Snitches get Stitches

By Wednesday, the odd assortment of people living in Harry’s house had found a comfortable rhythm.

Remus woke up first and made breakfast. Then Hermione woke up and used the upstairs shower (the one that Hermione and Mandy dubbed ‘the girls’ shower) before waking up Mandy, who was sharing Sirius’ old room with her until Hermione’s parents got moved. Mandy usually had to wake up Harry after she took a shower, then Harry tended to be stuck with a cold shower downstairs.

Remus told him if he would wake up earlier it wouldn’t be an issue, but Harry usually slept like garbage and tried to soak in any extra sleep he could get.

Harry and Mandy met up with Lip, Ian, and Mickey - who Fiona made re-enroll in high school as a contingency of living with her - to walk to school together. Harry assumed as soon as he and Mandy left, Hermione used her school portkey to get to Ilvermony.

Hermione still beat them home everyday, but Harry and Mandy had a bad habit of lingering after school ended with her brother and the Gallaghers. Mandy quit smoking and Harry offered to quit in solidarity, but she brushed him off and said he ‘needed it more than she did’.

Whatever that meant.

Fred was usually up and moving when they returned, he even made dinner the day before so Remus didn’t have to.

What Fred didn’t usually do was wait on the porch with his trunk in his hand when Harry and Mandy walked up to the house.

“Harry, can we talk?” Fred asked when Harry and Mandy made it to the porch. Fred was rubbing his arm with his hand, a nervous habit of his that Harry recognized.

“Yeah, alright,” Harry agreed.

“I’ll just grab some food and start homework,” Mandy offered.

That was another new thing- homework.

Harry didn’t usually bother with it, he had enough intelligent friends he could swap with that as long as he did one assignment (usually math) then he could trade it around to get the rest of his work done with. The difference was that Hermione was naggy…

…and helpful. But mostly naggy.

Mandy went inside and Harry eyed Fred’s trunk speculatively.

“You’re leaving?” Harry guessed flatly. Harry shouldn’t have been surprised, Fred had talked to Harry less and less since Mandy moved in. Harry thought that maybe Fred could get used to not using magic in the house or get to know Mandy she realize how amazing she was, but clearly not.

“Maybe not.” Fred stared hard at Harry until Harry bitterly met his eyes. “Give me a reason to stay and I will,” Fred said softly, no trace of humor or playfulness in his voice.

“I love you, Harry,” Fred said earnestly in a way that Harry couldn’t doubt. “I love you so bloody much that I’ll give it all up, right now. I’ll tell George that the shop is his, I’ll go to university and find a new career. Just give me a reason.”

Harry swallowed hard as he realized that Fred was serious. Fred would give up his dreams with George to stay with Harry. And that… that was a lot, truthfully.

“I don’t know what to say,” Harry said quietly. How was he meant to respond to that? Harry loved Fred, but Fred… Fred didn’t fit as seamlessly in Harry’s life as he once had. It hurt, it hurt bad, and it wasn’t either of their faults.

“I think that’s my answer then,” Fred said with a sad smile. “You should come for Christmas, Mum would be happy to see you.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Harry said, knowing he wouldn’t. Dudley would be in Chicago for Christmas, Mandy too. Harry couldn’t leave them behind, they were the last bits of his family he had left.

“I wish…” Fred trailed off and Harry knew what he was going to say.

Harry wished things were different. Harry wished he’d never grabbed that portkey or been taken to the manor he’d been tortured in. Harry wished he didn’t get branded and some days he wished he would have just broke and let Voldemort kill him.

“Me too,” Harry said.

Harry’s arms twitched awkwardly at his sides and Fred - Fred who knew Harry so perfectly at one point in time that they could practically read each others minds… Fred who had, less than a year ago, been the person Harry would miss most in the world… Fred who would give up everything for Harry if Harry would let him… - pulled Harry in for a hug that lasted long enough for Harry to feel as if his heart was breaking all over again.

“Bye, Harry,” Fred said after letting go of Harry.

Harry sniffled and watched as the first person to ever say they loved him grabbed his trunk by the handle and began walking away.

“Bye, Fred,” Harry whispered when Fred turned at the end of the block and Harry couldn’t see him any more.

