Something Intriguingly Stupid Has Occurred
A young Harry Potter, or “Boy”, as was more common, sat alone during a rare moment of reprieve in his Aunt’s garden. He had finished with the weeding much earlier than would be expected. The weather had been hot and dry, which stunted any newly sprouted weeds. Aunt Petunia wouldn't know to assign a new chore until a short while later.
He plucked at the grass and twirled it between his thumb and forefinger, watching it spin faster than his eyes could catch. He giggled to himself, looking through the blur at the now green-tinted world.
A long shadow rose up to his left behind his head’s own shadow.
Harry at first looked forward before remembering that shadows’ owners would be behind him. He turned happily to see what might have joined him but gasped at the sight.
It was a massive snake. A constrictor, if his shaky knowledge of snakes held true. Its head was periscoping high above his own. He scrambled backward, but the snake quickly matched this by lurching forward and letting out a terrifying hiss. Harry then noticed with a flash of panic that he was probably small enough to be swallowed whole.
« PLEASE DON’T EAT ME! » Harry begged the snake, curling on the ground and cowering.
« What’s this? A speaker? Among muggles? » the snake spoke, slit pupils suddenly widening to ovals.
Harry was now very confused. Snakes, to his knowledge, didn't usually speak.
« Did you just talk? » he asked timidly.
The snake shook its heavy head up and down, « But of course, little morsel. We snakes speak much more efficiently than you humans. You are smart to speak like us, » the snake began to circle him, « But it will not save you, as I haven't had a meal in a month. I am Nagini, Queen of Snakes, and you have met your doom. »
She had, apparently, tied him up with her body as she spoke. Harry whimpered as the snake flickered her tongue quickly in anticipation of her meal and opened her jaws. Backward-facing fangs glimmered in the light, promising no escape once locked.
But then she froze and pulled her head back.
She hissed curiously, « You smell of my Master. Why is that so? »
Harry had no idea what that meant. Was she a pet, then? But why would he smell like her owner? Nobody he knew had a pet snake.
Nagini apparently noticed his confusion and clarified, « Of his magic, not of his scent. »
Though, this was hardly clarification, as Harry was now even more confused. Was magic real? But of course, it must be if snakes could talk, right? Did that mean that his freakish behavior had an explanation? Was it really magic all along?
« No matter, you obviously don't know any more than I. However, this means I cannot eat you, » the snake hung her head dejectedly.
Her coils tightened around him alarmingly. Harry’s breathing sped up yet again, wondering what she might be thinking.
He wriggled and asked, « If you won't eat me, can you let me go? »
She put her hulking head right up to his face, staring into his eyes. He shivered under her reptilian gaze.
« Of course not. I must protect you for my Master, » Nagini began to slither toward the fence, « You are to come with me. »
His fear spiked at this. He couldn't leave! His aunt and uncle would kill him!
« And now you stink of fear. Do stop that, » she shook her head at the apparent irritant.
She scaled the fence with very little difficulty, dragging him along with her. A splinter caught in his leg, making him yelp. Was she just going to drag him along the roads through town? Surely someone would notice, right?
Nagini took care to lower him to the ground gentler than she had her own head, which had slapped to the sidewalk carelessly. By this point, Harry had given up the futile struggling and was instead limply hanging from the lifted coil in her middle.
Harry now sat frozen in a patch of forest with a snake coiled before him.
« Come, hatchling. You will be my snakelet. I’ll protect you and teach you until my Master returns, » she hissed, sides expanding in apparent pride.
It appeared that he had no choice in the matter. The snake kept a watchful eye on him and a coil looped around him at all times. There was no escaping her. And was it really all that bad? She already seemed loads better than his relatives.
Harry allowed her to tug him deeper into the woods, « I’m not a hatchling! I’m not from an egg! »
Nagini seemed surprised and disgusted by this. She gave him a look of impersonal contempt that only a snake could master.
« Don’t tell me you’re like rodents? That’s repulsive! » she told him.
Harry felt mildly insulted behind the main emotion of utter confusion that he was feeling.
