Snitches get Stitches

Harry knew that Remus would be home when school got out and Harry was prepared.

Hermione stayed up late with Harry, helping him create a budget, a plan, and information on his financials. There were a lot of things Harry didn’t understand when he read it from his bank information, but Hermione not only explained it to Harry in a way he could understand but also created a packet that Harry could present to Remus.

All of the costs of a baby, ‘fixed’ and ‘variable’ costs, were listed and Harry got a chance to see how expensive babies really were. Nappies alone were between $7-11 a pack, all for something that they would potty in and be thrown away. And formula, bloody hell, formula would cost at least $1,000 a year. Harry began to feel nervous seeing the numbers, but Hermione started adding income after listing the expenses.

Harry earned an ‘annual interest rate’ of seven percent on his savings account which Hermione said would give him roughly seven thousand dollars a year. That apparently wasn’t much money, not when Hermione continued to build Harry’s budget, but Harry had enough in his checking account to live off for a while - if he didn’t need to pay ‘rent’, then he would only scrape by for maybe two years, depending on where he lived and what expenses he would need to cover.

It was absurd to think that Harry might need to pay rent at fifteen, but if Remus booted Harry from Sirius’ house over the baby then Harry would have to. It would be worth it though, there wasn’t any threat that could make Harry get rid of his child.

Harry and Mandy skipped their first three periods to go to a clinic that morning to send in a muggle DNA test. Mandy was anxious that they said the test could take up to three weeks and there was less than that before she could abort the pregnancy. Harry didn’t have any way to assure her that it was definitely his, he just offered to pay extra to have their results expedited.

If Mandy planned to raise the baby, Harry could tell her about magic as there was almost no chance that Harry’s child wasn’t a witch or wizard. If Mandy wanted them to try and fix their relationship, Harry would buy a ring and tell her about magic as she would be his fiancé.

But Mandy didn’t want to be a mum and Harry had no hope of repairing their romantic relationship. A friendship was good though, Harry loved Mandy and wanted her to be as happy as could be. Harry just also wanted his child to be born.

Harry had done as much preparation as he could for that child and Mandy squeezed his hand when they reached the front of Harry’s house.

“You’re sweating,” Mandy said.

“I hate fighting with people,” Harry told her quietly. It was easy in moments like that to remember that Mandy, past any other title, was Harry’s best friend. Mandy was still the person that Harry could admit anything to, anything that wasn’t magical.

“I know, babe,” Mandy murmured. She squeezed Harry’s hand again. “If he starts screaming, I’ll hit him, okay? I’m, like, totally hit-proof now that I’ve got the bun in the oven.”

Harry looked over at Mandy and searched her eyes for a long moment, searching for any hint of hesitation.

“You’re not going to change your mind again?” Harry asked with too much vulnerability in his voice. If she was, Harry needed to know before he got in another row with Remus.

“Only if it’s not yours,” Mandy said.

There was a stubborn look in her eyes, one that Harry occasionally saw in the mirror, and Harry was the one to squeeze her hand gratefully then.

“Alright, let’s face the music.”

They didn’t have far to travel, just from the front door to the kitchen. Harry spied Hermione’s purse on the table and knew that she must have beaten them back from her first day at Ilvermony. Harry was eager to hear about the American School of Magic, but he’d only be distracted thinking about Remus if he didn’t deal with that first.

Remus sat at the table in the kitchen. There was food lined up on the counters, various bagged snack foods that Remus must have bought from the grocery store, and Mandy made a beeline for a bag of crisps while Harry stared at Remus.

Remus looked calm, much calmer than he’d been on Friday night. He was dressed in one of his soft looking cardigan sweaters and had his hands both wrapped around a white mug that looked to have hot chocolate inside of it.

“How was school?” Remus asked Harry evenly.

“Fine,” Harry said, a bit wary by the flip from Friday. It reminded him too much of Sirius and Harry only stepped further in the kitchen because Mandy was in there.

“Have a seat,” Remus offered. “I asked Hermione and Fred to not bother us so the three of us could talk.”

Harry glanced at Mandy and she didn’t seem as on-edge as Harry was. She grabbed the crisps she was eating and two cans of soda to place on the table for them. Harry was quick to pull a chair out for Mandy, which she rolled her eyes at as usual, and then Harry sat beside her.

“Mandy,” Remus looked directly at Mandy and smiled kindly, “how are you feeling?”

“A social worker came to the school today,” Mandy told him. “She asked where I’m staying at since Terry’s dead, I told her here.” Mandy glanced at Harry and Harry nodded. “So I hope that’s cool.”

