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It had been almost a week since Peter had self-harmed and he had been spending a lot of time with Tony and Bucky, not being alone had seemed to be helping mitigate his thoughts some but they were still there. Most of his injuries from the explosion were nearly healed thanks to his accelerated healing factor.  That day he was working with Tony in the lab tinkering on some of his latest updates for his suite when his mind kept traveling back to the blade rather than what he was working on. Tony had noticed him spacing out when he decided to see what was up. 

“You okay kid? Kinda seem spaced out there” Tony asked, pulling him out of his head.

“Yes, I'm good Mr. Stark just thinking.” He responded with a smile.

“What’s going on in that head of yours then?” Tony questioned 

“You know that he’s just pitying you right? He doesn’t actually  care.” 

“Just random things.” He half answered not wanting to admit he was struggling again to his mentor, not that he had a choice last time. 

Tony noticed his hesitancy to respond so decided to drop it but he did move his work in a way that he could keep a constant eye on him.

They worked in a comfortable silence until it was almost noon when Tony decided they would stop for the day and go get some food.

“You want to come get some food with me, you haven’t eaten anything today.” Tony offered

“I guess thank you Mr. Stark.” He replied before grabbing his stuff and following Tony to the elevator. 

“You should have said no.” The voice hissed at his response.

He tried to ignore it as he and Tony made sandwiches in the communal floors kitchen before sitting down to eat.

“What are you going to do after this?” Tony asked casually.

“ I was thinking of just going to my room for a bit if that's okay unless you need me for something because I'll do that instead if that's-” He started to ramble a response before he was cut off.

“That's fine I just wanted to know so I knew where you were going to be.” Tony said, interrupting his ramble.

“ Wow, way to embarrass yourself in front of him.”  The voice taunted adding to the redding in his cheeks.

The rest of their lunch was filled with awkward small talk. After he had finished he thanked Tony and headed up to his room, trying to forget about how he just embarrassed himself in front of his mentor.

“You know what would help.” The voice echoed through his head. He knew exactly what it was talking about and as much as he hated agreeing with it he knew it would help but he didn't want to disappoint anyone.

“You don’t have to tell them.”  The voice reasoned. He knew it was wrong that he shouldn't be trying to think of ways that he could hurt himself without anyone knowing, but he couldn’t stop.

At that moment he had decided he was going to relapse but no one would know so it wouldn't be a problem he reasoned. If something helps why not use it? 

He then remembered how he had let Bucky take his blades. He knew he couldn’t just ask for them back so he had to figure out a way to get more.

He decided he would sneak out to go buy some so as not to be questioned about where he was going or risk being caught trying to find any in the tower.

With his plan in place, he put on his spiderman suit, locked the door, and swung out of the window. 

He landed on the roof of a nearby convenience store and changed before going in to find what he was looking for. He had just checked out with an energy drink and a brand new box of utility blades when he heard the bell to the door and looked up to surprisingly see Tony coming in.

“Shit. ” he thought to himself, F.R.I.D.A.Y must have alerted him.

He immediately felt his heart speed up as he tried to hide so Tony wouldn't see him.

He was trying to sneak out the back when he felt someone behind him when he turned around Tony was standing right behind him.

“Mind telling me where you're going?” Tony said grabbing his shoulder.

“I just needed some air and I didn’t think you’d let me so I went out the window.” He said trying to conceal the bag behind his back.

“Well, first your right I would have had someone go with you for your safety. Second, you can’t just sneak out because you rhino I'm going to say no, and third what's in the bag?” Tony said with a look of worry etched on his face. 

“If you tell him he will take them.” The voice whispered in the back of his mind.

“I’m sorry Mr. Stark I won’t do it again I just wanted some air and space to breathe for a second.” He said not answering his question.

“Okay, and we will discuss that once we get back to the tower but first what's in the bag kid and where is your suit?” Tony asked getting increasingly impatient.

“The suit is on the roof and it's nothing just a drink.” He said not technically lying why trying to slip the pack of blades into his pocket.

“You can’t just leave it up there like that, and if it's just a drink why so secretive?” Tony said as he grabbed the bag from his hand looking in only seeing the drink.

“Sorry kid, I just don't want you to be doing anything stupid okay? Let's go back to the tower and talk.” Tony added before leading him out of the store.

