Severus's Demise
Minerva,
after you, obviously mistakenly, made me and Black the new Headmasters of Hogwarts, it has come to my attention that you have left the country in the following four hours, failing to inform anyone of your sudden departure. Certain people were very worried of your disappearance, some even mentioning potential abduction.
I, being one of the only two, presumably, wizards certain of your continued survival am obliged to ask you if you are safe and, indeed, not yet lying in your deathbed.
I must also ask why you happen to leave at that exact moment, because it has fallen to me - seeing Black is incapable of doing anything of the sort - to sort out the trouble you have bestowed upon Hogwarts and, very possibly, the entire British wizarding world. It may not have been your objective, but that is, in fact, how it went.
So, once again, why did you happen to leave, Minerva? Was the pressure too much? Were you scared? Were you trying to flee all responsibility and honour that Albus has handed to you by making you Headmistress?
Because I am quite certain you are aware of the damage your rash decision will cause to the student, as well as to the teacher body. And you are also aware of consequences that will have on the future of the wizarding world.
If you had to go, for one reason or another, be it reasonable or not, you could certainly have waited for a few years more? In the least a few months, to explain the extent of Hogwarts's Headmaster's duties and power to, in great parts, the unexperienced as well as idiotic Black that you have made Headmaster.
But you did not wait, and I believe that to be a mistake on your part, a decision not thought through, a choice born in selfishness and a call wrongly made.
I also happen to believe that your sudden passing on of the magic was not born of rationality but of a spout of madness, not that I would mean that as an insult, but a mere objective observation. You have shown worrying signs of madness in the past years, and I am... somewhat acquainted with mad leaders, if you understand where I am going with this.
Now that I have asked all the important questions, I remember you have asked me for a detailed explanation of all happenings, because it was not in your ability to stay to see them for yourself.
So, here, I have noted down everything of relevance for you to read, and also, do not believe a word the Daily Prophet writes, their journalists are quite... creative.
You left us on Sunday evening, after having called a meeting and having wrongly passed on the magic to me and Black. Nothing happened on such short notice and all the teachers went to sleep without taking further action.
On Monday morning, journalists from multiple newspapers from across Great Britain stood outside the great doors, without me remembering anyone having called for them, which is somewhat worrying.
Black and I had to answer scores of questions far too invasive for most parts and were able to shove them aside for Filius to answer them after an hour or so. Afterwards, Black disappeared, to avoid work at all costs, as is usual for him, and I acquainted myself with the Headmaster's office in more detail, for the second time as a Headmaster.
It was not passed midday as suddenly a surprisingly large pile of paperwork magically appeared on the Headmaster's desk, in an area perhaps made to that effect. It took me over two and a half hours to read through.
The content ranged from important documents informing me about the acquiring of foods for the kitchen as well as complaints from parents (over twenty-two in the past three months) or the post-war renewed treaties with the merpeople over to banal things such as objects having to be replaced (the cause for most of these being Peeves), lamps being fixed or Thestrals having to be treated to honestly dreadful things like the renewal of the cleaning spells in the owlery, finding doors or classrooms gone missing and, quote, "the budget for psychological treatments for the most tormented ghosts of the castle, as proscribed by the ministry in 1827".
I was finished by four pm, having skipped lunch, only to be quite literally assaulted by ministry officials flooing in the office to bother me about trivial things I had not known were issues, and even less issues to bother the Headmaster about.
Were you aware - and I think you were, seeing the haunted look in your eyes at the Feast every evening - that the number of pets in Hogwarts is limited to eight hundred, and if that number is exceeded, pets have to be 'eliminated discreetly, for cause of potential issues with the student body'?
And it appears there are indeed measures to be taken if a Headmaster is chosen by the magic and further measures to be taken if that Headmaster has never received any formal training. But there aren't any if there is a second Headmaster, which is why Black has yet to do actual work.
Anyway, these measures mostly mean I have to be constantly supervised, and that there will be an obscene number of ministry officials flooing into the office every day to inform me of duties that are mine to take care of.
I find myself missing the times as Headmaster under -the Dar- Voldemort, mostly because there wasn't any paperwork. It consisted, mainly, of scaring the students into submission while dong the bare minimum of work.
I was eventually allowed to return to my chambers long after the sun set, shortly passed three am. The second day, Tuesday, was in some ways better, in some ways worse.
I woke up at six, as usual, which turned out to be a mistake because there were over a dozen new journalists standing in line in front of the gates, waiting to interview me as well as Black, for some unfathomable reason.
I went to the office immediately, skipping breakfast, and went to work on the new pile (only slightly smaller than the last) of paper standing on the desk. Black had the audacity to not yet have shown up.
I sent an elf to him to inform him that his one job for the day was to keep the journalists out of Hogwarts thinking he would be able to do at least that but was sadly disappointed, albeit not surprised at him incompetence.
Around one pm the first ministry official appeared and soon there were half a dozen, talking over each other in a chorus of pure torture.
Somewhere along the afternoon Black showed up in the office and dared conjure a second chair to sit next to me, as if he had any right to call himself a Headmaster. He obviously did no work anyway, but I managed to get him to listen, by any means necessary.
