Chapter 10
Loki woke up and groaned. He had really hoped he would die from his injuries, but no, the Norns hated him and couldn’t even fulfil him even one wish, so he had to continue this mess of a loop.
Great.
Fantastic.
Fabulous.
It was moments like this where he regretted telling Thor he was still alive after the attack off the Kursed. Deeply regretted.
“Loki! You’re awake.”, Thor’s voice did not startle him. He did not jump. He did not. Nu-uh, he stayed in perfect place and did not jump so hard that he fell onto a chair next to the bed he was in, which fell over and ended with him on the floor. He did no such thing, no.
The only reason he was on the floor was because he wanted to be, not because he jumped. You had no proof to say otherwise.
“Loki!”, Thor said, sounding slightly frantic.
“I’m fine.”, he said, giving his brother a thumbs up from where he was laying on the floor. Only because he wanted to lie on this not at all dirty and disgusting floor. Thor just sighed in exhaustion and hauled him back up on the bed, much to Lokis protest.
“I do not need help, I’m fine.”
“Says the guy who was buried under a building for multiple hours.”, Thor deadpanned.
“Says the guy who has been buried under a lot of buildings.”, Loki corrected. “And every time-”, well not every, but Thor did not need to know about loop 764, “-I turn out just fine.”
There was silence as Thor sighed in exaggeration and shot him an are-you-serious look. Loki shrugged.
“I’ve been under a lot of Buildings, so don’t worry, I can say from experience that I’ll be fine.”
There was silence in the room and Loki started to think that maybe he had said something wrong-?
“Thats quite scar on your chest.”, Thor said, slowly.
Loki blinked, looked at his chest and made an ‘o’ with his mouth.
“I suppose.”, he answered lightly.
Silence again. Ah, right, Thor got concerned when he brushed off what would be a traumatic event for others. Well, not for Loki, but he couldn’t blame Thor for not knowing.
“It was real.”, Thor stated. Loki blinked and- ah yes he got impaled around a year ago. Thor had assumed it was an Illusion (as he did every time) and Loki hadn’t bothered to correct him (also as every time).
“Yes, Thor, what did you think? That I just went to the Kursed beforehand and went: Pardon me, but could you stab me through the chest so I can fake my death? Carefully please?”
“Well-I-”, Thor sputtered, but Loki did not show mercy.
“And that he just went: Of course stranger that was imprisoned for terrorism and mass murder who’s mother I just killed, I’ll do that! What could possibly go wrong!”
“I-”
“Pray tell me Thor, how did you think that would work?”
***
(Credit to: TheGhost_Author)
“What would you do if you were stuck in a time loop that could start anywhere between 2012 and your death, but mostly started during an Alien Invasion you did, and It would always restart when you died or when it’s time was up and said time could be anything from five minutes to several years and is completely random, and everything you tried did not work and ended up with you back at that stupid bunker. Also fixing things is not the right solution.”
The whole room was staring at him like he was a mad man.
“Did I say something wrong?”, Loki asked slowly.
“No-Yes- Just-“, Cling took a deep breath. “How hypothetical is that?”
“Very hypothetical, Time loops don’t exist after all.”, Loki stated with an are-you-dumb-or-something voice.
Clint was not convinced and did not look convinced. Neither was anyone else in the room. The Hydra agents Hawkeye had found god knows where seemed to be questioning if accepting to be here had been the right decision.
“Right…” said Selvig.
“So?”, Loki asked, impatient.
“So, fixing things doesn’t work?”, Selvig asked.
“Does not work at all.”
“What’s causing the time loop?”, Barton asked, eyes very definitely worried.
“No idea.”, Loki answered.
“Idk maybe wish for them to stop? With magic?”, some random person spoke up. The worst part of it was that the man was dead serious.
“Hm, maybe that would work.”, Loki agreed.
The Hydra agents in the room decided that, yes, accepting to be here had been a great mistake on their part.
—
Clint Barton was currently very, very confused. But even more than confused, he was very very concerned about his Boss- Loki.
He had come about with that random, way to specific to be hypothetical, question, and had generally been acting weird since then.
Well, not weird per se, there were a lot of people behaving like him, but his Boss had a completely different personality before. It had made such a drastic change all of the sudden, almost as if the person had suddenly been years older.
Yes, Clint was convinced his boss was stuck in a time loop.
A time loop that apparently started after his death. His death. As if dying and suddenly being alive again wasn’t traumatic enough, no, the poor guy was stuck in a time loop with no way out too.
In all honesty, he was very close to calling the Avengers and forcing them to give his boss a hug. They’re heroes after all, that’s their job.
…
Actually he would do just that, this was a great idea.
—
“…What?”
“I want one the Avengers to hug my boss.”
“…Why?”, came the exaggerated question.
“Because he needs a hug.”
