The X-Men

2:13 am

Jeanie❤: 

hey, you up?

2:16 am  

Whoreverine: 

yeah

need something?

Jeanie❤:

scott is asleep if u wanna come over

door’s unlocked

Whoreverine:

k 

2:22 am

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

uh wtf jean

Jeanie❤:

Why are you awake at this hour, Jubilee? 

It’s a school night.

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

you also have school tomorrow??

Bobs❄️:

you’re our SCIENCE TEACHER???? 

Rougie🤠:

wait what’s going on

why is my gay bf screaming

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

ms grey is asking wolverine to sleep with her

Rougie🤠:

WHAT?? HELLO???

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

hi :D

Jeanie❤:

Okay, I need everyone to calm down

I think there’s been a misunderstanding

Bobs❄️:

…righttttt

the professor is in this group chat btw

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

and cyclops! :)

Jeanie❤:

I’m well aware, thank you.

The four of you should go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.

2:49 am

Ro☔️:

hey does anyone know if Logan ended up meeting with Jean?

ProfX: 

He did.

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

PROFESSOR???

ProfX:

Yes, Jubilee?

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

actually nvm

i don’t wanna know

3:01 am

Jeanie❤:

Ororo, Logan’s all set if you’re still in the mood

Ro☔️:

Thanks, love🫶

3:04 am

Whoreverine:

storm, unlock your door

6:25 am

Cyke:

All of you need a better sleep schedule. This is getting ridiculous.

And Logan, you shouldn’t be going to other people’s rooms. 

The rule is they go to yours.

Whoreverine:

Tell that to your wife

Jeanie❤:

Don’t be a dick, Logan

Whoreverine:

Well Cyke’s isn’t big enough so someone has to step up

Cyke:

You’re insufferable

Whoreverine:

Still coming to mine tonight?

Cyke:

10 pm sharp. I value my sleep schedule. 

11:36 am

Bobs❄️:

You’re all so gross

Can’t you at least make a separate group chat for Whoreverine business?

Rougie🤠:

fr like that’s my father guys

have some decorum

Whoreverine:

???

I’m not your father

Rougie🤠:

yeah okay buddy

i bet you don’t get passed around the X-Mansion like a blunt either

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

THAT’S CRAZYYYY

Whoreverine:

Marie, you’re grounded. 

Rougie🤠:

sighhhhh

well at least I’m not disowned like bobby

or an orphan like jubilee

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

Girl pleaz 

Logan is my father too

Rougie🤠:

not if i gatekeep

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

fine u can have Logan the single dad

Scott and Jean will be my parents

SCOTTTTTTTT

@Cyke @Cyke @Cyke @Cyke @Cyke

SCOTTYYYYYYYYY

Cyke:

Jubilation Lee, stop spamming me.

I’m on my lunch break.

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

tell rogue you’re my dad and jean is my mom

Cyke:

Why would I do that?

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

to piss off Logan

Cyke:

Oh okay

@Rougie🤠 Jubilee is my daughter, Jean is her mother

Rougie🤠:

does that make me and her sisters-in-law? 

because my dad is sleeping with both you and your wife

Cyke:

I have no idea what you’re talking about

Whoreverine:

Yeah, you’re sisters-in-law

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

I love this family :3

Friday, 10 pm

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

I have an announcement

Rougie🤠:

We’re all ears

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

I’m engaged

Cyke:

Excuse me? What?

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

It means I will be getting married soon.

Cyke:

I know what being engaged means, Kurt. I’m literally married.

Whoreverine:

for now

Cyke:

Shut up, Logan.

Whoreverine: 

bite me, summers

Cyke: 

I’ll leave the biting to you, Mr. Rabid-Animal-In-Heat

Jeanie❤:

Alright, that’s enough you two

Ro☔️:

Save the tension for the bedroom. 

Rougie🤠:

everyone needs to stop flirting with my father immediately 

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

No fr like as hilarious as this is, i wanna know who Kurt is marrying

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

Peter Maximoff! :D

McKoi:

Pardon??

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

Peter*

Bobs❄️:

I didn’t know Dr. McCoy was in this group chat

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

He created the chat, dofus

Rougie🤠:

Lol

McKoi:

Kurt, do you know who Peter Maximoff’s father is?

