Chapter 29
Sirius
“I’m not leaving him alone.”
“He’s a thirteen-year-old boy not an infant. He’ll survive an hour without you.”
I’m not convinced he will
Sirius crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. He wasn’t going to be told what he could and couldn’t do in his own house, and he especially wasn’t going to take anyone bar Remus’ advice when it came to his brother.
Kingsley stepped back, putting his head in his hands, and pacinrg in a small circle.
“I thought you got the ok from Albus to just have him sit in there? We need everyone helping and you’re the most experienced with dark magic.”
Sirius just shrugged, “I changed my mind.”
After witnessing Regulus’ reaction to the Weasleys family dispute and his confession about the war worrying him, he was not going to force him into that room. These meetings got loud, aggressive and constant bad news, not to mention a dozen new people.
“All the other kids are going to be with him, what’s the issue?”
The issue is when he decides to steal someone’s quill nibs and shove them in his wrists
“The issue is between me and him. The meeting will have to go on without me, Remus can fill me in afterwards.”
“This isn’t a game of whisper, I thought you of all people would know how important it is we communicate properly.”
Sirius scoffed, “Oh I am well aware of that. Twelve years aware of that, thanks.”
He wasn’t backing down from this.
“At least come in at the start for Severus’ report.”
“Not a chance.”
“There must be something? We need everyone’s input.”
“Well, you’ll have to go without mine! I’ve made my choice and unless you want to find a new headquarters, you’re going to respect it.”
Sirius shoved past Kingsley and headed upstairs, ignoring whatever it was he was still saying.
He wasn’t leaving Regulus alone and he wasn’t going to force him in that room. Everyone would just have to deal with it and he’d discuss the key points with Remus afterwards. He didn’t have time for pointless arguments right now anyway. Snape was on his way and Sirius needed all of his patience to deal with that.
Sirius went straight into his room and…
Fucking fantastic
His case wasn’t in the drawer. Snivellus was going to have a field day if he’d lost that.
“Merlin so fucking help me!”
Sirius frantically started pulling his room apart. Throwing clothes in one direction, then in another. Stripping the bed. Rummaging through his cupboards. Checking every spot twice. But it wasn’t here. He’d gone and fucking lost some time in the last 24 hours because of course he had.
“Where the fuck is it?!”
This time Sirius started ripping everything out of the cupboards, piling it all onto the bed. It had to be here somewhere. It was in the drawer yesterday. What did he do with it?
Sirius was tossing anything and everything that wasn’t the case away. Hitting walls, making loud bangs and probably breaking half of it, but fuck, he had to find this damn case. He had to give it back to Snape or he wouldn’t give him this new case of potions.
Why am I so fucking useless with this shit?
Sirius scraped out the last few items from the second drawer and slammed it shut, reaching down to start on the third. Quill, shirt, sock, book, robe, shirt, shirt, heat pack, shorts, hairbrush, so-
“What on earth are you- OW! Pads?!”
Sirius spun around, sock in hand ready to throw it over his shoulder-
“Oh shit, sorry,” he exclaimed as he spotted Remus rubbing his head, a hairbrush lying at his feet. “I’m looking for my case, Snapes gonna be here any minute and I can’t remember what I did with it.”
Sirius dropped the sock and turned back round, reaching into the draw to keep searching. Shirt, robe, shorts, shorts. “I saw it in the drawer yesterday but it isn’t there now and-”
“Sirius, it’s alright. You put it in the study before lunch, remember? So, you could just meet him in there instead of walking around the house with it.”
Sirius stopped digging through the drawer.
“Ohhhh … fuck, no I completely forgot about that.”
“I can see that.”
“Shit I’m-” Sirius turned to face Remus and for the first time since his panic induced cleaning spree started, actually took in the mess he’d made. Stuff was everywhere. Most of the wardrobe and drawer contents were scattered around the room like an explosion had gone off. Sirius sighed. “I’m sorry. Don’t worry I’ll clean it up. I wasn’t thinking, I’m just so distracted and-”
Remus waved his hand, shaking his head and giving him a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry, it’s just a little mess. What’s got you so worked up?”