“It is,” Remus said, relieving Harry. Even if Remus wanted Harry to leave, Harry would feel better knowing Mandy had a place to stay.

Remus looked at Harry then and the tension in Harry’s muscles increased tenfold.

“And you?” Remus asked him with the same kind look in his eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m keeping the baby,” Harry blurted as an answer. It was making Harry’s stomach twist up to sit there and not know if they were going to fight or not. The sooner Harry told Remus the news that would piss him off, the sooner they could get it over with.

Mandy squeezed Harry’s leg tightly under the table while Harry anxiously watched Remus for any sign of a brawl to break out.

“I heard,” Remus told him. Remus tapped his fingers on the table and looked from Harry to Mandy. “Mandy? You want to continue the pregnancy?”

“Yeah,” Mandy said without hesitation. Harry put his hand on Mandy’s beneath the table and he rubbed his thumb on the back of her hand.

“I don’t want to fuckin’ raise it or anything, but…” Mandy glanced at Harry quickly. “But if Harry wants it, he can have it.”

Remus hummed. “And you’re aware of the health risks that you’ll be undertaking for the pregnancy?”

Harry bristled.

“Don’t threaten her,” he said hotly. “She’s not—”

Remus held up his hand and Harry immediately clicked his jaw shut, fuming at what Remus had been trying to do.

“Listen to me,” Remus said to them both, firmly but not harshly. “You want to continue the pregnancy, Mandy? You want to have a child, Harry? These are adult decisions. If you can make adult decisions then you can certainly listen to the risks associated with them.”

That wasn’t… unreasonable.

Harry nodded his head and looked down at the table, still tense and waiting for the fight to start that never did.

“Mandy, you’re young, only fifteen. There are quite a few health risks involved with this…”

Harry had done some research on abortions, pregnancy, and childbirth in the computer lab at school, trying to get any idea of what any of it even constituted of. Nothing Harry found gave him as many chills as what Remus talked about.

Remus talked about eclampsia, blood pressure, and diabetes. Then he went on about the hormones that could cause Mandy long-term depression (Mandy snorted then, even if Harry didn’t), anxiety, and postpartum depression.

That alone had made Harry’s pulse race, his mind worrying about all the ways that Mandy could get sick and hurt, that Mandy could die. What was worse was the things Remus started describing that could happen to the baby-

Low birth weight, which could cause chronic health issues in their life. Early delivery, which could make them sickly. Then there were genetic disorders, mental or physical disorders they could be born with, any Remus even described what a miscarriage or stillbirth would be.

“Please stop,” Harry asked Remus, his voice choked and his eyes tearing up. Remus had just described a woman he once knew that died in childbirth, she was buried in her adult sized coffin beside the tiny white one for stillborn baby.

Harry felt choked up and couldn’t look over at Mandy to meet her eyes. It was terrible, all the things Remus warned them of. Harry didn’t want Mandy to experience any pain, any risks.

But Harry didn’t want her to ‘terminate the pregnancy’ either.

It was the worst decision in the world. Mandy’s health could be irreparably damaged or Harry’s child could be sucked from Mandy’s body and thrown away like actual garbage.

Harry loved Mandy, Harry loved his child.

“Harry, I don’t mean to upset you,” Remus said. He sounded as if he meant it, but Harry kept both his hands in his lap and his eyes on the table while he tried to control his breathing.

“The odds of any of these risks are low if there’s proper prenatal care,” Remus said. “They are never zero though.”

Harry raised his free hand to his and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger. Harry pushed hard, trying to physically push away the tears and headache that threatened him. Only once Harry felt confident that he wasn’t going to sob, he dropped his hand and looked over at Mandy.

“I don’t know what to do,” Harry told her brokenly. “Mandy, you know I love you. I just… I can’t bear the idea of aborting our baby. But I don’t want you- I can’t—” Harry couldn’t even think about Mandy being the one in the coffin with their tiny infant in a matching coffin beside her.

“Remus is scaring you,” Mandy said. She reached up and grabbed Harry by the shoulders, pulling him in for a hug that he didn’t feel he deserved.

“I’m not going to die,” Mandy told Harry as she rubbed his back. “Girls in this fuckin’ neighborhood pop out little crotch goblins all the time and they’re fine. I mean, my cousin Sully had a hand growing out of his knee, but his mom smoked crack when she was pregnant.”

