The Sweety Lyfe of Hikaru and Kaoru
Back at Knottingham Trent, things were getting more challenging for the ex-Oxbridge students. Eren’s ego had gotten bigger than ever, which was of course only damaging for himself as he largely fell short in all circumstances, something which he no longer noticed (Mikasa had to pick up the slack for her brother/boyfriend). Oddly enough, the Oxbridge students were not used to being ridiculed. Others were better at dealing with the death-stares, sniggers, and embarrassing attempts to trip up the ex-Oxbridge students (for example Atsushi, who suffered similar isolation back in his own university, and Kyoka, mocked for her constant tales of killing over 50 people - on GTA). This was of course quite isolating for the students - the majority had nerves of steel (Sanji, Zoro, Dazai), but the Knottingham Trent students were just being disrespectful and getting in between Oxbridge students and their graduation.
It didn’t help that Tamaki didn’t take well to criticism, so the entire host club were in foul moods.
Meanwhile, Clay Jensen, face as stoic as ever, stomped down the halls.
Out of the corner of his eye he spotted her, Hannah Baker. She stood in the corner, eyes staring, bearing into his sole.
He was surrounded by brightly coloured and glowing people, their hair bouncing between the colours of the rainbow, with odd ethereal glows coming from their person. One blond boy seemed to be crouching beside some sprouting dark mushrooms which had...somehow come through the tiles??? Who were they? Why did they speak in japanese? Was this another hallucination? He had many hallucinations, so many he was no longer sure what was rael lyfe. He wiped at the sweet on his brow wuth the sleve of his hoodie, the only hoodie he owned apparently because he wore it every day (much like Daniel Radcliffe in the Harry Potter series).
His mind once again turned to suicide. It was all he thought about. Hannah’s suicide was so brave. So noble. Maybe he too should follow in her footsteps… he had a tape recorder ready as well as a list of potential reasons he could narrow down to 13.
Perhaps if Dazai had known this he would finally be able to fulfil his dream of a double suicide filled to the brim of his gaping hole with romance. Clay longed for his hole to be filled by a man with experience. He dreamt about it often, even before he encountered Hannah at that house party. It circled through his mind like a child’s merry go round ride. Naturally what came with the merry go rounds was thoughts of children, which he tried to taper down...though one of his hallucinations had taken the form of a beautiful small boy - was he a fellow student, was he perhaps of age? The name that floated round his mind was that of Honey Senpai. Clay wasn’t sure if he would prefer for the boy to be legal or not. He had even been attracted to Professor Heine before realising he was an older boifriend.
He'd love to ride Dazai. Alas he did not realise that Dazai was not a hallucination, nor did Dazai know of his existence, so his desires would perhaps...never be fulFILLED...winky face.
He continued his walk, face not betraying a single thought. Or a single emotion.
Meanwhile in a different corridor, Hikaru and Kaoru split off from the rest of the Host Club. Tamaki was struggling with the lack of acceptance from the Knottingham students and the twins couldn't help but feel for him. After all, Tamaki was the one who brought them into the Host Club and introduced them to their rael family.
They walked down the corridor, pondering and contemplating, their leather Oxfords clicking against the shitty linoleum of the Knottingham buildings. How did this disgosting institution run? Was it off the coin of peasants? That would make sense, considering the garbage students it attracted.
As they contemplated and pondered, pondered and contemplated, they found themselves stilling when entering a new corridor. Who - who was that? Those two lone figures at the other end of it? Kaoru gripped Hikaru’s forearm, knowing his twin’s natural response was aggression.
The scene was rather reminiscent of that when Hak and Zoro met, all that time ago, their bodies brushing past each other as if in a sensual dance.
The other pair of figures started walking first, getting closer to the twins. The twins stared into each others eyes and nodded subtly. They couldn't believe there was another pair of similarly sized blobs with exceedingly similar hair colours approaching.
All four boys walked towards each other at the same pace with similar aloof expressions. They stopped two feet apart. Hikaru couldn’t even stand to look at the shoes of the other ginger males. Where did they locate such an awful shop in which to buy those shoes? Perhaps Haruhi would know, she was of course also a peasant.
“We’re twins. My name’s Fred, this is George.” There was no way to distinguish between the pair.
Hikaru felt himself boil with anger. Another set of ginger twins?????? If it weren’t for Kaoru’s grip, Hikaru would have torn those people to shreds. Then again, his Oxfords were from his mother’s new fashion line and there were only one hundred available in the whole world - ruining them would be a waste.
