Chapter 30
Regulus
When Regulus first woke up, he felt happy for the first time in months. It was his birthday. He was twelve.
Tap, tap, tap
Regulus opened his eyes, yawning as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. The bright morning sun shone across his room; through the curtains he hadn’t bothered closing last night. It warm, and he actually smiled as found the source of the tapping that had woken him.
An owl. Specifically, Pluto, the owl Evan and Pandora shared, tapping on his window.
He jumped out of bed and rushed over to the window, yanking it open and letting Pluto inside. He perched himself on the windowsill and Regulus grinned as he tore off the little drawstring bag attached to his foot. The moment it was off the owl, it tripled in size and Regulus sat on his bed and pulled out its contents.
There were three parcels. One wrapped messily in newspaper and the others wrapped neatly in brown paper. He opened Evans first, ripping off the card attached and putting it aside to read after. The newspaper was easy to peel off, and the gift revealed itself to be Seekers Secrets: The Golden Art. He flicked through it and found detailed lists and explanations of of training tips, flight techniques and trick moves a seeker would find helpful.
He opened the card, finding a simple greeting, happy birthday message and a comment about how excited he was for Regulus to smash the Gryffindor team.
Then he moved onto Pandoras. He opted for the card first on hers.
Tearing it off the book shaped gift, he opened it up.
Happy Birthday Reg!
I know the summer has been difficult, but you’re nearly through it and I’m incredibly excited to see you again and spend another year with my best friend. I know you’re going to love your gifts and if you don’t, you’re lying to yourself.
This time last year, we hadn’t met and now I can’t imagine my life without you. You are funny, caring, sneaky, an absolute ass and I wouldn’t change you for the world. Actually, I might change you being in Slytherin for Ravenclaw, but that’s it.
I miss you and I hope that everything goes alright for the rest of the summer. Happy birthday Regulus.
Love your favourite person in the world,
Pandora
PS. Its 6am and Evan is writing your card now and still trying to find something to wrap the gift with. Its hilarious watching him stress.
Regulus grinned and put the card carefully aside, moving onto the presents he was apparently going to love. Pandora was right.
Tearing off the paper, Regulus’ smile grew even wider. He knew it was a book, but it wasn’t just any book; it was his own copy of The Fox. Pandora had lent him her copy last year and he’d fallen in love.
It was written in letters between a young witch growing up with a maledictus curse, and her older brother at Hogwarts. It was heartbreaking. She goes through constant, painful, dangerous experiments, her parents trying to find a cure.
The last chapter is written from her brother’s perspective, coming home to find a half-finished letter on her desk that talks about how excited she is. There was a new healer visiting them that promised he could fix her. The brother was home mid-term for her funeral.
Wow…
He should have opened the small gift first. There was no way Pandora could top this. Regulus was wrong.
He laid aside the book and card and got to work opening the smaller gift. It was half the size of his book, and just as perfect.
Pandora could apparently top the first gift.
It was a little set of mini quills, with a few small pots of coloured inks. It was a study set. He eyed the pots curiously. There was blue, green, purple, yellow, red, and even a little pot of invisible ink. The quills were no longer than his hand, but each had intricate engravings decorating them.
It was for notating his book.
He’d been wanting to do it the entire time he read Pandoras copy, but it was hers so he couldn’t.
Now I can…
Regulus wanted nothing more than to open his book and get to work writing notes in the margins, but he knew better. If he didn’t head down to breakfast before his parents were there, he’d have to eat with them. Hardly the way he wanted to start his birthday.
Sirius used to bring up breakfast for them both and they’d eat in his room, playing games and talking. It’d been years since that happened though. He knew it wasn’t likely to happen again.
Regulus jumped off his bed and stashed the gifts in his desk drawer, exchanging it for his regular quill and some blank parchment. He wrote out a thank you note, promising a more detailed letter later, then attached it to Pluto and sent him off.
He got dressed quietly, and slipped out of his room, walking down the stairs toward the kitchen without a sound. He decided on honey toast. Sirius used to make it for him every year. It was the only thing he could really make when they were younger, and it turned into a tradition.
He put some bread in the toaster and grabbed a plate, the honey and a knife. It didn’t take long. Regulus pulled it out and began spreading a thin layer of honey on each slice. Then he stopped, as the kitchen door opened.
