Voldy's worst nightmare
"Hermione, wake up!"
Hermione forced her eyes open. The room was dark, and she couldn't see the figure that was making her mattress bounce vigorously. No light shone through the curtains.
"Harry, stop shaking me." She demanded, sitting up and glaring at the over-excited teen sat at the end of her bed, practically vibrating with excitement.
"But we're going to miss it!" Hermione shot out of bed, panic in her eyes.
"The train? But I set my alarm specifically so that wouldn't happen! Oh, McGonagall is going to- " Hermione did a double take, staring at her clock in disbelief. Harry grinned sheepishly.
"Harry James Potter, why did you wake me up at four in the morning?" Hermione growled.
Harry smiled innocently. "Because it's snowing and I want to make a snow fort before we have to leave for school?" Hermione pulled the curtains open. Despite the darkness and her growing annoyance she couldn't help but smile at the white wonderland that had seemingly appeared overnight.
Harry flicked the lights on. Hermione covered her eyes, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness.
"You've done it now." She said to Harry, gesturing with her hand to Ginny, who very much took after Ron when it came to waking up in the morning.
Ginny rolled over and scowled. "What time is it?" She asked, yawning. "And turn the light off before I kill you, Hermione!"
"It wasn't me!" Hermione said indignantly. "It was Harry!"
"What's Harry doing in here? What time is it?" She asked again, glaring at the pair of them. Hermione bristled, annoyed she was getting partial blame.
"Time to get up and play in the snow!" Harry exclaimed, stealing the covers off of both beds and leaving the room. "Meet you downstairs in five minutes!" Ginny spotted the clock and punched her pillow. Hard. Hermione left quickly, not wanting to face the girl's ire.
Despite her fury, Ginny met Harry, Hermione and Ron downstairs and Harry found himself at the mercy of three furious teenagers who just wanted to go back to bed. After they eventually got bored of hitting him with snowballs, they began working on the snow fort. Half way through, Harry vanished again, only to appear with a very grumpy Remus and a bright eyed Sirius.
"It's five thirty in the morning, I'm going back to bed." Remus grouched. Sirius waved his wand and the door shut and locked itself. Remus unlocked it with his own wand but the door didn't budge.
"Kreacher won't let you leave until you help us with our snow fort." Harry said cheerfully. Remus sighed and joined Harry, Hermione and Ginny. Ron was too busy throwing snowballs for Sirius to try and catch in his mouth whilst in dog form.
The twins joined them at seven, and Molly called them all in for breakfast at nine. By that time, the snow fort was pretty much a snow cottage, with a bedroom, living room and a broom cupboard for some reason.
"Nostalgia." Harry said, which apparently no one else found funny as they stared at him disbelief. "What? I know you think my cupboard was awful, and it was, but it was still my home for like ten years." He defended.
By eleven, it was time to go back to Hogwarts. Harry was sad to be leaving again.
"Is it too late to go to America after all?" Harry whispered to Sirius, who shrugged.
"Say the word and I'll come get you from Hogwarts, no matter what Dumbles says." Sirius whispered back, knowing Harry would never do that to his friends. However, maybe for one weekend...
Once back at the castle, Ginny and Harry tracked down Daphne and Luna and the four didn't leave the kitchen all weekend. In fact, none of them showed up in classes until double Potions on Monday afternoon.
"Professor, look! We did it!" Harry said excitedly as he and Daphne worked together to levitate their creation into the classroom.
Snape rolled his eyes. Harry ignored him. "It's a gingerbread Hogwarts, measured meticulously and decorated delicately." Harry explained, even though no one asked. "I even made a gingerbread Snape to go with it." Harry handed his professor a gingerbread man, decorated in such a way that matched Snape almost perfectly, robes, hair, and even displeased scowl.
Severus put it on his desk without a word, simply said. "Detention Potter, Greengrass." and continued teaching.
Colin found Harry the next day and returned his invisibility cloak, along with a picture of Snape eating his gingerbread counterpart whilst marking essays. Harry smirked triumphantly. Snape was mellowing.
~
Not even a week passed before the HA had their first meeting since Christmas.
Since only Harry had ever cast a corporeal patronus he led the meeting himself, Cedric joining in with the learning.
