Hidden

It had been about a week since Tony had found out about his recent relapse and he was spiraling into a dark place and he didn't know if he was going to be able to pull himself out of it.

     He was sitting on the edge of his bed picking at the scabs that covered his newest cuts he wanted to add more but he knew that Friday would alert Tony and he didn’t want to worry him, it wasn’t fair to him. It wasn't fair for him to stress him out, even more, when he did so much for him already. 

“He already thinks you're a burden just do it” The voice echoed through his head reminding him of what he already knew.

Lost in his thoughts he didn't notice the knock on the door until Bucky was already in the room.

“Hey Peter, why didn't you come to talk to me, I’m here for you kid.” Bucky said standing at the foot of the bed.

“I don’t know okay? I just needed to and now Mr.Stark knows and it's all just too much.”

“You know maybe him knowing isn't such a bad thing, he might be able to help if you let him.”

“Why does everyone think I need help I'm fine, I did this long before anyone knew I can handle things myself.”

“Doing that at all even when we didn’t know indicates you clearly can't handle things yourself.”

“I'm already hearing this from Mr. Stark so can you please just go I don't need it from you too.”

“Yeah but next time talk to someone please.” Bucky said before leaving the room.

“He thinks your pathetic, they would all be better off without you.” The voice rang through his head. Though this time he didn’t disagree with it. 

He knew in that moment how to fix everything, he wouldn't have to deal with the looks of pity or the fake sympathy and everyone else could get on with their lives without having to worry about pretending to care. He was going to kill himself all he needed to do was find a place to do it.

“See I knew you would come to your senses eventually.” The voice stated in an almost mocking manner.

Was he making the right choice? He wondered as he grabbed a notebook and pen and put it in his bag along with his razors and phone before heading to go see Banner in medical.

He arrived at medical there was barely anyone there except Banner and a few nurses.

“Hey kid, how are you feeling today, anything wrong?” Banner asked in a pleasant but slightly worried tone.

“Oh yeah, everything's fine I was just wondering if you had any of those sleeping pills you made for Mr. Rodgers available. I haven't been sleeping  and over-the-counter stuff doesn't work for me.” He responded nonchalantly.

“Oh okay, yeah I’ll grab them just a moment.” Banner said before hurrying off leaving him standing there surprised he didn't ask any more questions. 

“This is actually going to work.” The voice assured him.

Banner arrived back with the pills and handed them to him saying

“Just take one about thirty minutes before bed and they should work and eat before you take them or your stomach will hurt.” With that Banner hurried off back to whatever he was doing before he arrived.

He went back upstairs going to the elevator and asking Friday to take him to the roof knowing she has less surveillance there. 

He was sitting near the edge of the roof writing what was going to be his suicide note it read

“Dear Mr.Stark,

Firstly if you are reading this I'm sorry for all the problems I have caused you, and I'm sorry for any pain that this decision causes you I truly didn't want to hurt anyone. You will be much better off without me I know I'm a burden and I don't deserve the kindness that you have shown me. I’m sorry, who knew writing a suicide note would have so many I’m sorrys but I guess when you have a lot to be sorry for it will. Anyway i could go on and on but i need to go now yet again I’m sorry and goodbye 

~ Peter “ 

After he was done writing it he pulled the razor out of his bag and brought it up to the base of his wrist dragging it up to his entire forearm, he was already hyperventilating partially because he knew he couldn’t stop now. He grabbed the bottle of pills from his bag wishing he had brought a bottle of water he started taking them a few at a time until he has taken almost the entire bottle.

He layed on the roof looking up at the night sky above him bleeding out and barely conscious. He vaguely heard Tony bursting through the door before he passed out hoping he wouldn't wake up.