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

Not yet, no. I was planning on asking his father for permission to marry, but Peter said it was unnecessary. 

I asked his younger sister instead, and she approves of me.

Success!!

Jeanie❤:

awwww that’s so sweet!

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

Agreed!!!

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

We should add him to the chat!!!

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

Yes!! I will retrieve his phone number

- ₖᵤᵣₜ♡ added BigDaddySilver to the chat-

Ro☔️:

I’m disappointed in you, Kurt.

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

:(

He is sweet, I promise!

Whoreverine: 

This is going to be fucking hilarious

BigDaddySilver:

yooooooooooooo

wassuppppppppppppppp

wait does this mean im an x-man now??

sweeeeetttttt

ive always wanted to be an x-man

part of the x-mennnn

wolverine was my gay awakening

Bobs❄️:

you’re actually so real for that

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

mine was storm <3

Whoreverine: 

I can excuse murder but i draw the line at sleeping with children

BigDaddySilver:

you can excuse murder????

that’s so cool

is that like an x-men thing or just a wolverine thing

Cyke:

Just a Wolverine thing

BigDaddySilver:

Yoooo cyclops!! 

yk you and i are like step brothers kinda

cuz ur dad is kinda dating my dad

you can be will ferrell if u wanna

I’ll be john c reilly

Cyke:

What are you talking about?

McKoi:

With all due respect, Kurt, why are you marrying this freak?

BigDaddySilver:

hey how’d u know im a freak???

kurtttttt :(

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

Relax, my love, I did not speak a word of your private preferences

Whoreverine:

I think I’m gonna be sick

Jeanie❤:

Says the human blunt

Whoreverine:

Anyway

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

LMAO

Bobs❄️:

Does this mean Kurt is gonna stop trying to take Logan’s place as the X-Mansion’s designated slut?

Whoreverine:

I’m gonna let that slide because you’re still in the closet but watch yourself faggot or you’re gonna get a new piercing through your fucking forehead

Rougie🤠:

I coulda swore Bobby came out already

Bobs❄️:

WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I’M GAY???

Jeanie❤:

Because you are, sweetie

Bobs❄️:

How did you even figure that out?

Jeanie❤:

I’m a telepath?

Whoreverine:

Also nobody gave a fuck when that fire kid defected besides your pining gay ass

Bobs❄️:

That was extremely unnecessary

Whoreverine:

Am I wrong?

Rougie🤠:

Unfortunately, no

Does this mean I actually have to break up with Bobby now?

I don’t think I’m ready to part ways with my little bundle of sticks💔

BigDaddySilver:

LMAOOO

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

nah Bobby needs the emotional support

His boyfriend did leave him for Fagneto after all

Cyke:

It’s hard to recover from something like that

Whoreverine:

Wtf are you talking about?

I thought you were dead for that bit

Cyke:

What bit?

Whoreverine:

Oh so we’re playing dumb

Okay

McKoi:

I wasn’t aware you two were playing

Cyke:

Are you calling me dumb?

McKoi:

Well when it comes to Wolverine…

Jeanie❤:

No offense Hank, but you’re straight so you wouldn’t understand.

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

HA!

KITTY YOU OWE ME $50

McKoi:

You had a bet on my sexuality????

Rougie🤠:

It’s nothing personal, doc

We also had a bet on Storm’s

I could’ve swore she was for the ladies💔

Which was unfair now that I think about it because apparently Kurt had a bunch of sneaky links with Storm 

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡:

Yes, but you were the first to know about Wolverine and Mr Summers’s affair so it balances out

Cyke:

Logan, you told your daughter about us??

Whoreverine:

No???

Rougie🤠:

Jean told me

Jeanie❤:

I was running out of people to gossip with!

Cyke:

You knew????

Jeanie❤:

Does everyone just conveniently forget I’m a psychic who has trouble controlling her powers?

And even if I wasn’t, you’re not slick AT ALL

Bobs❄️:

Wait I’m confused

I thought all the adults slept with Logan

Why is this different?

Rougie🤠:

It was an emotional affair

They went on a camping date 

Jeanie❤:

It was adorable

Cyke:

I’m running away.

Jeanie❤:

Don’t be so dramatic, baby

I don’t know why you’re so embarrassed.