At first, he assumed it was his mother or father, and out of habit he straightened his back, standing stiffly. Standing properly.
It wasn’t Walburga or Orion though.
“Fucking git…” a tired, scratchy voice coughed.
Sirius?
Regulus turned around and low and behold, there was his brother, scowling and shuffling into the kitchen. He didn’t look good. He was wearing a short sleeve shirt, and his arms were a mix of purple, green and yellow splotches. He had dark rings under his eyes, and he was limping.
They’d barely seen each other over the summer. Sirius was locked in his room most of the time, and when he wasn’t he liked to stay there anyway, either that or causing trouble. Regulus had spent his summer trying to avoid punishment by doing whatever his parents told him. It hadn’t made their relationship any better.
“Morning…” Regulus muttered and turned back to his toast. He cut the toast into triangles, just like Sirius used to, and tossed the knife in the sink, keeping his head down as he put the honey away. Sirius didn’t move from the doorway, staring down at him with narrow eyes.
He tried to ignore him and sat down at the table and began nibling at his breakfast. Part of him was hoping Sirius would wish him a happy birthday. Most of him was hoping Sirius wouldn’t say anything. Neither of those things happened.
“You’re a fucking coward, you know that right?”
Regulus shrunk into his chair, and just shrugged, keeping his eyes fixed on his plate.
“What you’re too good to talk to me are you? Too good to look at me?”
He didn’t answer. He didn’t really know what to say.
“Merlin, you’re ridiculous.”
Regulus swallowed and picked up another piece of his toast.
Sirius came into the kitchen then. He banged around making his own breakfast like he was trying to wake up the whole house. Getting himself a glass of water and filling a bowl with cereal as he muttered under his breath. Regulus tried to tune him out. There was no point engaging. It was better if he just ate and left, getting into a duel would just land them both in trouble.
Almost there
Regulus reached down to pick up his last piece of toast-
Sirius’ hand beat him to the plate and snatched up the last triangle. Regulus’ eyes flicked up and he shuddered when they found his brother holding the toast out like it was some kind of cursed object. Sneering at it, then down at him. His face all twisted in disgust.
“This supposed to mean it’s your birthday or something?”
The happy feeling he’d woken up with dissolved. Regulus’ hands snapped together, and he bit the inside of his cheek. Slowly, he nodded.
Sirius scoffed, his frown deepening.
“Can’t believe I actually used to do this shit for you…”
Me neither…
Regulus was desperately trying to keep his expression blank. It wasn’t working. He could feel the aches and pains seeping through his mask. He hoped Sirius wouldn’t notice.
“You used to be such a sweet kid… What happened?”
You left me… I had to defend myself… I had to survive…
He didn’t say it out loud. He wouldn’t have been able to get the words out without choking up. So, he kept silent as Sirius continued.
“I could help you. All you have to do is ask. We could run away and find somewhere safe, together.”
Please help me…
Regulus didn’t say that either. He couldn’t. What if they heard him somehow? What if the portraits told on him? He didn’t want to get in trouble…
Sirius’ face softened, looking Regulus up and down. For a second he looked like Sirius. His brother, Sirius. The one who used to look out for him and be his best friend.
“Reg please…” he whispered, his face cracking apart. “Say something… tell me you’re still you…”
I’m still me. I’m still Regulus. I’m right here.
The words whirled around his head, begging to get released, but Regulus couldn’t bring himself to do it. All he could do was watch as his silence made Sirius’ face go back to rage. From white to red. From Sirius to Orion.
“Whatever,” Sirius spat and balled his fists. The toast crunching to crumbs in his hand. “Happy fucking birthday.”
“Happy birthday Reg! I made this for you!”
“Regulus, I made us breakfast! Happy birthday! ”
“I hope you to have the best birthday ever!”
“I love you, Reg! Happy birthday!”
Sirius didn’t bother waiting for his reaction. He turned on his heal and stomped back over to the counter, snatching up his bowl and putting his glass in the sink. Then he left.
Regulus didn’t. He stayed. His eyes fixed on the crushed remains of his breakfast on the floor. His insides were cramping up. His chest was collapsing in on itself. He couldn’t breathe.
