Chapter 18
When Peter woke up from his nap, the first thing he did was reach for his phone that was charged. It was a little after 3:30pm and he wished he slept longer but couldn’t sleep anymore. He turned it on only to hear it chime about fifty times from all the notifications he received. Before he listened to all the voicemails, he scrolled through the texts from Ned and MJ first.
Sunday 4:34pm. Ned: Hey, it’s me. I know I was supposed to give you time but it’s been long enough and I haven’t heard from you. Are you still that mad at me that you can’t even talk to me? Call me.
Sunday 6:02pm. MJ: Hi Peter. I left you a few messages and haven’t heard from you all weekend and I’m starting to get really worried. Call or text me, ok? I hope everything’s ok.
Sunday 9:58pm. Ned: I know it’s getting late but I still haven’t heard from you. I’m so sorry I told your dad everything but he needed to know. Will you at least be in school tomorrow so we can talk?
Monday 8:34am. Ned: Ok, I’m really starting to freak out because you’re not in school! Call me, please! I need to tell you some shit that went down!
There were tons more as he scrolled through them all and then he listened to the voicemails.
From Ned: Monday at 8:50am. “Dude! Where are you? I’m in between classes right now and don’t have much time. You will NOT believe what everyone’s been saying! Flash, Kevin and Jason all got arrested at the party on Friday! And now I’ve heard some people say you got arrested too because you’re not here! Is that why you haven’t called me? Did you get put in jail!? Call me back! I’m totally freaking out!”
From MJ: Monday 3:45pm. “Hi Peter, it’s me. Again. You weren’t in school today and I’ve heard all these horrible rumors that are going around and I don’t know what to believe but I won’t believe you got arrested! I don’t know what’s been going on with you or why I haven’t heard from you. Ned hasn’t either and we’re both worried. Did I do something wrong? I, um, I miss you and don’t understand why you haven’t talked to me. Call me, please.”
Peter swallowed hard. Just hearing her voice made him miss her so much but he knew deep down what he had to do. He had to break up with her and it’s going to be one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. She deserves better than him. She deserves someone that is stable and not someone…like him, someone who is broken. He’s too embarrassed to tell her where he was and why and if he can’t talk to her (or anyone) about it then he shouldn’t be dating, period. She doesn’t even know he was in that place before and she doesn’t know about his problems. He doesn’t know if he could ever tell her because he’s afraid of what she would think of him. It would break him even further if she treated him differently.
But first he needed to call Ned to get that over with. He dialed his number and the phone only rang once before Ned picked up. “Peter? Dude, where the hell have you been?! Why haven’t you been in school all week? Why haven’t you talked to me or even MJ? Did you get put in jail?” He asked rambling.
Peter lost track of the days so it confused him when Ned said he wasn’t in school all week. He had to count in his head and he figured out it was Wednesday already. He still wasn’t sure how much he wanted to tell Ned.
“Hellllooo Peter? Are you there?” Ned asked and he realized he hasn’t spoken yet. Suddenly he felt embarrassed to talk to him about where he was and what happened to him. He usually tells him everything but this time he just can’t. Not now at least.
“Um, hi, yea. I’m here,” Peter said quietly.
“Where were you? I’ve been calling and texting and ---”
“I know, Ned. I didn’t have my phone with me and it just finished charging and ...”
“Oh my god, were you in jail? Is that why you didn’t have your phone?” Ned exclaimed!
“No Ned, I wasn’t in jail so stop saying that. I just needed some time…you know with everything I went through. I’m sorry it took so long to get back to you.” He needed to change the subject away from himself so he asked about Flash and his friends. “So, what’s all this about Flash and his friends getting arrested?” he asked pretending he didn’t know. He was considering if he should just spit it out and tell him they got arrested by his father because they drugged and assaulted him so it was his fault they’re in jail.
“Peter, you have missed so much! Monday, we found out they got arrested at the party Friday night! Nobody knows why though! We must have left just in time because some other kids got in trouble for underage drinking, not that we were but I wouldn’t want to be there with cops, ya know? I heard it was like a raid! And get this, they got expelled too! Whatever they got arrested for must have been bad because I heard they’re still in jail, well, except for Flash, there’s rumors he went to juvi or something because he’s under eighteen.”
Shit, why does he feel bad again that they got in trouble because of him? Flash might be in juvi and the others will probably stay in jail! He hasn’t even asked his father for any updates on them because he really doesn’t want to know how much he ruined their lives. He had to pretend he didn’t know though.
“Wow! That’s crazy!” was all he could muster, not even raising his voice a tad. He could hear how fake that sounded. “So, um, nobody knows why?”
“Nope. The people at the party who were there said they brought them out to the backyard and everyone else had to stay inside while they cuffed them. And there was yellow police tape surrounding the corner near the shed. I heard it might have been a drug bust or something but nobody knows.”
Shit, he knew drugs were involved and he was praying that what they did to him stayed a secret. It sounded like they blocked off that section where he was when he got hurt and drugged! Nobody needs to know that they knocked him out with a rock and drugged him with roofies! “Oh man, that’s, that’s insane.”
