Chapter 1
BarBard made Yougotsomeballsson
BarBard added NoMora(x), Emobottom, and 33 others to the group chat
NoMora(x): Barbatos, what is the meaning of this?
Barbard: I'm lonely :(
Emobottom: Legit nobody cares
Aether: I care
Morax 2.0: Why is your name so basic dude?
Aether: Because my bitch of a sister stole my name
Thehottertwin: Deal with it
Emobottom kicked Thehottertwin from the groupchat
Emobottom: Hurry and change it…
Aether: Awe, thanks Xiao
Aether changed their name to Theevenhottertwin
Barbard added Thehottertwin to the group chat
Thehottertwin: Bitch
NoMora(x): Who is Morax 2.0?
Morax 2.0: Your son
NoMora(x): I have 3. Be specific
Morax 2.0: Your biological son. The one that looks like you. The one born in the same archon sigil as you.
NoMora(x): Menogias?
Morax 2.0: You stupid bitch.
Morax 2.0: Yes it's me
NoMora(x): Do not disrespect me Menogias Lapis.
I'mblue: Not the full name 😂
NoMora(x): Don't start Bonanus Lapis
I'mblue: Sorry
Cy-noYu-no: I'm loving this chat already.
TheScribe: I'm not
Theblondie: Who tf invited your salty ass?
TheScribe: The drunk twink did
Barbard: I'm nit drunc! Also it's Venti
Casket: How tf were you able to spell correctly with telling hum your name but not the first line?
Barbard: Becisae imz fucjjkingd duenk.
Russianguy: Hey guys
Emobottom: Stfu
Russianguy: You're just mad that I'm getting married to your dad.
Firefly: …What?
Morax 2.0: Dad?
NoMora(x): I forgot to tell you guys…
Emobottom: Please don't tell me
NoMora(x): I'm getting married to Ajax in 2 months.
Theevenhottertwin: XIAO JUST FAINTED!
NoMora(x): Overwhelmed by happiness.
Fourarms: So, you don't like Guizhong?
NoMora(x): Oh no, we hate each other like how Aether and Lumine hate each other
Thehottertwin: With a passion?
Theevenhottertwin: Stfu you mistake
Thehottertwin: I was out first soooooooo, your the mistake I believe.
Theevenhottertwin: Fair enough
Ragnvindr: Can y'all stop blowing up my phone
Frostbite: It's a group chat you stupid bitch. What you expect
Ragnvindr: Some peace and quiet
BennyBoy: Lol, tf you expect for a group of people who aren't even in their right minds
Ragnvindr: Touché
PingRing: Who the fuck was in my house?
NoMora(x): I just left
PingRing: Why the FUCK would you take a bite out of my soap that I use to wash my ass with.
NoMora(x): Bitch why would I eat soap
PingRing: Cause you ate a brick so you're the only person I know who would eat anything that looks edible
NoMora(x): Okay but I don't eat soap anymore. It doesn't taste good
BustyLightning: You eat soap?
NoMora(x): No I said I don't like the taste.
Emobottom: wtf
BaronBunny: Weird question but does anyone know how to put out a fire?
Jeanny: What did you do Amber?
BaronBunny: I accidentally set my clothes on fire.
BaronBunny: The ones I'm wearing
Jeanny: WTF STOP DROP AND ROLL AMBER!
BaronBunny: Don't worry, some guy with a blue bowl cut put the fire out with a fire put outter thingy
Fanfic: Damn, we in the same class I guess cause I just put a fire out on some girl
LeaveBlower: Who tf is y'all? How did I join this chat?
FireFly: Damn, we really joined this chat and just started talking
Barbard: Well I'll start. I'm Venti but I also go by Barbatos
LeaveBlower: Oh, I knew the name sound familiar
Icepop: So we all know some people?
NoMora(x): Yes. I know a good 25% of the people here
Oni: @Barbard Did you say Barbatos?
Barbard: Yep
Oni: Omg, you're from 6reeze
Boba: 6reeze?
Oni: A popular music group bro
Oni: I'm blessed to be in a group with a member.
Barbard: Actually it's the whole group
Oni: REALLY?
Barbard: @ Nomom @Theevenhottertwin @Emobottom @LeaveBlower @Deepfriedbitch
Oni: I just came
Emobottom: Gross
Theevenhottertwin: Xiao
Emobottom: The truth hurts
Deadbitch: Does anyone know when Teyvat was found?
NoMora(x): 7,800 years ago
Deadbitch: Proof?
NoMora(x): I'm a history teacher
Deadbitch: Not proof
NoMora(x) *insert picture*
Deadbitch: Okay
Whatastrange…: Why does your class look like it cost thousands of dollars
Russianguy: Because I paid for everything
Icepop: You have the money?
Russianguy: My mom and dad own a successful business and I work for the Fatui harbingers. So I make about 103k every year.
Deadbitch: I make more but last question. Who was the founder of Teyvat?
