Pepe Silvia
The common room was packed. Some of the students that had arrived there sooner lay before the fireplace, having a power nap. Kunikida, Kyoya, and Sasuke (back from his therapy with Ayato where the poor boi had been forced to stare into the mirror of Erised for hours with Ayato firmly holding his head in place Pokkle-style - ‘flooding’ was what Ayato called it but really it was torture worse than anything in those Oxbride chambers) were pouring over diagrams and maps and passing theories between them about who could have taken Chopper’s leg. All they were left with was a list of dead ends.
Kunikida clapped his hands to get his fellow student’s attention. Zoro had to be kicked a couple of times to be roused from his power nap.
“Let us go over what we have found out,” Kunikida announced, still in his faithful bin bag.
Kyoya was the first to stand up. “My group first investigated Kaname. We thought as a former Ofsted employee he might have had a grudge against us, they did close the school after all. But Kaname has a solid alibi, backed up by Fukazawa himself who was in the Preists’ office at the time of our interrogation. And the other, Fuhrer Bradley, is not even in this country. We then moved on to resurrect Shu. He previously committed many crimes against Oxbridge students, however,” Kyoya looked over the rim of his glasses at the students around him, “it appears he was dead at the time of the crime. And no one else could have resurrected him to commit the crime either, it was clear he was busy. We didn't get to ask any more questions however, due to a certain… incident.” Kunikida shuddered at the memory. “Luckily Fukazawa knew where we were and sent Shanks to save us.”
Hikaru cleared his throat and also stood, “We investigated Light Turner, I don't know if you guys watched Prank Stage!! today?” all of the students shook their heads. “Dammit, I bet that lazy reindeer got to. Well anyway, we were on Prank Stage!! It was quite the embarrassment - I mean, like, Fukazawa even TEXTED us not to reveal where we went to university, lest Atsushi’s behaviour on the show drag our reputation through the mud. Anyway, Light Turner was in Azkaban at the time, we have the thirteen tapes to prove it.”
Kunikida frowned, no insightful information there.
“Um - EXCUSEEE ME,” Atsushi announced, “Don’t you remember the last investigation you did?? Huh??” Sanji rubbed the back of his head, trying to avoid everyone’s gaze. “WEll ANYWAY, these LOOOOSERS thought I chopped off choppy-chan’s leg! Sanji water boarded me in the torture chambers and I had to seek counsel in the janitor’s closet...the new janitor has a very bizarre taste in perfume B-T-dubbs, the room smelt gross. And we bumped into botany Hawkeye, Hisoka, and Fukazawa, and then Tamaki brought us all here.”
Everyone cleared their throat awkwardly, clearly Atusushi expected a larger response. They stood like that for a whole nine minutes (NO, it was NOT ten minutes) while Atsushi stared them down in incredulation.
“And what about you?” Nekozawa turned to Kunikida, trying to dispel the silence. “What did you find out?”
“We found Clay Jensen skulking around the grounds. We thought he looked suspicious so we brought him in for questioning. It seems he may have actually been a witness to the event-” at this there were gasps around the room, everyone was on the edge of their seats. “... but due to his hallucination disorder we weren't able to gather any useful information apart from the fact he likes fecal matter. But we didn’t learn who did it or where the leg was taken.” An audible groan came from the assembled students. They had hoped their commitment to Chopper was finally at an end. But alas, that was clearly not the case. Kunikida continued, “Our diagrams are fruitless, the only clue we have is the One Piece of paper we confiscated from Clay, a list of thirteen names circled. There are other names on this as well which have been crossed out. At the bottom in big letters it says... ‘there are others’. Who knows who these ‘others’ are and what heinous crimes they have committed? Stealing a deer leg could be one of them.”
“But we don’t recognise any of the names,” Kyoya added, “We suspected them to be code names at first but now we don’t really think that’s the case.”
“Hold on a minute!” cried Naruto suddenly, punching the air triumphantly. “I got it. I know who did it.”
Everyone present ignored him, still looking over the diagrams, knowing his deductive skills were easily some of the worst they’d encountered in anyone. Zoro, however, with his new sense of camaraderie with the shinobi, smiled at him encouragingly. Having a similar IQ to Naruto was probably another reason he would be the only one to take him seriously.
Naruto stole Kunikida’s marker and turned to the wall, scribbling against it. The next few moments were like a cinematic montage, Naruto furiously writing on the wall and linking text with lines and strings and stuff. He finally took a step back, revealing the unintelligible mess he’d made of the wall.
“Don’t you seeeee?” said Naruto. “This whole time it was FUKUZAWA! Believe it!”
“Fukazawa?” replied Kyoya spectically, “Do you even realise what you’re saying?”
“Well-” said Kunikida slowly, “he is the one common factor in all of our stories… he was there in Kaname’s office, he sent Shanks during the Shu investigation, he texted during the Light interrogation, and appeared while you were questioning Atsushi. ”
“He wasn’t in your story,” said Sasuke dismissively.
“He walked past us in the chambers, saying he was going to get his high on,” said Naruto, elated by his own discovery.
