Chapter 13
By the time Pepper and Tony got home it almost 9:00 pm which wasn’t too late but they were both completely spent and exhausted. They didn’t get any sleep the night before and their nap was interrupted by Friday’s code red alarm. It’s been a hard couple of days for them but they know even harder for Peter since he’s the one that had to endure it all firsthand.
Since Happy had brought Morgan home after dropping Pepper off at the treatment center, she was already in bed by the time they got home and couldn’t be more thankful. Happy knew by the distraught look on their faces not to ask any questions right now even though Tony knew how worried he was for Peter. He just didn’t have it in him to rehash everything all over again since he had to do it during the admission process for Peter at the hospital and then his wife the entire ride home.
They said their goodbyes and thanked Happy and when he left, they both slumped on the couch holding hands. Pepper had her head resting on his shoulder and Tony had his head against the back of the couch staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t stop thinking about Peter and what they just went through. It was horrifyingly scary to witness any of his son’s mental breakdown, drug induced or not. He still felt the effects radiating throughout his body with a low buzz and wished it would stop.
A couple minutes later Pepper sat up straighter to face Tony even though he didn’t move a muscle. “Tony, I know this might not be the right time to bring this up but what are we going to tell Morgan where Peter is? I know she’s only six and still young, but I think she deserves the truth this time. When Peter was kidnapped, we made up these stories about him being away on a school trip and I don’t feel right about lying again, we can’t keep up with the lies anymore.”
Tony cringed when she mentioned the kidnapping. That’s the last thing he needed to think about but it made Tony sit up and put an arm around the back of the couch facing her. Deep down he knew she was right and that Morgan should know what’s going on with Peter since this might be something he deals with for a very long time and he’s part of the family. He was so drained though that he wasn’t up for this conversation at the moment. Plus, he needed time to really think about how to approach this subject with a clearer mind, not when he’s had a couple hours sleep in two days.
He took her hand again and squeezed it tight. “So, the last time he was in treatment, we told her that he was in the hospital because he was sad. You don’t think that will be enough this time, do you?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No, she needs more than that. I don’t want her to think if you’re sad you end up going to the hospital for a month. She’s older now and you know how intuitive she is. I think she can handle a little more information to explain what’s going on with him.”
Tony sighed. “I know, we should tell her something and not lie to her anymore but we also have to do it the right way. I don’t want to say too much or not enough or traumatize her. But Pep, I’m exhausted and can barely think straight, and this is coming from someone who could spend three days straight with no sleep in the lab building suits. Can I sleep on it and we’ll discuss it more in the morning?”
Pepper gave him a smile and patted his hand. “It’s because you’re old now dear,” she said teasing him. “How about we have a glass of wine to unwind before bed. I know both of us won’t be able to fall asleep tonight without a little help.”
Tony nodded and smirked a little. “Sounds like a plan. I know I’m bone tired but I won’t be able to turn off my brain to go to sleep. I’ll grab some cheese and crackers and you can grab the wine. But no more deep discussions tonight, ok? I’m done talking. Can we just watch some stupid tv show? I need a distraction.”
Pepper got up off the couch first and helped him up. When they both stood, she kissed him. “Of course, Honey. I know you need your distractions. No more talking tonight, but we’ll have to talk about it soon though, ok?”
“First thing tomorrow, promise,” he said with his hand over his heart. He kissed her back and then they went into the kitchen to grab the food and wine to bring it back to the living room but he thought twice about it. “You know, on second thought, let’s bring it into the bedroom. We can check on Morgan on the way and kiss her goodnight and get our pj’s on and snuggle up in bed watching tv. How does that sound? Then we can fall asleep in a drunken stupor and we’ll already be in bed.”
Pepper smiled at that idea. “Sounds like a plan to me. I have a feeling it won’t take much wine tonight since I’m so exhausted.”
About less than an hour later, Tony and Pepper were asleep holding each other, both only having two glasses of wine and Friday turned off the tv and lights.
~~~~~~~~~~~xXx~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning Tony woke up early because he had to use the bathroom and he saw that Pepper was already up and out of bed. He doesn’t remember Morgan coming in and waking them up so he was hoping she was still asleep since it was only 6:00am. When he finished his business in the bathroom, he went looking for his wife and found her sitting at the kitchen island eating some toast and drinking coffee.
