Crazy Mr Crouch
"Hey, Daphne?"
"What now, Potter? I'm trying to study here!" She reached for the jug of pumpkin juice in the middle of the table and poured herself a glass.
"..... I snogged a dementor." Daphne's pumpkin juice shot out of her mouth and straight into Neville's face.
"Excuse me?" She said, after she'd finished coughing.
Harry shuddered. "It wasn't very nice. Their faces are very slimy. Well, mouth. It didn't really have a face. Do you think dementors use the toilet?"
Daphne sighed. "I don't know Harry. I assume not, since the emotions they feed off aren't exactly a physical object like normal food is."
"What are we talking about?" Ginny asked, plonking herself down next to Harry.
"Whether dementors use the toilet or not." Neville responded, still wiping his face. "Harry snogged one, did you know that?"
"I did, actually. He told me during a game of truth or dare when I asked who his first kiss was."
Daphne laughed at that.
"Hey! That was a secret. Minus 10 points." Harry said, pouting.
It had only been about a week since the second task. Overall, nothing major had happened. Harry had been up to his usual antics, decorating the corridors with bunting made out of turnips with Luna, singing Christmas carols at 3 am outside Snapes' sleeping quarters in an eerie voice under his invisibility cloak (Snape honestly thought it was the bloody baron), and of course, having lots of fun in divination.
"Professor." Harry had said to Trelawney only a few hours ago. "I had another dream last night!"
"Oh, marvellous! Enlighten us, dear boy! Your third eye is opening!" Ron sniggered.
"Well, I was sat on a chair-" Harry started.
"Where?" Trelawney asked.
"On the chair." Harry said, the "duh" was silent.
"Yes, but where was the chair?"
"Oh! It was....on the ground." Harry nodded, looking pleased with himself.
"Yes, but where on the ground?" She pressed on.
"On the chair! I told you that already!" Harry exclaimed.
"I mean where were you, child? What location were you in?" She said, sounding mildly irritated.
"Erm, I could be wrong, but I think it was somewhere on planet Earth." Harry said solemnly. "Anyway, the chair suddenly grew wings, and we flew somewhere."
"Where?"
"Somewhere. It's a beautiful country, you should definitely go there!"
Trelawney chose to ignore him. "And then what happened?" She asked.
"I saw a bumblebee chasing a frog. They were both being chased by a cat. The frog was bright pink, and the bumblebee had a beard." Harry rubbed his chin, and shuddered.
"What happened next?" Ron asked, leaning forwards on his elbows, looking completely engrossed. "I'm on the edge of my seat here!" (He was, in fact, on the edge of his seat. He did, in fact, fall off.)
"Then Hermione whacked me in the head with a book and told me not to sleep in class." Harry said, rubbing the sore spot. Trelawney looked disappointed, and didn't notice the hidden smirks of her students.
"A shame. I will let you know if any revelations about your dream come to me dear."
Harry's favourite lesson, however, was still potions. He had mastered the fine art of meringue, and was now focusing on creating the right consistency for a perfect ice cream. Snape had him complete the real potions in detention of course, but Harry wasn't complaining; he loved spending quality time with the dungeon bat.
Harry waltzed into the potions classroom on Monday morning - literally, he waltzed with Blaise, who was getting closer and closer to becoming a member of the ever-growing friend group.
"Potter, Zabini, sit down." Snape intoned, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the dramatic teens in front of him.
"Boop!" Harry said loudly, poking his professor on the nose. "View stats." He then muttered under his breath. A large negative 5,000 appeared over Snape's head.
"Tut tut professor," said Ron, looking disappointed and shaking his head. "You must've been really naughty."
"Potter, Weasley, out!" Snape snarled, waving his wand to try and get the number above his head to vanish.
The two boys skipped out of the room, giggling.
"How do I-" Snape growled to himself, now trying to use his hand to wave the number away from him.
"You have to, uh... boop, sir." Neville said uncomfortably. Snape glared at him.
"50 points from Gryffindor." He said, before turning his back on the class and touching his nose. The number vanished.
"Get your textbooks out. Potter will, once again, have to catch up in detention. Apparently with Weasley this time. Now, turn to page 394..."
~
The rest of term flew by, and before they knew it, the Easter holidays were approaching quickly. Harry was looking forward to them immensely (He did, after all, still have a chocolate related prank to play on Sirius). But before the Easter Holidays he still had a few things to do.
Namely, annoy the Triwizard tournament staff members as much as possible.
The champions had all been summoned to the great hall, where Ludo Bagman was waiting for them.
"Hello Mr Wasp. My, is that a goblin?" Harry asked sweetly. Bagman squeaked and spun around, but of course, there was nothing there except a very bad drawing of a Bowtruckle.