“Yea, sure is! Anyways, how are you? I haven’t talked to you in days and I’ve been worried. Are we, I mean, you and me, are we good? Are you still mad at me?” Ned asked and he heard the trepidation in his voice.
That was a loaded question. With everything else going on he hasn’t given Ned a second thought and now he’s feeling guilty about that. He knew he obviously couldn’t tell him that so he told him what he wanted to hear. He hated how weird it was between them so he needed to fix it, even though he didn’t know how he felt about anything just yet.
“Um, yea, we’re cool, man. We’re good. No worries,” he said trying to sound convincing and it seemed like it worked.
Ned let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God. I um, still just wanted to tell you I’m sorry but not sorry for talking to Mr. Stark, if you know what I mean?”
Man, he was getting aggravated and just wanted Ned to drop it! “I get why you did what you did. If the tables were turned, I’d probably do the same thing. I know you were only doing what you thought was right and looking out for me. Can we, uh, not talk about that anymore?” And as soon as he said that last part, he wished he hadn’t said it out loud because now the air between them felt funny again.
Ned hesitated a moment before answering. “S-sure. Ok. Done. I won’t bring it up again. So, uh, can I ask what you have been doing all week? How come you weren’t in school?”
Peter sighed heavily and ran a hand down his face. He wasn’t about to spill to Ned that he was in rehab again for almost unwillingly killing himself while he was under the influence. He started feeling annoyed and tried to speak calmly to break the awkwardness between them. “Ned, I told you, I just needed time,” and then he thought for a moment to make up a little white lie. “Dr. Cho wanted me to come back to the Medbay for observation because my headache wasn’t going away so I was there for a couple more days. You know how my dad gets with me so he made me stay.”
“Oh my god, was something wrong that she missed?” Now Ned sounded worried about him.
“No, no. Nothing like that. They ran more tests and I’m perfectly fine. They said my headaches were more like migraines from stress so that’s why I needed more time.” For a lie that was made up on the spot he was pretty proud of himself that it sounded legit and Ned had bought it.
“Well, I’m glad you’re ok now. Will you be in school the rest of the week?” Ned asked.
“Oh, um, probably not.” God, just the thought of going back there was making him sick to his stomach! That’s something he’ll have to talk to Tony about. He doesn’t know what to do about school! “My dad wants me to stay home and rest to make sure I’m 100%. They’re sending me my assignments to my email so I won’t fall behind.” That part wasn’t a lie. He’d been getting his homework but barely touched any of it yet.
“Ok, if you need any help with anything let me know and I can stop by,” Ned suggested but that was the last thing Peter wanted right now.
He plastered on a fake smile to make him sound like he was on board. “Cool, sounds good but so far I’m all caught up and obviously I have a dad for a genius so there’s that. But if I get stuck, I’ll let you know. Hey, listen, I have to get going now but I’ll talk to you soon, ok?”
There was a beat before Ned spoke up and he felt bad for dismissing his friend already. “Yea, of course. Thanks for calling me though, I was getting really worried and glad you’re not in jail!” he said with a chuckle.
Peter faked a laugh and said, “Yea, me too! Bye Ned,” and he hung up. He was dreading the next phone call because it was MJ.
~~~~~~~~~~~xXx~~~~~~~~~~~
Tony was sitting in his office finishing up some work emails when Friday told him Peter was in distress. “Did he have a nightmare?” he asked before getting up. He wasn’t overly concerned because he was keeping an eye on Peter’s vitals through his watch and they have been a little off so he was expecting something like this.
“No Boss, he just got off a call and he’s very upset,” she said.
That was news to him, he didn’t even know he was up this whole time! He figured Peter must have been on the phone catching up with his friends then. “Can you ask him if it’s ok if I come and talk to him?” Man, that was hard to ask because normally he would have gone running in there but he’s trying to respect his boundaries.
A half minute later, “Peter says he wants you.”
Even though his son was most likely crying, it felt good that he still needed him and a smile grew on his face. He knows there’s going to be a time where he doesn’t and he’s dreading it. He got up and went down the hall and stopped at Peter’s door. He could hear him crying and his worry grew. He knocked and he heard him say “Come in.”
When he opened the door, he immediately became concerned because Peter wasn’t just crying, he was sobbing and his breath was hitching. Whatever happened on that phone call must have been bad. He knew he had to help him calm down before it escalated into a full-blown panic attack. He rushed over and sat on the side of the bed facing him.
“Hey hey hey, what’s wrong? What happened?” and before he knew it Peter leaned in and was hugging him so tight. He wrapped his arms around his kid and started rubbing his back. Peter was crying so hard his body was shaking. “Hey, shhhh…shhh..whatever’s going on it’ll be ok. Take some deep breaths for me, kiddo.”
He felt Peter shake his head no. “Yes, it will be, you just have to calm down so we can talk it out, ok? Come on and take a few deep breaths.” Peter did what he was told and listening to him try to breathe while sobbing was heartbreaking. He wouldn’t let go of him until Peter did first so he kept rubbing his back to try to soothe him.
