Harry Potter and 3 times his friends tried to kill him
Harry made his way to the healer's tent, smiling from ear to ear. He had done it! He came last, but he really didn't care. He had spoken to a dragon, for goodness sake, nothing was more exciting to him than that.
"Hey guys!" He said as he entered the tent, still grinning like a madman.
"Harry! You're alive!" Fleur exclaimed happily, hugging him tightly as he entered the tent.
"And not a single scratch on you." Cedric said, looking pleased. He then snickered as Madam Pomfrey hurried over, waving her wand as she scanned Harry for injuries and muttered furiously about "-idiot wizards, what were they thinking? Dragons, I tell you. Morons, the lot of them..." Once satisfied Harry was, in fact, fine, she gave him a calming draught and bustled away.
"So, how did it go?" Harry asked the other three champions. "I know I came last, but other than that I was told nothing. I think they were all a bit shocked I had a chat with the dragon instead of fighting it."
"You were in there for ages, Fleur thought you had died. Anyway, I'm first at the moment, the dog and the baby dragon worked a treat. Fleur is in second, as it was only her skirt that caught on fire, and Viktor is third, because he accidentally caused the dragon to destroy one of her eggs."
"Oh yes, I was told about that." Harry said grimly. "It's not your fault though, Viktor, it's the people who designed the task. Oh look, it's Charlie! Hello!" Harry beamed as a familiar redhead entered the tent, Rosa with him.
"Harry, that was amazing!" Charlie gushed excitedly. "You can speak to dragons? What did she say? What did you talk about? Is she-"
"Slow down Weasley, slow down." Rosa said, also grinning. "Harry, what you just did was pretty cool. We just came to give you this." She handed him a few sheets of official looking documents.
"An offer." She informed him. "For a job with us during the summers, and the possibly of an apprenticeship once you graduate. No pressure to decide now, of course, the offer is there for whenever you decide to take it, if at all." She nodded to him, and he shook her hand, thanking her profusely. A summer job! That meant less time at the Dursleys!
"This day is amazing." Harry whispered as Charlie and Rosa left the tent. Cedric laughed at him and ruffled his hair.
"Ah! Champions!" Bagman entered the tent, looking pale and nervous. "You're free to go, the clue for the next task is in the egg. Good luck!" And he left again, with only one terrified glance in Harry's direction.
"That was odd." Krum said, frowning.
"Oh yeah, I kinda traumatized him. I also persuaded the dragon to burn the bumblebees beard off!"
"On purpose?" Cedric raised a brow.
"Well, not exactly. I just told her everything bad he had done then pointed right at him and said 'he's over there'. I didn't tell her to blow fire at him."
"Blimey, Harry." Cedric shook his head, smirking. "You are one interesting kid. Shall we go? We're having a little party in the Hufflepuff common room if you guys want to join?"
Fleur and Krum nodded but Harry shook his head. "I can't, I have to talk to Amelia Bones. It's okay though - I'll have therapy with Snape after."
Cedric laughed and ruffled his hair again. Harry scowled but endured it and the four champions left the tent, the pressure of the first task finally gone.
"Mr Potter, come with me." Snape said as they reached the castle entrance, turning and walking away as the champions approached. Harry bid a last farewell to the others and jogged after Snape, insane glint back in his eyes.
"Where are we going?" He said excitedly, bouncing as he slowed to match his pace with the potion master's. "Please say the Zoo, I've always wanted to go there! Well, I did once, but I kind of did a bad thing and-"
"Quiet Potter, we are not going to the zoo!" Snape snapped.
"Oh. Then I'm not coming." Harry pouted, and stopped walking, arms crossed defiantly.
"Potter, drop the act." Snape snarled angrily. "Save it for the Headmaster or your divination classes."
Harry raised a brow, smirking. "What act?" He asked innocently. Snape gritted his teeth.
"If you do not follow me now, I will lace your pumpkin juice with veritaserum and pay the Weasley twins to ask you embarrassing personal questions." Snape threatened, intimidatingly calm demeanour gone.
"Nope. Not coming. I want to go to the zoo." Harry pouted again.
Snape sighed. He hated his job. "Okay, fine. You have until the count of three. One, two-"
"Ughhhhhhh, fine!" Harry scowled. "But I'm coming with you cause I want to, not cause I'm scared of what you'll do if you get to three."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Potter." Snape stalked off, this time Harry right behind him. Snape led him to Professor McGonagall's office and let him in, striding over to another door behind her desk and knocking thrice.
"I have the child." He said grumpily.
The door swung open and Harry skipped inside, Snape following reluctantly behind.
"Remus!" Harry squealed as soon as he entered his Head of House's personal rooms. "I did it! I spoke to a dragon! I got arrested for fraud! I finished the task! I didn't die!"
"You're sure did Kiddo, good job! Wait, arrested for fraud?" Remus gave Harry a look.
"Yeah, it was a tragic day. Professor Snape remembers, don't you sir?"
"If this was the time you signed a document as Professor McGonagall forged by Miss Weasley about me offering.... therapy.... then yes, you got detention." Snape said, grimacing at the word therapy as if it was personally insulting.
"Oh cub, you didn't!" Remus said, stifling a laugh.
"Erm, can we focus on the fact I didn't die?" Harry asked.
Remus laughed and gave him a large hug. The dog at his heals barked happily and tackled Harry, then dashed over to Snape.
"Lupin! Call the Mutt off!" Snape demanded as Padfoot tried to lick his face.
