The West and the Sun

*1996*

“Wise… men… say… only fools… rush… in…”

Elvis plays on the radio as Parvati and I lie next to each other on my bed.

“But I, can’t help…” I sing to Parvati, “falling in love, with you. She gazes back at me in wonder.

“You have a beautiful voice.”

“Why, thank you very much,” I reply playfully.

“No, I mean it. You should go on broadway or something.”

I shift to face her. “Parvati, I’m sorry again for being such a dolt to you.”

“I understand. Also, there’s no need to call me Parvati. You can call me Par.”

“Ok… Par.” The name fits perfectly in my mouth, like the sun and the moon, or the west and the sun; the sun sinks into the west. I am the west, and Par is the sun; she sinks into my arms gracefully, and I nuzzle her neck.

…

My mum’s coming today,” I tell Par as she lies in my arms. She lays her head on my abdomen, and I listen to her soft breathing. “I wonder what guy will be hanging off her arm this time.”

Par looks up at me. “Why don’t you just tell her that you need a permenant father figure in your life?”

I shrug from my position on my bed. “We’re just too different. It’d be bloody weird to talk about that kind of thing with her.”

“But she’s your mum,” Par argues, her beautiful eyes locking with mine. I can’t resist them.

I sigh. “Not even you could make me do something so hard,” I mutter. “We just don’t talk like that. It’s all pretend, you realize. She only pretends to care about me.”

“That can’t be true; she always wants to get you things, you just don’t want them.”

I scoff. “Yeah, like cookies are the same thing as love and affection. But I don’t even need that from her; I have you now.”

Par bites her bottom lip and makes puppy dog eyes. “I do give you love and affection, don’t I?”

“You do, yes.”

‘Well,” Par says with a mischievous glint in her eyes, “Would you like some more?”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t even know how that’s possib--”

Par cuts me off by leaning forward and kissing me deeply. I instantly give in, wrapping my arms around the arch of her back as she leans into me. I can feel our breasts meshed together, which gives me the happily little tingling down by my clit. I move my hips slowly as Par traces her lips in circles around my neck, like a bird getting ready to catch his prey. I tilt my head against the thin hospital mattress and bring my arms between our bodies, feeling the outline of Par’s hard nipples in between my fingers.

Par lets out a soft moan as I squeeze my finger together, and she sucks on a spot near my collarbone, causing me to close my eyes. I let Par take over, praying that Sprout won’t come in to see two patients trying to get off on a bed. Par makes her way down my body, snaking her hands behind my back and unting my hospital gown.

“Is this ok?” she whispers against the top of my breasts.

“Yes,” I breathe back, almost inaudible due to the anticipation seeping through my veins, cutting off my will to speak.

Par strips from me, careful to not get it tangled with my IV cords. I only have panties and socks on now, and I curl up in embarrassment. Par draws back immediately, a look of concern sketched on her face. “Is everything ok?” she asks. “There’s no need to be ashamed. You look beautiful.”

I can feel a flush creeping up my neck. “I-- Just-- This is a cancer body,” I finally stammer, focusing on the cabinets nailed in behind Par.

Par shrugs. “And you don’t think I have cancer?” she asks jokingly.

Now it’s my turn to shrug. “I’ve had it longer than you.”

Par purses her lips. “Would you like to see me too?” she asks. Slowly, I nod, ready to analyze every inch of her perfect body and then criticize my own. Par unties her gown and throws it to the side. She wears panties, and my eyes are immediately drawn to the IV sticking out of her port. I glance away a second later, feeling ashamed in a way I’ve never felt before.

“I get it,” Par says. “You’ve always hated being labeled by cancer, but when you look at me, that’s the first thing you think of, isn’t it?”

I shake my head. “No, I was just admiring how beautiful you are,” I half lie.

Par sighs. ‘Well, you’re not a hypocrite,” she continues. “I do the same thing. It bloody sucks, but it’s society’s fault. My philosophy is: when there's a problem ion life, never hesitate to blame it on society.”

“You’re damn right,” I chuckle. I begin to uncurl myself from the covers. “I’m ready,” I say, the familiar tingle back.

Par tilts her head back and laughs. “God, this is so cliche.”

I burst out laughing, and Parvati lowers herself onto me. “Is this ok?” she asks when I settle down.

“Yeah,” I whisper, and we both collapse into a sea full of pleasure.

…

Sex, I decide, will be a marvelous thing. When Par and I get to that point in our relationship, that is (we’re dating! Haven’t you heard?). For now, I’m at a total bliss as Par furiously rubs her fingers up and down my clit. I buck my hips, knowing from p[revious experience of my state. I groan as she sucks on my nipples, as she traces my face with her hand like she can’t get enough of it, as she makes love to me. I finally understand the term, after reading the once ugly phrase in a book every so often. Making Love, that’s what Par and I are doing right now. Well, obviously, not completely, but I still feel a connection between us. It’s pulling us closer and closer together, and bloody god I’m cliche, but I suppose Par’s rubbing off on me (figuratively and literally, both of which I absolutely love). I’m close and a burn rushes through my body, but it’s not like all the other times I’ve finished. I inhale sharply and squeeze my eyes shut as Par rubs me through my orgasm, which is thankfully long, slow, and possibly the best one I’ve ever had.

When I finish, Par is looking at me, puzzled. ‘You didn’t jizz,” she says. “I mean, not that that’s a bad thing, which it’s not, I just thought there would be.”

I shrug, no longer embarrassed. “I usually don’t,” I say.

“Ok,” Par says, and that’s the end of that. She gives me a quick kiss, which turns into a long kiss, which turns into an even longer snog, and then she leaves to go wash her hands in the loo. I sigh and, after I’ve put my gown back on, I lie back on my bed with a stupid smile on my face.

I’d really like to do that again, I decide.

…

Knock, knock.

I open my eyes from my awkward position on Par’s bed, and rush to mine when I see my mum at the door. She has a different man behind her, of course.

Mum walks over to my bed, and kisses the top of my head. I fake a grin as she hugs me. It’s good to see you,” she says. She glances behind her at the man waiting by the door. “Have you met Noah yet?” I nod my head, and out of the corner of my eyes, I can see Par look down at her lap, because she knows I’m lying.

“How ‘bout you introduce me to your new roommate?” Mum whispers, gesturing to Par, who’s pretending to read a book instead of openly eavesdropping.

I roll my eyes. “Mum, you saw her last time you were here?”

“Gosh, did I?” Mum places a hand on her heart. “I must've forgotten, I’m dreadfully sorry.” Suddenly, she turns to Par, who looks up.

“I’m Parvati,” the latter announces, sticking a hand out to my mum. She takes it carefully. “I’m Lavender’s girlfr--”

”Good friend,” I interrupt, glancing awkwardly between the two women. “Par is my good friend.”

“Well, that’s just lovely,” Mum gushes, clearly pleased that I’ve finally made a friend besides a record album.

The man standing in the door clears his throat. I feel a sense of déjà vu rush over me, and my head suddenly feels light.

Mum looks back at him.

“Mum, you can go if you want.”

“I’ve only been here a few minutes, though…”

“Mum. You clearly want to go. I’ll see you next week. Have fun.”

Mum smiles gratefully at me in return. “I’ll bring you back something nice,” she says.

“I’m sure you will,” I reply, even though I know she won’t.

“What would you like?”

“Surprise me.”

Mum gives a strained smile. “I’ll see you soon, Lavie,” she calls as she walks out the door with Nathan or somebody. I’ve already forgotten his name, but it’s not as if I’ll ever have to remember it again.

As soon as Mum is out the door, Par gives a huff.

“What?” I ask.

I get no response.