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Peter was sitting on the bathroom floor,blade still in hand thinking.

"Why try to fight? It doesn't matter  just do it.    You're weak."

With the voice echoing in his head once again, he cut into his thigh yet again adding to the uncountable number of scars and cuts in various stages of healing.

"I told you you just can't stop can you."

 Peter watched as the blood beaded up for a moment before putting on a bandage and heading into his room.

He enjoyed staying at the tower with the rest of the avengers ,but he still never felt like he quite belonged. Everyone else was so much older and stronger.

"I'm sure everyone else isn't cutting themselves up just to cope."  

"Why can't you just shut up" Peter said to the air out of frustration.

As he was pacing the room F.R.I.D.A.Y announced he needed to meet everyone in the conference room. 

He checked his bandages and put his suit on.Then went to go meet everyone to see what type of mission they have. 

When he got to the room Tony, Steve, Natasha, Thor, Wanda, Bucky, Vision, Clint and Banner were all sitting around the table all geared up. 

 "So what's the mission?" Peter asked as he sat down.

"We are going to be going through an abandoned Hydra base. Or at least we think it's abandoned but we need to be prepared for everything." Steve responds. 

Peter noticed the visible discomfort on Bucky's face at the mention of Hydra.

"We will be going in groups of two. Nat you're with me ,Peter you'll be with Bucky,Clint with Wanda and Thor you go with Vision. Banner, you will stay in the plane in case we need you. And Tony will be flying solo. Everyone meets in the quinjet in 10."

And with that everyone left to get ready. After everyone was on the jet they had a 4 hour flight ahead so everyone was trying to rest up.

Peter's mind was wandering to the ever present sting on his thighs. He was fighting with the thought  to add more when Tony Interrupted his train of thought. 

"You alright kid? You seem kinda off." Tony asked.

"Oh yeah I'm fine Mr Stark just thinking about the mission." He replied

"Okay. If you're not sure you want to do it, I need to know right now though." Tony says.

"Oh no I'm good I can do it Mr Stark." Peter tries to assure his mentor. Even though he wasn't  fully convinced himself

"Okay if you're sure." He replied.

Giving him a worried look before going back to planning  with Steve. 

 “ See? Even Mr Stark knows something is wrong with you.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Peter thinks to himself trying to silence the voice. 

“Don't you see I am you.”

And Peter knew the voice was right, it was him but he still didn't want to admit it. So he continued to try and ignore it on the rest of the ride to the hydra base.

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      “He's bleeding!”  Bucky yelled out over coms as he carried Peter unconscious back to the quinjet. 

“We're coming.” Tony replied, trying to not completely freak out until he knew Peter was okay.  

Everyone was back on the jet and they were heading back to the tower while Banner was trying to see what was wrong with Peter .

 “Why the hell isn't he waking up?!” Tony yelled at Banner

“I'm not sure I think he's in shock, I'll know more once we get back to the tower but for now he's stable.” He reapplied not wanting to take Tony's anger to heart knowing he was just scared. 

“You weren't supposed to leave his side, what were you thinking?” Tony snapped at Bucky.

“I know your mad but i didnt know there where bombs and even if i was right next to him i couldnt have done anything.” Bucky replied.  

Tony ignored Bucky and continued to pace worriedly. Banner had removed Peter's suit leaving him in his boxers.As he was wiping the dried blood off he started to reveal the fresh cuts and scars that littered his thighs and arms . 

“Um Tony, I need you to come look at this.” Banner said in a hushed manner.

“What is it, what's wrong?” Tony says as he rushes over. When he sees the state of Peter's body he doesn't need an answer,knowing exactly what's wrong. He feels sick as he sees the countless amount of scars and new cuts combined.  

“Did you know?” Banner asks 

“No.” He replies before turning around because he couldn't look at Peter like that for another second. There were a million things running through his head “Why did he do this?” “Why didn't he tell me?” The questions kept coming faster than he could think of what the answers might be.  

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The rest of the ride to the tower was filled with silence and heaviness and the closer they got to the more restless Tony became. When they finally arrived Peter was rushed to the med lab surrounded by people talking over each other leaving Tony to follow trying to figure out what's going on. When a nurse tells him he can't follow him he doesn't hear her until Steve is grabbing him to keep him from following. He turns around to look at Steve and he can see the sympathy written all over his face. Tony was angry that he's getting that look because he doesn't think he should be the one receiving sympathy when Peter could be in there dying and there's nothing he could do to help. 

“Why don't you go get some rest Tony?” Steve suggested.

“No, I'm not leaving him down here.” Tony replied frankly.

“Just saying you need sleep too but I know you're not gonna listen so I'm not going to fight you.” Steve said before walking away,leaving him alone in front of the med lab doors.

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