The car ride back to the tower was short but unnervingly quiet. His heart was racing as they got out and headed into the building knowing that Tony would definitely be giving him some sort of punishment. He was relieved that he hadn’t found the blades because he knew it would have been worse if he had. 

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, Tony started the conversation.

“ So you know there are consciences for this right?” Tony asked.

“ I know.” He said in a small voice just wanting this conversation to be over so he could get some relief.

“Good because you can’t just go behind my back when you think I'm not going to let you do what you want. So you are grounded, for the next week. No phone and F.R.I.D.A.Y won’t let you out the window again. Do you understand? ”Tony asked firmly.

“That's not fair Mr. Stark I just wanted some space and I told you I won’t do it again but I don't need an A. I to breathe down my neck.” He responded with frustration.

“Sounding like a child are we?” The voice mocked.

“Well if you're not going to do it again then you have nothing to worry about anyway.” Tony said standing his ground. 

He knew that arguing with him was pointless and decided against it. Instead, he walked away into his room. Once he got there the first thing he did was lock the door and go in the bathroom. Grabbing the blades from his pocket he pulled his pants down enough just to expose his thighs. He slowly started dragging the blade across, the first few were much deeper than he expected but he kept going. He only stopped once blood was running down his legs and onto his rolled down pants. He took a moment to look at what he had just done before he started trying to clean them up, or at least stop the bleeding. As he was trying to apply pressure to the deeper cuts he heard F.R.I.D.A.Y say 

“Mr. Parker you seem to be in distress, I'm going to have to alert Mr. Stark.”

Tony must have added that since he snuck out he thought trying to remain calm.

“He’s going to think your pathetic, you know that right?.”The voice echoed through his head as he tried to think of what to do.

 He grabbed the first aid kit from the bathroom and wrapped some gauze around his thighs before grabbing a clean pair of jeans and putting them on over, hoping that the blood wouldn't seep through. He quickly was washing his hands trying to hide any evidence of what he had just done. Thinking he could say that F.R.I.D.A.Y made a mistake or something, he’d figure it out as he went he thought trying not to panic.

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Tony was still sitting in the common area replaying the conversation he just had with Peter over and over again in his head. He couldn’t decide if he had done the right thing by grounding him. He was about to go down to work through his thoughts in the lab when F.R.I.D.A.Y alerted.

“Boss Mr. Parker appears to be in some distress upstairs.” The A.I said,

“What’s wrong with him?” He said already heading to Peters's room.

“It appears that he has several deep lacerations along with multiple shallow ones.” She responded.

“Self-inflicted?” He asked trying not to panic as the elevator went up.

“Yes.” The A.I said confirming what he already knew.

He reached the door and didn’t even think about knocking before barging in to try and find Peter.

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Peter was sitting on his bed trying to act normal when Tony barged in panic written all over him.

“Hey, Mr. Stark.” He said in an eerily calm tone.

“I already know are you okay?” Tony asked bluntly, trying to see if he needed to go to medical.

His demeanor immediately changed knowing that there was no way he could cover this up. 

“He thinks you're a failure, you know that right?” The voice spoke in his head reminding him of what he already knew.

“I’m fine Mr. Stark I swear it’s just a scratch.” He said trying to make it seem not as bad as it was.

“YOU ARE NOT FINE!” Tony screamed. “Fine people don’t do this, and it’s okay to not be fine but you need help. But no one can help you if you don’t let us.” Tony added trying to calm down and think with his head.

He was shocked that Tony had screamed at him but he guessed he deserved it. After all, he had screwed up again. If he hadn’t they wouldn’t be having the conversation to begin with. 

“He would be so much better off without you, wouldn’t be worried like this. He would be happier. The voice rang through his head and he didn’t disagree. Tony wouldn’t be worried like this if he wasn't here. Maybe he did not deserve to be.

“I’m sorry if I worried you, Mr. Stark I just needed to and I don’t know how or if I’m ready to stop.” He said through teary eyes while trying to keep his composure.

“I’m sorry for yelling I just want to help you, but if you aren’t ready for me to help maybe we should get a professional.” Tony said trying to offer solutions. 

“I don’t need a shrink I just need some time okay?” He said getting frustrated.

“Fine I’ll give you some time but I want you to go to medical to get them cleaned and bandaged properly deal?” Tony said hoping to at least do harm reduction. 

“Deal.” He agreed with no intent to follow through.