MTVs Catfish- The Fanfiction
It hadn’t taken long to find Shinigrindr – a matchmaking site for shinigami. Neither of them had much experience in the women department – L didn’t have time for that, and Ranpo was too pure (he’d never even had alcohol)- so they’d had to enlist the help of Tamaki and Dazai to chat up a Shinigami called Rem into giving them all the information they needed. She’d told them all about the Death Note (“Death note? As in a notebook of death?” all four of them had said in unison.)
And then Dazai and Tamaki started to argue over who had been better at charming Rem and a strange situation developed with Dazai taking out a gun and threatening a ‘Kuma-chan'.
L had been eating a banana and dropped the banana peel on the floor. Akutagawa who was trying to crawl towards Dazai, slipped on the banana peel and skidded towards the wall. As he tried to steady himself, he tripped on a marble and went crashing through the glass window, screaming, “NOT TODAY, SATAN.”
While all this happened, Chuuya sat in the background, singing like always.
. . .
Light Turner arrived on the Oxbridge premises, holding his Nimbus tree tousand. A Quidditch match had been organised, and for Light, this was another opportunity to kill. Shu had said that when Light killed everyone he desired revenge on, they could be together. Light had always loved Shu. He’d found excuses to visit Oxbridge despite the university rivalry, just to see the janitor mop floors and clean toilets. He had been devastated when the 30 year old virgin died. How was he supposed to live out his dream of taking the older man’s virginity now? But then Shu had come back to him. Apparently he’d eaten a Life-Life devil fruit once so upon death, could come back to life.
Shu had a list of names of those he wanted dead. Usopp, for betraying him by falling for Light. Tonpa, for putting laxatives in his Fanta once. Yuri Katsuki, for being mentored by Victor, when all he wanted was for Victor to mentor him (in the bedroom that is). Kuranosuke for stealing Tsukimi, his first love, from him. Gon… well he just didn’t like Gon. And now he wanted to kill Shanks' bitch Luffy, make Shanks watch, and then kill Shanks. That hadn’t gone so well the first time, but he’d learnt from his mistakes. This time, he wouldn’t do it where chairs or cheeseboards were anywhere near, and he would use the dyslexic kid with a Death Note to do it.
Light's eyes scanned the grounds, trying to locate the Red-haired teacher. With his other victims, it was easy to recall their faces. With Shanks, however, he’d always been too busy staring at the straw hat– best fashion accessory he’d ever seen– to actually know what he looked like. Apparently imagining a straw hat wasn’t enough for the Death Note to work. He knew because he’d tried. Or maybe it hadn’t worked because he’d also spelt Shanks wrong… he needed to read a name wrong, then write it wrong, for the written name to be correct.
He finally spotted the professor talking to a guy so hot there were actual flames coming off of him. Shanks' bitch was with them, running around in a circle with the excessively stylish straw hat on her head. Light had never been so jealous of a dog before. He swallowed the envy and walked over to the two men, carefully taking in the handsome, out-of-his-league teacher’s face, and reading the name floating above his head.
“Ah you must be here for the Quidditch match,” said Shanks amicably. “It’s right over there in that inconspicuous den.”
His hand rested casually on his sword, and his eyes were hard. Light's knees buckled and he found it hard to stay standing. Light felt Light…-headed and it took everything he had to not collapse. He decided the only way to be able to kill the bitch and Shanks was to catch them off guard. As it was, he was fighting just to stay conscious. He dragged his feet along as he walked over to the den where the match was to be held.
“You barely used Haki but that guy still couldn’t stand being around you. Just how weak is he?” questioned Ace.
Shanks just shrugged. “I don’t like using Haki around the dog, so I wasn’t really consciously using any. So, yeah, weaker than Sakura,” he shook his head. “He would never make it as a pirate.”
“So… why did you name the bitch after Luffy?“ asked Ace of his uncle. Luffy was the fire-user's bungling kid brother.
“Because she likes to steal my hat as much as he does. I also liked the idea of having a dog with ‘Monkey' in its name.” Shanks answered.