Harry laughed wetly and felt bad that Mandy was comforting him when Harry was taking no risks at all in continuing the pregnancy. Harry pulled back and cupped Mandy’s face, staring hard in her eyes and not caring that Remus was watching them intently.

“You’re sure?” Harry asked her, searching for any tell at all. Harry would be devastated if Mandy aborted their baby, but Harry also couldn’t blame Mandy for wanting to live any more than he would have blamed his mother for stepping to the side and saving her life when Harry was a baby.

“You swear to god you’ll be a good dad?” Mandy whispered; her walls dropped and there was something so horribly broken in her tone. “You’ll make sure it’s not hungry or hurting? And you’ll, like, do all that good-parent shit nobody did for us?”

“All of it and more,” Harry swore. He grinned crookedly, a weak grin. “I’ll even take her to a pumpkin patch every year.”

Mandy’s eyes overflowed with tears and Harry completely forgot about Remus when he was the one to embrace Mandy then.

“Don’t ever hurt them,” Mandy cried on Harry’s shoulder. “I swear to god I’ll have Mickey curb stomp the shit out of you if you do. Just- just keep them safe, okay? Swear it? Swear you’ll never fuckin’ hurt them?”

“Swear,” Harry said. There was nothing that would ever drive Harry to hurt his child.

If Mandy made it through a pregnancy unscathed and Harry was given his child, then Harry would swear to make sure they were both happy for the rest of their lives. Harry didn’t know how, but he knew he would.

Remus cleared his throat a minute later, interrupting Harry and Mandy’s embrace and the tears they shared for their own childhoods they never got to have.

“I believe then… that congratulations are in order,” Remus said.

It wasn’t an apology, but Harry found that he didn’t need one.

It was annoying as fuck, having Mickey Milkovich living in their house.

Mickey was a fucking slob, for one. For another, Ian was all ‘gay and proud’ all of a sudden and kept trying to fuck Mickey as often as he could in the bedroom they shared.

Lip had just returned from scoping out the laser he needed that Kennedy-King just had delivered for a practical demonstration. If Lip could find a way to steal that baby before it was passed to the next college, he’d win the upcoming Machine Mash.

The grand prize was a thousand bucks, which would mean Lip only had six grand more to get before Harry’s kid was born.

So when Lip walked through his bedroom door, thinking about bots and lasers, the last fucking thing he expected to see was Mickey kneeling down in front of Ian with Ian’s dick down his throat.

“Jesus Christ!” Lip turned around immediately and slammed the door shut behind him. “HANG UP A FUCKING SOCK!” he yelled to his brother on the other side of the safety of the door.

“WE DID!” Ian yelled back.

Lip looked down at the door and saw that they had actually hung up a sock, Lip just hadn’t seen it with his mind stuck on lasers and tech.

It didn’t mean that Lip didn’t think he could still be pissed off by Ian shoving his sex-life in Lip’s face constantly, fucking with Lip’s thoughts. Lip had actually dreamed about his dick in a dude’s ass the night before, probably because Ian and Mickey kept fucking while he tried to sleep.

Lip was too poor to be a Republican, but he was starting to wonder if they didn’t have something about the fucking gay agenda.

“Where you goin’?” Fiona asked when Lip bounced down the stairs and made a beeline for the back door.

“I’ve got some shit to take care of,” Lip told her. He had to catch himself on the doorway when he realized something was missing. Lip spun around and looked at where their washer used to be and all that was left was an empty space.

“Uh…” Lip looked from the blank space to where his sister was cooking dinner while helping Carl with his homework. “Sis? Something missing?”

“Hm?” Fiona looked where Lip was, as there wasn’t a big ass machine missing. “Oh, that.”

Fiona turned back to the stove and Lip watched her raise a shoulder like it didn’t matter.

“Steve bought it and Steve’s gone so I put it in the alley.”

“You put it in the…”

How had Lip fucking missed that?

Lip turned right back around to go out back and investigate. Not only was their washer out there, with wires fucking cut up and the front glass cracked, but so was the laptop Steve bought Ian and the phone he bought Fiona.

What the fuck was up with Fiona throwing all the shit out? She lost her fucking mind.

Lip powered the phone on and saw that it still had service, so he pocketed it. He tucked the laptop in his backpack to check over later and then tried to stand the washer up to check out the damage.

The son of a bitch was heavy, but Lip managed to get it standing. He looked it over and thought that if he got new wiring, water tubes, and a front door for it that it might be fine.

“What happened?”

