The Mental Health Madness
There was no rest for the witty, so Harry was straight back at it again the next day. His chosen table for that morning was the Hufflepuff table, where he sat in between Cedric and Fleur.
The plan for today was supposed to be small, a simple charm to change the colour of his hair. He did that anyway, of course (hot pink was definitely his colour, he looked fabulous), but then he was struck with a plan.
"Hey Cedric?" Harry said, turning to the Hufflepuff prefect. "Can I tell you a cool story?"
"Sure." Cedric said with a shrug. "Go ahead."
"Okay so important backstory; you remember how I killed Quirrelmort in my first year to save the philosophers stone?" Harry asked innocently.
Cedric spat out his pumpkin juice. "You did what?" Several people sat near them fell silent and turned around to see what was going on.
"Yeah, don't you remember? The three headed dog in the forbidden corridor, the big killer plant thing, the fire and the mirror? Quirrell hiding Voldemort's face on the back of his under his turban? Me burning him alive and saving the world from Voldemort's return? No?" Harry looked around in genuine confusion. Dumbledore had said everyone knew about this!
"Harry, what on earth are you talking about?" Susan asked. She was sat opposite them, and her eyes had grown wider with every word he had spoken. The other students sat around them had their mouths dangling open.
"Strange, Dumbledore told me the whole school knew what happened." Harry said with a small frown. "You at least knew about Voldemort, right?"
"No, all we were told was that Quirrell had attacked you and you fought him off." Ernie Macmillan spoke up.
"Oh." Harry blinked, twice, then shivered dramatically. "It's freezing in here. Anyway, so I saved the stone and stuff. Fell unconscious, almost died, and woke up in the hospital wing. And guess what?"
"What?"
"Fred and George Weasley had sent me a toilet seat! Hahaa, isn't that hilarious?" Harry said, bursting into a fit of laughter, slapping Cedric on the back as he did so.
"Yes, yes, very funny. Oh my goodness Harry, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that!" Susan said, looking empathetic.
"It's okay Susan, the big blue bumblebee told me it's my destiny to be a hero and save the wizarding world." Harry whispered conspiratorially, nodding to her in a very serious fashion.
"Who, Dumbledore?" She guessed.
"Shhh! Don't speak his name, or he'll turn you into a bat!" Harry hissed at her, waving his hands madly.
Susan narrowed her eyes. "You are so weird. But still, I'm sorry you had to fight Voldemort and a plant and a dog and murder Quirrell and stuff."
"Oh my goodness, who had to go through all of that, that's terrible!" Harry exclaimed, tears welling up in his eyes. "We have to help them, quick, tell me who it is!" He pleaded. "They should go to therapy straight away."
"Um, you?"
"Me?!" Harry gasped in shock. "Oh yeah, it was. Oh well, I lived. I'll go get some therapy though, don't worry." With that, he stood up and skipped out of the hall.
Susan and Cedric looked at each other, concerned. Susan stood and walked over to Hermione and Ron, muttering something to them. They nodded and Cedric saw her frown.
"It's true." She said, sitting back down, this time in Harry's vacated seat. "Everything Harry just said is completely true, including the toilet seat."
"Oh dear." Cedric said weakly.
"You know what zis means?" Fleur spoke up suddenly. Cedric and Susan turned to look at her. "Dumbledore 'as been lying to everyone in zis school. So how much does he lie to ze outside world?"
Susan paled.
"I have to go and write to my aunt." She said, and hurried off.
Meanwhile, Harry skipped down to the dungeons. It was a Saturday so he had no lessons to attend and there was only one teacher present at breakfast; Professor Flitwick.
Harry came to a halt outside of Snape's office, and knocked on the door. When no one replied, he tried the handle. By a stroke of luck (whose real name was Dobby) the door was unlocked and Harry made his way into the office, sitting in the chair in front of the desk.
Dobby had also left him a box of tissues. Perfect.
Harry didn't have to wait long for Snape to arrive.
"Potter, what are you doing in my office?" The Potions Master snarled. Harry began to sob, blowing his nose into a tissue.
Three hours later, Draco Malfoy finally mustered up the courage to leave the common room. He was on high alert, jumping at every tiny sound, immediately assuming Potter was back to torture him again. His first stop was his Uncle Severus' office, so he could complain to his godfather about stupid Potter and stupid dragons and stupid jam.
But when he knocked and pushed the door open, someone was already inside.
Malfoy had to pinch his arm to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Potter was sat in front of Severus' desk, sobbing uncontrollably. Severus was sat behind his desk, looking a mixture of shocked, horrified, and desperate to flee the castle forever.
"A-a-and he didn't let out of the cupboard for a week, and they gave me barely any food..." Harry said between loud sobs.
As soon as he noticed Draco however, he stopped crying and brightened completely.
"Hi Draco!" He said cheerfully. "Are you here for therapy too?"
"I-no- what?" Draco frowned.
"It was on the posters, didn't you see them? Thank you so much Professor, I feel so much better now!" Harry stood up, frowned, pulled some scissors out of his pocket and cut of a small chunk of his pink hair off. He placed it on Severus' desk and skipped out of the room, hugging Draco on his way out.
Wait, since when was Potter's hair pink?
"What was that about?" Draco asked his Godfather, who just groaned and shook his head.
"I have no idea, the boy was here when I arrived, and just started regaling me with stories from his childhood." Severus rubbed his temples. "Did you need something, Draco, or can I return to my chambers? I need some very, very strong firewhiskey."
"No, you go, it was nothing." Draco said, and left the office with more questions then answers.
Once back in his chambers, Severus Snape did indeed drink firewhiskey, and lots of it. His mind was a mess. He was exhausted from having to listen to Potter ramble on about his relatives and Voldemort and Dumbledore, confused as to why Dumbledore told him Potter grew up pampered when the boy just sounded like he had been abused, and also incredibly angry. The most infuriating part? He wasn't even angry at Potter! Instead, he was angry on Potter's behalf! Oh, how he despised Petunia!
~~~~
"Here's one!" Ginny exclaimed, running over to where an A4 sheet of muggle parchment was pinned to the wall.
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For two days only, Professor Severus Snape is offering his services in therapy sessions for all Hogwarts students from 1st to 7th year. Apologies, but no sessions are available to Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students at this time.
Sessions last as long as the Student requires, and the payment is a small chunk of hair. I hope you all make use of this rare opportunity.
Signed: Minnie McGonagall
"Wicked!" Said Colin with a huge grin, as he lifted his camera and snapped a photo.