“…Again, why?? And why aren’t you just hugging him???”
“Firstly, that’s none of your business. Second, That’s a great idea actually, I haven’t thought of that yet! Thank you very much Good Sir! Goodbye.”
***
(The Rubix Cube Loop [Remake]: Part 1/1)
The Tesseract started spinning. The people in the room looked at it with alarm, some already gripping their weapons. It span faster and faster- until it let out a blue beam of energy opening a portal which kept getting bigger- until it suddenly collapsed in a blue shockwave so bright that everyone in the room had to cover their eyes with their arms.
Barton pulled his bow as Fury pulled his trusted gun.
They opened their eyes again, ready to face whatever had came through the portal. Door, as Barton had called it.
He opened his eyes just in time to see something flying towards him and caught it with his hand- it was small.
A grenade, supplied his mind.
The object was, surprisingly but not unwelcome, not a grenade and so did not explode either. Instead he caught something blocky.
A fucking Rubix cube. Someone threw a fucking Rubix cube at him. Someone threw a fucking Rubix Cube at the director of SHIELD.
He was a bit offended. Was he considered that low of a threat?
Though some other Agents weren’t as lucky as him to catch the cube, if the huffs and sounds of people falling was anything to go by.
Still, a fucking Rubix Cube. He was offended.
He looked up to face whatever Asshole dared to disrespect him like this.
Standing where the Portal had been moments before was a man with black hair wearing some leather armour or something. Not really important.
What was actually important was that he was obviously the culprit, if the dozens of Rubix Cubes flying next to him in a greenish glow were anything to go by.
The man was looking at all of them with a smug and very amused expression, and as Fury looked around he noticed that more than half of the room had gotten knocked out by the Rubix Cubes.
Pussy’s, all of them.
“Who are you?!”, he barked a bit aggressively as he turned bak to the intruder, who grinned at him looking a tiny little bit insane.
“Loki. The name’s Loki. Though, Director Fury, I find it to be quite pathetic that your glorious SHIELD Agents can’t defend yourself against a few Rubix Cubes.”
Fury there and then decided that he hated that guy.
Fury also there and then decided to take that personally- as did Barton, who took a step forward with a snarl that sounded more like an tiger than a human.
“Well…”, the Intruder- Loki- shrugged, completely unbothered by Bartons snaring sound thingy. “Good Luck!”
And that was the only warning they got before the Cubes multiplied in both size and numbers and shot towards them faster than bullets could ever hope to achieve.
—
Fury stared at what used to be the Tesseract Research Centre with unspeakable Rage.
The Cubes had kept multiplying, effectively getting heavier, bigger and more dangerous by the second, which had killed more than just a few agents. During all of this the Intruder just picked up the Tesseract and walked out while humming the fucking Rickroll music.
This was not what Fury was furious about though. (Pun this time intended)
That man dared to break in into a high security facility, had made a total fool of SHIELD, especially Fury himself, by easily defeating them with some Rubix Cubes and then walked out with an world-ending-threat artefact all while humming the fucking Rickroll music.
And now-
-Fury glanced at where a rubix cubes that had formed arms and hands out of smaller cubes was piloting the helicopter-
-he had to fucking declare war with the Avengers for them because surprise surprise they couldn’t talk.
God fucking damnit if the cubes had talked too he would have shoot himself before any of the stupid fucking idiotic Cubes got the chance to!
The cube piloting turned to him slowly.
Fury wisely banned any insulting thoughts about the Cubes to the very back of his mind.
***
Jenna hummed, satisfied. It was almost quiet outside- save for the birds-, the sun was shining and sitting on her balcony was as peaceful as never before. She happily hummed a tune while knitting another sweater- it was getting cold out and she had time, so why the fuck not?
Of course, because nothing in her life could ever be peaceful, she should have known that the peace was about to be interrupted.
She just hadn’t anticipated for that peace to interrupted by a sparkling Rainbow portal opening hundreds of feet over her which had a man falling out of it with a yelp, who crashed into her backyard seconds later.
Of fucking course.
Why could nothing ever happen to her neighbour?? That women was a fucking Karen, but noo, Jenna who had never done anything wrong in her life always was the one who’s peace got fucked up!!!
First by meeting fucking DB Cooper and being the one to get him his fucking money, then by getting arrested by SHIELD because she insisted that the Alien who attacked New York was Cooper, which was fucking true she would stand on that, and now by having someone crash into her Backyard from a fucking portal.
She had the worst fucking luck.
With a heavy sigh she stood up and slowly made her way over to where there was now a crater in her ground.
Great, she’ll have to fill that up again after she called the police because of a fucking corpse.
When she peeked over the edge of the crater, she did most definitely not expect the man laying on the ground face down to give her a thumbs up and say a muffled “I’m fine!”
The voice did sound kind off familiar.
“Oh, uhm, that’s good.”
