Chapter 1
Queer Quartz: Salem/ Finn Delvuax
Wine Aunt: Jessica Jones
Justice is Blind: Daredevil/ Matt Murdock
Sweet Xmas: Luke Cage
Money Monk: Iron Fist/ Danny Rand
Pool, Deadpool: Wade Wilson
Skull Man: Punisher/ Frank Castle
Be Gay, Fight Crime:
Queer Quartz: I’m in Queens following a lead, gonna see if I can find Spider-Man
Wine Aunt: Don’t bring another one into the fold
Justice is Blind: This is not going to end well
Sweet Xmas: I think it’ll be fun
Money Monk: Why is this my name and why can’t i change it?
Queer Quartz: I’m the mod and I say your name is Money Monk.
Money Monk: But why?
Queer Quartz: You’re a monk and you’re rich
Money Monk: I’m not a monk
Wine Aunt: Doubtful
Skull Man: I regret giving you my number
Queer Quartz: I would’ve just gotten it some other way
Pool, Deadpool: No fair, I wanted to meet Spidey first. :(
Sweet Xmas: The fact that you text in grammatically correct sentences terrifies me
Queer Quartz: EVERYONE SHUT UP. I see Spider-Man
— — — —
Peter had been Spider-Man for six months now, he was starting to get the hang of it… at least he thought. He’d taken down the Vulture so that was something.
He webbed up the last mugger and sighed, he should probably head home soon.
“So you’re Spider-Man.”
Peter whirled around, throwing a panicked punch that was easily caught by the person behind them. Peter met purple lenses rather than eyes.
Wait, face mask with stitching, purple helmet, horns, hood, pentagram… “You’re Salem!”
“And you’re Spider-Man, thought you’d be taller, and your punches less shitty. Is that a voice modulator? It’s pretty good. Did you make it yourself?”
“Wh-“
“So, was the spider thing a choice or did it just happen?”
“I-“
“Wade and I have a bet, he thinks you’re a spider cursed by a witch to become part of humanity.”
“Why would it be a curse?”
“Humans fucking suck my dude.”
“My- never mind. What are you- uh doing here?”
“Vigilante-ing.”
“I mean obviously but you’re not usually in Queens.”
“What, you territorial?”
“No! Of course not!”
“Relax, I’m messing with you. I tracked a lead to Queens and we were all curious about the new vigilante. So I decided to kill two birds with one stone,” They shrugged.
“We?”
“Yeah, me, DP, all the other vigilantes, Castle’s curious too even if he wont admit it.”
“Frank Castle?” Peter squeaked.
“Don’t look so scared, Frank’s a big softy.”
Peter hummed in what he hoped sounded like understanding.
“So you are a teen huh.”
Peter flushed under his mask, “I-I’m not a teen.”
“You’re a worse liar than Red. Have you been stabbed yet? That’s like a vigilante right of passage. That and falling in a dumpster.”
“Um…”
“Look, we’ve stayed away these past couple months cause we weren’t sure if you were with SHIELD or not but after vulture its clear you’re not, that and your shitty training. So I am simply here to extend an offer of backup and training. Hells Kitchen, tomorrow, 10:00, I’ll find you.”
Salem disappeared into the shadows before Peter could even open his mouth.
Guess he was going to Hells Kitchen.
— — — —
Hells Kitchen was its own beast.
Peter stood on a rooftop just on the border of the city. Salem did say to meet him in Hell’s Kitchen but… this was Daredevils territory and Peter, frankly, was terrified of the devil.
So he paced across the roof, debating what to do, stupid anxiety.
“I thought I said to meet in Hells Kitchen.”
“Holy shit!” Peters spidey sense had, apparently, decided to take a leave of absence anytime Salem was present. Stupid danger warning, glorified super anxiety.
“Super anxiety?”
“Uh… did I say that out loud?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, um yeah I have this sort of… precognition ability, it warns me about upcoming danger. My friend named it spidey sense.”
Salem snorted, “Come on, we’ve got places to be,” they told him then parkoured across the building. ‘Yeeting themselves from roof to roof’ as Peters brain decided to describe it.
— — — —
Salem led Peter to an old gym, their was a sign outside that read Fogwells and when Peter tentatively asked if they should be here, Salem laughed and said, “We and the owners have an… agreement.”
Ominous. He wasn’t sure whether to run for the hills or become their friend.
“Wait, Fuck I never asked pronouns.”
Friend it is.
“He/Him. You?”
“They/Them.”
He nodded and followed them into the gym.
“Welcome to Fogwells, by night its a vigilante meeting place.”
“We also use it for fight club,” a shadow spoke as they strides over to the pair.
Holy fuck. “Holy fuck.”
“Spider-Man, nice to meet you, I’m Daredevil.”
“Holy fuck.”
Peter spent five minutes panicking and another five calming down, once he was done, the two then proceeded to destroy him in a spar.
It was the best thing that had ever happened to Peter.