« Humans aren't mice, we're just warm-blooded. They don't lay eggs, » Harry told her matter-of-factly.
The snake dubiously cocked her head and rebutted, « What of those platypus creatures? Are they not warm-blooded? »
Harry had heard of them, but wasn't really sure what they were. And he certainly didn't know that they laid eggs. He just shrugged helplessly at Nagini, who exhaled deeply in victory.
« How do you know for certain that you weren't hatched? You do, after all, speak the noble language of serpents without being a descendant of the great Salazar. Perhaps you were born a snake and cursed to be a human, » she suggested, leaning toward him to scent his skin as if perhaps she could smell his past snake self deep below.
Was that a real thing that could happen? Harry thought about it. He didn't ever remember being a snake, but maybe it was so long ago that he forgot. Or maybe he was only a snake as a baby. However, human parents couldn't have a snake baby from what Harry remembered.
« But my parents were humans, » he reasoned, feeling pretty confident that he was right.
Nagini huffed, « Had you ever seen them? What if those horrid muggles you lived with lied to you and turned you into a human? Muggles are disgusting that way. »
It was true, his relatives were horrid. Though, he wasn't sure what the word ‘muggle’ meant. It seemed suitably mean enough for them.
He didn't doubt that they would have forced him to be human as a baby snake just because they hated him. If his aunt’s sister married a snake, he was certain that Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia would call it freakish. And then subsequently call him freakish for being a snake, too.
Harry was now furious. Nagini was right! It was far better to be a snake, and his relatives forced him to be a human boy so that he would have to do all of their chores with his new hands!
« Nagini! I think you're right! They must have wanted me to be a human so I could do their chores! What do I do?! » He said, panicking.
She nuzzled his cheek with her massive head, « Don't worry, little one. We can fix it. You’re a magical snake, so you can just use magic to go back. »
He gazed at her in awe. Nagini knew everything. She was very cool and very nice to take care of him instead of his relatives. Without her, he never would have known that he was actually a snake.
Harry asked, « Are you magical? »
She nodded, « I am. I am a python, yes? We have no venom naturally, as our bodies are strong enough to crush our prey. But I have venom enough to kill hundreds! »
Harry was suddenly very glad that Nagini didn't want to eat him anymore. In fact, now she would protect him with her dangerous bite.
« Wow! How can I use my magic to see what snake I am? » he asked excitedly.
The snake looked at him in concentration. She circled him a few times, tongue flickering at him. She then nodded to herself.
« I’m certain that your body remembers that it should be a snake. You should only need to imagine yourself as a snake again to go back. I will help you, » she hissed, « First, lie on the ground. »
He did so, puzzled.
« Why am I on the ground? » he questioned, trying to keep leaves out of his mouth.
« Because snakes slither that way. It will help you remember how to slither. Next, you must close your eyes and imagine yourself on a warm rock in the hot sun. Feel how the light fills your body with heat and gives you energy. Your scales are like little warm pebbles on your back, absorbing the light into you, » Nagini described.
Eyes closed, Harry did feel as though he was a snake with Nagini’s detailed descriptors. He could see himself, a little snake, sunning on a flat rock. He could see his scales glittering in the sunlight. He could feel the warmth on his skin, no, scales. He flickered his tongue, catching the scent of a mouse. Oh, Nagini was here, too.
« Hi, Nagini. Sorry I fell asleep. It's cool that you can be in my dreams, though, » he hissed bashfully.
Nagini looked at him in amusement, « You aren't asleep, my snakelet. You're a snake again. You did it. »
He did it? He really did it? Harry shot his head up to look at the rest of his body. Unfortunately, he was unused to controlling the new body and toppled over backward, writhing to get back upright again. The lack of arms was strange.
Nagini hissed out a laugh before coming to his rescue. She nudged him onto his belly again with her blunt snout.
« Thanks, » he said, slowly trying to curl up like she was, « Do you know what type of snake I am? »
A pause.
She inspected him before sighing, « No, I have never seen a snake like you. I wonder if you have venom like I? »
He supposed he could try it out on that mouse from earlier. He was rather hungry, and his instincts were telling him more or less how to catch it.