Happy fucking birthday to me…
Regulus clenched his jaw, blinking back the sting in his eyes and swallowing the lump in his throat. He needed to hide. He couldn’t… he couldn’t do this here. Regulus jumped to his feet and grabbed his plate. He took a few hasty steps toward the sink and tossed it in as fast he could. He needed to get out. He needed-
SMASH
Regulus froze, half turned toward the door. Sirius’ glass. He’d put it in the sink. And he’d just…
Regulus leapt at the sink and paled as he picked up his plate. There was glass everywhere. The cup had fractured into several large shards and thousands of tiny sharp specks.
No, no, no…
He had to clean it. How was he going to clean it? He didn’t know cleaning spells. He couldn’t call Kreature, the apparation crack would wake his parents and that would just piss them off even more…
Without thinking Regulus reached into the sink. He just had to get the glass out of the sink and put it in the bin. His fingers curled around the first big shard and-
The whole kitchen was suddenly brighter. The world around him was clearer. Colour replaced the grey. He could see. He could hear. His hand throbbed where red blood was dripping down his skin, it hurt but… it was… nice…
Sirius faded from his head. His mother and father got quieter. Everything was just… less. The screaming and fighting. The cursing and beating. It was all far away. He stared, mesmerised, as the blood dripped out of his skin and stained the glass red.
It was strange. A good strange.
What if…
Regulus relaxed his arm and let his hand drop back down to the bits of glass. He let his palm slide across the sharp edge. It shred through his skin and more blood seeped out. The kitchen became brighter again. More vivid. More real. Sirius went from a distant memory to a faceless ghost. His parents’ voices silenced to nothing.
Interesting…
---
“Checkmate,” Regulus said triumphantly as his pieces all cheered. “Again.”
Sirius groaned, which only made Regulus’ grin even wider. The two of them were sitting on Regulus’ bed passing the time and this was their fifth match. Sirius had yet to get one up on him.
“I swear you must have a little chess piece for a brain,” he muttered as he laid onto his back, putting his hands over his face and yawning.
“Or you’re getting old,” Regulus teased and Sirius snorted.
“I’m not old. You’re just freakishly young.”
Regulus raised an eyebrow.
“My youth is the cause of your grey hair and wrinkles?”
“Oi!” Sirius snapped playfully, his jaw dropping and his face morphing into a frown. “I will have none of-”
“Careful,” Regulus warned with a smirk, pointing at the crease in his brother’s forehead. “Frowning like that is just going to make the wrinkles worse.”
Remus, who had been sitting silently on the lounge, chuckled and Sirius gasped.
“Moony! You’re meant to be on my side!”
Remus rolled his eyes, lowering his book and leveling with Sirius’ gaze.
“You’re right, I’m so sorry my darling,” he said in a dry, flat tone. “You are wonderfully handsome and not at all old. Better?”
Sirius pouted, which only served to make Regulus and Remus chuckle even harder. He didn’t manage to hold it for long though, and quickly joined in with their laughter. He’d been in a much better mood since last night. Calmer. Happier. Sirius said it’s the new potions helping.
“You two are a bad influence on each other.”
Regulus opened his mouth to say something about that comment making Sirius sound like even more of an old man, but just as he was about to let the words out, the bedroom door creaked open. He turned toward the sound and snapped his mouth shut. It was one of the Weasley boys. The non twin. Ron.
Regulus shrank back slightly, instinctively tugging at his sleeves and folding his arms. All the light draining out of him, zapped away by the unexpected visitor. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Ron, he was just… well he was new, and Regulus didn’t like new.
“Good morning, Ron,” Remus said warmly. “You looking for something?”
“Oh I was just-” he stopped midway through his sentence as his eyes landed on the chess board currently resetting itself. A large grin worked its way onto his face. “Are you guys playing chess? Reckon I could have a game?”
No. Go away.
“Yeh sure!” Sirius replied instantly, just about leaping off the bed and gesturing eagerly for him to come in. “You can play against Reg.”
Regulus’ eyes widened and his stomach swooped. What? Why was he being volunteered? He didn’t want to play with Ron. He tightened his arms around himself and dropped his eyes to the board as Ron waltzed toward him.
Stay calm. It’s just a game. It’s fine. Don’t be weird.
Regulus swallowed as Ron took his brothers spot, forcing his breathes to stay as even and unnoticeable as possible.
“You happy with the Black side?”
Regulus nodded, not looking up to greet him or opening his mouth to answer. Merlin. How was he going to move his pieces? Why did Sirius have to force this onto him?