Lip looked up from where he’d been copying down the serial number and make and model on the iPhone he planned to keep. Harry was leaning against the telephone pole between their yards and grinned when Lip saw him.

“Is it broken?” Harry asked with a cigarette between his fingers and weighed down by his hoodie with an oversized leather jacket on top of it.

“Probably fixable,” Lip told him. He looked up and figured it wouldn’t rain that night, which gave him time to get the parts he needed and get it back inside.

Fiona was fucked in the head if she thought they could afford to replace their washer just because she tossed Steve out on his ass.

“How’d it go?” Lip asked Harry, loping over to join Harry. Harry held out his cigarette for Lip to share and Lip didn’t realize how cold his hand was until Harry’s warm fingers brushed over his as he passed it to him.

Harry had been stressing at school all day over having to tell his uncle about Mandy keeping the kid. Harry was afraid that his uncle would convince her to abort or would kick Harry and Mandy out for keeping it.

Lip wanted to tell him that the only way Mandy could abort was if she paid Lip back the down payment he gave her. Except Lip wasn’t fucking stupid and he didn’t plan to tell Harry that he bought him his kid.

Lip did tell him that he’d finish the basement in their house for him if his uncle kicked him from the house. And, when Harry made big sad eyes and mumbled something that sounded like ‘Mandy’, Lip rolled his eyes and said she could stay with them too.

Because what Lip really wanted was Mickey and Mandy Milkovich living in his house. Why not invite fucking Iggie too? Really make it a party?

Harry didn’t show up with a knocked up bestie and a duffel bag though, so Lip assumed it didn’t get too nuclear at his place.

“Remus said congrats,” Harry said nonchalantly. “He also explained every single way that Mandy or the baby could die, which is a lot, by the way, but… but we didn’t fight.”

Lip could hear the relief in Harry’s voice at the end and he nodded.

“Good.” Lip blew his smoke away and passed the cigarette back to Harry. “I’d hate to kick his ass, I think Fiona’s got a thing for him.”

Lip was actually pretty sure that Fiona probably fucked Remus and Steve found out. Lip didn’t care if she fucked the whole town, he just wished she didn’t break their washer over it.

“Oh yeah?” Harry grinned all crinkly eyed and teasing. “You’d kick Remus’ arse for fighting with me?”

Lip would have, just like he should have Harry’s Uncle Sirius. Lip didn’t get involved with other people’s bullshit, nobody in their neighborhood, but he was already involved as fuck in Harry’s life considering he needed to earn a shit ton of cash before June for Harry’s kid.

But that sounded like a queer fucking thing to say, so Lip didn’t.

“Hey, you busy?” Lip asked instead, changing the subject.

Harry looked over his shoulder to his house and then shrugged when he turned back around and passed Lip the cigarette.

“Hermione’s helping Mandy study, Fred’s being weird, and Remus is getting ready for work,” Harry said. “So… no, not busy at all. What’s up?”

Lip finished off the cigarette and then flicked it away.

“How do you feel about felony theft?” Lip asked Harry.

The reason why Lip kept hanging out with Harry despite him fucking with Lip’s head was because Harry was just crazy enough to agree without even knowing what Lip wanted to steal.

“What are we doing here?” Harry whispered.

Lip shushed him and Harry kept quiet while Lip led him around the nearly dark college campus. It was late enough that they might not be noticed, but early enough that they weren’t too suspicious on campus either.

“In here,” Lip said, waving Harry in the science department he located earlier that day.

Lip didn’t have time to do a full search and plan of attack on the campus. The laser would be moved any time, it was on loan from the State Department of Security for a tour of all the college campuses with tech programs in Illinois.

“You see that?” Lip led Harry to the room where the laser was being kept. They could see it through the window in the hall and Lip couldn’t take his eyes off the sleek and silver contraption. The thing was so fucking sexy that Lip wanted to drool. It had an output wavelength over 780 nm. Its power range was nearly fucking blinding.

It would fucking destroy the sigma pi dicks from CU and send them home crying to their mommies.

“It folds down in that suitcase it’s standing in,” Lip told Harry. “We grab it, we go.”

There wasn’t anyone else in the hallway and Lip casually tried to twist the classroom door where the laser was being kept.

Of fucking course it was locked.

“Be on lookout,” Lip told Harry. Harry nodded and Lip dropped to his knees to start picking the lock.

It wasn’t an altogether complicated lock, just a turn and latch one, but Lip was interrupted after only a minute of work with his pick kit.

