Chapter 12
When Tony walked back into Peter’s room, he was surprised to see him sitting on the bed and not in the bathroom anymore while Helen was finishing up bandaging his arm. He stopped in the doorway just staring at him and he got a knot in the pit of his stomach. Peter had that detached look on his face again with those vacant eyes, almost like he wasn’t present.
On his way over to the bed he noticed a mess on the desk. There were bright red plastic pieces that looked like what used to be a pencil sharpener. Fuck, that’s where the blade came from, had to have been. He ran a hand through his already messy hair and sighed. As he walked further into the room, he couldn’t help noticing the blood on the floor, on Peter and he looked down and yep, there was blood on himself as well. His son’s fucking blood.
“Sorry I took so long, how’s his arm?” he asked her.
Without turning her attention away from Peter’s arm, Helen addressed Tony. “Thankfully as far as I can tell there was no damage to any of the tendons or arteries which I was mostly worried about. Sometimes when…this happens…the cuts could sever a nerve but that’s not the case here. He could move his fingers and still has sensation to touch which is a good indication everything is intact. However, they were deep and required a lot of stitches,” she said as she looked up at Peter and then gently set his arm down on his lap. “There, all done, Peter,” she told him and then stood up to talk to Tony as she took off her rubber gloves. “Tony, I think there’s more going on with him than what appears to be. I took a blood sample to run another drug test,” she started saying and that’s when he noticed a cotton ball taped to the crook of his arm.
Damn, he must have been gone longer than he thought if she finished stitching him up and took a blood sample already. How long was he having a breakdown? He shook those thoughts away. “What do you mean, why another drug test?” he asked confused. Peter was so out of it he felt it was safe to speak in front of him since he was in his own headspace. He didn’t even glance at Tony when he came back in the room.
Helen sighed and looked down at Peter. “If there is any trace of Rohypnol left in his system and he took the pain medication that we created for him, then there could have been a severe drug interaction. Those pain meds have a strong but unique tranquilizer component in them and mixed with roofies, well, it could cause psychosis which could explain what happened.”
Tony’s eyes almost bulged out of his head. “What? Wait, do you mean to tell me that what’s been happening with him today has to do with a drug interaction rather than his own actions?” He was so confused but also felt a tiny bit relieved that if it’s true, then what happened wasn’t really Peter.
“I assumed his body would have burned through all of it or else I would have tested him before he left the Medbay. I’m sorry Tony, but this might be on me,” she said waving towards Peter with a concerned look that was full of guilt which was odd to see on her. “I have to run another test to confirm it though. Also, not knowing how Rohypnol interacts with his spider DNA, I shouldn’t have discharged him so soon, not until I was absolutely sure he was okay and should have monitored him for at least a day.”
Tony came to her defense without missing a beat. “Helen, you’re not to blame, like you said, we barely know how his DNA interacts with anything so it’s all a guessing game. The only thing we can do is learn from our mistakes and make sure we document everything in his medical files.”
Helen gave him a sad smile but shook her head. “Thanks Tony, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better. Anyways, from what Friday told me and what I’ve seen for myself so far,” she said looking from Tony to Peter again, “it could be possible. The side effects of mixing those two drugs may diminish critical decision-making skills meaning that his emotions could get the better of him, which I think in this case they did. With lowered inhibitions mixed with degradation of mental health, he didn’t have the will to stop himself. It can also cause memory lapses, blackouts and amnesiac episodes which means he might not remember anything tomorrow that happened after he woke up from his nap.”
Tony just stood dumfounded while trying to take in all this new information. A part of him would be relieved if all of what just happened was a side effect from mixing medications but it doesn’t rule out the fact that his son was still in trouble and unbeknownst to Peter, probably confessed to something he wouldn’t have otherwise, like feeling suicidal. If one good thing came out of this manic episode, it’s that he really knows what’s going on with Peter after a month of “I’m fine.” Peter was far from fine.
Tony sighed and ran a hand down his face watching Peter just sitting there staring into the abyss. He didn’t like the way Peter looked but he’d take that over how he was acting erratic before. He was scared shitless watching his kid go through all of that and not being able to do a damn thing to help him.