The students, as much as they hated the possibility of existing in a world where Naruto may figure something out before the rest of them, couldn’t help but see how this made sense. Slowly the pieces of the puzzle began to fit together. Fukazawa had even been in the hospital with Chopper throughout the whole time. Sasuke uneasily remembered how, in the middle of his therapy session while he’d paused for breath between his screams, Fukazawa had poked his head in, asking if Chopper had attended his appointment with the therapist.
“He wouldn’t,” though Sanji’s tone was dampened with doubt, “Fukazawa loves this university. I don't think he could.”
Kyoya’s expression was stern, lips pursed tightly. “It would make sense,” he was shaking his head, struggling to comprehend Naruto’s suggestion, “I mean we’ve always been able to see it - all of Fukazawa’s sociopathic tendencies. I mean…” Kyoya clearly didn't want to put his thoughts into words, “he had never really - cared for human life...and i’ve always wondered WHY he even let Pokkle into this university, he must have seen…”
“He has had this tendency,” Tanizaki said lowly. “He bought the goblet of fire from a flea market just to restore the university’s reputation and didn't even care about the injuries people could get from it. He pitted Atsushi against a bunch of students, isn’t that morally wrong?”
Naruto started tucking things off on his fingers in excitement, happy to be right about something, “He bribed Ofsted to get the university back which is ILLEGAL, he evades taxes, and don’t y’all remember that article from a couple years ago about the bodies of Ranpo’s missing parents -”
“HEM-HEM!” Nekozawa cleared his throat loudly, “Not here, Ranpo will know! He always knows!”
Everyone looked sombre, it was a harsh reality to face. Fukazawa had hired two pirates that lived outside the law (Shanks and Hawkeye), two military operatives who had aided genocide (Mustang and Hawkeye), a potential terrorist (Ayato) and Kaname, who liked children. Even the late Mori was an odd choice of student considering his taste for young, pre-pubescent flesh. Fukazawa clearly had a dark side, it was just impossible to deny.
“I refuse to believe it,” Kyoya’s tone was one of refusing to believe it. “He loves this university, he cares about it. It’s the only thing he really cherishes. He would never do this to one of his own students.”
“It can't be true!” Atsushi whimpered. “Fukazawa is like our father! He would never harm us. Not even Chopper.”
“And he has an alibi!” Soma cried suddenly. “When we interviewed Kaname, Fukazawa confirmed they were both in the brothels. Fukazawa was setting the rooms back up.”
The twins, Tamaki, Tanizaki and a handful of other students began to nod their heads enthusiastically.
“But wait a second. Maybe he was lying. Kaname was clear that he never saw Fukazawa there himself. Maybe Fukazawa was never there in the first place. Maybe Fukazawa was only trying to protect the priest from suspicion because he knew who really did it… it was him!” Chuuya concluded.
Soma who had been so happy to point out the alibi just a moment ago, now felt crestfallen. Was their headmaster really capable of lying like that? Right to their faces?
“That’s certainly a possibility,” Dazai sighed. It pained him to agree with Chuuya, but he couldn't deny that there was logic to the argument. “But that’s also a lot of ‘maybes’. We can't be sure just on this baseless speculation.”
“There’s only one way to find out for sure. We’ll just have to go up there to his office and find out,” Kunikida said, though there was a frown on his face. He was clearly reluctant to accuse the well-respected headmaster of anything.
Nekozawa dropped his head, “We could just...not confront him… if we don't figure it out before the twenty-four hours are up Chopper won’t care, he’s been amputated before.”
Nekozawa wasn't the only student frightened to confront the headmaster.
Everyone stood in silence, waiting for someone to oppose Nekozawa’s words. They had all been thinking it. What if they just HAPPENED to never find out what happened, so they wouldn't have to confront their headmaster? The man was strong and not someone they would want as an enemy, especially not for Chopper’s sake. When you also considered the team of OP teachers that followed and obeyed him, the students could feel the dread settle in as they envisioned the group of powerful (save for Kaname and Victor) beings that could probably destroy them with little effort if they so willed.
Soma looked around the room, gobsmacked. These bois would ALLOW Chopper to suffer without a leg just because they were SCARED?? Sure, Sanji at least looked guilty and tamaki’s background had stopped sparkling. And Atsushi, for as much as he had spoken about how Chopper needed his leg back and how he had ‘related’ to the reindeer’s plight, was also standing in silence with a guilty look on his face.
“We’re all scared!” Soma scrambled to stand on the sofa and face his peers, “I get it, I am too! I have never felt more scared in my existence, of course apart from when the demon pokkle killed my brother ciel, that was bang out of order. But without the support of my bois I would have never gotten through that trying time! And that is why Chopper needs us now!”
“Are our lives really worth Chopper’s leg?” Hikaru vocalised.
“If I die, who will feed Naomi?” Tanizaki tried not to get too upset, but his sister would starve without him, after all she was just a hallucination.
“Chuuya?” Soma tried to reason. After all Chuuya owed him one, he was the one to get the student to reconcile with Hawkeye.