“Dude… that was depressing as fuck.”

Harry jumped and whipped his head to the side toward the Gallagher house and saw that Ian, Lip, and Mickey were all standing in a huddle of their porch. They were gawking at Harry and Harry’s face heated up at his rather private moment being overheard by the three of them.

“Red,” Mickey slapped Ian’s chest with the back of his hand, “go suck his dick or somethin’. If he starts cryin’ then Mandy’s going to make me beat that dude’s ass.”

“You suck his dick,” Ian said. “You do it better anyway, bitch.”

“I hate you all from the bottom of my heart,” Harry deadpanned before storming in his house and slamming the door behind him.

Harry did cry about it, actually. But he did it from the privacy of his bedroom with only Dudley to witness it.

“I don’t get why you’re sad,” Dudley said after Harry told him what happened. Dudley shrugged. “You can still be friends, right? And now Mandy can have her own bedroom.”

“I guess.” Harry scrubbed his face with his hands and then rolled over on his back, holding the phone above his face. “It just feels like another person I don’t have anymore.”

“Sirius sucks and Fred sucks,” Dudley said matter-of-factly.

Harry would have argued about it, but Dudley distracted him.

“Oi! I mailed you something!” Dudley said. “My mate in computer science, the swot that made my fake ID, Josh?”

Dudley called every person he ever spoke to his mate, so Harry didn’t feel too badly that he didn’t really remember which one Josh was.

“Anyway, I convinced him to make a DNA test result thing for you!” Dudley said with a wide smile. “Now you don’t have to wait three weeks and you don’t have to tell Mandy about magic, right? It should be there by the end of this week, I paid extra for fast postage!”

“Dudley…” Harry blinked up at the phone and couldn’t believe how thoughtful his cousin was.

How was it possible that Dudley, the same boy that used to make Harry miserable, had grown and became one of Harry’s closest friends?

“Remember your twelfth birthday?” Harry asked Dudley after clearing his throat.

“Hard to forget the time you locked me in a snake exhibit,” Dudley grinned.

“If I could go back, I would have set both snakes loose before locking you in there.”

“THERE WAS ANOTHER SNAKE IN THERE?!”

Harry felt good enough after chatting with Dudley to get to work rearranging bedrooms. Mandy and Hermione had been sharing Sirius’ room, but Harry figured they both needed their own space.

It was only Harry’s desire to set up the master bedroom for the baby that gave him pause.

“Would you like help?” Remus asked, having climbed the front staircase and watched Harry just stand in place for an entire minute.

“I… don’t know how to do this,” Harry admitted.

Not only did a small part of Harry hope that Sirius would return at some point, but… but Sirius’ room was the one that Harry wanted to redo for the baby.

If Harry didn’t have Sirius, his absence wouldn’t hurt as much to fill his room with Harry’s child.

“Harry, this is more your house than anyone’s. Do what you want,” Remus said kindly as he put his hand on Harry’s shoulder. The two of them looked inside the bedroom together.

It was actually kind of funny, Mandy and Hermione sharing the room.

The long dresser with the mirror attached to it was covered in cosmetics and different jewelry that Mandy used in her piercings. The tall dresser beside it had a neat stack of books on it with a soft bristle hairbrush on top of them.

“If I let Hermione use this room, then it’ll be easier to paint and add a crib to when she leaves,” Harry explained quietly. “But if I give Mandy the smaller room, I think she’ll think I love Hermione more than her.”

“Why… why would the size of the bedrooms dictate who you love more?” Remus asked, sounding mystified by Harry’s rational fear.

Harry curled his shoulders in and wasn’t going to answer.

Bloody Hermione did it for him.

“Because that’s how it worked in Harry’s childhood.” Hermione bounced up the back staircase with Mandy and they actually rolled their eyes at Harry simultaneously, in a way that gave Harry chills for some reason.

“I’ll take Fred’s room, then the baby can have the biggest one,” Mandy said, making the decision for Harry. She grinned wickedly at him and then fluttered her lashes. “You’ll have to help me move my things, I can’t lift anything heavy.”

As if Harry would have let her anyway. Mandy didn’t even carry her own backpack since when they were fake-dating.