“Well, regardless if this is the cause of the medications or not, he still needs to go inpatient. I just got off the phone with them and they said to bring him to the center right now since they consider this an emergency,” he told her.
“I agree Tony, he really does need the help, and it will be the best place for him to be. He did so well the last time and I have faith he’ll bounce right back. Well, I’m going to go to the lab and run those tests now. I’ll let you know as soon as I get the results and if it comes back positive, I’ll also let the staff know at the facility about the drug interaction so they can take that into account.”
Tony extended his hand to shake hers. Even though she admitted that this might be her fault for not making sure the drug was completely out of his system before he was discharged, he didn’t blame her. This really was all a guessing game when it came to Peter and for someone like Tony, he hated guessing games. He relied on facts like numbers and equations that had a solution to the problem, not his son having nothing but question marks. “Thank you so much Helen, I appreciate everything.”
Helen gave him another sad smile and nodded. “I’m just glad I was here to treat him and that he’ll be getting the help he needs.” She started to collect her medical supplies to put them back in the bag. “His arm will be sore for a while. Make sure he doesn’t lift anything heavy with it or put any strain on it or it could tear the stitches. The medical staff at the treatment center can take over the follow up visits for his sutures to make sure it doesn’t get infected. I noticed the broken pencil sharpener on the desk over there,” she said nodding towards it, “and if that’s what he used then there’s a high chance of infection with a dirty blade. With cases like this I’m sure they are highly experienced and trained in taking care of this sort of injury,” she said while staring at Peter who didn’t seem to be paying any attention to them still.
Tony was taken aback on how blunt she was but was thankful Peter didn’t seem aware of their conversation. He extended his hand to shake hers again. “Thanks again, Helen. I’m sure they do. I’ll keep you up to date on his progress, ok?”
She shook his hand back. “I’d appreciate that, thanks.” She stepped closer to Peter and put a hand on his shoulder which seemed to snap him out of his trance a tiny bit. He looked up at her with the saddest eyes. “Peter, please take care of yourself, ok?” She said softly to him and he just nodded with his head down again. She said her goodbyes and left to leave Tony with Peter alone in the room.
Tony took a seat in the desk chair that was still close to the bed where Helen was sitting. After what they just went through, he had to jump another hurdle. He had to take him to the treatment center and he had no idea how that was going to go. Flashbacks of the last time replayed in his head. Especially the “I hate you” part which hurt the most even though he knew Peter didn’t mean it and only said it out of anger. A part of him was hoping he’d stay a bit subdued so it could go easier.
He took a deep breath and rolled the chair closer so their knees were touching. Peter’s head was down so he lifted his chin up a little so he was looking at him and gave him a sad smile. Peter still seemed like he wasn’t completely there with no light behind his eyes at all.
“Hey kiddo, I need to take you to the treatment center now. They even have your old room available for you, how does that sound? They are expecting us soon, ok?” He reached down and squeezed Peter’s knee and then patted his leg.
He hated how Peter was behaving. It was like he had no life in him anymore and it was breaking his heart to see him like this. He was sitting across from an empty shell of what used to be his son and was praying it was because of the drugs. Peter didn’t respond to being told he needed to leave so he repeated himself.
“Pete? Did you hear me? I said we have to go now so we need to start packing a suitcase for you, ok?” he said and then stroked his cheek which made Peter look at him.
Peter finally spoke up after being quiet since Helen came into the room. “Do I have to go?” he asked with such a sad childlike voice.
Tony was just glad that so far there was no anger like before but he still didn’t like how empty Peter was inside. “I’m afraid so, kiddo. You need help immediately,” he said gently grabbing his bandaged arm hoping that it would remind Peter of what he had done without having to say it out loud.
Peter sighed and started quietly crying. He looked exhausted and pale and then he realized the only thing he’s eaten all day was a half a bowl of soup. He heard Peter mumble, “Ok,” under his breath so softly that it was barely audible while sniffling.