"Good morning, champions? Please follow me." Bagman hurried out of the hall. The other champions shared a look and followed.
"Why'd you ask him about goblins?" Cedric asked Harry in a whisper.
"Oh, Fred and George overheard him in the three broomsticks at Hogsmeade the other day, he's in a spot of... money trouble." Harry whispered back, before the grin slid off of his face.
"NO!" He screamed, falling to his knees, grabbing Cedric's arm as he did so.
"Mr Potter-"
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" He sobbed, staring at the quidditch pitch in horror. Several hedges were beginning to sprout from the perfectly kept field, destroying the pitch.
"Mr Potter, get up and and don't be so dramatic." McGonagall said sternly, as she, Dumbledore and the other two headteachers arrived. "The pitch will be absolutely fine by next year, no need to whine."
Krum was grimacing, which Harry appreciated. Cedric, too, looked fuming.
"Ah, well, hello Sirs, Madams!" Bagman said to the professors, wiping sweat from his brow. "So, champions, welcome to the third task! The hedges you can see growing here will soon be tall enough to create a maze. The Triwizard cup will be placed in the middle, and there will be many obstacles and challenges in your way. The first to reach the cup will win. Any questions?"
"Me! Me!" Harry waved his hand in the air.
"Yes, Mr Potter?" Bagman still didn't meet his eye.
"Where's Mr Crouch?" Harry asked.
"He, er, isn't very well at the moment, the Weasley boy, Peter was it? Is going to be standing in for him."
"He wasn't well at the yule ball either, then." Krum stated. "The red head was there then too."
"But he came to the 2nd task?" Cedric questioned. "Did he get better and then worse again?"
"Yes, that's right." Bagman nodded. "Now, any more questions related to the task?" He ignored Harry's waving hand. "Well then, wonderful! Best of luck in your preparations!"
"Well, that was weird." Harry said as the four champions headed back to the castle, walking past the forbidden forest on their way.
"What was?" Cedric asked.
"He said Crouch was ill."
"Yeah, so?"
"Crouch was there the whole time." The other three champions turned to Harry, looking confused and surprised.
"Where?" Fleur asked.
"He was stood in the trees. Over here, look!" Harry led them back towards the pitch, and pointed towards the forbidden forest. Indeed, there was Crouch, stooped over, swaying as he walked.
"What is he doing?"
"Eez he drunk?"
"I don't know." Before they could stop him, Harry had taken off in the Ministry official's direction. The other three champions chased after him.
"Whatever is going on is weird." Cedric said to Fleur and Krum as they ran after Harry. "I'll go and find a Professor."
He turned around and started running towards the castle, leaving Krum and Fleur to catch up to the youngest champion.
He headed straight for the Headmaster's office, but to his unfortunate luck ran headlong into Professor Snape.
"Watch where you are going, Diggory! And no running! 20 points from Hufflepuff!" Snape said angrily, regaining his balance.
"I'm sorry, professor, but I need to see the Headmaster as quickly as possible."
"Why? The headmaster is busy."
"Mr Crouch is in the forbidden forest. With Harry. He looked really intoxicated, all bent over and stumbling. Harry went to talk to him before we could stop him, so I came to find Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall whilst the other two caught him up."
"Mr Crouch? With Potter? Are you sure?" Snape asked hurriedly, looking.... worried, almost? Cedric suppressed smirk as he nodded. As much as he tried to fight it, Snape seemed to be growing ever so slightly fond of Potter.
"Yes, I'm sure. So I really need to-"
"The Headmaster is speaking with Lupin in his office. The password is Gumdrops. Go!" Cedric nodded and rushed over to the gargoyle, saying the password and ascending the staircase, knocking on the door at the top.
"Come in, Mr Diggory!" He heard Dumbledore say, and he pushed the office door open, quickly relaying everything he had just told Snape to the Headmaster and Remus, who sprang into action immediately.
Cedric led the way, Remus, Dumbledore and a big black dog following closely behind.
Meanwhile, Harry was having a very enlightening conversation.
"Mr Crouch? Are you well?" Harry asked, approaching slowly.
"Ah, Wezly, good to see you. Once coffee, black if you will. I have a meeting in five minutes." Suddenly, he had a vicelike grip on Harry's arm, and looked at him with something akin to desperation on his face.
"Must.... warn... Dumbledore." He said through clenched teeth, the effort of speaking appearing to pain him greatly.
"Warn Dumbledore of what?" Harry asked, surprisingly calmly, just as Fleur and Krum reached him. They seemed to sense the atmosphere and kept a little bit of distance, so as not to provoke Crouch into attacking anyone.
"Terrible things.... approaching..." Crouch said croakily, grip becoming tighter before loosening.