“I’m Kaoru, and this is Hikaru. We recently transferred from Oxbridge University.”
Hikaru was positively seething. When he looked at the boys standing opposite his brother, he found it difficult to tell them apart. He knew a layman wouldn’t be able to.
Who were these disgusting ginger twins, trying to edge their way into Hikaru and Kaoru’s twin territory??
“It’s noice to meet you both.” George smiled at them. Kaoru couldn’t help but note that he had the same dimpling in his cheeks that he and his brother had.
“Soooo…” Fred said after an extended silence. “How come Hogwarts wasn’t invited to the Triwizard Tournament? We are, after all, the rael wizards.”
“Hogwarts is dead,” Hikaru snapped coldly. “Get out of my way, you filthy peasants. Or I will have you forcibly removed from this earth.”
Overall, the experience was unnerving. Hikaru grabbed his twin’s wrist and pulled him past the other ginger pair which they looked identical to. He felt the back of his neck prickle. He was uncomfortable.
When he looked back over his shoulder, the two boys were staring at him with matching expressions of consideration, clearly pondering and contemplating something.
-
Atsushi had been feeling extra lonely recently. His only friend from Oxbridge, Soma, had not come with them for some reason, and he hadn’t even been replying to his texts. He’d replied once saying ‘Ice skating, tty 2mrw’ but then hadn’t messaged again. The other friendo he had managed to make after years of trying, Nekozawa, was nowhere to be seen recently either. The puppeteer had somehow managed to get himself a girlfriend, Nico Robin from Knottingham Trent, and now spent all his time with her. They called her ‘Devil child’ for some reason, and Nekozawa enjoyed getting dirty with the devil (NOT the child bit because he was no nonce).
Atsushi was thinking about all this as he strolled by himself in the small, disgusting, Knottingham Trent grounds when he suddenly stumbled over a log in the middle of the field.
Kunikida watched from afar as he made notes in his Ideal, he had a whole section dedicated to what he called an ‘Atsushi Owned Count’. Every time Atsushi got owned by someone or something or just by life in general, he added a little check mark to it. Right now the Owned count was at 234. Tripping over a large easy-to-spot obstacle in the middle of the empty University field? Number 235.
‘Ow what do you think you’re doing?’ grumbled the log that turned out to be no log but the man Atsushi had always considered to be the sexiest man alive.
Zoro. A beautiful man that made Atsushi’s loins burn. With hair the colour of moss that Atsushi dreamed about. With rippling muscles and calloused hands Atsushi wanted to have stroking his fur.
He inadvertently purred just looking at him. He had to touch his head to make sure his cat ears and tail weren’t showing.
Zoro’s expression turned from one of annoyance to disgust. He’d learned long ago, with Atsushi, the best thing to do was just ignore him. His moony expressions, the drool, and the frequent cat ears and tail were just too gross for Zoro to handle.
At the same time, Chopper wheeled his wheelchair closer to the edge. He wished someone would edge him. He longed to be touched again, after so long. He had his 13 raisons ready. He loved raisins. Chopper had come to the field as he had heard the rumour of there being two recently-amputated deer legs somewhere on them, and if they were fresh enough Chopper was sure he would be able to stitch them onto those he was missing.
He came to a stop when he saw something he didn't think he would ever see. Zoro was laying, body spread languidly on the green grass that perfectly complimented his green hair, with one forearm shading his brow from the afternoon sun. If Chopper had sharingan eye, he would have been able to see that Zoro’s shirt had ridden up from his posture with two inches of beautifully tanned skin visible (all of which Atsushi was THOROUGHLY enjoying). Atsushi was standing before Zoro, rocking back and forth on his feet, grinning cutely with a light flush to his face.
Anger stiffened Chopper’s remaining two legs. How dare he! How dare he make a move on his mans! Everyone always assumed that just because Chopper wasn’t human, he didn't have sexual desires like other humans. They were all wrong! Chopper was all male reindeer, hot-blooded, and he knew what he wanted from a mans! He was tired of watching his green-haired beauty from afar!
Chopper whinnied in irritation. Atsushi was really getting under his fur.
This was the final straw (hat). He knew it was time to claim his territory.
Chopper threw all thirteen of his raisins to the ground. Chopper spawned into the situation, landing so his back wheels caught Atsushi’s toes.
