Chapter 19
When Pepper got home from the office, she asked Friday where Tony was and she told her that he was in Peter’s room. “That’s odd, what’s he doing in there?” she thought out loud as she put her belongings on the kitchen table.
Friday answered, “He’s talking to Peter,” since she didn’t know Pepper was talking to herself. She had to ask Friday to repeat herself because she couldn’t believe what she had just heard. “Yes, Peter’s home,” she clarified and she swears there was a hint of disappointment to her AI voice.
“Un-fucking believable!” she yelled to herself as she stormed down the hall. She was outraged to find out that Tony pulled Peter out of treatment without even discussing it with her first! When will he get it through his thick skull that when it comes to Peter, he has two parents and not just a father! She shouldn’t be surprised at this point because he’s always pulling shit like this! This was beyond belief! He knew she’d be pissed and he did it anyway and that upset her the most. He did it without any regard for her feelings.
She didn’t even give herself a moment to collect herself before she opened the door. Peter was indeed home and talking to Tony. She was getting angrier by the second. “Peter, what the hell are you doing home?” she yelled and then she looked at her husband who dared seemed surprised she was mad. “Tony?!” she yelled with her arms crossed and a huge scowl on her face. “Explain, now!” she demanded!
Once she saw the state Peter was in though, her first instinct was to run over and hug him and ask him why he was crying because he seemed so distraught with tears streaming down his face. Then when she looked at her husband again all that changed and anger was front and center.
Peter stood up right away looking a bit scared of her and she felt bad that she just yelled at him. “Mom, let me explain! It’s not Dad’s fault I’m back, I wanted to come home, please don’t be mad at him,” he said through more tears.
Pepper held her hand up. “Peter, honey, not now. I need to talk to your father and then we’ll discuss everything later.” She wanted to hear what Tony had to say for himself and knew they’d be arguing about it so she didn’t want to do it in front of Peter. “Tony, office, now,” she demanded while she turned and left the room in a huff.
She started pacing the office waiting for Tony to follow and while she waited her anger was growing. He came in a minute later and shut the door behind him. They knew the room was soundproof so Peter couldn’t overhear them arguing and she knew there was going to be a lot of yelling.
Before Tony could even get a word out, she held up her hand again so he wouldn’t start talking first, and he knew better with that one gesture. She took a couple deep breaths to try to suppress her rage so she could try to have a rational conversation with him.
“Tony, what the hell were you thinking? Why is he home? And for God sakes, why didn’t you discuss any of this with me first? You seem to forget that I’m also involved in the parental decision making when it comes to Peter. He’s our son, not just yours you know!”
Tony didn’t look as fearful as she thought he should, which wasn’t a good sign meaning his mind was already made up about his decision and why he did it. Tony took a deep breath before he spoke and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, the only way I could see him was to discharge him, Pep. You heard me on the phone before and they wouldn’t give me any information so I had to go down there and see for myself how he was.”
“Tony, you had no right to do that without discussing it with me,” she said with a raised voice. “What I think you did was reckless and selfish. So you took him out of treatment only for yourself because Peter said he didn’t want you to know anything? You know how awful that sounds? It sounds like you only cared about what you wanted without any regard for Peter’s wellbeing! You have blinders on when it comes to him, you know this!” she yelled and she was so frustrated that she started pacing back and forth.
“Jesus, can you let me explain my side of it and then you’ll understand why I took him home.” She stopped to study his face but couldn’t get a read on it, which was unusual for her. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
Pepper was still fuming though so instead of pacing she took a seat in a chair and crossed her arms and legs. “Go ahead, I’m listening and this better be good.”
“You should have seen him, Pep. He was so happy to see me, it kind of threw me off. I didn’t know what to expect but he hugged me so tight and I was so relieved he didn’t hate me…” and so she sat there and listened to Tony explain what Peter had said at the treatment center, about how he thinks he doesn’t belong there.
At first, she thought he was out of his mind and only wanted to appease Peter but the more she listened the more she couldn’t help but see their side of it a little more. Peter did have a point though. He was under the influence of a drug interaction which caused the psychotic episode, that was true. And they did just want him to go to therapy for his relapse and not necessarily go inpatient before that incident occurred.
Then Tony revealed something that Peter said which made her heart sink. He told her how Peter opened up to him about not being in control of his own life anymore. First Flash took all that away from him by blackmailing him into doing things he would never do. Then because of the medication mishap he did and said things he didn’t have any control over only to have him land in rehab that gave him no control over his actions again. Peter felt like a puppet on a string.