The man then proceeded to pull himself up to his feet as if he hadn’t just dropped from the sky.
That was however not what shocked her.
“DB COOPER!!”, she screamed.
Cooper was blinking at her, then made an ‘o’ shape with his mouth.
“You’re the stewardess!”, he said, snapping a finger.
“I FUCKING KNEW IT!! YOU’RE THE ALIEN THAT ATTACKED NEW YORK!!!”
Cooper shrugged.
“Kind off, I mean yeah you’re right, I did do that. Also I’m terribly sorry about the Incident in.. 1971 was it? I’m afraid I lost a bet to my Brother though, so really it’s his fault.”
“The fuck.”
“My sentiment. I think I’ll visit you again next loop, lots of new possibilities and Ideas.”
“What the fuck.”
“Are you capable of saying anything else?”
“No.”
“You just did.”
“No I- oh wait.”
“Yup.”
“I hate you.”
“Aw, what did I ever do to you??”, Cooper whined.
“…You threatened me and the whole Airplane with a bomb. With a bomb!!”
“Why do people always get upset about that.”
“Something is wrong with you.”
“Yeah, bring it up to my father, all his fault really.”
“Wow, Daddy-Issues much?”
“I just decided that I hate you too.”
“Wow. Marvellous. Never would have thought.”
“Fuck you.”
“If you insist.”
“Why.”
“You’re still as good looking as ever, Cooper.”
“The fuck. Is wrong. With Mortals.”
***
(Credit to: HilmShom)
“-And that’s why Cats are superior to dogs. Like what kind of monster, expect Thor because of course Thor likes dogs, prefers dogs over cats?? That’s like- Wait, I bet Thanos prefers dogs, that asshole. But then again, I can really not imagine Thanos liking any animals-”
Stark, and frankly everyone else in the aircraft too, was getting really annoyed by the alien that tries to kill them all talking about cats being superior.
“Oh my fucking god- How old are you?? Ten???”, Stark groaned.
“18 actually.”
The Avengers (well, not yet but soon) were staring at him like he just revealed himself to be three snakes and a horse in a human skin of a guy they randomly killed some day. Which, rude, they had wanted to know how old he was in the first place!! He was aware that Humans didn’t live long, but please 18 couldn’t be that much.
They lived like 80, so- oh wait. They were probably just surprised that he was younger than them. Well, bodily to least. Otherwise, he could proudly say that he had lived for 10641 years by now. Anyways, he could still admit that his body was still, in human years, 18. And really, his maturity was probably even lower than that, but whatever, who needed maturity when nothing had consequences.
Still, 18 wasn’t that much compared to 80.
Yeah that made a lot of sense.
“You’re 18.”, stated Rogers, sounding beyond disbelieving.
“Yessir.”, was Lokis answer.
“Well, that does explain his charming personality.”, admitted Stark.
“Why thank you!”, answered Loki. Natasha, who was piloting the aircraft, just stared silently.
“So, any reason an 18 year old Alien with a childish as fuck personality wants to take over a planet? You moved out and searching for a home?”
“Well, kinda, or not really, just that I basically almost oofed myself, my family still thought I was dead, well now they know better. Oh and then after that a mad titan found me and wanted me to take over this planet but like any reasonable alien I said no, thank you very much and He didn’t like that one bit. He then proceeded to Tortured me for about a year and now I’m here and boom, you’ve got my whole life story.”
“Oh and my brothers gonna be here soon, not to pick me up but to tell me be grieved for me and that I should give back the Tesseract, not necessarily in that order, and is just generally gonna be an asshole, so be ready for that.”
A loud thuck on the outside of the ship.
“Yup, there he is.”
***
“-nothing unusual.”, Heimdall finished his usual Friday Report with his also usual bow.
“Very well.”, Is Odin’s answer. “You are permitted to leave.”
Heimdall would gladly have done so, if he hadn’t tripped over something when he turned to leave and fell on the ground.
Behind him he basically heard the All Fathers frown. And a uncomfortably familiar chuckle too…
“There is something here.”, he said, blindly feeling around him with his hands, which met nothing but air. A frown.
“Well, there was something here.”, he corrected as he stood up gracefully. He gave the All Father another short bow as an apology, before turning and making his way to the door- only to trip over something again.
This time he managed to make out the vague shape of something round- a ball perhaps- before he fell to the ground once again.
Behind him Odin had now risen to his feet, a frown on the All Fathers face. This Heimdall only knew because he saw all, as he was currently laying on the ground face first.
When he reached for the invisible object, it was once again gone. His frown deepened, but he stood up again-only to trip over the invisible ball again.
Behind him, he could see Odin looking at him perplexed.
“I apologise.”
“You should lay down and rest, Gatekeeper.”, Odin said with a frown. Then, slightly amused: “We can’t have our first line of defence succumb to things that aren’t there, can we?”