"Snuffles." Remus said warningly, and Padfoot begrudgingly trotted back to Remus and Harry, tackling his godson to the floor again.
"Enough now, Snuffles. Harry, I'd like you to meet Amelia Bones." Professor McGonagall spoke up from by the fire. Remus led Harry over, and the two sat down in comfy armchairs. Snape followed them but remained standing.
"Hello Mr Potter, wonderful to meet you at last. Susan has told me lots about you." Amelia said, amusement visible in her expression.
"Hello Miss Bones. Professor Snape said he'd take me to the zoo as a treat after you finish talking to me." Harry said seriously, shaking her hand.
"Oh, did he now?" Amelia played along, eyes twinkling. "How kind of him."
"Just like Minerva, you are." Snape retorted, already on his way out of the room.
"But it's true, Severus, you're so sweet and gentle-" Minerva chuckled as the door slammed loudly.
"Right then Harry, let's get started, shall we?"
And they spoke about everything. His childhood, his parents, his years at school. He even mentioned Sirius' lack of trial and innocence. Amelia promised to look into it and requested that Remus and his dog lie low at Hogwarts until further notice. Dumbledore would be informed of why the next day, but wouldn't be given a choice.
By the time they had finished it was 6 o'clock. They'd missed dinner, but Harry didn't care. He wasn't very hungry, just exhausted.
"Thank you, Mr Potter. I understand how hard this was for you to speak about." Amelia said solemnly, putting her quill down. "Now, you've had a long day - I think it's time you went and celebrated with your friends, don't you?" Harry nodded, relieved. He hated reliving his past, even his Hogwarts years.
"Thank you Miss Bones, goodnight. Goodnight Moony, Professor McGonagall, Snuffles." Harry patted the dog on the head.
"Goodnight Harry." Remus wrapped him in a hug. "I'll see you in the morning, okay? Sleep well."
Harry smiled, glad Remus and Snuffles were staying. He'd taken a leap of faith by trusting Amelia, and he hoped it paid off.
"I will return you to your dormitory, Mr Potter." McGonagall said quietly. She looked older than Harry had ever seen her, but then so did Remus. He felt guilty - he didn't want to burden them.
"You're not a burden Harry." Remus said. "No, you didn't say it, but it's written all over your face. Go and rest, we'll talk more another day. You did real good today kid, real good." Remus patted his shoulder.
"Thanks Moony." With one last smile exchanged, Harry left with Professor McGonagall, excited to forget about the whole day and just relax in the presence of his friends.
The walk to the portrait hole was silent, but once they arrived, McGonagall spoke.
"Well done tonight, Harry." She said. "Now, if you ever pull another foolish stunt like that again in one of the tasks, you will have detention until you graduate, you understand?" The look on her face was so serious that Harry gulped and nodded.
"Okay, no more talking to dragons in life or death situations, got it. Goodnight professor."
"Goodnight, lad." She said, and left him to enter the common room alone.
"YOU!" Harry screamed as someone pounced on him, hitting him over and over again. "You. Absolute. Idiot!" Hermione's scolding quickly turned into hysterical giggles as she gripped Harry in a firm hug. "I'm so proud of you!" Harry looked at the rest of his friends, bewildered. Ron just shrugged and Draco smirked in amusement. Ginny was bent over laughing, and Daphne was glaring at him. Luna was- wait, where was Luna?
"Behind you." Harry screeched and leapt a foot in the air, turning to glare at the blonde.
"Did you really have to do that?" He said, shaking slightly. She just smiled, turning her back to talk to a painting behind his about the advantages of seaweed.
"My turn." Daphne said, darting forwards and punching Harry in the arm, hard.
"OW!" Why are you all assaulting me?" He cried indignantly.
"Because like an idiot, you went and tested a theory in the middle of a dangerous situation. And to do so, you PUT YOUR WAND ON THE FLIPPING FLOOR!" Daphne was apparently too angry to swear. "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!"
"Okay, okay!" Harry held his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry!"
"Nope. You need to mean it, Potter. On your knees."
"On my- what?"
"You heard her, Harry. On your knees and beg for her forgiveness!" Draco said, looking delighted.
"But-" One look at Daphne's face had him sinking to the floor.
"Dearest Daphne, please forgive me, I swear to never be so reckless again." He said in monotone.
"Hmm. Whilst your down there, swear you'll never wear that awful pink eyeshadow again. The green one I got you suits you so much better. Pink really isn't your colour darling."
"I actually hate you. Fine, no more pink eyeshadow. I'll give it to Hermione."
"Good. Now, party time! Everyone is in Hufflepuff common already, although the castle made a special passageway for them so they wouldn't know the real entrance. Let's go!" She grabbed Harry's arm and dragged him off, the rest following after them.
It was when they were halfway to the Hufflepuff common room that Ginny realised.
"Wait. Pink eyeshadow? POTTER! GIVE ME MY EYESHADOW BACK!" Harry squeaked and tore himself free from Daphne's grip, taking off at a sprint, Ginny hot on his heels.
She caught up with him in the Hufflepuff common room, eyes glinting dangerously.
"Hide me!" Harry begged desperately, trying to use Cedric as a human shield.
"Ginny, back down." Ron said, looking incredibly entertained. "Let him enjoy the party and deal with him later."
"Oh, I will deal with him alright." Ginny growled. "Enjoy your freedom Harry." She said sweetly, then whispered. "While it lasts"
Harry gulped.