Shit, now she was torn. She could see why Tony believed Peter and brought him home but was Peter stable enough? Or was Peter that good at pretending and he just wanted out of there? They were in the room for a while discussing everything at great length about what to do with their son.
~~~~~~~~~~~xXx~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter was sitting on the edge of his bed with his knee bouncing a hundred miles an hour while he was biting the skin around his nails. He was freaking out because Tony and Pepper left to talk in their office alone. For once he wished he could hear what they were saying because they were talking about his fate. He tried to convince them not to leave because he deserved to be part of the conversation but Pepper wasn’t having it. He wanted to tell her his side even though he knew his father (hopefully) had his back but he also knew how easily she could make Tony change his mind.
He rarely sees his mom that upset so when she opened the door, he was taken aback on how much anger was radiating from her which felt directed towards him. She was mad and concerned at the same time. Now she’s in there trying to talk his dad into taking him back so he had this imminent fear growing that it was going to happen.
He couldn’t sit anymore with all this anxiety coursing through his veins so he started frantically pacing his room back and forth when suddenly he got DeJa’Vu and a chill ran down his spine. But it left just as fast as it appeared. He had this strange feeling he’d done this before but can’t remember doing it for some reason – not knowing this is exactly what he did that night he cut himself.
He was lost in thought when Friday announced that his parents wanted to see him in the living room. He had no idea how much time had passed because it felt like forever and at the same time not that long either. He walked into the living room dragging his feet and still biting his nails. They were both sitting on the couch and when they saw him come into the room Pepper stood up right away and approached him. He stopped in front of her and was waiting to be yelled at but instead she pulled him in for a hug which surprised him. After the initial shock, he hugged her back.
She pulled away and pushed some hair away from his face and stroked his cheek wiping a tear. “Hi sweetheart. It’s so good to see your face again,” she said sincerely giving him a warm smile.
“R-really? I thought you were mad that I was back home,” he said swallowing thickly and fiddling with his hands. He looked at Tony for comfort and he just gave him a slight smile. Other than that, he couldn’t read his face.
“Well, I still don’t know how to feel about anything just yet, that’s why we needed to talk to you. Come and take and seat, honey.” Pepper sat back on the couch next to Tony and he opted to sit in the chair. “Tony told me everything you two discussed but I need to hear more from you.”
xXx
He sat there repeating everything that he had told his dad to convince him to bring him home. Both his parents sat without expressions and he hated how he couldn’t read either of them. He needed to know his fate and his heart was pounding out of his chest. He took a couple deep breaths to reign in control of the impending panic attack that was looming because he had a bad feeling.
He couldn’t take it anymore so he just had to ask. “Do you believe me Mom, or are you sending me back?” He was wondering if they had already decided and he was just wasting his breath.
Pepper sighed and looked over at Tony and then back at him. “Peter, I want to believe you, I do honey but you must see it from my point of view. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I –”
“I know, I know. It’s that you don’t trust my disease,” he said cutting her off. “I’ve heard that before you know,” Peter said slouching back in the chair and practically rolling his eyes. “But it’s like I’ve said before, all that wasn’t me and even you guys have said it! It was because of the drugs and I just wish you’d give me the benefit of the doubt, that’s all. It feels like I’m being punished for something I didn’t do because I can’t even remember doing it!”
“We know, Pete,” Tony said after being eerily quiet for a long time. “We understand that but even though we’re concerned about what happened that night, we’re also concerned about your behavior leading up to it this past month. And we can’t forget what you confessed to me that night and just sweep it under the rug. That’s what scares me the most, kiddo”
“Dad, we’ve talked about that and I said I would go to therapy for it – for everything! I’m not denying I’ve slipped. I’m not at all! I know I did and I’ll go as much as I need to go. I just don’t need to be locked up in that place! I mean, you got me out of there so I thought we were on the same page?!” God, his hopes were diminishing with every minute that went by.
Tony scooched over towards the end of the couch to be closer to Peter and patted his leg. “I am, we are, Pete. We just need to make sure we’re making the right decision for the right reasons and that I wasn’t being selfish because I wanted you home for myself.”
Peter couldn’t help it and he started crying again. He had a gut feeling they were going to tell him to pack his suitcase again. Through his hitching sobs, he pleaded with them. “Please, please don’t take me back!” he cried. If kneeling and begging would work, he wouldn’t think twice about trying it.