I don’t deserve you
Sirius leaned against the cupboard door, head hitting the wood with a soft thud.
“Kingsley isn’t happy I’m skipping the meeting, but I am not taking Reg in there. If he wasn’t so… you know… I’d be fine with it but after the Weasleys and this morning...”
“No, I think you’re making the right choice.”
Sirius smiled weakly, “Thanks. I just really need those potions. Plus, I’ve got to deal with Snape and he is such an git about doing this, makes me feel like shit just for needing them.”
“You’ve held up really well so far without them.”
“Hmm well… let’s see how I go when you’re away…”
He looked up, to see Remus still trying to give him a smile and-
His heart skipped a beat, as his entire body tensed up. “Where’s Reg? Is he alright?”
Had something happened? Why was Remus here? Where was Regulus? Was he ok? Was something wrong? Did he-
“He’s just in bathroom, Pads.” Remus frowned, tilting his head, concerned. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh…right… bathroom… yeh… nothing sorry I’m just…” losing my mind
Sirius leaned back against the wall, letting it take his weight as he pressed his hands over his face and took a deep shuddering breath.
“Just need a second.”
Calm down. He’s fine, the case is safe, everything is gonna be fine.
“Do you want me to-”
Sirius shook his head, pulling his hands from his face and forcing a smile, “No, I’m good now.”
Liar.
Sirius straightened up, “Let’s go yeh?” He said more than asked as he walked toward the doorway Remus was standing in. Remus didn’t look convinced but stepped aside to let him through.
He turned the corner.
---
Regulus
Regulus turned off the tap and grabbed the hand towel, drying his hands. He liked getting these moments alone, even if they weren’t as helpful now the temperature charms were in place, but today he was eager to get back out there. He’d just reached a pivotal moment in his book, and he was rather desperate to find out how this very impossible situation was going to be resolved. If it was going to be resolved.
Hands dry, Regulus put the towel back and opened the door. But he stopped.
Where’s Remus?
Confused, he stuck his head out the door, only for his confusion to intensify. There was no one there. He was alone.
Are they… testing me or something?
That was the only logical reason he could thing of to explain why Remus wasn’t standing here. Were they waiting for him to run? Seeing what he’d do? Did they have wards up? Were they expecting him to try something?
Regulus stepped into the hallway, the floorboards creaking underfoot, but nothing happened. No one came out of the shadows. No one cast any spells. No one was chasing him. Maybe Remus had gone back to Regulus’ room, expecting him to be another few minutes?
He quietly moved down toward his room. It was exactly how they’d left it. Light on, curtains drawn, window open. His book and water were untouched by the bed and Remus’ were still on his chair.
Maybe he went to his room?
Regulus backed out of his room, intending to head down to check his brother’s room but stopped when he spotted a tall, dark haired with his back turned. He wore flowing black robes with hair almost as long as his brothers, with his wand pointing down at the floor.
Who’s…
Regulus stepped back to put a little more distance between himself and the stranger. Was he in the order? Why was he up here? Did he floo in?
As he shifted his weight, the floor creaked, prompting the man to spin around. Their eyes met, and Regulus froze as he realised who he was looking at.
Severus…
It had to be. He looked almost exactly the same, albeit a few more wrinkles and a little taller but… he looked just like the boy he’d sat across from at breakfast a week ago.
Severus seemed to be sharing his surprise, though he seemed far less shocked than Regulus. His eyes were wide but not overly, still darting up and down, looking Regulus over like he was trying to spot something wrong. Regulus suddenly got the feeling that was exactly what he was doing, like Dumbledore had, trying to figure out if this was Regulus or some kind of imposter.
Regulus swallowed and took another step back. What if he did think he was an imposter? Did Severus know he was here? Had Dumbledore told him? Surely he had, Sirius and Remus said he’d been told but what if… what if he hadn’t? Or what if Severus thought he was an imposter? Would he attack?
He didn’t even have a wand to defend himself.
Not that I’d do much…
He hadn’t even finished third year yet. Severus had already been talented at the dark arts when Regulus knew him, but this Severus… He wouldn’t stand a chance even with his wand.