Tony sighed with relief and got up to kiss the top of his head. “Thank you for not fighting me on this, Pete,” he told him and he went to his closet to grab a suitcase. “Do you want to help pack?” he asked and Peter just stared back down at his arm and shook his head no. “That’s ok, you don’t have to. You just sit there and I’ll take care of it. It shouldn’t take too long.”
Tony started packing the suitcase glad for the distraction while trying not to cry. He knew he wasn’t going to see him for a long time again, maybe even a month and just like before, he’s going to miss him every minute of the day and worry about him all the time. But the only relief he could feel is that he will be getting the help he needs, the help he knows he can’t provide. He still can’t believe how fast Peter went downhill this time.
As he ran around the room gathering clothes to pack, he handed Peter a new t shirt and his MIT hoodie. “Here, put these on and take off that bloody t-shirt, ok? Plus, you look cold,” he told him. He also figured he’d want to hide the bandages on his arm. Peter didn’t say anything but changed and still had that downtrodden look on his face and it was crushing his heart all over again.
He went into the bathroom to collect his toiletries to put them in the suitcase. While he was in there, he opened the medicine cabinet and took the bottle of antidepressants that was full and put them in his pocket to give to the doctors at the center. He had a feeling he stopped taking them and he was right which could explain his sudden decline. He knew the kid needed them.
He zipped up the suitcase and sat back down on the chair in front of Peter. He placed a hand on his knee and squeezed it gently and softly said, “Ok, kiddo. I’m all done packing. If there’s anything missing or if you want anything during your stay, just let me know and I’ll be glad to bring it to you.” But Peter kept staring at his hands and didn’t acknowledge anything that was said so he lifted his chin again so their eyes met and he wish he hadn’t because his eyes were dim. “Pete? Time to go, ok?”
Peter still didn’t say anything but he nodded and slowly stood up. Tony wheeled the suitcase for him since he didn’t want him using his arm and he walked out of the bedroom. On the way down the hall, he stopped in his own room to change his shirt quickly since he had blood on it. Peter followed like he didn’t care where he was going. It was like he just didn’t care about anything anymore and he didn’t know what was worse, having Peter angry and showing emotions or having him almost lifeless and despondent.
xx
The first half of the drive over was quiet as Peter just stared out of his window with tears streaming down his face so Tony was trying to fill the void in ensuring him that he’s going to be ok. Halfway there, Peter finally spoke up in a soft wet voice. “I’m sorry I let you down again,” he said sniffling.
Jesus this kid, he thought. He glanced over quickly to give him a sad smile and brought his attention back to the road. “Peter, you could never let me down, you know that right? This isn’t you, remember? This is the disease, the mental illness you have and maybe even from a drug interaction. Please don’t beat yourself up, ok? That’s the last thing you need. I’m so proud of you for not fighting me on this and letting me bring you. That’s how I know you’ve made so much progress and growth. I know you know you need help again and there’s no shame in that, ever. It takes a strong person to ask for help.” He said hoping that little pep talk got through to him at least a little.
“But I didn’t ask for help, Dad, so I’m not strong. I’m weak and pathetic. You’re the one who’s bringing me there, not me. If you didn’t say it, I wouldn’t have brought it up,” he admitted.
Tony tried not to sigh but it came out anyways. “Pete, listen to me, ok? You are not weak or pathetic. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and do you realize how strong you were to wake up every single day and go to school knowing what was going to happen? I’ll be honest kiddo, if it were me, I would have tried to stay home as often as I could but you didn’t. You went every single day. That makes you the strongest person I know.”
Peter shrugged and shook his head. “Or the dumbest. And besides, none of this would have happened to you because you would have never let yourself get into this mess in the first place.”
That’s all Tony could do was let out another long sigh because whatever he says to him right now won’t get through to him. Not when he’s in this state of mind, especially if it’s from the drug interactions like Dr. Cho said. He reached a hand over and patted Peter’s knee to try to comfort him.