Tony got up and sat on the arm of Peter’s chair and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hey hey hey, calm down. We didn’t say we were so relax about it, ok?”
Peter wiped away some tears and looked at him with his eyebrows knitted together. “Y-you’re not? You mean I get to stay home?” For the first time in the last couple hours, he was feeling a bit hopeful now!
“Peter, we’ve discussed it and we think maybe you’re right about not being in treatment, well inpatient anyways at least,” Pepper said and Peter could feel the relief flooding through him. “But there are some ground rules you need to follow. If you don’t, then we’ll have no choice but to take you back, ok?”
Peter was so relieved he’d agree to anything not to go back! “Yes! Of course, anything!” God he was so elated he could do backflips!
Tony stood up to take a seat on the couch next to Pepper again. “There are some rules but there are no negotiations or exceptions about any of them and no bending the rules either. We’re going to be strict until you gain our complete trust that you’re competent.” Peter’s heart sank hearing that they don’t trust him and it stung. He feels he didn’t do anything for them not to.
Pepper must have seen the disappointment on his face and gave him a sympathetic look. “We’re only doing this for your protection, Peter. We just want you safe, happy and healthy again.”
Tony didn’t waste any time and dove right in. “First rule is that we’ll schedule a session with Dr. Wheeler and get you in as soon as possible. You’ll see him as many times a week as he sees fit. If he feels you’re a danger to yourself at any time, then he’s the one to make the judgement call if you need to go back into inpatient. He might even suggest that you may need to go to intensive outpatient treatment instead,” Tony told him outright with his fatherly voice.
Peter tried not to gasp at the mention of outpatient. Even though it was better than being inpatient, it still sucked. It was every single weekday for hours and hours and he might as well just go back to the treatment center.
“Second rule is – “
“You do not talk about Fight Club!” Peter said cutting him off. He wanted to lighten the mood a bit but by their faces they weren’t amused. He finally got his father to watch that movie so at least he knew what he was talking about this time. “S-sorry…bad joke. I’ll shut up now.”
Tony sighed and shook his head looking serious. “Second rule is that you will eat three meals a day – full meals to meet your caloric intake for your enhancements including snacks and if needed protein shakes - with no excuses. We need to get you back on track with your eating and gain those pounds back that you’ve lost.”
Peter let out a sigh. “Dad, I haven’t lost that much weight you know. You make it sound like I lost twenty pounds or something, jeesh.”
“Friday, how much weight has Peter lost since the beginning of the school year?” Tony sang song aloud.
“Dad! That’s so unfair when you do that!” Peter bit back.
“Peter has lost the total of eight pounds since the beginning of September, Boss.” Friday confirmed.
Peter tried not to let the surprise shock him or show it on his face but it was too late, they both saw his eyes grow big and his parents gave each other concerned looks. He knew he had lost a little bit of weight but not eight pounds! He forgets that he loses weight so quickly because of his metabolism.
The looks all three were giving each other were enough of a confirmation that Peter was wrong so Tony just continued. “Third rule, Pete. You must always wear your watch, got it? No taking it off and it’s waterproof so wear it even in the shower,” Tony said.
Now that one he didn’t like and he made a face and crossed his arms over his chest. “All the time? Dad, it will feel like you’ll be spying on me and I hate that! It’s not fair. Nobody else EVER has to deal with that! It’s bad enough Friday watches over me 24/7!”
“Well, to be honest you’re right. It is in a way, spying I guess but it’s for your own good,” and then Tony got up and grabbed Peter’s wrist with the watch on it. He placed his thumb on the watch face and it made a clicking sound and lit up for a second.
“Hey, what did you just do?” Peter asked suspiciously.
“I just locked it with my thumbprint. You won’t be able to take it off yourself. Think of it as giving me a piece of mind that you’ll always have it on,” he said without a care in the world and a smirk.
“Come on Dad, really? That’s so unfair! You can’t even trust me to leave a freaking watch on? God, it feels like I’m under house arrest or something!”
“Pete, stop your bitching. It’s not forever,” Tony said so nonchalantly it made him cringe.
This was sounding more horrible by the minute but he kept telling himself that it’s better than going back to the treatment center and being locked up for weeks.
Tony just continued like he just didn’t LOCK a fucking watch on him. “Rule number four is to try your hardest not to cut or hurt yourself in any way. I think between wearing that watch and having Friday monitor you to alert us if you do will hopefully prevent you from self-harming. It’s only until we think your safe.”