“Oooohh, coffee!! I need some coffee!” he said startling her. He walked over to the counter to pour himself a cup and took a seat next to her after he kissed her cheek. “Good morning, hon. Sleep okay last night?”
She finished her bite and nodded. “I did, like a rock! That wine was a god send. I don’t think I stirred once. I had to get up to use the bathroom and came out here because I was hungry. How did you sleep?” she asked.
“Same. It was a good, heavy dreamless sleep and I feel so much better than I did yesterday. Well, physically at least. My mind is still reeling though, you know, Peter on the brain,” he said pointing to his head and then took a huge gulp of coffee that he felt go all the way down to his stomach. He reached for a piece of her toast but she playfully smacked his hand away.
“Nope, get your own,” she said smiling and then gave him a sympathetic look, “I know. I think we all have Peter on the brain and will for a long time.”
He put a couple pieces of bread in the toaster and sipped more coffee. He knew this would be the only time to have a serious talk because Morgan would be with them all day. After a minute he came up with an idea while scratching his beard, which needed a serious trim. “Ok, I think I have a plan on what to do with Morgan,” he said as the toast popped up.
“Uh, what do you mean ‘what to do with her’? That doesn’t sound right,” she said.
“I know, that came out wrong. It’s still early, sorry. I meant I think I know how to handle the Morgan situation involving Pete.” He buttered his toast and put jelly on it and took a seat next to her after refilling his coffee cup.
“Ok, let’s hear it because I got nothing except to just tell her.”
“I think it would be in all our best interest if we sat her down with a child phycologist who is trained in communicating with children. They have the expertise and experience that we don’t. I’m so afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing or too much or not the right way to explain what’s going on with him to a six-year-old. I say leave it to the professionals.”
Oh shit, he got the eyebrow from her. “Do you mean you want to pawn her off on someone else to get out of talking to our daughter?”
Tony got defensive because that is not what he was getting at. “No! Of course not. We’d be right there with her the entire time. You have to admit, we both don’t know how to go about this. She’s six, honey! We can’t just blurt it out and have her freak out or not say enough so she’s left with nothing but questions or what if she doesn’t understand what we’re trying to say or –“
Pepper put her hand up to stop him from talking. “Ok, I get it. I get it. You might be right – and it actually might be the responsible way to handle this since this is out of our territory. It does have to be approached with caution.”
Tony took another bite of toast, “I can have Friday do some research and give us a list of the top child psychologists in the area.”
Pepper nodded along. “Ok, that sounds good but what do we do in the meantime? I’m sure they’re not going to have an opening on a Sunday or even be open for that matter. What do we tell her?”
Tony sat and took a couple more sips from his coffee cup thinking of something and came up empty so he just shrugged. “We have to think of something quick because she’ll be up in a little while and the first thing she’s going to ask is where’s Pete. What did you tell her when Happy dropped you off at the treatment center?”
Pepper looked guilty. “I lied, I had to. I didn’t know what else to say so I just told her he was dropping me off for a meeting and she didn’t bat an eyelash at that. I feel horrible lying to her all the time, that’s why I brought this up in the first place. She needs to know.”
“Friday, do me a favor and call the top child psychologists you have until someone picks up. There has to be someone on call or in the office answering phones.”
Pepper shook her head, “Not on a Sunday Tony.”
“Well, it won’t hurt to try, right? Fri, make those phone calls and let me know if you get anyone.”
“Will do Boss. I’ll try after 9:00am and heads up, Morgan is on her way.” She warned.
“Shit. Ok, ok. Well, we’re going to have to improvise for now. Let’s just say he’s at Ned’s house,” Tony said but when Pepper tried to disagree Morgan came into the kitchen rubbing sleep out of her eyes.
Pepper glared at him and mouthed “No.” when she picked Morgan up. “Good morning sweetie pie. How did you sleep?”
“Good. I missed you last night and Uncle Happy said you’d wake me up when you got home,” she said with the saddest eyes.
Tony took her from Pepper and hugged her tight. “Oh, sorry baby. That’s our fault, not Uncle Happy’s. It was so late we just didn’t want to wake you up but did we go in and kiss you goodnight though.”
That seemed to brighten her mood. “You did?” she asked with wide eyes as he put her down.
“Yes, we both did and we made sure you were tucked in and snuggled with your teddy bear,” Pepper told her. Morgan smiled at hearing that so crisis over Tony thought. At least that one.
