Chapter 16
Tony was walking down the hall trying to keep up the pace behind Casey who was not happy with him whatsoever. She stopped at the door to Peter’s room, the same one as before and she waved him in but didn’t go in herself. She just turned and left with a huff. He knew she thought what he was doing was a mistake, they all did, but he just had to see Peter by any means possible and this was the only way to do it.
He was nervous going in because he didn’t know what state Peter was in because they wouldn’t tell him. When he walked into the room, Peter was sitting at the small round table writing in his journal and it gave him flashbacks at seeing him in that very same spot the first time he visited. Since Casey didn’t announce he was here, when he stepped into the room, Peter’s head shot up looking surprised to see him. He was waiting for Peter’s temper to get the best of him since he explicitly told them he didn’t want to see him but there was no anger in his face at all. Just pure happiness which made him sigh with relief. Before he knew it, Peter was up and running over to him and hugged him so hard he almost fell over.
“It worked! It worked!” Peter said beaming. “I can’t believe it worked! I knew you would come! I just knew it!”
Even though Tony was ecstatic to hear how happy he was to see him, he was still worried but now more curious than ever because he needed to know what the hell was going on! He hugged him back fiercely and planted a kiss on the side of his head and then pulled away. He needed to get a good look at him. He grabbed both his hands to keep the contact and looked him over head to toe to make sure he was ok. He still had a bandage on his arm which he knew wouldn’t heal as fast as it should but the cut on his head was looking better now that the stitches were removed. He knows it’s only been a few days and wasn’t expecting a major change but he was still on the thin side meaning he probably didn’t eat that much while he was here. But his eyes were what he needed to pay attention to. They were focused and he was present. He wasn’t staring through him this time and they seemed to shine a bit more, unlike the last time he saw him when he had that manic episode. He looked much better even though he could still see sadness in them.
He cupped his cheeks and kissed his forehead. “Pete, what the hell is going on? What’s this all about you refusing consent to give me any information and then you’re this happy to see me? I wasn’t sure what to expect but I’ll take this over the alternative but you need to talk to me, kiddo.” Tony took his hand and guided him to sit at the table so they could talk.
When they took a seat Peter sat right next to him with their knees almost touching. “Dad, I’m so glad you’re here, I just knew it would work! I knew you’d come to see me!” Then Peter’s smile faded. “I needed to see you so bad to tell you how sorry I am for what I put you through,” he said and saw he had tears in his eyes.
“Ok, first things first, Pete. There’s nothing to apologize for. You know this, it wasn’t you. Secondly, I’m really confused as to why you’re so happy to see me when you told them you didn’t want me to know anything, let alone have me here?”
“Don’t you see, that’s just it, Dad! I just got out of that 72 hour hold and well, I haven’t been the model patient. I sort of lost some of my visiting and phone privileges so I knew they wouldn’t let me see or talk to you for another week! I needed to talk to you now, I couldn’t wait that long.”
“But Pete, then why refuse consent to have me talk to anyone? You’re not making sense,” Tony said as he reached across the table to hold his hand. To be honest he was sort of worried about him again, not that he ever stops.
Peter was grinning ear to ear again and looked him straight in the eyes. “Our souls are connected, remember?” And Tony felt his heart flutter a little at the sentiment. “I just knew you would know I needed to see you and I was right! You know I would never do that to you so it worked! I would never keep anything like that from you and it made you come down here and that’s what I wanted. I couldn’t wait another week to speak to you or see you. I need to talk to you now.”
At this point Tony was even more confused than before he walked into this room. He couldn’t make heads or tails of what Peter was trying to tell him. “Well, you were right, it worked, it got me here. You have no idea what hoops I had to jump through to see you but I’m here. What’s so urgent that you needed to talk to me about? Are they not treating you good here?” If anyone treats his kid the wrong way…
“No, no they’re treating me fine, Dad, I swear. It’s just that, well, the reason I needed to talk to you is because I don’t belong here and I want to go home.”
Tony took his hands back so he could cross his arms over his chest. His kid just had a full-on mental breakdown in front of him not four days ago while hurting himself and he thinks he doesn’t need to be here? “Pete, honey. Listen, I think you really do need to be here. Did they tell you what happened? I know Dr. Cho said that one of the side effects was memory loss or blackouts so how much do you know?” he asked sincerely.
“I know it all, Dad, they told me everything and I couldn’t believe I did or said any of those things. I feel horrible about it and I’m so so sorry I did that to you. But hear me out, ok? That’s the thing though, I don’t belong here because it wasn’t really me that night and you just said so yourself a minute ago. It was the drug interaction that caused psychosis and even Dr. Cho confirmed it with the blood tests! And it’s not fair to me to be judged and to be put in here because I wasn’t in control of my own actions or thoughts. It was the drugs, not me,” Peter said with his voice slightly raised pointing to himself. “I’m sure you have things you regret when you used to drink a lot, right? When you weren’t really in control of yourself but it was the alcohol?”
Shit, the kid had a point. He did so many embarrassing things and stunts when he was drunk off his ass that he regrets - those that he can remember that is. All the other things he had to hear what he did from friends or even on the news the next day! But this wasn’t about him, this was about Peter’s mental health.
Tony sat back, listened and nodded and then leaned forward and held his hand again. “Pete, I get what you’re trying to say but you do belong here because you’ve relapsed and we found out before that night, remember? We saw your cuts, found out you were skipping meals and you’ve been sullen and depressed. And you told me yourself, under the influence of drugs or not, that you think about…well, I’ll just say it, you think about not wanting to be here anymore and that scares the shit out of me. You need help, kid.”