“Alright then… pawn to C4.”
The white pawn moved to C4. Planting itself proudly in the centre of the square. Regulus tightened his grip, squeezing his arms between his fingers. It was his turn.
E3. Pawn to E3. Just say it. Come on.
Regulus pressed his lips together, sucking in a shallow breath through his nose. Ignoring the fact his pieces were starting to get restless, turning around and giving him weird looks. Probably wondering why he hadn’t given an order yet.
“You alright, Reg?” Someone asked. Probably Sirius, maybe Remus.
No. Clearly not. Why are you making me do this? I don’t want to do this.
He didn’t say that though. He just nodded, refusing to look up and see everyone’s judgemental faces judging him for being mute and childish.
Ok. Come on. E3. E3. Open your mouth and give the order.
Regulus bit his lip as his hips cried out for attention. As his wrists burned for relief they couldn’t have.
“P-Pawn to,” Come on. Say it. E3. “T-To… E3…”
His pieces cheered as his pawn stepped forward and Regulus took in a deep breath as subtly as he could. It got easier after that. Slowly. His next move took slightly less reassuring, and by his fifth move he barely hesitating at all. In fact, as the game continued, Regulus was surprised to find himself actually enjoying the match. Not just the thrill of victory he always got against Sirius, but the excitement of making and blocking moves.
“Queen to D2,” Regulus said, watching happily as Rons knight was smashed apart. Except… Why didn’t Ron look disappointed? He’d just had his knight taken. What was-
Regulus mentally slapped himself as Ron very happily announced his last move.
“Queen to G6 and…” The white queen dashed into place. “Checkmate.”
Regulus stared at the board in disbelief. How had he fallen for that? He’d lost. He’d actually lost. Who was this guy? Regulus didn’t lose at chess.
“I want a rematch.”
Ron grinned. “You’re on.”
---
Sirius
It had been a gamble, probably a gamble brought on by his calmer mood, but a successful gamble none the less. Regulus was enjoying himself. Not sulking. Not panicking (anymore). Not sending him angry glares every fifteen seconds. But happily playing, with a smile, a smile, on his face. He could count on one hand how many times he’d seen that smile in the last couple of weeks, and he was eager to start counting on his other hand.
“Bloody hell,” Ron groaned as Regulus’ castle knocked down his queen, securing himself the win. “Tie breaker?”
Regulus didn’t hesitate to agree, nodding immediately and ordering his pieces back into their starting positions.
Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand and Remus squeezed it back. Maybe there was hope…
The boys were barely a few moves into the third match when a tap, tap, tap came on the bedroom window. Sirius’ head snapped toward it and he just about leapt out of his seat to let the bird inside. It was a white, snowy owl with a letter attached to its leg.
A letter from Harry
Sirius pushed open the glass and the bird fluttered inside, landing on the lounge beside Remus, hooting happily to be out of the summer heat. Regulus and Ron paid it no attention, too engrossed in their game to notice the intrusion.
Remus unclipped the letter and handed it to Sirius as he sat back down.
“Thanks,” he smiled, folding it open and reading.
There wasn’t much in it, though he wasn’t particularly thrilled about what he was reading. Had Walburga and Orion been muggles, he imagined they’d get on with the Dursleys quite well. His blood boiled as he read between the lines. How on earth Dumbledore thought this was better than living with him and Remus, he’d never know.
Harry wasn’t supposed to grow up like this. He was supposed to have James teaching him how play pranks. Lily teaching him how to get away with them. A sibling to play quidditch with. His Uncle Padfoot and Uncle Moony to take him on adventures.
“That bad?” Remus asked.
Sirius clenched his jaw, supressing the urge to shout and passed him the letter, watching as Remus’ face dropped more and more the further, he read.
He glanced over at the boys still playing their game and wished a black-haired boy with glasses was sitting with them.
“The blood words better be worth it,” he muttered, and Sirius couldn’t help but scoff. There was no way the blood wards were worth, and he had serious doubts about their effectiveness considering Harry most definitely did not consider that place home.
“What do you make of his snack request?”
Remus pursed his lips and his eyes darted over to the boys.
“I’m not sure if it would be appropriate to voice my thoughts in front Ron and Regulus,” he whispered back.
That’s what I thought too
Sirius peaked over at the boys. They were still blissfully unaware, lost in their game. He glanced at Hedwig, at the letter, then back at Regulus and Ron. Their first game had lasted at least ten minutes, and their second had been almost double that. This would only take a few minutes.