“Well...I guess we could ask.” Chuuya said, looking at his peers wearily.
Soma nodded. If Chuuya was agreeing to ask Fukazawa then Sanji would definitely agree too, and the pair had a lot of leverage on the group.
-
Ayato grabbed a big box of centipedes that he’d kept as food for his pet and best friend Centipede Kaneki. He glanced around his office to make sure everything was clean and deer-hair-free. He’d just called Levi in to clean the floor after Sasuke’s therapy session where the poor boi had been vomiting and coughing up blood from the gory events he’d seen in the mirror. It had been quite disgusting. However, it had also been necessary - Ayato could not imagine a more effective method of dealing with trauma than forcing someone to watch this traumatic event over and over again against their will as they screamed and struggled against your grip. It made him reminisce about his days as a terrorist, back when he was a ghoul in Tokyo. A wide-eyed, young, lost boi that had not yet found his true calling as a psychologist.
He’d temporarily placed a sheet over the Mirror of Erised to ensure his safety from it. He wasn’t sure what he would see - maybe all his expensive possessions dirtied or ruined, a reliving of his dad’s death, centipede Kaneki becoming centipede Sasaki, being told he must teach Binman Studies? Whatever it was, he knew he should not subject himself to that. The first thing you learn as a terrorist - torture others but never yourself.
Yasopp suddenly appeared at the therapist’s door.
“Hey, Ayato, if you’re done with the Uchiha kid, you should probably resume Chopper’s session. He’s been braying non-stop about that puppet he likes to play with,” the man laughed fondly. It was sometimes hard to remember that this reindeer-babysitter was once himself a great pirate that was close friends with Shanks and Hawkeye. How the great sometimes fall.
“Fine,” relented Ayato. His mind initially went to his cloth-conundrum - he only had one (they were a billion euros a piece from paree), and it was currently hiding the mirror of erised from view. He snatched the cloth off the mirror, trying to not reveal his annoyance - that would be unprofessional, to throw over the sofa (he longed for the dog bed to arrive so he could stop having to do this) and accidentally found himself face-to-face with the cursed mirror.
“Doc,” cried Clay Jenson, “she’s HERE. SHE’S ALWAYS HERE. Can’t you see her here? She’s behind me, peeing in that plant pot. She ate ALL of my raisins, all thirteen of them.”
“Now, Clay, let’s talk about what happened when you first heard the tapes-” Ayato was saying.
“The tapes? THE TAPES!? I KILLED HER! It was me, i don’t deserve to live if i am capable of personally murdering a girl with such a sexy ass. I mean look at it sticking out, as she’s bending over that plant. LOOK AT IT!”
“Clay-”
“FUCKS SAKE,” the cursing sounded strangely unnatural coming out of the boy’s mouth, almost like he was a bad actor on a Netflix show for teens, “When she killed herself, she killed my chance at losing my virginity. To fix these wrongs, I MUST stop all the school shootings in this whole country. Because they hurt, but I hurt too. I can’t let them become another fucking tragedy that adults cry about for a week and then forget.” his words sounded stupid and rehearsed.
“Tell me more about these shootings.”
“If I stop every school shooting, and then I cover up for them, only then will Hannah be able to rest in pieces.”
“Now Clay-”
“YOU! Why didn’t you stop her? You should have KNOWN! You didn’t know who she was, and you may not have known anything about her, but YOU STILL COULD HAVE STOPPED HER!”
A short silence followed.
“THERE ARE OTHERS? WHO ARE THE OTHERS? YOU MUST BE ONE. ONE BEYOND THE THIRTEEN.” Clay’s screams were deranged.
Ayato suddenly felt himself being shaken. “Ayato?” questioned Yasopp, who had now returned carrying Chopper, who was smiling serenely from the harness looking like a joey in a kangaroo’s pouch, with him.
“Just a moment.” Ayato’s voice was hoarse, as he swept past the two.
He’d go to his place of zen. The area of the University he found most soothing, most peaceful, so he could calm down and get himself out of this state of panic. The Oxbridge Torture Chambers. They were like a second home to him. Just the thought of those beautiful weapons, those fine torture devices, and of course his best friend the killer centipede, made him feel calmer already.
“Centipeeede Kanekiiiii?” he called happily, as he pushed open the doors.
“Hey Ayato-san is that you?” called a voice that pronounced ‘san’ in a way that rhymed with ‘tan’.
“It IS you! Can you get this centipede out of my eardrum? It’s eating me from the inside when the only one i want to eat me out is Hannah. HANNAH is the one who put this inside me. It’s always her, I saw it myself.” these words were of course spoken by Clay, chewing some raisins, still bound to a chair in the Torture Chamber.
Ayato stared in shock. He stared for minutes that felt like hours, before letting out a shrill, piercing scream, at a frequency that was probably more damaging to Clay’s hearing than even the centipede eating his eardrum. Still shrieking, he slammed the door behind him and ran. He ran, ran, ran as fast as he can, you can’t catch him, he's the Ghoul-man.