Regulus took another step back as his heart started beating faster. Where was Remus? Where was Sirius? What if they were caught up somewhere else? What if he was alone and Severus decided he was a threat? What was he going to do?
Part of him wanted to think he’d be fine, that Severus wouldn’t do anything, but another, louder part was shouting so many what if scenarios he couldn’t help but think the worst.
What do I do?
Even if he made it to his room and closed the door, he couldn’t do much to stop a grown wizard from coming in.
“Expelliarmus!”
Suddenly, Severus’ wand was out of his hand and flying through the air. The man spun around and Regulus sighed with relief as he spotted his brother, wand aimed at Severus.
“What on earth do you think you are doing Black?”
“Reg? Are you alright?”
“Merlin, Black you really have lost it. Why would I do anything to an unarmed child?”
“Oh I’m sure it’s not beneath you, Snivellus.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Better than a dirty little-”
Sirius raised his wand and Regulus braced himself, expecting something to blasted this way. But before Sirius could cast a spell, Remus jumped between the men.
“Sirius enough!”
Sirius’ eyes narrowed as he peered down the length of his wand and Remus stepped toward him.
“Enough,” he said firmly, placing his hand on the wand and pushing it down.
“Yes, Black,” Severus sneered. “Listen to your bitch.”
Sirius jerked forwards, his face hardening and jabbing his wand back up.
“I swear on-”
“Sirius! Leave him!”
“Leave him!”
“Father I was just-”
SLAP!
Pain radiating across his face, Regulus fell back, smacking into the door and losing his grasp of the apple.
“He is being punished for a reason and I said leave him!”
Regulus tensed, bracing for another hit. He’d just wanted to help. Sirius had been in there too many days. He needed to eat. He just wanted to help.
“I just-”
SLAP!
Regulus hit the floor, landing on his wrist with a crunch and the taste of iron filling his mouth.
“You will NOT do this again.”
Regulus stumbled back, caught off guard by Remus’ tone. He wasn’t used to that. He didn’t like it. Seeing an angry person get angry was one thing, but seeing a calm person get angry was another thing entirely. It was like the rage had an extra bite to it. The unpredictability. The contrast. Would he stay that way? Would he get like this again?
Severus sneered, “You need to control your mental deficiencies Black” He pointed toward the study, “Crazy potions are in there.”
Crazy potions?
Regulus suddenly felt sick to his stomach.
Are they going to force me to drink…
No, of course they wouldn’t. These potions could be for anything. They could be for the order they could be… but… why would Severus deliver them directly up here unless…
“Would you consider trying mind potions?”
Remus had asked him if he’d consider taking them. He’d said that under normal circumstances he’d be a St Mungos taking dozens of potions a day. Had they finally decided he couldn’t make the choice for himself? That he was too crazy to trust?
Maybe I am…
He’d given them plenty of reasons to think so…
Regulus’ eyes darted between the men. Remus. Severus. Sirius. He had to know…
“Are they for me?”
Suddenly, three pairs of eyes were all trained on Regulus.
He was surprised when Severus was the first to react. His brow furrowed and his face remained hardened, but the malice he’d been throwing at Sirius was missing. He seemed confused, concerned, surprised and regretful all at once.
“Do you need them?”
They locked eyes and Regulus couldn’t help but think about the cuts all over his body, his mother, his father. The real answer was probably.
Severus’ eyes widened slightly, and Regulus broke their gaze, looking at his feet.
“I’m not taking them.”
It was silent for another moment. A long moment. He could feel their eyes on him and he started fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt to keep himself from running away. Then he heard whispering. Whispering that turned into whispered yelling.
“Why didn’t you ask?”
“Don’t act like some saint.”
“Be qui-”
“You are unbelievable.”
“We’re handing it.”
“So this time you care?”
“Stop argu-”
“Shut up.”
“What? You can’t-”
“Enough!”
Remus’ voice echoed down the hall. The whispering stopped and even Regulus looked up.
“Sirius, take Regulus.”
“But-”
“Severus, can I speak with you?”
“Fine.”
“Great. We’ll take the study.”
Regulus stood there and watched as Remus led Severus back into the study and shut the door, then he looked at Sirius.