The four of them worked together amicably while they rearranged the rooms. There was a moment of discomfort when Harry went to grab Mandy’s boots off one of the shelves hanging on the wall and he saw that Sirius left behind an album Harry bought him.

It had been a nightmare to find too. Harry and Dudley went to half a dozen CEX’s in Surrey to find the album Sirius mentioned off-hand once. It was a Queen album, one for a concert Sirius said he went to with Harry’s parents and Remus the summer they graduated Hogwarts.

And Sirius left it. He took every bloody hairbrush he owned and left the album that Harry sent him.

Harry’s hands were shaking as he clutched the faded album cover in his hands.

What did Harry do to Sirius? What had Harry personally done to Sirius aside from being bloody tortured? What was so wrong with Harry that every personal relationship he had went to shit?

Mickey wouldn’t be out with Harry, but he would Ian.

Mandy loved Harry, but she had been willing to kill their baby.

Fred wanted to give up his whole future for Harry, making it Harry’s fault if he grew to resent him.

Sirius had once broken out of prison to protect Harry, and as soon as he was granted freedom, he just left.

Harry didn’t know if it was anger or sadness that had his eyes clouding over and his hands shaking, but he knew as soon as he went to snap the album in half, someone stopped him.

“Don’t,” Hermione said, grabbing his wrist and keeping Harry from snapping it.

Harry couldn’t look at Hermione, not when his head was a mess of anger and hurt.

“I hate him,” Harry whispered. “He’s ruined everything.”

“I know,” Hermione said sympathetically. “But think of this room all painted pink and your daughter in a little crib by the windows? It’s good that he left, Harry. Now you have room for people that truly matter, like Professor Lupin and Mandy.”

Harry did look over at Hermione then, giving her a forced and wry smile.

“And you?” Harry asked.

Hermione smiled and hugged Harry from the side, a consistent and warm weight to Harry when he was at his lowest.

“There’s always room for me,” Hermione said sweetly. “I could stuff you in a cupboard and take your room if I needed to.”

“Oi!”

Lip was so fucking ready to show those Alpha Pi dick bags what was up.

Lip, Harry, and Harry’s friend - who was apparently a fellow genius - had spent a week working on the bot for the Machine Mash and there was zero chance they would lose.

The Alpha Pi dicks in question were at the sign-up table inside the college when Lip arrived with his bot and crew. Crew might have been a strong word to use, it was really just Lip, Harry, Mandy, and Hermione. Harry and Hermione helped bring the bot to life and Mandy apparently just didn’t have a life outside of being up Harry’s ass.

It was a quick fucking flip from her dumping him over the pregnancy, but whatever.

“Oh not this kid again.” One of the dicks, who was probably named Chad, laughed when he saw Lip. “Didn’t we kick your ass last year?”

“Did you?” Lip asked with a smirk. “I don’t remember that.”

They did. It had been fucking humiliating and Lip has been plotting revenge for the last year.

“Bro, do you even have the entry fee?” The other Chad asked with a smug look. “We don’t accept EBT.”

“Do you accept cash?” Harry forked over the $50 entry fee, even though Lip told him not to. Harry smiled innocently when he passed it to them. “Your mum gave it to me last night, I hope that’s okay.”

Hermione sighed, but Lip and Mandy laughed. Harry had a fucking mouth on him…

Lip looked at Harry’s mouth and for a second wondered if his mouth would feel any different on Lip’s dick than a chick’s did.

Then Lip mentally reworded what was supposed to be a compliment until it wasn’t wrapped up in some gay shit Ian infected him with—

Harry was sarcastic, that was all Lip fucking meant.

Jesus.

There were twenty entries in battle and at least three hundred people packed in the arena to watch and cheer for their teams. Mandy had to throw some sharp elbows to get them beside the arena during the battles before theirs, but it was worth it. Hermione was leaning over the ledge and watching the bots with pure fascination. Harry had decided to FaceTime his cousin to show him…

“BIG D!” Harry had to scream to be heard. “LOOK AT THIS!”

Harry leaned over the rail with Hermione and had his phone out to show his cousin the battle happening. As cool as Lip found the event, he was surprised that they were so fucking pumped over it.