The boi cried out in pain, tumbling backwards with tears glistening in his eyes.
“I, Chopper, would like to apply to be the suitor of you, Zoro.” Chopper tipped his head down and rolled his two back wheels back, stretching his front legs and bowing in front of Zoro. “WIll you please accept me as a humble lover and love me tenderly in the cold winter nights, love me deeply in spring, passionately in summer, and of course lovingly in autumn.”
Unbeknownst to both Chopper and Atsushi, Zoro was already asleep again.
“Get away!” Atsushi screamed shrilly, voice breaking. “Get away, get away, GET AWAY! He’s my mans!”
Chopper whinnied threateningly over his shoulder to Atsushi, baring his herbivore teeth. Did the little kitty want to fight? Chopper would have Zoro all day and night - he’d even invite Atsushi to watch. Zoro needed an animal like himself, someone with a firm body, so he knew it wouldn’t break from rough handling during lovemaking. Chopper could imagine how strenuous their lovemaking would be, spanning over hours and days under dull candlelight, heat sweltering between their bodies.
“NO!” Atsushi screamed. “NO NO NO!” the boy was very clearly throwing a tantrum. Atsuhsi hissed like a cat, but in human form it was less than threatening. Chopper looked down his nose at him. Thankfully the love of his life was still asleep or Chopper would be throwing hooves at the juvenile boy.
Belzanoff spawned into the situation. “I have a fabulous idea,” he floated between the pair like a ghost, “You should have a cage fight to decide who is the more fitting suitor. It is the only way to decide who deserves the man lain before us. I personally have my bets on Atsushi, he is of course a rael tiger.”
Just at that moment Sanji and Chuuya were floating around in the sky; Chuuya using his anti-gravity and Sanji using his leg thing. THAT leg thing. It was a trick they’d learnt in the Triwizard Tournament and ultimately used to help Yuki out of the maze, leading Shanks to have his mental episode.
Sanji lowered his bottle of red wine. “Chuuya, do you see that? It looks like there’s a fight about to happen, I imagine a cage fight. The pair are probably fighting for Zoro’s hand, I can't imagine it being anything else.”
Chuuya sighed. Being around others was so complicated - being with Sanji was simple. Sure, he wanted to see the cage fight, but he didn’t want to be stuck singing the background music for every Oxbridge event. Sure he loved singing, but it would be nice for his talents to be properly appreciated once in a while. Who decided that was his job, anyway? Disgostin. He hoped that when he decided to settle down, he’d find someone like Sanji.
The decision was unanimous: the pair HAD to get down to the field to see the cage fight - of course, not before they sent a message into the group chat spilling the tea.
Everyone was nothing if not supportive; a number of students messaged saying to ‘hold off the fight’ ‘they’ll be there ASAP’. Even the teachers messaged in their encouragement ‘sounds like fun!’ ‘don’t forget to send us a video!’ ‘wish we could watch’. Even Hawkeye sent in a thumbs up emoji. Victor, the latest addition to the chat, sent in a tongue emoji and a winky face.
Kakashi said nothing encouraging, instead instantly placing down a bet in Chopper’s name. Two separate betting pools began for the fight, primarily because the Oxbridge tutors were betting things worth millions (Shanks still had the Kohinoor diamond around; he’d been saving it for the right occasion). Kyoya bet his father’s company. Tamaki bet Haruhi (as her father, he could do so). Sanji bet his family’s fortune (they were, after all, royalty) and the Baratie. After a quick message asking everyone else to place their bets, Sanji turned to the fighting pair.
“Cage fight. This evening, in the corn field. We have to make sure the police don’t get involved.” Sanji and Chuuya had found the location in one of their sky-escapades: it was perfect. “Ten PM should be good. You two can spend today training and preparing.”
Chopper and Atsushi both nodded, staring each other down. Chopper whinnied menacingly, and Atsushi hissed like a cat in response.
Back in the Oxbridge building, Fukazawa felt his heart swell in pride at hearing the camaraderie between his students. He had to stare up to the ceiling to stop any tears that were coming. He found this entirely moving. He knew that his students would band together in these tough times, particularly when the whole world was set on tearing apart Oxbridge in its entirety. He knew this would be his happy memory whenever he needed to summon his patronus. He sent a quick message to Zoro:
Thx for taking one for the team, appreciate it.