And Nen There Were None 2, Electric Boogaloo
“One - two -” the camera man held up three fingers to indicate the end of the commercial break and Shougo instantly glowed, flowers spiralling down behind him,
“Welcome back tooooooo Prank Stage!! where we are keeping our entire live audience ransom by keeping captive what they most desire!” Shougo said cheekily, “We’ve had baby corpses, we’ve had the promise of baby corpses - and for the main event - drum roll, please…”
Someone started playing the maracas off stage to emulate the sound.
“Wooooow,” Kakashi said in what he hoped was a disinterested tone, “this show has clearly gone like, suuuuper budget.”
“HE’S HERE TO SACRIFICE IT ALL - everything - EVEN HIS WHOLE LYFE - and who could it be, the one thing everyone in seated in the Knottingham Trent ruins could be after??”
The figure finally walked onstage, though he was still disguised by the shadows.
“Did he just say sacrifice?” Levi asked munching on the popcorn the man beside him had offered.
“Honk! How exciting! I'm on the edge of my seat!” Hawk squealed, waving his trotters in the air like he just didn't care. Mustang glared at the honking creature, fists and buttcheeks clenched. One snap of his finger and his flame alchemy would roast the whole damn pig in an instant. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself, knowing that Hawk was going to be kid Luffy’s din dins and as such, the pig should only be roasted just when he was about to be eaten, so that he’d be hot and fresh for the smol child’s consumption. More bacon could easily be acquired, but there was something different about bacon that could scream and beg for mercy. He fixed his gayze on Tomoe’s cute, pointy little fox ears (that were all perked up and twitching endearingly) to distract himself.
The entire crowd muttered. Who could it be????
“Could it be Ayato?” Mustang whispered. “Why would he sacrifice himself, and DIE, on the day of his wedding??”
“HONK! Shut up for a second and maybe we'll find out?? Jeez, and people call me annoying,” Hawk squealed back.
“The man. THE MYSTERY. We found this dashing gent in the Knottingham Trent public bathhouses, perving on young men. ITTTTTT’S N-N-N-NETERO!”
The crowd was silent with shock. Netero? Chairman of the Hunter Association, the strongest nen user, headmaster of Sheffield Harem?????
The old man smiled serenely and waved to the crowd.
“WHHHHOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!! YEEEESSS HEADMASTER-SAN!” Leorio shouted, standing and cheering.
“He’s gonna be sacrificed?” Levi munched on the popcorn with more zeal.
“Netero?” Fukazawa said in shock. First Deus, then Netero? His rivals? Fukazawa tried to hide his grin. He’d have to see how all of this turned out, perhaps Shougo was simply pulling another prank and had no intention to slaughter the Sheffield Harem headmaster on Knottingham grounds.
“It is I. Netero. You guys might know me as the headmaster of Sheffield Harem, forger of the Nen ability-”
“That’s a lie,” Fukazawa grunted,
“And all-round great role model. I am a great worshipper of now deceased Gon Freecs, who was not actually a freak.” Netero thought back to how vanilla Gon had been in bed. “But alas I worshipped the very ground he walked on. Every time I was in his vicinity I hoped my heart would stop beating simply so the nuclear bomb I had implanted would go off and we could die together. I have spent every waking hour pouring over every facet of this young man’s exceedingly short life. And now I am ready to sacrifice myself so he can walk these cardboard floors of Knottingham once more.”
“ANOTHER resurrection? Jeez,” Shanks scowled, thinking back to when he killed the resurrected Shu AGAIN.
“We should go,” Victor moved to stand, still cradling the one-eyed Chinese mafia cultivator in his arms, “Soma and Ayato clearly are not here, and-”
“SHHHHHHHHH!” Levi said as loudly as possible, spittling popcorn bits all into the Chinese lads wounds.
Even Fukazawa dismissed Victor’s concerns, leaning back in his chair with a barely concealed smirk, clearly waiting to see the fate of Knottingham Trent’s headmaster Netero. For the first time in a long time his yukata was properly closed, his perky nipples concealed behind the green cloth, his wrinkly clear skin protected from the lewd gayze of other men, pigs, and Atsushi.
“Why is the great headmaster Netero talking about Gon Freecs? Why is Netero being sacrificed? Honk,” Hawk honked.
“Death is awaiting us all, whether it cums for us now, or in 20 years, the end result is the same. That's why we should follow the wise words of the buddha, and YOLO,” Netero smiled, holding up a peace sign.
“Let’s get this show on the road!” Shougo cried, pulling out a knife that he had hidden in his sleeve.
With a cry, he launched forward, stabbing Netero directly in the face. The knife sliced through his cheek, blood spraying onto Shougo’s face.
“Oops! I missed!” Shougo cried joyfully, pulling the knife out.
While the crowd whooped and hollered, Netero remained calm, serene despite the pain, his brow furrowed as he focused on his oncoming death.
Flowers glimmered behind Shougo as he giggled cheekily, “Silly me!” he cried, twirling his knife between his fingers, “Who thinks I’ll miss again next time?”
Amongst the clamour of “Me, me” and other like cries, someone belted out, “You got this, Shougo!”
“Hehehehe, thank you kind sirs!” Shougo bowed a little, blowing a kiss to the audience.
“That's for me! I'm a sir!” Hawk cried excitedly.
“With all your good luck, I’ll surely be able to kill this man in the next swipe!”
“Get on with it!” Nobunaga heckled, throwing popcorn at the stage angrily. Others in the audience including Levi booed and hissed at him.