“I think they were like super sheltered,” Mandy told Lip, apparently thinking the same thing he was. “Mione had never even held a gun before Mickey took her shooting.”

Of course Mickey took Hermione shooting. The fucking Milkovich’s just couldn’t help getting involved in everything they could. Lip would have thought that Mickey was trying to shoot his shot with Hermione, except apparently she was as gay as he was.

Everyone was fucking gay lately, it was spreading like the fucking flu.

Lip watched Harry and Hermione geek out until their bot was called to the arena. Since only two of them could go down there, Lip snagged Harry to help him carry ‘South Side Assassin’ down to the arena.

“Ready?” Lip asked Harry from the corner of his mouth. The Alpha Pi dicks were smirking and cracking jokes across from them and Lip had never wanted to destroy anyone’s shit as badly as he did them.

“I hope they cry,” Harry said. Lip turned up the alternator, Harry pressed the red power button, and the battle was on.

Harry wanted to immediately blow their shit up, but Lip dragged it out. Lip wanted it to last just long enough for those rich assholes to get their hopes up and then Lip could see it when they saw the end. Plus Harry had a shitty week with the ex-boyfriend moving out and making a scene so Lip figured Harry getting a few extra minutes of excitement was a friendly thing to do.

When Lip was ready to deploy the laser and take the win, he let Harry press the switch for it.

Harry screamed as loudly in pure excitement when they won as Chad & Chad did in absolute defeat.

“What are you going to do with the money?”

Lip and Harry were celebrating their win with a bottle of vodka on top of Lip’s favorite bridge in the city. It was a quieter area and the bridge was just cool as hell with the old tracks that ran over it and the way that Lake Michigan was visible in the distance.

They had invited Hermione and Mandy to celebrate, but Mandy couldn’t drink and Hermione didn’t want to. Lip almost decided to just go home, but Harry had said they should celebrate.

Lip took a swig from the bottle they were sharing and used a half-truth to answer Harry.

“Save it for the future, I guess,” Lip said when a shrug. It wasn’t a lie, Lip planned to use the winnings to pay Mandy off on the baby that was definitely Harry’s. But that was between Lip and Mandy until the kid was born.

Lip passed the bottle to Harry and Harry grinned at him.

“That’s boring,” he teased Lip, already looking glassy-eyed even if he wasn’t slurring yet. Harry could smoke an ounce and be fine, but three shots had him sloppy.

“What would you do with a thousand dollars right now?” Lip asked.

“Right this very second?” Harry asked. He took a drink and then laughed. “I’d pay Hermione to tell me if sex with Mandy could hurt the baby.”

Lip laughed until he realized that Harry was perfectly fucking serious.

“You and Mandy are still fucking?” Lip asked casually. It was going to piss him off if Mandy was still fucking Harry while she was only keeping his baby because Lip was paying her.

“No, but I want to,” Harry said airily, swinging the bottle around while he looked out toward the lake. “This is going to sound stupid, okay? But if you laugh I’ll shove you off this bridge.”

Every time Harry said some shit like that, it was always the stupidest thing he had ever heard.

“Hold on.” Lip pulled a cigarette from behind his ear and cupped his hand around it to light it. “Okay, let’s hear it.”

“I think if I stick my cock in Mandy that it’ll hit the baby in the head.”

Lip immediately burst in laughter and nearly slipped right off the fucking bridge. Every time he looked over at Harry, he started laughing again.

“You’re the worst friend ever,” Harry grinned. He reached out and, with much better reflexes than a drunk should have, snatched the cigarette from Lip’s hand to smoke himself.

“How big do you think your dick is?” Lip laughed. “Jesus Christ. What the fuck kind of sex ed did you have at your fancy ass school?”

“None! No sex education!” Harry cried with a dramatic wave of his hand. Lip took the bottle of vodka before Harry could spill it or drop it. “I know nothing! Will I give the baby brain damage? Is it possible for her to get pregnant twice? These are serious questions! And I need answers because I am so bloody horny, Lip!”

Harry finished his drunken bullshit spiel by groaning and leaning on Lip, tilting his head over and laying it right on Lip’s shoulder. Harry was too fucking close and Lip had been drinking too much and getting laid not enough because he said something stupid as fuck.

“We could have sex.”