A Life Without Light Is Dark
It was only when Light got to the doors of the small den that he started wondering why a match for an outdoor sport would be held in there, especially since the Oxbridge Quidditch grounds were the best nation-wide. Disregarding his suspicions, he walked in confidently. If he had been smarter, it would have been obvious it was a trap. But then again, it was because he was so lacking in the intellect department that no effort had gon into making the trap subtler.
What he found inside was a strange pretty boi sitting in an odd position, as well as who he recognised as Ranpo. He did a double take when he took a proper look at Ranpo. He was wearing the coolest pair of glasses that Light had ever seen. Red with pink hearts on them. In that moment, all Light wanted from lighf were those glasses. There were several big bowls of Smarties on the table. There was another figure in the shadows whose face Light couldn’t quite make out.
“Light Turner,” L held up a pink Smartie between his thumb and forefinger and popped it into his mouth. “Otherwise known as…. Kiwi”
Light wiped his sweety palms on his feet. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said, before whipping around and screeching. “Ryuk! Kill them! Kill them all now!”
“Well that pretty much confirms it,” said L. “Not that confirmation was needed. Now tell me, where is Shu?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Light’s voice was shaking as he looked around for an escape route. “I’m just a smol boi. I haven’t done anything wrong.”
It was just as he said that, that he reached over and snatched Ranpo’s too kool for skool glasses, knowing how helpless the pure lad was without them.
“Noooooooo,” wailed Ranpo, feeling his ultra deduction slipping out of his fingers the way sweat was slipping off of Light’s fingers and toes.
L decided now was the time. The time for candour. “You don’t need glasses. And you don’t need Smarties. You know why? Because you have no ability.”
It was the cruellest thing anyone had ever said to Ranpo. His ability was all he had, what was he without it? He scowled at L. “What do you know Rizuki? My ability is what keeps the Armed Detective Agency going, and it makes me the World’s greatest detective.”
“Ryuzaki! Actually you know what - just call me L. And yes you’ve said all that before. The world’s greatest thing is still false but that’s a debate for the fangirls. Just put glasses on, and think about your ability.” He pulled out a pair of glasses from his pocket and handed them to Ranpo, who took them with shaking fingers.
It was when he put them on that he knew. He knew it had all been a lie. He realised his ability was as non existent as the tiger following Atsushi. He felt as empty as Shu’s sex life when the implications hit him.
“Are you upset because I’m eating all the Smarties and there aren’t that many left?” asked L, catching Ranpo’s expression. “Here.” He pressed three green ones into Ranpo’s hand.
“No,” said Ranpo but he ate them anyway.
“I don’t have an ability either,” said L indifferently. “Being naturally smarter than everyone else is an ability of it’s own kind though.”
Ranpo’s eyes opened and he looked at L in wonder. If he didn’t have an ability… his ultra deduction worked all the time with no limitations!
“Thanks… friend,” he said.
L’s own eyes widened. “It seems I have gained yet another friend," He said to himself. “A second one. Yay, fun.”
L’s first friend was the shadowy figure with them in the room. The figure walked forward to Light who had tried to take advantage of the situation and attempted escape only to be thwarted by Chuuya, who had been singing in the corner (not that anyone noticed).
“I, Lelouch vi Brittania, command you,” the figure ordered, authority ringing in his voice, his geass activated, “reveal Shu’s location at once! Then walk straight out, talk to no one and kill y–“
“We’re not killing him, just throwing him in jail,” corrected L. “Sociopaths,” he muttered to himself. “There are none as bad as Light Yagami though. “
“Who?” everyone asked, but L ignored them.
“Talk to no one and turn yourself over to the police.” Lelouch commanded.
Light nodded. “Shu is outside, taking a leak in the bushes. “ He said before obediently turning around and leaving to go to the authorities.
“I’ll levitate him back to the university, and everyone there can decide through rock-paper-scissors who gets the kill,” offered Chuuya.
“Yeah you do that, Mr. Fancy Hat," said Ranpo
. . .
Somehow Leorio won rock paper scissors but was quite unsuccessful in killing Shu, so Shanks had to step in and kill the ex janitor all over again, with a quick slash of his least favourite sword.
Fukuzawa had thanked L and Ranpo with an all you can eat buffet of Smarties.
He’d also said they should call themselves the Boy Detectives Club but Ranpo had laughed at him and made immense fun of the name stating no detective book would ever have a detective agency with that stupid name, because it was so stupid.
Tamaki and Dazai competed to see who could pick up more girls.
Everyone puked on Kunikida's Ideal.
Shanks cancelled his Astrology lesson because his bitch stole his hat again.
Just like any other day at Oxbridge University.