“Shit,” Harry swore. Lip didn’t know what the fuck Harry was doing when he grabbed Lip’s shoulders and turned him around, practically shoving Lip’s face in Harry’s crotch.

“What the f—”

“Ooh, don’t stop,” Harry moaned, bent over and hiding Lip’s face. “Fuck.”

“Hey! What the fuck are you doing?”

Lip couldn’t see what the fuck was happening as his face was hidden by Harry’s crotch, but he heard the heavy footsteps in their hallway that Harry must have heard before then. They were heavy footfalls, probably campus security.

“Shit,” Harry yelped, a convincing reaction for the charade Lip realized he was pulling off. “Sorry, mate… got carried away.”

Lip held his breath while he heard a gruff voice telling Harry to ‘move it along’. Harry agreed in the perfectly sheepish tone that any student caught getting a hummer would, and Harry waited until the footsteps couldn’t be heard before he backed away from Lip.

“Sorry,” Harry laughed, a little nervously. Harry rubbed the back of his neck and Lip looked up and saw that his face was red. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

Lip was quick as hell when he turned back to the lock he’d been trying to pick, hiding his embarrassment at a decent plan that made him look like a fag.

“Whatever,” Lip muttered. He went back to work and blamed Ian and Mickey’s earlier performance for getting in his head.

Lip couldn’t imagine sticking someone’s dick in his mouth, but he figured that a dude’s mouth probably felt the same as a chick’s. They might even suck a dick a little better, since they’d know what they liked.

If Lip didn’t get his shit figured out soon, he’d be voting as a fucking Republican in the first election he could.

“IDIOT!” Harry laughed while they ran from the campus not much longer. Lip had the case with the laser inside of it and the two of them were hauling ass to keep from the campus security from catching them.

For rent-a-cops, they were fast as fuck.

“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?” Lip yelled over to Harry, also laughing. The two guards chasing them were fast, but they were outrunning them.

Lip took a quick turn on Marshfield Ave and pulled Harry in an alley. Lip knew of a crevice behind Backstreet Pizza they might be able to hide. It was dark and Lip immediately shushed Harry while they slid in the space, barely fitting as they were two dudes standing chest to chest in an area that usually had a stand up dumpster in it.

The rent-a-cops ran right past the alley and Lip started laughing when he knew they’d be too far away to hear them.

Lip had the laser.

“I’ve got the laser,” Lip said. He laughed loud and felt ten feet tall. “I’ve got the fucking laser!”

Harry laughed too and it was then that Lip realized there wasn’t even four inches between them. They were crammed in there, the suitcase in Lip’s right hand, just outside the crevice.

And Harry was… fuck.

Harry was doing that dumbass smile again, the same one he had Halloween night when Lip gave him a tattoo.

Lip’s smug and jubilant mood shifted and it felt like there was something crackling in the air between them while Harry kept smiling and Lip looked from Harry’s eyes to his lips…

Lip could lean in, brush his lips against Harry’s, prove to himself once and for all that he wasn’t attracted to dudes. Lip’s left hand twitched at his side and it would be too easy to put it on Harry’s hip, make sure to avoid the bullet wound that might still sting.

“Lip?”

Lip quickly looked from the lips that just moved back to Harry’s eyes and saw that Harry was still grinning. While Lip thought the moment had lasted for minutes, maybe an hour, it had probably only been a second. Harry didn’t look very suspicious anyway.

“Fuck, sorry.” Lip edged out of the crevice and took a deep inhale of the cold night air that wasn’t tainted by Harry’s breath and his body.

“No worries, mate.” Harry slid out of their hiding spot too and slapped Lip on the back, like a friend. A fucking male friend. Harry had a dick.

“Do you still want to go look in that shop for the piece for your washer?” Harry asked, still sounding high on the rush from running.

“Uh, yeah,” Lip agrees. He shook his head and took a sideways step away from Harry. “Yeah, let’s go check Pawnees for those parts then we’ll go work on the bot.”

“Brilliant,” Harry said, falling in step beside Lip easily, as natural as breathing or fucking.

They were about out of the alley when Lip realized that he had a big problem. Not a huge problem, Lip could be humble in knowing that he was a good sized dude with enough tricks to makeup for any chick who had been hoping for thirteen inches, but a big one.

Because Lip’s dick was half-staff in his boxers and Harry was the only person that was around to get a salute out of him.

Lip needed to get fucking laid and he was going to take down all the Democratic posters all over their neighborhood.

The fucking gay agenda was apparently just turning straight dudes queer.

At least he had the laser though, that was something.