes, all he did was say his observation.

"okay okay sorry professor" said neville from behind snape.

"AUEHAUH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE" snape screamed

"well thats just rude" said hermione from behind fred.

fred screamed and ran down the corridor.

"thats even ruder! you apologise with your teeth" hermione screamed and started running at fred naruto style.

"PLEASE IM SORRY SORRY IM SO SORRY" fred blabbered tears running down his face.

"oh ok then" hermione shrugged and walked over to lord voldemort who was sitting on the floor doing a puzzle.

"why is lord voldemort here and why is he doing a puzzle" fred yelled.

lord voldemort teared up and looked at hermione.

"am i bad at doing puzzles? :("

"no no shhh fred's just a meanie" hermione said while patting lord voldemort on his bald head.

lord voldemort smiled at went back to his puzzled and hermione pulled a face. he had only managed to put 2 pieces together...

"why were you so rude to lord voldemort fred." hermione said while glaring at him disappointed.

"what the fuckkk" fred whisper yelled to himself when suddenly the whole corridor lurched and everyone, except voldemort and his puzzle somehow, hit the right wall.

"ow :(" hermione yelled.

"SO SORRY" fred heard what sounded like harry yell from above."WE JUST HIT A HUGE WAVE"

.....

"WHY ARE WE ON WATER" fred screamed his fingers scratching at his face.

"cuz this a boat stupid" neville said from the roof.

fred had forgotten neville was here. why the fuck was he on the roof.

"he's channeling his inner spiderman" luna whispered into his ear.

fred jumped in surprise and started screaming. he ran to the other side of the corridor that magically appeared and opened to door to the deck of the ship.

he slammed the door and jumped when he heard a voice "now mister weasley.... why are you slamming doors" fred turned around slowly just to see professor mcgonagal staring at him disapprovingly.

"sorry.." he mutter as he looked towards the deep blue sea.

water... water... more water.. another ship... water... WAIT WHY WAS UMBRIDGE SAILING THE OTHER SHIP.

freds jaw dropped and he stared at the garishly pink ship. umbridge waved (heh get it) at him happily.

"SEE PROFESSOR BEING A PIRATE IS FUN" harry screamed.

"YOU WERE RIGHT HARRY MY DEAR BOY I WONDER WHY I EVER DOUBTED YOU" umbridge yelled back

"I ALSO WONDER WHY YOU TORTURED ME" harry yelled.

"I DUNNO SORRY BABY CAKES!" umbridge screamed back.

"OH OKAY LOVE YOU BABY!" harry smiled

"LOVE YOU TOO MY PINK HONEY BUN!" umbridge smiled aswell.

fred just watched absolutely flabbergasted.

what the fuck was going on....

"oh hi fred!" said his twin from behind him.

fred almost sobbed in relief and turned around. he quickly stopped at just started at his brother.

george looked at fred in confusion. "are you okay forge?"

"why are you a rhinoceros." fred said monotonously while a single tear dripped down his cheek.

george giggled nervously "uh.. i-im a furry?" george blushed.

"and thats perfectly fine" said hagrid who walked up behind george and hugged him, kissing him on the cheek.

fred had had enough and flung himself off the ship into the freezing water.

finally peace....

until a fishing hook hooked his underwear and pulled him to another boat.

"hi fred!" said lavender happily reeling him in.

fred tried to drown himself.