Peter was getting aggravated and stood up and started pacing and Tony had to smile a little at that. Like father like son. “But I have control over those thoughts now, ever since I left this place the last time. I’ve had control over them and I would have never done what I did if it wasn’t for those freaking drugs – that by the way – were given to me while I was unconscious! I wouldn’t do that to you again, I swear,” he said wiping at some tears. “And I know I’ve slipped up on some old bad habits, I’m not going to deny that and I’m willing to go to therapy more for that but I don’t need to be locked up in a place like this!”
Tony couldn’t stand watching his son go from happy to distraught so he got up and gave him a hug. He was torn. On one hand he feels he does belong here to treat those issues he’s relapsed on but then again, Peter brought up a very good point. He didn’t have control over anything with those drugs in his system but just knowing he’s had those thoughts were frightening. Maybe those kinds of thoughts never go away with someone with mental illness and you have to learn to live with them and to not act on them. Shit.
“Let’s sit down again, ok.” And they took their seats but this time in the little cushion chairs. “I’ll be honest, you scared the shit out of me Pete and I’m going to be blunt so you understand my concerns, ok? You slit your wrist right in front me,” he said pointing to Peter’s bandaged arm, “and then told me you wanted to die. How am I supposed to know you won’t try that again as soon as we get out of here?”
Peter looked a little shocked at the boldness and wiped some tears but shrugged. “You don’t know but what you can do is trust me that I won’t. I’ll be honest with you, Dad. I’ve never stopped thinking those thoughts, they just well, lessened over time especially with the help of the medication – which I started taking again. But the stress of the whole Flash thing made it come back full force. If I wasn’t drugged up, I wouldn’t have done that. Like I said, I couldn’t do that to you again.”
“So, the only thing stopping you from doing that is me and not you? Pete, that’s not right either. You need to not want to do that for yourself.”
Peter shrugged again and looked down at his hands. “I know I do and that’s something I need to work on. And when I start therapy sessions again, as many times as you want me to go during the week I’ll do it, I’ll work on everything. I already feel a lot better now that I’m back on my medication and it hasn’t even fully kicked in yet. I know it takes a week or two. And since Flash got in trouble, I don’t have to worry about being blackmailed anymore so all that stress if off me now, too. I’m starting to feel more like myself again, lighter.”
Tony sat back and rubbed a hand down his face. “I know stress was a major factor in you relapsing and you can’t avoid stress the rest of your life. Especially now that you’re getting older. Adulting is hard, kiddo. You’ve got to graduate school, go to college, find a job and whatever else life throws at you and it’s no picnic most of the time. And that’s only the Peter Parker stuff and not the you know who stuff, either. I just want to make sure you have a handle on how to deal with stressful situations so this doesn’t happen again.”
“I understand your concern, I do, I’m not going to lie, I’m worried about all that too but I said I’ll go to more therapy sessions, heck I’ll go everyday if it means I don’t have to be locked up here,” and Peter took a deep breath because he started crying which broke Tony’s heart. “Dad, I just spent over a month under the control of that asshole doing whatever he said to do and I don’t want to be here having them tell me what I can or can’t do all damn day. I just can’t,” he said sniffling. “It makes me feel like I’m a puppet on a string again and I hate it. It’s the same feeling I had being blackmailed before and it’s not helping me, it’s hurting me being here.”
Tony sat and contemplated on the entire conversation. What Peter doesn’t know was that when Tony walked into the building, the only way he could see Peter was to discharge him and sign tons of documents that he was taking him out against medical advice, which explained Casey’s sour demeanor before. He knew it was wrong but he just had a gut feeling (soul connection?) that Peter needed to see him for some reason. If Peter ended up being worse or in dire need, his backup plan was to bring him to another facility. He knew he was taking a huge risk and when Pepper finds out she’s going to kill him.
“Please Dad, can I go home? I’m ok now and I don’t need to be here and that’s me talking, not my mental illness.”
Tony gave him the eyebrow. “How do you know the difference?”
Peter looked a little shocked at the question. “I just do. When I was stuck in that room for 72 hours, I could hear it in my head. It was telling me to resist the help but I fought it, Dad. I fought back and I won. I know the difference and this time I didn’t listen to it. I don’t need to be here,” he said with such devotion Tony didn’t have any choice but to agree.
“Ok.” he said trying not to regret his decision.
“Ok, what?” Peter asked as he perked up a little.
“You can go home. But we’ve got a lot to cover, kid. Go pack your things.” He said standing up.
“Wait, are you for real or are you messing with me? Please don’t joke about this.”
“I’m serious Pete. I already signed the papers so grab your stuff so we can get out of here,” Tony said with a sigh. Was this the right thing?
“You did? How? Why did you sign me out already?”
“It was the only way I was able to see you. Even though you’re a minor, you do have rights in here so when you told them you didn’t give them permission to talk to me, I couldn’t just waltz in here and just demand to see you, even for someone like me. It’s the law so I had to discharge you which I could because I’m the one who signed you in. Let’s just say nobody was thrilled about it.”
Peter came running over and hugged him again so tight. “Thank you thank you thank you! I knew you believed in me, Dad. I promise I’m ok, or I will be. I’m not 100% yet but I’ll go to therapy as much as you want, as long as it’s not being locked up in here.”
“Your mother is going to kill me.” Tony muttered under his breath.
“Oh shit, she doesn’t know?” Peter said looking concerned.
Tony shook his head. “Nope but she’ll find out soon enough.”
Peter walked over and grabbed his suitcase from the corner of the room and started rolling it towards the door. “I’ll tell her what I just told you so she’ll understand. I’m sure after she hears me out she’ll be ok with it.”
Tony knew she wasn’t going to be ok with it. “Don’t you have to pack?” he asked pointing to the suitcase.
Peter turned and gave him a shit eating grin. “I never unpacked because I knew you’d come. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.”