Chapter 1
“The sea is as incomprehensible as existence - it is incomprehensible as death - as eternal as longing”
-Edvard Munch
~~~
This home is strangling me
It wraps its sickly fingers
Around my throat and pushes
I scratch at the arms but they fall through my fingers
Like I’m going crazy
Like none of it is real
But he feels it too
He knows the feeling of having the life fade out of you slowly
Only occasionally being allowed to breathe
He holds the hands back for as long as he can
He can touch them
Affect them
He lets me breathe
He saves me every time
But everything has a cost
It takes more of his breath in return
As payment, he struggles under their hands
One day I hope we’ll both be allowed to breathe
Free from the bony fingers dragging us back in
Free from our “home”
~~~
My star isn’t safe anymore
It is being consumed by the black hole that lingers above us
Always waiting for a slip-up
A single mistake
And we will meet our end
The light that keeps me from
Losing myself in the dark
The Black tunnel of my fears
Threatens to slip away
I am not enough for him
He is lost
I cannot help
I shall open up a door that contains
The light he Wants; Needs
Maybe one day I may go as well
~~~
Maybe I should just let the darkness tear me apart
~~~
His screams consume me
I know I should block it out
But I cannot seem to think of anything else
I will lose my light tonight
One way or another
I hope he will at least be
someone else's star
~~~
The darkness shall consume me
So he can live in the light
This is better
I take what he could not
He gains what I will never have
~~~
He hates me
That’s easier I suppose
I hope the light is doing him well
~~~
Dear Sirius,
I am aware that you will never receive this letter but let me pretend just this once. I hope the Potters are treating you well. I wish I could have gone with you. That thought was never realistic though.
Mother and Father still need their heir. I will take this on for you. If I don’t they will just force you to come back, and we can’t have that. I need you to be safe. Please be safe I beg of you. That is the only thing keeping me going currently.
I will always let the black hole of our family consume me for you to continue to shine bright.
Your brother,
Regulus Arcturus Black
R.A.B