“Go for his chest, Shougo!” Leorio cried.
“Aim for his femoral artery!” Fukazawa screamed, though his voice was confused amongst the rest of the audience’s.
“I know what would make this even more fun!” Shougo screamed at his loving crowd of viewers, holding his arms up.
A stagehand entered, placing a red bloodied strip of cloth in Shougo’s grip.
“Wait - isn’t that the mafia boy’s headband?” Tomoe turned to the Chinese Mafia cultivator still in Victor’s arms.
“Oh,” Victor looked to the passed out boy in confusion,” When did Shougo manage to get his hands on that?”
“Spooky,” Tomoe.
“Shut up,” Levi snapped, still hammering down popcorn at a lightening speed.
“Who would like to come onstage and place this bloody forehead ribbon atop my brow so that I cannot see from these handsome - nay, DEVILISH - orbs.”
Kakashi stood from his seat instantly, “Shougo, choose me!” he belted.
The entire stage fell quiet, everyone turning to the grey-haired man. Shanks sniggered behind his palm. He’d infused Kakashi’s sound box with Haki for a mere moment, having predicted in the stars that he would stand up and pronounce his true love for Shougo in this very moment.
“Kakashi-sensei, how wonderful to see you again! Dear audience this is my dear ex-sempai Kakashi, who you probably know of for the waves of impact he’s had on the porn industry. Whatever your fetish, Kakashi curated it! Come up here and blind me, fair sensei,” Shougo held the forehead band out toward the audience, inviting him onstage.
Kakashi smoothed his clothing out. Did he look okay? Levi glowered at him, totally jealous.
“Hands together for Kakashi-sensei!”
The audience screamed, so excited to watch Shougo stab blindly at Netero. How long would Netero last? Would he cry in pain? Was this all an elaborate prank, would Netero even truly die???
“Now that I can no longer see, let us proceed with the murder of NETERO!”
Levi had stopped machining down his popcorn, staring at the stage with his jaw ajar.
Fukazawa lent forward, trying to get a better view.
Victor cringed at the crass display of violence and held the young cultivator closer to his muscular chest.
Shougo’s first stab hit air. “To the left, to the left,” the audience cried in unison, stamping their feet and watching Shougo’s failed attempts with glee.
“Oh, what would I do without you?” Shougo’s tone was exaggerated and the audience chuckled at his kawaii humour.
Shougo’s first stab clipped Netero’s upper arm. The whole audience fell into a sea of screams, going absolutely insane. Shougo’s second stab hit Netero just above the armpit, right up to the handle of the knife. If Netero made any sound of pain it was indecipherable among the deafening hollering of the audience, most of which were standing up to cheer at this point. One person was holding the baby corpse above the crowd and screaming, jumping up and down, spraying everyone with baby blood and baby guts.
Shougo plunged his knife into Netero’s body, again and again. Crimson blood sprayed in arcs across the stage and Shougo’s face. Even the audience were not to be saved from the rain of blood that escaped from Netero’s withered body, and those in the ‘splash zone’ cheered, holding their tongues out to taste the sweet nectar. The homeless remnants of Knottingham Trent’s students that huddled in the back were reminded of poor Jea-ha’s death, the rain of blood that met them that dark day their school was closed forever, and their eyes began to flash with hunger, as they too rushed forward to get a taste of Netero’s life force.
Amidst these screams and cries the young Chinese cultivator awoke in Victor’s arms, gasping as he looked upward, his single eye blinking as he looked around to the crowd. Hawkeye helpfully picked up the slim lad and held him atop the rest of the crowd so he too could see the action.
The cultivator looked to Shougo. Touched his own forehead. Looked to Shougo. Was that - Shougo was wearing HIS forehead ribbon? Now that it had been touched by someone else, had Shougo taken his ribbon virginity? Would they have to get married now??? He passed out again, waaaaaaa.
The blood that landed on the stage gathered in pools and began to move, forming lines and patterns. Twas a pentagram- the unholiest of images. Shanks and the other teachers recognised it from Luffini’s famoose resurrections.
Shougo continued to hack away at Netero’s body, gouging out pieces of flesh, his organs sliced and spilling out. This was clearly no longer a means to kill the man, but rather for Shougo’s own pleasure at feeling a blade against human flesh, perforating the body until Netero’s skin resembled a sieve, blood seeping from his entire being.
Finally, FINALLY, Netero’s body fell limp to the floor, at the center of the pentagram. The blood began to glow dimly. The audience fell into hushed whispers, anticipation causing everyone to clench their assholes in nervousness.
Shougo started to dance around the pentagram, whispering and muttering strange words- Latin perhaps?- and his eyes glowing ominously. In the glimmer of the light, Shougo began to look monstrous, an aura that resembled… a DEMON? A DEVIL merhaps?
Kaname’s beads shifted quickly in his fingers, lips moving silently as he muttered prayer after prayer, staring at the demonic man. His chest stiffened, never did he think he would bear witness to such devilish acts, supernatural, something which clearly originated from hell.
Meanwhile the audience watched on in a mixture of glee and fear, their assholes fluttering to the beat of their hearts.
The stadium lights that lit the area flickered violently, the ground rumbling beneath them. The glowing blood pentagram shined brighter and brighter, and then suddenly- the lights went out, and the stage was drenched in darkness and shadows.
The silence held for one moment.
Then another.
In the distance a harrowing scream was heard, the woman’s voice breaking, fear twisting her cries.
The crowd, that had been silent, began to mutter nervously. Where was Shougo? What was happening?