Sirius was white in the face, with his hands running through his hair and looking at everything but his brother. Regulus was beyond confused now. He knew that Severus didn’t get along with Sirius and his friends, but that didn’t explain anything about what just happened.
I don’t understand
He was about to ask when at last Sirius made a loud sighing sound and pointed at Regulus’ bedroom door. He didn’t need telling twice.
The two of them went inside and Sirius’ shut the door. Regulus climbed onto his bed, sitting cross legged in the middle, expecting Sirius to sit on the chair, except… Sirius didn’t sit on the chair. He sat on the bed, right in front of Regulus.
Then he spoke.
“They’re not for you.”
Then who were they-
“Do you remember the other day? Our conversation about Alphard?”
Regulus nodded. That wasn’t something you forget.
“Remember when I said you can’t make assumptions about us being fine? Me being fine?”
“You need to control your mental deficiencies Black”
Regulus understood.
“They’re for you, right?”
Sirius took a deep breath in, shutting his eyes and nodding, “Yeh. They’re for me.”
Regulus didn’t respond. He wasn’t bothered by it but… of all people he thought would take them, Sirius would have been last on his list. Sirius was loud and charismatic. An outgoing people person that loved the spotlight. The idea of Sirius taking potions? Needing to take the potions? It didn’t seem real.
“When-”
“When did I start taking them?”
He nodded and Sirius took a deep breath.
“1979. When I gave up drinking.”
Regulus’ stomach dropped as a cold feeling washed over him.
“Drinking?”
Sirius nodded.
“When I should have given the potions a try, I followed in dad’s steps instead.”
Regulus grabbed the glass from his father and took a large mouthful. He’d had a headache since his afternoon lessons started and this was the first drink of water he’d been allowed all day. He was sure he’d only received it because he’d gotten the last four questions wrong.
“Is that better?”
Regulus nodded, “Yes, thanks dad.”
Orion nodded, keeping his gaze fixed down on him as he sipped the amber liquid from his glass.
“So, do you remember what year the Statute of Secrecy went into effect now?”
Orion swirled the whiskey in his glass, raising an eyebrow as he stared down at Regulus from across the desk. Regulus swallowed nervously and shook his head. His father’s eyes narrowed.
“What about the years Unctuous Osbert served as minister?”
Regulus gripped his cup tightly. He didn’t know.
Orion took another sip, downing the last of his drink and placing the cup on the desk.
“I expect an answer.”
Regulus swallowed and looked down at his glass, racking his brain for the dates, “I… seventeen… seventy-”
“Incorrect,” Orion said, putting his hands on the desk and leaning forward, getting close enough that Regulus could smell the whiskey on his breath. “What about the Statute of Secrecy?”
“Err… that was… seventeen-”
SLAP!
“Try again.”
Regulus stared at his brother. Usually, his mind raced with questions. He hated not knowing things and would always try find out every bit of information in every situation. But not right now. Right now, his brain was still as he pictured Sirius with a bottle to his lips. He didn’t like that picture.
Regulus brought his hands together, twisting them as he looked at his brother.
“Are you… better now?”
Sirius swallowed and glanced down at Regulus hands. He took in another breath and started nodding, smiling warmly.
“I’m much better now.”
Regulus nodded too and let his hands relax.
“And… the potions they… help you?”
“They do.”
“Ok…”
Regulus crossed his arms, “I still don’t want to take them…”
“You don’t have to, but can I ask why not?”
What if I’m too far gone for them to work? What if they work like pain potions do? What if they make me feel worse?
He had a million concerns and Sirius was probably one of the best people to ask in this situation, but he didn’t say anything and just shrugged. It was too much to explain and he didn’t feel like trying to.
“Well if you want to ask any questions,” Sirius reached out and put his hand on Regulus’ knee, “Just ask, alright? I’ll tell you anything you want, whenever you want to know it.”
“Alright…”
KNOCK! KNOCK!
“Sirius? Can you come here for a minute?”
“Err, yeh no worries, just a moment.”
Sirius climbed off the bed and was about to press down the handle when Regulus spoke up.
“Thank you.”
Sirius paused, turning his head with a curious expression, “What for?”
