June 10 1972
Sirius is coming home today. I have gone from anger about him not writing to me to just sadness. We are brothers and that’s supposed to mean something, right? It should mean at the very least you don’t spend half a year not exchanging a single word.
I didn’t do anything wrong and yet here I am stewing and questioning what I could have possibly done to deserve any of this. I fear that this summer will consist of him ignoring me and acting better than me. I thought that I would at least have a little longer with my brother before we eventually separated into our own futures, a little while longer before he began to hate me for being unable to do what he has been able to do for his entire life.
His ability to disobey our parents without a second thought has always and will always astound me. I could never do that considering the discipline used by our mother. I know that he thinks that I strive to gain our parents love, but I know that that is not something that anyone will ever gain and yet I still obey out of fear because at the end of the day Sirius is a Gryffindor and will stand for what he believes and I will be a Slytherin concerned for what is in my best interest even if it means ignoring what is morally correct.
My only comfort in all of this is that no matter what I know that Sirius would never physically harm me, I know that he loves me despite what will eventually cause a rift between us. Hopefully I will forever be able to keep that one piece of information as a solace in what is truly inevitable.
-RAB