The Scattering
“So, does that mean we don’t have better wifi??? :(“ Sanji was holding his phone towards the ceiling and walking around blindly, trying to get a wifi connection. “Goddamn it, we just need to call Ranpo to fix this!”
“We could always bring back Fukazawa’s parents,” Atsushi tapped his chin in consideration.
“Where’s the Great Luffini?” Tamaki asked. He was obviously the last one to realise that kid Luffy (Shanks’ nephew) was the magician, The Great Luffini, but they were yet to address this.
Luffy had lost his magician getup somewhere in the oxbridge halls, unbeknownst to him his uncle Shanks had already found it and was waiting to bump into his nephew.
“The Great Luffini - um - last i heard, he was too busy uh,” kid Luffy picked his nose as he thought, eyes darting around while he tried to come up with a good enough excuse, “filling the Oxbridge torture chambers with dead prime ministers. He needs to practice, uh,” Luffy tried to think of something his uncle had told him, “his haki? No - no, his liquid boarding! Waterboarding!”
“Why does Shanks want you to learn waterboarding?”
Sanji elbowed Zoro in the ribs, “He means, why does the Great Luffini need such a skill?”
“Who do you think runs the torture chambers?” kid Luffy asked. Of course he was too dumb to realise this made everyone think he ran the torture chambers. No, that would be too silly, he was too short to reach the top row of chainsaws, and they were the ones with the biggest blades! Then again, he had eaten that Gum-Gum fruit recently so he could now reach pretty high. But he wouldn't take Uncle Hawkeye’s pride and joy from him, not until it had been passed to him in a legitimate ceremony.
Rumour had it, Hawkeye’s dedication to the torture chambers was why he didnt have children - he didnt have the time for them with all of the time he put into making people wish they were dead.
“Does this mean we have to actually figure out who took Chopper’s leg?” Dazai sighed. “I mean he has one left, shouldn't he be grateful?”
Someone nodded. “Yes, perhaps we should leave the police to do their jobs. After all, it is what we pay them to do via our taxes, though everyone in this room is a tax evader.”
Fukazawa cleared his throat and looked away pointedly.
“Maybe if we’re lucky we will run out of time before finding his leg and not have to do it. Imma take a nap,” Hikaro muttered to Kaoru.
Kaoru too was tempted, but held onto his twin’s wrist. If they did not show for Chopper’s leg thing, he knew the teachers would probably put him and Hikaru on binman duties (Victor had recently resigned, after all).
“IT’ll probably be better if we didn’t all band together, if we split into groups it’ll be more time efficient,” Sasuke suggested. IF things went according to plan he would be in a group with some of the intellectual students and have to do nothing.
Nekozawa’s voice barely carried in the room, but it was enough. “W-what if it…” under his hood he bit his lip, “What if it was Pokkle - who - who -”
“DO NOT SAY HIS NAME,” Fukazawa’s voice boomed. His eyes darted around the room, tryna see who was listening to them. “You don't know what will happen - hem hem, just to announce to anyone who might be listening, Oxbridge was never liable for the multiple deaths that happened when Pokkle was a student here, and they shan’t be responsible for any more deaths, we are but innocent, tax-paying professors, we pay all our taxes, and i promise i have no idea where the Kohinoor diamond is,” the last part was true, only because he had given it to Kyoya for some reason.
Atsushi’s eyes were glazed with tears, because of Pokkle Atsushi’s good friend Ranpo had been forced to watch his murder and even saying the evil gremlin’s name came with the fear of somehow resurrecting him.
“I wanna be on Zoro and Sanji’s team!” after they had replaced bitch Luffy’s collar many moons ago, Luffy had taken a distinct liking to the pair.
Kaname frowned, he had hoped the boi would be left with him in his monastery.
“Luffy, I actually have a very important job for you,” Sanji crouched, “You can’t be in any team, you’ve got to go between groups and make sure everyone is, uh, doing stuff. Okay?” Babysitting the kid was on par with finding Chopper’s legs (very low) - doing both tasks together would be exceedingly painful.
Fukazawa stood up, grabbed the whistle that was hung around his neck, wrapped his thin lips around the shaft of it and blew on it sharply. His blowing skills had been commended to the highest degree, some of his colleagues had actually suggested he start a blowing class at Oxbridge after he demonstrated his skill. “Go!” he yelled passionately, lips swollen from all the blowing he had been doing.
At that all the students (excluding Sakura, who had been knocked out by Fukazawa to prevent her stupidity from being a liability as it often was; Chopper, who was ‘too injured’ to look for his own damn leg (the entitled prick); and Yosano, who didn't care for Chopper’s leg at all and hoped for Choppy-chan to die for even suggesting she was a megre vet, and was considering speeding up said process by killing him (she was, of course, holding the same blade and had access to the same pillow she had used to kill Kunikida twice)) scattered randomly, little did they know the direction they ran in was to decide which group they were in.