Regulus smiled, “For telling me… and… I’m glad you’re better now.”
Sirius’ face flickered for a second then he returned Regulus’ smile.
“Thanks Reg.”
---
Sirius
The moment Sirius finished the silencing spell so Regulus wouldn’t overhear them, Remus spoke up.
“You told him?”
Sirius sighed and stepped away from the door into Remus, pressing his face into his shoulder. The image of Regulus’ face when he’d told him the first part lingered in his memory.
“Enough for him to understand.”
Remus curled his arms around his back, letting his own head tilt down against Sirius’.
“Not the present situation?”
Sirius shook his head, letting his hands slide around Remus. He’d considered it for a moment, admitting that he still struggled. But then he saw the way Regulus was fidgeting anxiously, the way his had body stiffened while waiting for the answer. Regulus needed to feel safe, and knowing every intricate detail of Sirius’ situation wasn’t going to do that.
It didn’t feel great to lie, but he was the grown up. It was his job to bear the burden of his own actions, not Regulus.
“Where’s Snape?”
“Gone downstairs for the meeting.”
Sirius nodded, “What did he say?”
“If Regulus needs the potions, he will organise them.”
Sirius scoffed, “So generous of him. Did he apologise for loitering and freaking my brother out?”
“Pads, he just walked in. He wasn’t to know Reg would be standing there.”
Sirius breathed in. “Did he… say anything about him?”
Remus pulled back, just enough to meet Sirius’ eye. “He was a child too Sirius. It wasn’t his job to do anything and Regulus did a decent job of hiding it.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Remus squeezed his hands around his back, “He… said it’s crossed his mind a few times, that something was wrong with him-”
“So he knew? The bastard knew and didn’t try-”
“He didn’t know anything, Sirius. He noticed Regulus withdrawing more and more over the years, but he said it wasn’t until he started teaching that it occurred to him Reg’s behaviour had been… indicative.”
So, it was possible teachers noticed and just didn’t care because of who he was. Just one less death eater.
“And just now? What did his legilimency reveal? I’m not an idiot, there is no way he wouldn’t have done it.”
Remus smiled weakly, “Nothing we didn’t already know.”
“Right… well…” Sirius started pulling away, turning for Regulus’ door. “You should probably head down and I’ll-”
Remus grabbed his hand before he could get out of arms reach, pulling him back. “This first.”
What do you-
Sirius stopped when he saw what Remus was pulling out of his pocket. It was a small vial, filled with murky purple liquid. His potion.
“Oh…” he reached out, grabbing the vial and uncorking it. He swirled the contents, watching it mix around before tipping it up and downing the draught in one go. It tasted horrible. He knew there were ingredients you could add to make it taste better, but Snape was hardly going to be that nice.
He passed the vial back as Remus pulled him back in, leaning down and pressing a swift kiss on his forehead. Sirius smiled.
“Thanks, Moony.”
They separated and Remus slipped the empty vial in his pocket as he descended the staircase for the meeting. Sirius pulled out his wand, casting the counter spell and opening the door.
He was pleased to see Regulus was still on his bed, lying on his stomach with his nose in his book. Shutting the door, Sirius walked over to his chair and collapsed into it. It had been a while since he’d taken the potion, and it was making him a little drowsy, but he knew it was working since he wasn’t panicking about what might happen to his brother if he shut his eyes for a few seconds.
The door was locked. There was nothing dangerous in here.
Sirius took a deep breath, shutting his eyes as he leaned back. He wasn’t sleeping. He could still hear Regulus turning the pages, the street outside, even the Weasley kids downstairs. He was just resting and it was incredibly nice not having his head screaming. To have the noise turned down.
He didn’t move until Regulus did.
“Um… are you awake?”
Sirius blinked his eyes open, catching Regulus looking up at him.
“I am. You want something?”
“Um…” Regulus glanced down at his page, a little pink appearing on his cheeks. He shut the book. “I was just… wondering… if I could have some water?”
“Is conjured alright?”
Regulus nodded and Sirius pulled out his wand. He pulled out a pillow from behind him and quickly transfigured it, filling it with water. He charmed it and sent it floating toward his brother, who caught it and took a sip.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Regulus lowered his glass, pursing his lips as glanced at one of his hands. The blush on his face darkening.