After a couple of minutes, Peter held onto him tighter and kept his head on his shoulder. “I just broke up with MJ,” he said unexpectedly through wet tears and he sounded so sad. “I think I broke her heart,” he wailed. Shit. Out of everything that was going on with the kid he was not expecting to hear he broke up with his girlfriend so it surprised the hell out of him.
He wished Peter talked to him first about this to make sure he was doing the right thing for the right reasons. He still doesn’t think Peter should be making these sorts of life-changing decisions right now. Tony knew Peter didn’t want to face him because of how tight he was holding him so he kept rubbing circles on his back. “Oh, Pete. How come? Can I ask why? I thought you really liked her.”
“I do, I really like her, it’s not that,” he said crying. “She deserves someone better than me. I’m not good enough for her. I’m broken, Dad! I’ve been pushing her away for weeks because I didn’t want her to see the real me. She deserves someone that can be there for her and I feel, I feel like an empty shell,” and with that last word Peter started sobbing again and it was breaking his heart even more.
Peter’s been dealing with so much shit, this is the last thing he needs to worry about. Then that got him thinking, maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea that they took a break so Peter could try to get better without any additional pressure and be able to concentrate on himself.
Tony held him tighter and carded the back of his hair. “Pete, I know you haven’t been yourself lately. I know you’ve been through so much and it’s taking a toll on your mental health but you’ll get yourself back, I know you will. Does she know about –”
Peter cut him off and pulled away. “No! She doesn’t know anything about me and I can’t tell her, I can’t!” he said practically screaming.
Tony put a hand on his shoulder to try to comfort him. “Ok, ok. Can I ask why you haven’t?”
Peter looked down at his hands and couldn’t look him in the eyes. “I’m too embarrassed to tell her about my problems. That’s how I knew I had to break up with her. I’ve been keeping so many things from her and it’s not fair to her. She deserves someone better, someone, not like me. She doesn’t even know the real me, Dad…and I’m afraid she won’t even like me as a friend if she found out.”
Tony tightened his hold on his shoulder and put a finger under chin to lift his head. “Look at me, Pete,” and he waited until their eyes met. “You have such a beautiful heart and soul, Bambino. Everything you just said sounds like a part of your low self-esteem issues. Anyone who gets to know you, the real you no matter what you’re going through at any time will be thankful they know you. To know you is to love you and I’m not just saying that to blow smoke up your ass,” he said trying to lighten the mood a little which seemed to work because he saw the corners of Peter’s mouth turn up just a bit.
“But don’t you see, that’s the problem though. I don’t have any self-esteem right now. I don’t like myself so how can I expect someone else to like me? Don’t I have to like myself first?”
Well, that was a tough question. It was sort of like what comes first, the chicken or the egg. Having someone like you can help you with your self-esteem yet if you don’t like yourself then it’s most likely you won’t let anyone in. So, he couldn’t answer that question. “That’s a tough call kiddo. Something I can’t answer for you but sounds exactly like something you should talk to your shrink about in therapy.”
“Dad…come on.”
“Listen, I honestly don’t know how to answer that because well, you know me, low self-esteem was never an issue for me. It’s quite the opposite actually, say hello to narcissism. I think everyone has to like me and if they don’t then they’re the ones who are losing out. Hopefully someday a little of that will rub off on you,” he said smirking. At least Peter wasn’t sobbing anymore, just quiet tears running down his face now.
“Do you think I made a mistake?” Peter asked and he sounded so young with those big wet teary eyes staring at him and he was looking for an honest answer. Again, he didn’t know.
“I think you did what you did because it felt like something you needed to do. I don't really know for sure if it was a mistake or not but if you’re not feeling like being in a relationship right now for any reason, then I’m actually proud of you for thinking of yourself first for once. That’s progress Pete. It would be cruel to string her along if you’re not committed. What did she have to say?”
Peter wiped some tears and sniffled and started crying again. “She said she didn’t understand why I was breaking up with her because I didn’t really give her an explanation. I just said that I’m going through some stuff and need time for myself. She didn’t buy it though, she knows something’s up with me. She’s very intuitive you know. She also said she’d wait for me, Dad. I can’t have her do that so I told her not to. What if I’m never better, you know? I can’t have her waiting for me forever! She deserves to move on with her life!”
He could tell Peter was spiraling with his ramblings. “Hey, try to calm down again, ok? I know it feels like it but break ups aren’t the end of the world and sometimes it’s just that – only a break. Did you know me and your mom took a couple breaks during our relationship?”
Peter looked up at him surprised. “No, really? Why did you guys break up? For how long? I thought you were always together!”
“Well, we were actually on a break when I took you to Germany that time. And then there was maybe two more times after that but we always found our way back to each other. To be honest, it was because of me, I was being a selfish prick and yada yada yada. But we’re stronger than ever now. So there’s still hope, Pete. And remember, you’re only seventeen. I’m sure if it’s not MJ, then you’ll have plenty of girlfriends throughout your life, and that’s ok. The right one will stick, believe me.”
Peter took a deep breath and wiped tears off his face. “I can’t tell if that makes me feel better or not.” He said.
Tony was just about to say something when the door flew open. “Peter, what the hell are you doing home? Tony?!” Pepper yelled with her arms crossed and a huge scowl on her face. “Explain, now!” she demanded!