I did join the Feast in the evening, even though solely because, I was informed, it was bad form for the Headmaster not to show up, sending out a picture of wrongness or weakness. Black also conjured a new Headmaster's chair at the teachers' table, but he did not, in fact, place it in the middle but next to -the wo- Lupin's. I do not doubt his sanity, but I do not doubt his insanity either.
At the Feast I was reminded that I had actually missed to teach over five different classes on Monday and Tuesday and I set myself to find someone to replace me as well as Black for the time being in the morrow.
The third day I woke up a five am, and sent an elf to wake up Black at six thirty, leaving me one-and-a-half hours to work in peace. I called in Filius to explain to me how Hogwarts hiring procedures work and was (not at all ) surprised that there were no background checks or anything of the sort and that the final decision solely relied on the Headmaster's word and whim.
So, I set myself to find a new Potions professor and Muggle Studies professor, quite shocked by the very limited options that were at my disposal. Once Black arrived I made it quite clear that laziness, tardiness and other such qualities I would not tolerate and put him to work by means mostly legal.
We - do not believe his word if he tries to make you believe otherwise - came to the conclusion that Black could stay in his former position while taking on certain tasks of Headmaster while I would take care of the rest, mainly paperwork. The Potions position would be filled by a marginally competent Potions Master that did not have a choice, because it appears teaching at Hogwarts is not as well-seen as it once was.
Around 4 o'clock the ministry officials came in and had to turn myself to matters more... boring, but also somewhat important.
I tried to have Black work on signing some papers all the while, but disappeared to feed documents on important legislations to the Giant Squid, after which I set him on the journalists that were still hounding at the gates. I sincerely hope they will leave in the next few days or I will find myself hurting them or Black, whomever I reach first.
On the forth day, being Wednesday, the new professor actually appeared before lunchbreak and he seemed normal enough before he opened his mouth to speak. He is the most insolent, idiotic and arrogant man I have met since my years at Hogwarts with the self-proclaimed 'Marauders'.
I greeted him as I would anyone else and after glaring at me in a manner unfit for a Headmaster he dared answer with 'well, aren't you... unkempt. I was hired for Potions professor here, you may now show me my chambers and certainly 'top-class' laboratory."
To say the least, he was not in agreement over living in the dungeons or his ‘laboratory’ and was even less good company and I will not be held responsible if he may or may not disappear without a trace one night. He may be even worse than Black was shortly after fleeing from Azkaban, as much as it saddens me to write those words. His pay will be very, very low if I have any say in it, which I do. I have every say in it.
I then went back to doing paperwork until three pm, the house elves bringing me lunch for fear of me starving to death. Ridiculous.
It was then that the first ministry official flooed in, ending my calm for the day. I was able to escape the paperwork at one in the morning to rest for about four-and-a-half hours before the cycle starts anew
This went on very similarly for the rest of the week, with only minor changes. I had, at this moment, found some semblance of a routine.
I wake at five thirty to do some early work before Black himself wakes and feels the need to grade papers in the Headmaster's office. Elves bring in food for lunch, until then I have finished two stacks of paperwork. Around three in the afternoon, then, the ministry officials arrive and bring official matters to me and explain my roles and duties, which was your duty in the first place.
On Saturday and Sunday neither did the work lessen nor did my now dangerously filled schedule.
I am, I find, mentally quite unstable at this moment but I have (low) hopes that once this... unusual situation cools down that the workload and the interest will lessen to the point of being bearable, seeing as I won't be disappearing (fleeing) any time soon.
I hope that you, Minerva, are satisfied with this retelling of the events, even if I was cut short at the end. I may have more time next week though, to go into further detail. May this arrive to you, wherever you may be, in good health.
But I do damn you under all the Gods for you to have left this upon me with an incapable as my only help. May you perish in the claws of a matagot and suffer nightmares till you rest in your misbegotten tomb.
Greetings,
Severus Snape, Headmaster of Hogwarts, Order of Merlin, First Class, Potions Master, First Class, Alchemy Master, Second Class and Merlindamn Annoyed.
The first thought to reach her fried brain after having finished reading was 'please don't make it longer!' shortly followed by, 'Oh MERLIN, please no, have mercy'.
She had spent six years as Headmistress and that was the only reason she did not break down into tears immediately, because she was (probably) the reason why Great Britain as a whole would be going down right about now.
Sirius and Severus were both somewhat close to being great people (minus both being, well, assholes) but neither were to be put in charge of anything, ever, and even less children.
She sat down on her narrow couch, one of the sparce pieces of furniture in her new apartment, and buried her face in her hands, sighing tiredly.
Maybe she was a bad person for it, but she still couldn't find it in herself to regret her quick escape. She couldn't be blamed for it after those working conditions and at her age and she would die on that hill if needed.
Anyway, in the end, if Sirius fed important paperwork to the Giant Squid or Severus drowned in some more paperwork it wasn't her problem anymore. Her only regret was that she wouldn't see some of the older students grow into the adults they now were, but it was a small price to pay.
(She still felt a pang of... something in her heart thinking of this entire catastrophe of a situation.)