Tony wanted to keep her distracted as long as they could so she wouldn’t ask about Peter so soon. “You hungry kiddo? Want to help Daddy make pancakes?” he asked enthusiastically. He knew cooking would keep her busy for a while until he thought of something to tell her.
She started jumping up and down, “Yes! I love making pancakes! With chocolate chips this time?” she asked.
“If we have any left, sure!” Tony said. “Go put on your little apron and get your step stool and I’ll start taking the ingredients out.
“While you two do that, I’m going to hop in the shower. I’ll be back in a little while,” Pepper said getting up and putting her dishes in the sink. She kissed Tony on the cheek and whispered, “Please don’t lie to her if she asks, ok?”
He swallowed hard not knowing if he could make something up on the spot and was praying she didn’t say anything until at least Pepper got back. He’d have to make this extra fun to keep her mind off of Peter for now.
~~~~~~~~~~~xXx~~~~~~~~~~~
When Pepper walked into the bathroom to take a shower, she was finally able to have a proper breakdown. She’s been crying since Friday night but this is the first time she was alone and could cry as hard as she needed to and let it all out. She’s been with Tony, the police, her lawyers, Happy and Morgan. She needed this time to herself and told Friday not to tell Tony because the last thing she wanted was for him to come running in there worried about her. And that’s what mother’s do right? Cry in the shower so that’s what she did. She doesn’t know or care how long she was in there for because she needed it.
She can’t believe what her son has been through this past month, especially the last few days. Her heart was breaking for him. She was beside herself when Tony described what happened with Peter yesterday after he woke up from his nap. How manic he became and how he hurt himself and wanted to keep hurting himself. She was scared for him. Really scared for him.
The only bit of relief she felt was that it was most likely caused by a severe drug interaction but after listening to Tony talk about how Peter said he hated himself and wanted to not be here anymore, she couldn’t help but worry. She knew Peter hasn’t been himself and they both tried to find out what was wrong but Peter always said he was fine. She should have pushed harder and feels like if she did, he wouldn’t have gotten so bad.
If things didn’t play out like they did, Peter would still be in that dark place trapped in his own head until he did something about it which gave her chills running down her spine just thinking about it. Jesus, look what he did in front of Tony! She had to keep telling herself that he was in a safe place being taken care of right now. That’s the only thing that will get her through this, that he’s getting the help he desperately needs.
One day Peter came to live with them permanently after losing his Aunt May and she did love him, however she didn’t know him that well. But Peter being Peter, he was easy to love. But now, oh my god. After everything they’ve been through together as a family, she finally felt the love that Tony felt for him this entire time. It was hard to describe how much she loved him. She finally saw this pure ball of light that Tony kept describing to her that was Peter and she fell under his spell. But for times like this, it makes it that much harder to deal with everything.
She never thought it would be possible (not that she would ever admit that to Tony or anyone else) but she loves him just as fiercely as she does Morgan, her own child. If she felt this strongly about Peter, she can’t imagine what her husband goes through all the time when his love is ten-fold compared to hers, especially with their special bond.
She finished up in the bathroom and felt a little more refreshed from a good night’s sleep, shower and clean clothes. When Pepper came back into the kitchen the pancakes were almost done. She smiled at the high stack sitting on a plate and Tony gave her a thumbs up so she knew she hasn’t asked about Peter yet.
“Wow! Look how many you guys made! I think Daddy over did it this morning,” she said smiling at both of them.
Morgan spoke up before Tony did and wish she hadn’t. “We had to make this many Mommy, you know how many Petey eats, right? He can eat like ten!” she said all excited.
Pepper gave Tony an ‘oh shit’ look in which he just stood frozen and shrugged. They both knew she was going to ask where he was because she made him all those pancakes not knowing he wasn’t home. Obviously, Tony got carried away with distracting her but their time ran out.
Pepper smiled at her daughter, “Well, I wouldn’t say ten sweetheart, but he can eat a lot that’s for sure.”
“He can, right Daddy? I remember we counted one time!” she said staring at her father.
Tony gave a look like he vaguely remembered but agreed anyways. “Yea, I think so honey. Why don’t you sit at the table and we can all start eating, ok?”
“No, we have to wait for Petey though. Is he up yet?” she asked and Pepper’s stomach sank.
Shit, this was it. She knew Tony wasn’t going to be any help with his deer caught in headlights look so she knew she was on her own. “Come sit down sweetie, we have something to tell you, ok?”