He gave the room a once over and stood up.
“Hey Reg?”
Regulus turned spun around instantly, locking eyes with his brother. Sirius took a deep breath.
“Remus and I need to go to my room for a few minutes to discuss something.” He fixed hardened his expression and fixed Regulus with the sternest look he could muster. “Are you two going to be alright playing if while we’re gone?”
Regulus’ eyes widened, a dozen emotions flicking across his face as he absorbed what Sirius had just said. Sirius held his breath. Searching for a sign Regulus was planning something. Searching for a sign he couldn’t be trusted. He didn’t find anything.
“We’ll be fine,” he said quietly.
Alright then…
“Remus?”
He turned around to find Remus looking up at him cautiously, as if asking ‘are you sure’. Sirius just nodded and Remus nodded back, standing up too. He grabbed his hand as subtly as he could manage, squashing down the stress about leaving Regulus alone and they slowly made their way out the door.
He gave Regulus one last look and receiving a nod in return he shut the door.
“You alright?” Remus asked when it clicked, squeezing his hand.
“I’m pretty sure the potions is helping, but I think he’ll be alright for a few minutes.”
They made their way down to their room, leaving the door open enough that they could still see if anyone tried sneaking down the staircase. They didn’t trust him that much. Baby steps.
“So, I’m not overreacting about what he’s written? You see it too?” he asked as they both took a seat on the end of their bed.
“I wish I couldn’t.”
Sirius had been hoping he couldn’t too.
… I’m certain they hire a landscaper when I’m not here cause Vernon would be half his size if he was doing this much gardening… reckon you could smuggle me a few extra snacks? Dudley’s still being a pig and keeps polishing off all the food before I can get my hands on anything… him and his mates kept following me around on my walks, so I threatened him with my ‘mass murderer’ godfather and he nearly pissed himself…
It was subtle, and if you didn’t know Harry, it would be easy to dismiss his complaints. But there was a reason Harry had the reflexes needed for a seeker. Regulus had them too. There was a reason he was always thinner at the start of the school year. Sirius used to come back from Grimmauld Place the same way.
“I hate the way he turns it all into a joke too. I’m finally starting to get why James got the shits when I used to do it.”
“He’s a tough kid. He’ll get through it.”
“Yeh but he shouldn’t have to. We’re supposed to be looking after him.”
We were to be protecting him…
“I know,” Remus sighed, slipping his arm around Sirius’ waist. Sirius relaxed into him, resting his head on his shoulder.
“What are we supposed to do? Just send him some chocolate frogs and little card saying, ‘that’s rough buddy, have a great summer’?”
“Well, I don’t think the chocolate frogs are a terrible idea, but the message could do with some work.”
Sirius snorted. “What needs work is the Dursleys attitude toward our godson.”
“I’m not arguing,” Remus muttered, rubbing circles into his back. “But in lieu of you becoming an actual muggle killer, maybe we could just focus on keeping Harry talking? Encouraging him to stay positive?”
“Why do you always have to be so logical?” Sirius groaned.
Remus chuckled, resting his head against the top of his. “Would you like an essay or will dot points suffice?”
Sirius snorted and slipped his arm around Remus. He knew Remus had a point, but still. Was it a crime to want to murder Harry’s aunt, uncle and cousin then kidnap him into their care? He closed his eyes and let all his memories of Harry play across his mind. It killed him how few there were.
“I’m going to take him in a pensive one day,” he muttered. “Let him watch some of my memories of James and Lily.”
“He’ll love that, Pads,” Remus replied softly. “And they’d love you to do that for him too.”
He thought about the lovesick saps James and Lily had been in seventh year. Their first Christmas together at the Potters. About their wedding. Their first Christmas with Harry. All their birthdays. Even the stupid rows they used to have as children were fond memories now.
“They should have had more time together…” Sirius paused, choking on his words. “We… We all should have had more time together...”
“Come here,” Remus whispered as he twisted and pulled Sirius into his chest, wrapping both arms tightly around him, just in time to muffle the sound of his sobs and catch his falling tears.
Fuck. He wasn’t supposed to be crying. He was supposed to be talking about Harry, brainstorming ways to make him feel better. Drafting a cheerful reply to his shitty letter about his shitty relatives.
