Prison Breaketh
Dazai sat at his desk for his astrology lesson. He twirled his Salvation Army pen between his fingers, watching the scene before him. Today it was Kyoka’s turn to teach the class. Ever since the teachers had been imprisoned by the vile dictator Lord Goo, the pupils had been taking it in turns to act as the lecturer. Lesson plans had been provided of course. On the back of a Waitrose receipt, there was only one word: “Stars.” However the only student that had followed the plan provided by Shanks had been Kyoya, the others improvised, deciding to lecture on their own chosen subject. At that moment, Kyoka had projected her GTA high scores on the smartboard. This was in preparation for the pop quiz they were going to have, all on the various people Kyoka had ‘killed.’ Atsushi was on his third page of notes, writing vigorously. His fingers were a bloody, swollen mess, his pages marked with sweat, blood and other bodily fluids due to his strenuous writing.
Dazai sighed. This was not what he was paying for. He was expecting a teacher who napped all day, often came in late, drunk or hungover, not this. Not actually having to pay attention. He needed freedom to let his mind wonder. Usually he was planning his double suicide and thinking of potential candidates. Haruhi seemed sad enough today. But most importantly, where will he do it? And how? Jumping off a building, poison, or maybe even death by flamethrower? Baldroy might have been interested helping out with that last one, if only he was still alive and not slaughtered by the beast Pokkle.
His thoughts were interrupted by Kyoka’s piercing voice. “I hope you’re paying attention Mr Dazai, this test will be reflected in your final grade”.
Dazai twisted round to look at his confidant, Tamaki.
“We must get the professors back. We’ll break into the prison tonight!”
The English Lit students had merged with the Astrology students during trying Oxbridge times, what with limited teachers and all. Sakura stood passionately, uselessness submerging those in her proximity.
“Yes!’’ she screamed. The windows shattered. “Yes! We must get Kakashi-sensei back! Ahh!’’
At her monstorous yowls many eagles flew through the smashed and cracked windows, flakes of glass smattering over the students. Sasuke watched on, bored, while other students batted glass off their uniform angrily. Sakura looked at Sasuke with urgency, though he ignored her.
“Sasuke! Sasuke, you’ll help me, won’t you?’’
Sasuke yawned in response.
Sakura then looked towards Naruto bent over a hardback book, ‘Make Out Paradise’. His eyes were blown wide as they crawled over lines of text.
“Ah!’’ Sakura screamed. “Porn! Satan! No!’’ She started screaming a scream of mortal terror, running towards the window, and then launched herself out screaming, ‘’NOT TODAY, SATAN!’’ Naruto looked up when he heard the thump of her body falling, though he was quick to go back to the book he was reading.
Tamaki stood on the teacher’s desk, knocking the keyboard out of Kyoka’s hands. “Let us save the teachers!’’ he shouted, the background sparkling. A large eagle landed on his shoulder, cawing.
Kyoya took a picture of the grand, spine-tingling image and uploaded the imagery of his senpai onto the Host Club website.
Pup Luffy ran around, more energetic than ever, as the Host Club and the Armed Detective Agency discussed possible plans of action.
Kunikida stood up. “According to my ideal, the Armed Detective Agency should use their abilities to break them out. The Host Club can watch if they want."
This proposal was met by protests by the Host Club.
"How dare you. We are the superior men," the twins, Kaoru and Hikaru, shouted simultaneously.
Ranpo turned to Hikaru in shock “I didn’t know you existed in this fanfiction!"
Kunikida scoffed. "And what exactly are you going to do?"
Tamaki raced to their defence, the eagle cawing in agreement "We must use our natural talents. I will seduce the guards at the gate, and we’ll stroll into the prison like welcomed guests."
Haruhi frowned. "Aren’t the guards dementors?"
Tamaki smirked. "One kiss from me would wow them all, it doesn’t matter who they are or what species."
Mori nodded in agreement, Honey sitting on his shoulders.
Kyoya frowned. "I wouldn’t recommend kissing them, that is how they take your soul after all, you might as well make a deal with a demon. However,” he peered down at his clipboard, "it is within our budget to dress up as dementors, if that is to your liking King"
"Hm. I agree, we shouldn’t kiss them, but we should dress up! That’s a brilliant idea! That’s what we should do, I came up with it. That’s right, it was all me."
Atsushi nodded, "you did do a convincing Zoro."
Kunikida scowled. "That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard, I refuse to go along with this. Clearly we cannot come to an agreement. We’ll have to go our separate ways. Armed Detective Agency vs. the Host Club!"