I already told you I don’t mind

Cyke:

Because my wife and my students just found out about my emotional affair with the X-Mansion’s slut!!

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

I’m surprised Logan isn’t bothered by being called a slut

Ro☔️:

He’s actually really into it

Jeanie❤:

Noted

Rougie🤠:

EW STOP STOP IT I’M GONNA THROW UP

Whoreverine:

I hate all of you

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

Wait I just realized Kitty never answered me

@KitKat HELLOOOOOO 

YOU’RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS BET

I NEED THAT $50

Cyke:

Kitty got her phone taken this morning

She won’t be getting it back for the rest of the week

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

WHATTTT?????

What did she do??

KitKat: 

I bedazzled his visor ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

Cyke:

Kitty? How did you get your phone?!

KitKat: 

A magician never reveals her secrets ( •̀ᴗ•́ )و ̑̑

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

Do I get a prize if I tattle?

KitKat: 

( ｡ •̀ ⤙ •́ ｡ ) 🇽NO

Cyke:

I will buy you your favorite caramel popcorn every day during lunch for the rest of the month

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

Caramel popcorn IS my favorite…  

Whoreverine:

Don’t listen to him, elf, he’s lying

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

Are you making a better offer, Logan?

Whoreverine:

I’ve got beer and cigars and two tickets to see the Oilers

Rougie🤠:

Hey!! I thought we were going together for family bonding??

Whoreverine:

I’ll buy another damn ticket just shut up

Elf you better zip it

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

A hockey game date with the Wolverine is tough to beat, Mr. Summers…

BigDaddySilver:

This is why I love you

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

ᯓᡣ𐭩

Cyke:

Caramel popcorn, a new sword, and I’ll talk to the professor about installing that trapeze you asked for last year

Whoreverine:

GODDAMN IT CYCLOPS

WHY DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE

Cyke:

Katherine Pryde has outranked you as the most wanted criminal within the X-Mansion. She has connections in every corner of this building, and even after dedicating my prep period into stopping her, I’ve only managed to brush the tip of the iceberg.

BigDaddySilver:

Holy shit dude

Is she like Costello or something

Rougie🤠:

Lol no, not at all 

Kitty’s harmless, Cyke is just mad she’s been able to escape consequences so many times without being caught

He thinks we have an underground society dedicated to taking down his system of discipline

Cyke:

I know you do and one day I’ll prove it

Now Kurt, deal or no deal?

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

ohhhhhh this is gonna be good 

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

Deal! 

Whoreverine:

jesus fucking christ

I hate all of you

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

I am sorry, my friend, but I’ve been wanting this trapeze for a long time!

Whoreverine:

Whatever

I’m running away

Rougie🤠:

Sighhhh

Leave the dog tags by the door. I don’t feel like getting up to get them rn

Whoreverine:

👍

Cyke:

Kurt?

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

Yes

Cyke:

Explain

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

Right

She bribed Wolverine with a six pack of beer and he distracted the professor while she snuck in and retrieved her phone

Cyke:

How did he distract the professor??

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

Asked him to read his mind

Jeanie❤:

Oh poor Charles

Logan’s mind is every telepath’s nightmare

Whoreverine:

Fuck you Jeanie

Jeanie❤:

Would but I think Ororo is scheduled for tonight

Ro☔️:

No, I traded appointments with Scott

I will be borrowing Kurt from Quicksilver tonight instead

Rougie🤠:

“Join the X-Men” they said

“It’ll be fun” they said

My dad’s a slut and my brother is a slut and my boyfriend is gay 

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

No fr 

So far all I’ve gotten is a few near death experiences and a paper due Friday

Bobs❄️:

My teacher’s ex boyfriend kidnapped and indoctrinated my boyfriend and my other teacher outed me with physic powers

KitKat: 

idk guys i think it’s pretty great here (づ◕ ᴗ ◕)づ

Rougie🤠:

Beats living on the street

⊹₊ Jubee₊⊹:

Also beats foster care

Bobs❄️:

And unaccepting parents

BigDaddySilver:

I don’t even go here but yeah 

Beats living in my mom’s basement

ₖᵤᵣₜ♡: 

It does not beat the circus, but I still enjoy it here.

Mr. Summers, please contact the Professor immediately. I want the trapeze set up by tomorrow evening

Cyke:

Goddamn it