"I'll return shortly, Weaselby, please ensure all my paperwork is up to date."
"What is he doing?" Fleur asked. Harry shrugged.
"I think he's hallucinating, or under a curse or something." All of a sudden, Harry felt a sharp pain in the back of his head and he fell, the world turning back before he reached the floor.
~
"Enervate"
"Potter? Slowly Potter, there, easy does it." Harry groaned as he came to, sitting up slowly and blinking. Someone handed him his glasses and he the world came into focus. Fleur and Viktor were on either side of him, helping him sit, and Snape, of all people, was crouched in front of him.
"What happened? Where did Crouch go? What-"
"Potter, slow down. Foolish boy, running into danger at the drop of a hat."
"He looked ill, he needed help. He wanted to warn Dumbledore-"
"Yes yes, I know, your fellow champions told me. Can you stand?" Harry got to his feet slowly, using Fleur and Viktor as support.
"So, what happened?" Harry asked urgently.
"When you turned to talk to us, he hit you on the back of the head with a curse." Viktor explained. "We didn't catch you in time. As soon as you were down he ran into the forest. I tried to follow him but lost him."
"Ze weird professor, with ze funny eye, came past and told us to keep an eye on you whilst he searched for Crouch." Fleur added. Snape looked at her sharply.
"Professor Moody came by?" She nodded. "And left Potter unconscious?" She nodded again.
"Professor Snape came by just as Fleur was leaving to get help." Viktor added. "He said Diggory was on his way with the Headmaster and a man called Lupin?"
"Is Padfoot coming?" Harry asked, giving Snape a pleading look.
"I expect so. However, they can meet us on the way, we need to get you to the hospital wing. Can you walk?"
"Yeah, I think so." He wobbled slightly, but steadied himself, walking at a slow and easy pace. Fleur and Viktor still flanked his either side, and Snape walked a few paces behind them.
They made it halfway to the castle before being swamped by a bundle of black fur. Harry stumbled to the ground when it hit him, which led to the dog being thoroughly scolded by Snape.
"Stupid Mutt, the boy was just unconscious! Calm yourself!" The dog whined and licked Harry's face apologetically.
Dumbledore somehow had the forethinking to bring Madam Pomfrey with them.
Remus helped Harry stand, and Pomfrey gave him a once over before handing him a bright pink potion. Harry swallowed it in one gulp and his headache eased instantly.
"Mr Diggory, Mr Krum and Miss Delacour, please return to your common rooms and your schools." Professor Dumbledore said. The three did as they were told, promising to catch up with Harry later.
"Harry, my boy, if you would come to my office, I need to know exactly what-"
"Headmaster, the boy has just been attacked by an adult wizard. He is in no fit state to answer questions, at least until morning." Snape said firmly. Harry blinked at him in surprise. Snape, standing up for him? How unusual.
"I agree with Severus. Come on Harry, you can come back to my quarters for tonight. Minerva is already putting the kettle on, she knows what happened. Severus, care to join us?" Remus offered, feeling he owed the man for protecting Harry. It couldn't hurt to mend old wounds, either. The Headmaster sighed and went on his way, knowing he had lost for now.
"Not today thank you, Lupin. I have work to do." He swept off, and Remus chuckled.
"He's mellowing. He would never refuse so politely otherwise." He whispered to Harry, who snorted.
Padfoot growled and Remus nudged him with his foot. "That's enough from you, grow up." The dog gave him such a condescending look that Remus burst out laughing.
They returned to Lupin's quarters and Harry collapsed on the sofa, suddenly tired.
It was a pleasant evening after that. Once safe in their quarters, Sirius resumed his human form and fussed over Harry for about 20 minutes before finally accepting he was okay. Minerva came out of the kitchen with a plate of biscuits in one hand, her wand in the other, and four cups of tea, a milk jug, a sugar dish and a teapot floating in behind her. Harry didn't say much, and just revelled in being able to relax on a comfy couch with his godfather and Remus (who is pretty much his uncle now), whilst they chatted and reminisced of their Hogwarts days with Minerva. The three shared plenty of stories about his father and mother with him.
It was a good end to a good day. If it had been the end, which it wasn't. Unbeknownst to him, Cedric had filled all of Harry's friends in on what had happened, so as soon as he returned to the common room, he was attacked by Hermione.
"- running into danger like that, you foolish idiot!"
When he finally escaped to his dorm with Ron, he decided to check the map. Seeing Crouch in the forest reminded him of a couple of incidents recently, where he had seen Crouch in the castle, roaming the halls.
However, when he opened his hiding place for his most valuable possessions, he gasped.
"What's wrong?" Ron asked.
"The Marauders Map, it isn't here!"