Strange…
“Need anything else?”
Regulus’ eyes shot up, meeting his as he shoved his hand behind his back.
“No.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow, letting his eyes dart to the hand his brother had just hidden behind his back. He silently thanked Merlin for the potion because he was able to resist the urge to demand Regulus show it to him so he could check for marks.
“You sure?”
Regulus swallowed, “Um… well… I just…”
Sirius waited.
“Do you… I don’t know… have like… um… a… tilaphone?”
Sirius blinked.
Did he say…
“A what?”
Regulus’ face was now bright red and he was squeezing the plastic cup so tightly it was bending.
“You know… the muggle owl things… the tilaphones?”
Sirius blinked again.
“You mean a telephone?”
Regulus fixed his gaze on his water, “yeh that…”
Sirius gapped. What in Merlins name would Regulus need a telephone for? He didn’t even know Regulus knew what they were.
“There’s a little hand one in the study. Why do you ask?”
Regulus’ eyes widened and he bit his lip.
“I was just… um…” he glanced down at his cup, then at his window before landing on his book. “I was just… curious. Wizards in my book had one and… I thought you might...”
Oh…
That made sense. A strange inclusion in a wizarding book so it made sense why it would spark someone like Regulus’ curiosity.
“You know what they do?”
Regulus bit his lip and nodded, “Talk to people, like the floo.”
“Already an expert.”
Regulus smirked and took a sip of his water.
“Ever used one?”
Regulus shook his head.
“Want to try it?”
Regulus coughed and looked up at Sirius with his jaw hanging open. “What?”
“The telephone. Remus uses it mostly, but I know how it works so I can order that muggle takeout sometimes. We need some dinner anyway; you want to try use it?”
Regulus swallowed and bit his lip. He pulled out his hand from behind his back and glancing at the back of it briefly before grabbing his cup.
“I… I guess… sure…”
Sirius grinned, “Alright, you happy with fish and chips?”
Regulus nodded and Sirius grinned, “Wait here for a second.”
Sirius jumped up and darted out the door, he unlocked the study and summoned the telephone, keeping his eye on Regulus’ door to make sure he didn’t try run. He caught the device, relocked the room and returned. Regulus was fiddling with his shirt sleeve, staring out the window.
“Here you are,” Sirius held the telephone out for Regulus who took it apprehensively. He flipped it around, examining it from all angles. The buttons, the screen, the little speakers, even the nob thing at the top. Sirius wasn’t entirely sure what that did, but he knew it was probably important.
“So just hit the numbers as-”
“Wait what do I say?”
“Just say, hi can I order a medium fish and chips for pick up at 7:30? The meeting will be over by then and Remus can collect it.”
Regulus nodded and held up the telephone in front of his face.
“So 0, 1, 8, 1…”
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP
“…4, 4, 4, 3…”
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP
“…3, 6, 8, 6…”
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP
“… and now hit that little button to start the call.”
Regulus did as he said and it started ringing.
“Now what?”
“Just hold it up to your ear, pointy end up.”
Regulus gripped the telephone tightly in his hand, tilting his head and pressing it against his ear. His brow was furrowed and his lips were pursed.
“And what do I say to the muggle when-” Regulus’ eyes widened in horror and he started shouting, “OH NO I JUST… UM… FISH AND CHIPS…”
Sirius grinned as Regulus glared at him.
“MEDIUM…” Regulus widened his eyes “UM… Sirius what time again?”
“7:30”
Regulus nodded, “AT 7:30… WELL I’M BLACK BUT LUPIN IS BUYING IT… OH OK… HELLO? HELLO?”
Regulus pulled the phone down from his face and took a deep breath as he handed the telephone to Sirius.
“Don’t make me do that ever again.”
Sirius chuckled, “You agreed to it.”
Regulus blushed, “yeh well… not again…” he muttered as he twisted his hands together.
“So, we’re getting food tonight?”
Regulus nodded, “They also said something about pounds?”
“Just muggle money, Remus will sort it out. Curiosity satisfied now?”
Regulus shrugged and Sirius decided to take that as yes.