To Mock A Killing Bird
Victor walked up to the witness box. Shanks, Hawkeye and Kakashi watched on, Shanks stifling his laughter behind his hand, Hawkeye struggling to keep a blank expression while Kakashi started up his phone and recorded Victor.
“I – I am key witness! I am not Pokkle. I was his teacher, yes, and I saw Pokkle – but I had nothing to do with it! I only taught him binman studies, nothing more! I never taught him how to kill people. I would NEVER do that. I’m innocent!
“We are clearly innocent! The overlap between the 8th moon of Sagittarius and the McDonald’s sign outside proves that the only thing we are guilty of is dining and dashing!”
Hawkeye snorted and Kakashi’s hand shook as he recorded his co-worker. “Man, he’s such a wimp,” Kakashi said to Hawkeye. Hawkeye tried to hide his face as he continued to laugh.
“He knows nothing about star signs,” Shanks said, looking on to the event. He seemed disappointed, but even his disappointment couldn’t hide his mirth. “This is almost as puree as Tamaki’s application.”
“Funnier than having Luffy as the lawyer.”
“Worth going to prison for.”
Kakashi and Hawkeye fistbumped as Victor trembled in the witness box.
“You know this is very immature,” Fukuzawa said from his seat. “Hardly helping the university’s reputation.”
“If you wanted the university to have a good reputation you shouldn’t have employed them,” Sasuke muttered, arms crossed.
Fukuzawa smirked.
Illumi, the replacement lawyer for the prosecution, stepped up to the stand once Victor stopped talking.
Illumi blew the cigarette smoke out into Victor’s face. Instead of grey smoke coming out, confetti showered the witness box. Kalluto rolled his eyes at his brother’s theatrics yet employed them for the bants.
“Tell me, jury, why is a defendant allowed to be a witness?”
The twelve brothers gasped. They just discovered their sister wasn’t into incest. Perhaps they would rather star in a Superlovers AU.
“Precisely,” Illumi said. “And tell me, did you, as a teacher at Oxbridge, ever inform the parents of the students who perished at the hands of not just Pokkle but also Shu and Light Turner?”
Atsushi winced, remembering the time Shu ate him (out).
Victor sweeted. He tried to gesture for help from the other teachers who pretended not to notice. The other teachers laughed more at his distress at that difficult question.
“I -I was never involved. I didn’t know.” Victor replied nervously.
“Our beautiful boy Tonpa died! And no one told us! We only realised when he didn’t come home for Christmas!” a mother yelled from the crowd of parents.
There was a disconcerting hubbub which, thankfully for the Oxbridge tutors, covered the sound of their snorting.
The doors slammed open.
Lord Goo entered, Sebastian coming through behind him. Lord Goo’s glass of champagne was on Sebastian’s tray, ready for drinking. Lord Goo adjusted his tie.
“Now this silliness has gone on for long enough. Frankly I don’t care if people died. The only unfortunate thing is that Doro’s favourite reality show, Brother’s Conflict, is disrupted by the airing of this court case. Sebastian, who do you think is guilty?”
Sebastian recalled his ex-master, Ciel, who had been killed by Pokkle’s brutality.
“Oxbridge,” Sebastian said resolutely.
“Oxbridge is announced guilty. A year in prison. Maybe two, if I can be bothered to feed them for that long.”
Lord Goo turned to leave the court room. The vile dictator had ruled. The teachers of Oxbridge would be going to prison for a year, perhaps two if Lord Goo could be bothered to feed them for that long.