Heimdall just nodded, bowed again and made his way to the palace doors, this time without tripping over anything.
He opened the door, took a step- and promptly fell on the floor face-first. Behind him Odin was now struggling to contain a chuckle. Heimdall though also heard the all to familiar chuckle of the youngest prince after another successful prank.
This would seem like something Prince Loki would do and was looking uncomfortably close to his style. And the younger prince could evade his sight…
Only problem was that the second prince was dead.
Here he was, Heimdall the all seeing Gatekeeper, succumbing to objects he- and no one else- could see and hearing Ghosts.
He was definitely going to get fired soon.
***
(??? How The TVA got a gremlin in their wall: 2/2)
Loki was currently very very confused. He had just been chilling (hah) in his Jotun form, when these very very strange looking soldiers? In black armour had appeared out of an orange box portal that had appeared out of absolutely nowhere, was portals tended to do.
He had, because he was curious about their portals as they were unlike any he had seen before (and he had seen a lot), very politely asked them about the orange box portals.
They had looked very confused for a second, then one of them had muttered something about him ‘acting different than he should’, which he had token as his great reputation once again stabbing him in the back, which he realised had been very very wrong when he saw the three letters TVA printed on their armour.
And, well, he had read about the TVA in this very small orange pocket-book called TVA Handbook in Asgards library back when he had still been trying to escape the loops. Which, someone slap past him, was impossible.
Or so he had thought.
But the TVA book had said that they’re the time police. The time police. They had to know how to fix the loops- hell maybe it was their fault in the first place! And even if not, they pruned/killed every ‘Variant’, as they were called, like himself! If they couldn’t stop the loops, they could maybe kill him!
The thought of being killed should probably not be as exciting as it was, but really, he had thought he would have to spend Eternity in these loops! Death was a fucking mercy! He wished he would stop existing at least once every loop!! This was fucking great!!
Though, he reminded himself he shouldn’t hope. Not even the Time Stone had worked, so maybe this didn’t either.
So, no hope in his chest, nope-die nope.
Or that was what he was trying to convince himself off as they documented everything he had said- which made it clear they did not know about the loops, as the list would have been fucking infinite if they did.
Now he was standing in a court, a place he had been in many many loops, and was currently getting sentenced to death, probably. Or more being accused of crimes against the timeline, which yeah true.
“Just, ah, one tiny question?”, he interrupted the lady- Reindeerslayer or something. “Or, well, a few more.”
“You may ask.”, she permitted.
“Right so, can you like, prune, is that the right word, me? But, like, I have a few questions first, but I’m curious about being pruned. Like, to see if it’ll stick and stuff.
But first question: How do these orange box portals work? I have never quite seen anything like them and they weren’t explained in the- forget that last bit.
Second question: Like, where are we? Sure, out if time, but like how out of time? How does that work? Do you use the time stone for that?
And third question, also most important: What the fuck is up with your names here? There’s a guy over there called Mobius M. Mobius?? What kind of name is that!? And you’re Reindeerslayer or something?? What’s up with that?
And I have more questions, buuuuut I think that would annoy you so I just narrowed it down to these two. You’re welcome.”, he finished off.
“…right. I honestly can’t answer any of these questions. First two because of safety reasons and the third one because we have completely normal names. And my name is Renslayer, not Reindeerslayer.”
“Well, alright,”, he shrugged. “I’ll respect that. So, uhm, anything else?”
“Yes, because of-”
“Oh wait I do have another question.”, he interrupted her. “Sorry for interrupting, but what exactly did I do wrong? Sure I didn’t follow the correct flow of time, but like…How would I know which one was correct? I would hate to end up here again. Wait, no actually, don’t tell me. I do want to end up here again.”
“It seems you are under the impression that you will escape. You will not. Magic does not work in the TVA and there is no way for you to escape. Your timeline was erased, so you have nowhere to go to. You will be pruned like every other Variant before you.”
“That’s great! But I bet on ten bars of strawberry chocolate that I will end up here again, so if I do you’ll have to give me ten bars of strawberry chocolate, understand?”
Renslayer looked at him as if he were insane, which yes, he was.
“Fine, you’ll get your ten strawberry chocolate bars if you show up here again, which you will not.”, she said, sounding somewhat exaggerated. Mobius M. Mobius, aka M&M from now on, chuckled at his superiors exhaustion. Loki thought it must be very annoying to deal with Variants like him every day, for eternity.
He could never, he knew he was way to annoying for that to work.
“Alright! Do make sure to stock up on chocolate bars.”
“There will not be a need to.”
“We’ll see.”
“There will not.”
There was indeed a need to stock up on strawberry chocolate bars, as Loki would soon win lots and lots of bets against a certain judge and an analyst he nicknamed after one of his favourite sweets.