"The memory has to be happy. But not like, basic level happy. It needs to be the sort of memory that has you curled up on the floor laughing, that has your heart so full it could burst. The more personal and sentimental it is to you, the stronger it is." Harry explained, whilst his stag patrolled the room. "And then, once you all master the charm, I'll teach you how to put a glamour on it. The Minister loved my ostrich patronus when he tried to expel me during the summer!"
"The Minister tried to what?" Ernie asked.
"Expel me." Harry sighed sadly. "I don't like to talk about it, it reminds me of what I missed out on."
"Almost missed out on." Hannah corrected. "You are still here after all."
"Exactly." Harry wiped a tear from his eye.
"What do you mean, exactly? Actually, don't answer that, I don't want to know." Cho said. Harry shut his mouth, looking disappointed. Ron laughed. "So, what's the incantation?"
"Expecto Patronum. And the wand movement goes like this." Harry waved his wand and his stag patronus did a lap of the room before stopping in front of him with a tilted head.
"Oh, you can send messages too!" Harry realised. "Er, go and find Lucius Malfoy. Lucy, you're a thief and I will get my revenge! Mwahahaha!" Draco went very, very pale.
"Harry, why would you do that? You know who their current guests are!" He hissed. Harry shrugged.
"Oh yeah! Tell Voldy that there is a new nose shop being built in Diagon Alley should he change his mind and want one!"
"Harry, please stop making the target on your back bigger." Hermione groaned, just as Draco shot a stinging hex at him.
"Ow! Sorry, sorry!" He held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, now you all give it a try. Remember, happy memories!"
Harry meandered around the room, correcting and giving tips.
By the end of the meeting, no one had managed a corporeal patronus yet, but Harry promised they would keep practicing for as long as it took.
"Good work everyone! See you next week!"
~
Voldemort was having a rubbish resurrection.
First of all, he had returned looking far less handsome than before. Then he had been teased by a foolish teenage boy, who had escaped his grasp for the fourth time, and most of his loyal followers were still in Azkaban. Lucius was much less enthusiastic than his younger self, Narcissa was barely seen, the Malfoy child hadn't been home in months, and the other death eaters not in Azkaban where all such whingebags. Especially Pettigrew.
He wished Severus wasn't stuck at that stupid school. He was the only one that Voldemort could tolerate for longer than five minutes.
He also had one very big problem. Potter.
The boy seemed to have no sense of survival. Well, no sense at all. The child had been quite a pain in the backside all summer. Severus had mentioned the child had gone a bit wild, but he hadn't mentioned the Order knowing about the months of torment Voldemort had been receiving from the boy. He hadn't told Severus either. Yes, better keep that to himself for now, lest the Potter boy let it get to his head.
Howlers singing children's songs arriving late at night (thank goodness for silencing wards), gnomes seemingly appearing from nowhere, angry letters from some random wizard called Gilbert who seemed to think Voldemort was responsible for releasing his "babies". Voldemort had no idea what the fool was on about, but some of the letters mentioned Potter, so he knew it had something to do with the boy. Gilbert or whatever his name was had also been sending letters to Lucius, long rants about stealing peacocks.
But the worst thing Voldemort had to deal with was the Potter boy's patronus.
The stag, although sometimes an ostrich, and sometimes a frog, appeared at least three times a week.
"Hey Voldy! Just wanted to remind you that I killed you when I was a baby. In case you'd forgotten of course."
"Heyyyyy, Tommy boy! You'll never guess what happened. A dementor tried to steal my cousin's soul! I almost got arrested for it, but I wasn't even there! And they didn't even expel me! The nerve!"
"Riddle, riddle me this. What can you catch but never throw? A cold!" Then, the patronus had sneezed. Sneezed!
Those were only a few. By some stroke of luck, they never appeared when Voldemort was in the company of his followers. Until today, that was.
He had begun making plans to break his followers out of Azkaban. In fact, in the current deatheater meeting, it was the main topic of conversation. Until out of nowhere, the stag appeared in a flash of white light. He saw Severus' lip curl in fury and his eyebrows raise in surprise. Yes, he had forgotten how much Severus despised the boy.
To Voldemort's surprise, the patronus stopped by Lucius first.