Peter became aggravated because he knew it would work knowing he’d be ratted out immediately if he did anything, yet he didn’t know if it would be enough to stop him. So maybe they were right and he couldn’t even trust himself that he wouldn’t cut again so how could they trust him. He honestly didn’t know.
Pepper chimed in. “Another rule is that we will administer your antidepressants daily to you. We know you abruptly stopped taking them on your own, which is detrimental to your mental health and you know this. You take them for a reason, honey. You need to be on them to get better and stay better.”
Peter does know this but he can’t tell them he stopped taking them because he thinks he didn’t deserve to feel better. That’s what depression does. It tells you are worthless.
“Pete?” he heard Tony say sounding like he had repeated his name to gain his attention. He must have zoned out for a minute. He brought his gaze back up to his dad. “Well, those are the rules. We’re going to be strict and we’re going to make sure you follow the rules until we and your doctor feel you’re safe and out of danger. And you only get one chance, kid. If you slip or mess up in any way, it’s back to the treatment center.”
Wow, that was harsh. Peter couldn’t help it and rolled his eyes as he stood up. “God, you make it sound like I’m going to jump off the roof or something! I’m not a danger to myself, I promise! How many times am I going to have to defend myself because of something that was out of my control!” he said shouting.
Tony stood up right along with him. “Pete, we understand what happened was because of the drug interaction but it doesn’t erase what I’ve seen and heard from you that night. You scared the shit out of me and I thought I was going to lose you,” he said staring at the bandage on his wrist with the self-inflicted cuts underneath, “so I’m taking the entire situation with extreme precaution, ok?”
Peter felt embarrassed when he noticed Tony staring at his bandage so he crossed his arms to hide them. He was getting upset because he sounded like a broken record. He felt there wasn’t ever going to be a time where his parents trusted him again all because of something he didn’t do on purpose and doesn’t even remember doing! He knew he wasn’t going to change their mind so he was not going to waste his breath anymore. Let them think what they want because their minds were already made up. Plain and simple, they didn’t trust him.
“Fine,” he said deflated. He was done talking about all of this. Besides the fact that he was hurt that they didn’t trust him, he was also relieved he was staying home.
“Honey, we’re only trying to keep you safe while you’re in therapy and getting help. I wish you’d see it from our point of view,” Pepper said walking over to him and grabbing his hand. His first impulse was to pull away but he didn’t and let her hold it. “We love you so much.”
He didn’t want to make it any worse so he sucked up his anger and disappointment. “I know and I love you too. Thanks for not dragging me back to rehab and I promise I’ll get better and do everything you ask of me,” he said as he leaned in to hug her and then hugged his dad.
“Can I go back to my room now?”
“Hey, kiddo, I know we were in the middle of a conversation before your mother came home,” Tony said rubbing his arm. “Do you still want to talk about what we were discussing before?” Tony asked hesitantly and he could tell he was avoiding saying it out loud in front of Pepper.
Having Pepper barging in and being interrupted like that with the fear of being taken back to rehab made him so distracted he forgot all about breaking up with MJ. Now that Tony mentioned it, his heart started aching again. He could feel a wave of emotions emerging and didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He didn’t want to talk period.
He shook his head. “No. I just want to go back to bed to get more sleep since I didn’t take a long nap before if that’s ok.”
Tony looked at his watch which made him look at his own to see what time it was. “Well, it’s getting kind of late to take a nap. It’s going on 5:00pm and Happy will be bringing Morgan home from dance class any minute now…”
“Please?” he begged and he started getting choked up. “Just for an hour, ok? I really need to lay down.” Because to him sleeping meant not dealing with his problems.
Tony and Pepper exchanged looks that he couldn’t read because they have their own unspoken language that he still hasn’t figured out yet. Pepper sighed but gave in. “Ok, but only for an hour and then when you get up, dinner will be ready. Plus, Morgan will be so happy you’re home. I won’t tell her you’re here so she doesn’t disturb you. You can surprise her later.”
“Deal, thanks,” he said faking a smile for them and then turned to leave to go to his room. He managed to hold it in but started crying as soon as he shut his door.
He crawled back into bed and didn’t want to leave it. He knew it was a sign of depression but nobody would blame him for the hell he’s been through this past month, not even counting the drama that unfolded today.
He was going to have to try really hard to keep up his end of the bargain because there was no way in hell he was going back. He also didn’t want to disappoint his parents again so he made the decision right then and there that he would comply with all the rules no matter what. Even if it meant he was drowning in his own emotions. He wouldn’t let them down and he needed to gain their trust.