Since Morgan was a little kid, she didn’t pick up on the tone so she didn’t know it was going to be bad news. She came bouncing around the island and sat with her mom at the kitchen table while Tony was still standing still not saying anything.
“Morgan honey, Peter isn’t home right now,” she started saying.
Morgan looked confused and scrunched her eyebrows. “Where is he?” Then her eyes got huge. “He’s not hurt again, is he? Was it, was it Spider-man?”
Pepper was stuck. Yes, Peter was hurt but she wasn’t about to tell her how he hurt himself so she dodged that question. She picked her up and put her on her lap. “No, not Spider-man honey. Morgan, do you remember when Peter went to that special hospital because he was really sad all the time?” she asked.
Morgan nodded. “Yea, he was gone foreeevvverrrrrr and I missed him so much! Is that where he is? I know he’s been sad again,” and with Morgan saying that it just confirmed how much she picks up on.
Pepper looked up at Tony and he nodded so she continued. “Yes sweetheart. He’s back at that special hospital so he can get better again,” she told her but her heart broke watching Morgan’s bottom lip start to quiver.
“He’s, he’s gone? He’s not here? I didn’t say goodbye again! When is he coming home?” she cried.
Tony finally snapped out of whatever was going on with him and joined them at the table. “We’re sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye sweetie but you can visit him as soon as we’re allowed, ok? Even Mommy and Daddy can’t see him right now because he’s getting special treatment.”
Pepper started rubbing her back. “And remember when he came home how much better he was? He wasn’t sad anymore.”
Morgan wiped at her tears. “Is he gone because he’s sad again? He’s been sad for a while and he won’t play with me anymore so when he comes home, will he be happy and we can play again?”
Tony reached over and put a hand on her arm. “That’s the goal Little Miss. He needs special help that Mommy and Daddy can’t give him and the doctors at that hospital will try to make him all better.”
“I miss him already!” Morgan cried. “I want my Petey back!” and she jumped down and ran out of the kitchen and Pepper let her go. She probably needed some time to cry like she just did in the shower.
Tony went to go after her but she stopped him. “Give her a few minutes, ok? We’ll go check on her in a little while,” she told him.
“Are you sure? God, I hate leaving kids alone, it never ends well!” he said.
“She’ll be fine for a few minutes, Tony. Plus, Friday will tell us if she’s not okay but she just needs to cry it out for now. We’ll go get her in a bit so she can eat.”
Tony let out a huff and sat down with a thud. She could tell he didn’t like it but was glad he was listening to her because he likes to get his way almost all the time. “Well, how do you think that went?” he asked drumming his fingers on the table.
“It went as well as to be expected, Tony. At least I didn’t lie to her this time. She knows he’s in the hospital and once we get an appointment with a child psychologist, they can explain everything to her. But for now, I think we did ok. Why did you make so many pancakes, anyway?” because she just had to ask.
“I was filling the time because you were taking forever in the bathroom. I didn’t want her to end up asking me anything when you weren’t here.”
She wasn’t about to tell him about her breakdown in the shower and wasn’t about to apologize for taking so long so she just nodded. They both sat quietly for a while staring at the plate of pancakes which they both knew didn’t have the appetite to eat.
It had to have been less than five minutes and Tony was up. “It’s been long enough, I’m going to go get her and make sure she’s ok.”
Pepper sighed. “Ok. I’ll reheat a couple pancakes for her so they’ll be warm when she gets back.”
xXx
When Tony walked into Morgan’s room, she was laying on her bed still crying. He hates seeing his kids in any sort of pain and he wanted to make her feel better but he was feeling the exact same way. He felt like crying right along with her because he was going to miss Peter just as much and it hurt like hell. Obviously knowing he couldn’t, he had to suck it up.
After a few minutes of talking to her he finally got her to calm down enough to eat some breakfast. Even though he wasn’t hungry, he and Pepper forced themselves to eat a pancake so she wouldn’t feel bad since she made them herself. They were glad they did because it made her smile a little bit.
As he was sitting there trying to enjoy his pancakes even though he didn’t have an appetite, it reminded him of Peter. He was wondering how much they were going to make him eat this morning or if they were going to have a hard time getting him to eat anything…. then shit, it just hit him! Fuck! Peter never ate dinner last night and only had a half bowl of soup all fucking day. He got away with not eating again and he didn’t tell the social worker to make sure he ate last night! Damn it!