"Lucy, you're a thief and I will get my revenge. Mwahahahaha!"
Lucius blinked. Voldemort pinched his forehead.
"...And tell Voldy that there is a new nose shop opening in Diagon Alley should he change his mind and want one!"
"POTTER!" Voldemort screeched. "That's it! I don't care anymore, no more planning. We go to Azkaban tonight! Severus, return to Hogwarts and find a reason to punish that brat!"
"Yes my Lord."
On the way to Azkaban, Voldemort felt something in his brain. It felt a bit like a door being unlocked.
"HEY VOLDY! Turns out we are connected telepathically! How cool is that! Now I can tell you about the Dursleys!"
Voldemort sent a message to Severus through the dark mark.
For some reason, Occlumency did not block the incessant chatter inside his head. When he tried to read the boy's thoughts through whatever link this was, he found only images of yellow ducks dressed like Death Eaters.
He needed to kill the boy, and soon.
~
"POTTER! With me, now!" Severus grabbed the child by the arm and dragged him to the headmaster's office.
"No no no please, anywhere but here!" Potter begged. Severus shoved him in and Potter stumbled slightly. Severus pushed him into a chair.
"Ah, Severus, Harry, what can I do for you?"
"Potter has been sending patronuses to the Dark Lord, Headmaster. I also just received a message from the Dark Lord claiming that the two can speak telepathically."
Potter gasped. "That was confidential! Expecto Patronum! Voldy, I can't believe you sold me out like that! Not cool."
Dumbledore looked very, very grave.
"Harry, what are you doing is dangerous." He warned. "If you let Voldemort into your head, he could possess you, or gain information he could use to help him win the oncoming war."
"No he can't." Potter said, swinging his legs.
"Severus, I trust you remember my instruction to teach Harry occlumency?" Severus scowled, and opened his mouth to protest, but Potter got there first.
"I don't need teaching. I already know how." He said. "Go on Headmaster, try and break into my head!"
Dumbledore shook his head, still not meeting Harry's eyes. Wow, Luna had been right, then. Dumbles really thought Voldemort could take control of Harry.
"Severus, if you would." Snape raised his wand and met Harry's confident gaze.
"Legilimens." He said monotonously. For a few seconds no one moved, and then Snape stumbled backwards slightly with a small frown.
"Well?" Dumbledore asked.
"I got an.... image..... and found myself tossed from Harry's thought-scape rather quickly." Snape sounded surprised. Harry grinned. Snape was the best Legilimens in the country, and the best at occlumency. Better than Dumbledore and Voldemort. Draco had told him, so it must be true, because Draco was a terrible liar. But Harry had been controlling his thoughts and suppressing emotions for years having lived with the Dursleys, and Draco had been teaching them all the intricacies during the summer. Also, Harry was insane. The insane mind is hard to break into, Moody told him. Well, Fake-Moody, but still! Fake-Moody was pretty insane, so he should know.
"An image of what?" Snape refused to answer. Harry helped him.
"Rubber ducks." He said innocently. "Dressed as Hogwarts professors! Can I go now?"
"If you swear to me that you will never use this connection with Voldemort again?" Dumbledore still looked very upset. Harry sighed heavily.
"I pinkie swear." He didn't hold his pinkie up or link it with Dumbledore's, so it wasn't legally binding, and he skipped out of the office. Oh, how he'd missed skipping! It was almost as good as quidditch!
"Severus?" Dumbledore asked, as soon as the door to his office swung closed behind Potter. "Keep trying to break into his mind, will you?"
Severus nodded.
He tried to during potions. He saw three pigs in muggle clothes and was tossed back out again. He tried to in the great hall and saw several dancing frogs holding hands and meowing. He tried again in the corridors and he saw several lions with ginger wigs on their heads.
Voldemort's fury at not being able to break into the child's mind, even when Harry was asleep, gave Severus the reassurance he needed. It also made him wonder- how had Potter been having the dreams about the corridor if not from Voldemort himself, or accidental connection?
The only conclusion was Potter had somehow managed to break into Voldemort's mind, not the other way around.
Severus shuddered. If Potter wasn't quite so good-hearted, his insanity would make him a formidable dark lord. Then he shuddered again, because he'd complimented the brat.