NoMora(x): Rex Lapis or Morax but the Celestials created the foundation and let the gods terraform Teyvat.
Deadbitch: … How old are you?
NoMora(x): In my early 50's but my ancestor was Rex Lapis hence the name.
Boba: Your family was really religious then.
Barbard: Mines were too. They named me after the Anemo Archon who was a drunk god.
Emobottom: At least it's one connection the two of you share.
BennyBoy: Can someone help me…
Jeanny: What happened?
BennyBoy: I
BennyBoy: My fist is stuck in my asshole
Firefly: I-
Emobottom has left the chat
LeaveBlower: How the f-
BennyBoy: I just fell off my bed and my fist ended up in my asshole.
RoséWine: Do you have wine anywhere?
BennyBoy: Yeah, Fischl brought it over a week ago.
RoséWine: Okay are you able to get up?
BennyBoy: Yes
RoséWine: Are you able to walk?
BennyBoy: Yep
RoséWine: Go get the bottle
BennyBoy: Okay I have it.
RoséWine: Douse your hand in it and your hand will be unstuck
Dog: How is that gonna help
BennyBoy: I GOT MY HAND OUT
Thehottertwin: How tf-
Jeanny: You should head to the doctor Bennett, just in case
BennyBoy: There's a lot of shit on my hands
Barbard kicked BennyBoy from the group chat
Emobottom joined the chat
Emobottom: Fuck all of y'all
Emobottom: @Theevenhottertwin except you
Theevenhottertwin: 🥰
Nomom: Simp
Emobottom: Where's your mother
Done: And I oop-
Nomom: Where's your biological parents
Done: And I oop-x2
Emobottom: 6 feet under
Done: 😨
Nomom: Can you stop with the commentary
Done: Can you stop being salty
Nomom: Can you get a life
Done: Can you get a mom
Nomom: Can you find your dad
Jeanny: Stop it you two
Nomom: Do I know you?
NoMora(x): Stop
Nomom: You ain't my mother
TheScribe: Your adopted mom is Nahida right?
Nomom: Why do you need to know
TheScribe: Oh no reason
TheScribe: I just happen to work with her and I have her number on speed dial and I could send her proof of what you're saying.
Nomom: Are you blackmailing me
TheScribe: I would never
TheScribe: I would never forgive myself if I did that.
Woodwolf: What blackmail
Whatastrange…: The action, treated as a criminal offense, of demanding payment or another benefit from someone in return for not revealing compromising or damaging information about them.
Woodwolf: ?
BennyBoy: When you have something you can use against others
Woodwolf: Like Benny's nudes?
BennyBoy: HEY
BarBard: Soooooooooooooooo
BarBard: Wanna trade
Seen at 10:38
Today 2:17 AM
LeaveBlower: Is it cool if I add some people
Emobottom: Depends
Theevenhottertwin: Who is it?
LeaveBlower: My mom and her girlfriend
Whatastrange…: Who?
LeaveBlower: Beidou and Ningguang
Fanfic: Keep that bitch out of here
LeaveBlower: What
Fanfic: Ningguang. Keep. The. Bitch. Out. Of. Here
LeaveBlower: You gotta problem with her or smth
Fanfic: Yes I do
I'mblue: Tf she do
Fanfic: She is an immature asshole who ruined my life when I was 9. She doesn't even care about keeping Liyue's history alive.
Fanfic: And I was the one who ran her over with my car and put her in the hospital
LeaveBlower: Wtf dude. She could've done died.
Fanfic: Three words
Fanfic: Not
Fanfic: My
Fanfic: Problem
Fanfic has left the chat
Casket: We got a criminal in the chat 😨
Boba: Can't he go to jail for that?
Done: Unless it was there was actual proof, then no.
LeaveBlower: So he can get away with attempted murder?
Done: No, unless his car or he was identified
Icepop: I gotta go take care of my boner y'all brb
Deadbitch: Ew, why
Icepop: A boyfriend who ran someone over is kinda hot.
Icepop has left the chat
Seen at 2:37
Today at 9:45
Thehottertwin: I just failed my history test.
NoMora(x): Should've been paying attention.
Thehottertwin: It's not my fault your teaching sucks.
Russianguy: Watch your mouth when your talking to my hubby, girly
Emobottom: Watch you mouth when calling my dad "hubby" bitch
Russianguy: Tf I ever do to you?
Emobottom: Exist
NoMora(x): Xiao watch your yourself
Emobottom: Whatever
Casket: Oooooooooo he got in trouble
NoMora(x): Hu Tao
Casket: Come on
PingRing: Should I add Guizhong?
Russianguy: Not yet
PingRing: Why not?
Russianguy: This ain't the next chapter yet
PingRing: Oh understandable
Morax 2.0: Tf you mean next chapter?
TheAuthor: Don't worry about it
Barbard: Did I add you?
PingRing: They just said don't worry about it.
Emobottom: What the fuck
Barbatos is watching you from your closet