Tony was glad Peter was talking to him a little bit compared to being almost catatonic before in his bedroom. But it didn’t last long because Peter remained quiet for the rest of the trip. When they pulled into the parking lot, Tony grabbed the suitcase and wheeled it behind him. It was so different than the first time he brought him because now Peter was at his side willing to go and wasn’t angry. But as he thought before, he didn’t know if he preferred this version better or not.
When they got to the front of the building, Tony was shocked to see Pepper standing there pacing and wringing her hands together. “Pep? What are you doing here?” he asked walking faster towards her as he approached her. He gave her a hug and she had tears in her eyes. She immediately walked over to Peter to hug him, too.
“Friday was keeping me informed so I had Happy drop me off. I figured I’d get a ride home with you,” she told Tony. “Last time Peter came here I didn’t get to say goodbye to him and I didn’t see him for a week and I couldn’t do that again,” she said wiping her tears. She held Peter’s hand and then hugged him again and whispered, “Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
Tony noticed Peter wasn’t saying anything so he figured they should go inside and get the intake started. Peter looked like he was beginning to get overwhelmed with being here, maybe finally hitting him that he’d have to stay for a long time again. Plus, he seemed weak standing up and he was getting worried because of how pale he was.
When they buzzed in, Casey, Peter’s former social worker greeted them at the door like she did the very first time. Since she became close to Peter over his last stay and has seen him numerous times because she was also Sam’s girlfriend, she gave him a hug which he didn’t seem to mind and hugged her back.
“Hi Peter. I wish these were different circumstances but I’m so glad you’re here to get the help you need. This is the best place for you right now.” Then she turned to his parents, “Tony, Pepper, nice to see you again. Let’s go into the office, shall we?” And all three followed her in.
A half an hour later when the admitting process was complete, it was time to say their goodbyes. Tony’s heart broke remembering the last time he dropped him off he told him he wasn’t his dad. Man, how things have changed and now he’s officially his adopted son. They both hugged him each for a very long time saying how much they loved him and how proud they were of him for getting help.
Peter let them hug him but Tony could tell that he was still miles away. He had that faraway look in his eyes like he wasn’t sure what he was doing here but was just going through the motions. He was praying the next time he sees Peter there would be more life behind them. He was missing the spark and light that was inevitably Peter’s most endearing trait and it just dawned on him that they’ve been dimming since the beginning of school, something he should have picked up on sooner.
Tony saw Casey give him a nod meaning she had to take Peter now. He took Peter’s face in his hands and kissed his forehead, careful of his head wound. “Please, Pete, take care of yourself ok, kiddo? I’ll be getting your progress reports and I need to know you’re at least trying to get better. I have faith in you, I love you and I will miss you like crazy. We’ll see you in a week,” he said with tears spilling.
He hugged Peter one more time and he heard him whisper back, “I’ll try my best not to let you down again. I’m so sorry,” he cried.
Pepper must have heard him and she hugged him next one last time. “There’s no reason to be sorry, honey. None at all. I love you sweetheart and I’ll miss you so much. Like your dad said, please take care of yourself, ok?”
Peter backed away and nodded with his head down. “Mom, Dad, I love you too, I’m sorry,” was the last thing he said before Casey took him away.
When they disappeared out of sight down the long hallway, Pepper turned to Tony and hugged him fiercely. “Tony my god, that was so hard to let him go! No wonder you ended up in the hospital last time!” she said crying. “Do you think he’ll be ok? Are you ok?”
They started walking out of the facility and he grabbed her hand. “I hope so, honey but I really think he’ll pull through like he always has. This is Peter we’re talking about, right? And well, to be honest, I’ve been better but I’m dealing with it,” he said shrugging trying to smile for her. Deep down he knew he was ready to break but felt like he had to be strong for her. “Did Friday tell you that Dr. Cho said there’s a possibility of the drug interaction causing psychosis?”
She nodded. “Yes, a little bit but I’d like to hear everything that happened though. You can tell me on the way home, ok?”
Tony nodded even though he didn’t want to rehash everything that just happened but he knew his wife needed to know. They got in the car and as he drove off, he started telling her everything that happened from when he walked into Peter’s room from the code red alarm up until they met at the front doors of the treatment center.
He was already counting the minutes until he could see his son again.