Harry began to slither forward. Just slowly at first, of course, to get a feel for how to propel himself forward. He quickly figured it out and took to tasting the air for the mouse’s location. He glided closer to the scent, tongue flickering rapidly. What a strange feeling.
It was shuffling through the leaf litter below a log. He slowed to a crawl, inching forward silently. His body bent into a tense s-shape, then held. The mouse stood and glanced around before bending down again into the leaves.
Harry struck. His body went flying forward… and past the mouse. It scrabbled at the ground to get away as he whipped around to try again. This time, his extended fangs nicked the mouse’s side. It took off into the woods, squeaking frantically.
Well, that wasn't very dignified. Harry curled up in embarrassment.
« Don't be upset, that was perfect for testing for venom, » Nagini reminded him, « It wouldn't have answered our questions to kill it immediately. »
It was true, he conceded. Nagini was always right about everything. He turned to look at her and noticed something interesting: he could see quite well now. Everything had a crisp edge, rather than being all fuzzy. Though, colors seemed a bit weird. They were muted and something was wrong with how tree bark looked.
He still smelled the mouse and decided to follow it. He twined in between small shrubs to get deeper into the forest, hearing, or rather… feeling, Nagini behind him. Her body simply pushed through the same plants Harry had to navigate through.
There, splayed across a rock, was the mouse. It was very clearly dead or close to it. Harry would have blinked in surprise if he’d had eyelids.
Nagini arrived upon the scene shortly after. She approached the mouse and poked it with her tail tip. It didn't move.
« Well, » she began, « I think that proves that you have venom. »
Harry had to agree. If a little nick could kill a mouse so fast, he must have very strong venom. He was also still hungry. The mouse looked simultaneously both extremely appetizing and disgusting. He tilted his head at it, trying to figure out how to eat it.
He opened his mouth to try to get its back down his throat but got interrupted by the tail. He gagged slightly and backed away, sizing it up again.
Nagini suggested, « Start with the head. »
He did so. The whole ordeal was very uncomfortable and decidedly much better as a human. However, mice tasted amazing now, which was an upside.
« The same principles apply to humans when eating them. However, they're more dangerous than mice. Especially wizards. We may be magical, but so are they, » she lectured, swiveling around in front of him.
Harry didn't think he ever wanted to try eating a human, having been one for years. Especially not dangerous ones with magic. He hissed out an uncertain sound.
Nagini considered him, « Well, you might not ever be large enough to attempt that. Perhaps it is for the best, snakelet. »
He nodded. He caught sight of gleaming scales again and marveled at his snake-self. How could he have forgotten how good it was to be a snake?
« Nagini? » Harry asked to get her attention.
The constrictor lowered her head to his level, « Yes, little one? »
« What do I look like? » he questioned, still trying to get proper glimpses of his body.
Her gaze roved over him for a moment. He watched expectantly, wiggling in anticipation.
« You are a silver grey that shimmers in the sun. Your belly is white and your snout is sharp. Your mouth and eyes are as black as the night. You are built for speed, I think. You aren't a constrictor like me, » she helpfully told him.
This description still rang no bells. Oh well. He was finally back to normal. All of this explained so much.
Nagini nuzzled the top of his head, « I think I will call you Death Mouth. A traditional snake name fits you, snakelet. »
Dumbledore massaged his temple and exhaled lengthily. He sat at his desk, one elbow on the surface and the other attached to the arm currently reaching for a lemon drop.
“Are you alright, Albus?” McGonagall asked him, worried by this.
She was originally discussing arrangements for a new club with Dumbledore. Now, she was only sitting in silence while watching the Headmaster look disgruntled.
He unwrapped the drop and put it in his mouth before replying, “I think so, Minerva, but I can't help but feel that something terribly strange has just occurred.
McGonagall raised an eyebrow, “Strange? How so?”
Dumbledore slid a piece of parchment away from him with two fingers to an empty section of the desk. He looked up at the Gryffindor Head of House worriedly.
“I wish I could say,” he sighed, feeling a sinking drop in his stomach. And it certainly wasn't a lemon drop.