“I miss them too,” Remus said with a strained voice. “You’re allowed to miss them.”
Sirius didn’t reply. Remus didn’t say anything else. They just sat there for a while, letting time pass silently around them. He kept an ear out for anyone on the stairs, and he trusted that Remus was keeping an eye on them. They did eventually pull away from each other and worked together to write up a quick reply to Harry.
“You should sign it too,” Sirius insisted, but Remus just shook his head and folded up the letter without his name. They walked back to Regulus’ room and were relieved to find both boys still sitting on the bed playing their match. Remus attached the letter to Hedwig and Sirius let her out, before joining Remus back on the lounge.
---
Regulus
Regulus had whole heartedly intended to remain in his room playing chess with Ron. He was in a good mood. Those thoughts were far away, and he wanted nothing more than to just win this match. He didn’t know how long Remus and Sirius would be gone for. He didn’t know if they were secretly waiting in the hallway to test him. He had no plans to fall for their trick. But then, Ron decided he needed the bathroom.
“I’ll be back in a sec,” Ron said as he dashed out the door.
Regulus wasn’t looking at him though, his eyes were fixed on the wand Ron had left laying beside the chess board. Merlin. He hadn’t cast a spell in forever… His fingers itched to pick it up. His magic surging at the thought of finally being released. He hadn’t gone this long without using magic since he’d gotten his wand. Living in a magical household meant the trace was nothing but an empty threat.
I shouldn’t but…
Regulus reached forward and snatched up the wand. It felt… odd. It was different to his. Would he even be able to use it? He bit his lip and closed his eyes. Focusing all his energy on the wand, channelling his power through the core and picturing the outcome.
A light. A bright light.
It felt choppy and a little bumpy. He couldn’t quite make the light in his head as bright as usual. But it was there, just.
Regulus took a deep breath and opened his eyes, focusing on the tip of the wand.
“Lumos,” he whispered and waved the wand.
It didn’t flick on immediately, and he could feel the wand draining more energy than normal. But after a few seconds, the tip blinked. And slowly a dim glow erupted from the wand.
It worked…
Regulus stared at the flickering light. The light he conjured. From another wizard’s wand. It was hardly an impressively well-done spell, but he’d never used another person’s wand before and to get a positive result… on his first try…
The problem with having the kind of thoughts Regulus had, meant that even when you were doing well and had no intention of acting on them, the desire was still there. He didn’t want to hurt himself right now, but he knew he would again in the future, and right now he had an opportunity to prepare for that future.
He glanced at the door then back at the wand.
I could unlock the front door…
The thought had barely entered his head before he was jumping off the bed and rushing toward the door. He wasn’t really thinking about anything but getting outside as he crept down the hallway, keeping his steps as quiet as possible, holding out the wand and bracing for attack. Wishing he knew how to apparate.
Regulus had his eyes and ears peeled. Listening for anything and everything. He had to get out quickly and he had to do it quietly. He had to-
No…
Regulus stopped mid stride, just meters from the staircase.
No, no, no…
Sirius’ door was open, and he could hear the two of them talking inside.
Regulus grit his teeth and clenched the wand tightly in his hand. They’d see him. If he tried going down the stairs they’d see him straight away.
Fuck…
Regulus spun around, frantically looking up and down the hall. There was no other way downstairs. He couldn’t get out. There was no way-
Maybe there is…
He didn’t waste a second and dashed toward the study door. He held out the wand and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and stilling his mind.
Unlock. Open the door.
He forced his magic through the wand and pictured the mechanism unclicking. Once again it felt clunky and the wand was really resisting his efforts, but it wasn’t quite blocking him.
Unlock the door.
Regulus opened his eyes and focused on the handle.
“Alohamora,” he muttered.
The wand vibrated slightly, and he could feel it zapping his energy. But the spell worked. The door clicked open.
Thank Merlin…
Regulus pressed down the handle and rushed into the study. It was dark, and the air was stale. He shivered, but he didn’t stop, ignoring the chill running down his spine as the faint smell of firewhiskey seeped up his nose.
Ok… one more time… come on wand…
Regulus held out the wand, aiming at the fireplace. He just needed a flame then he could floo out of here.
For the third time, Regulus closed his eyes. He pictured flames bursting from the tip of the wand. Fire leaping out toward the grate and lighting up the room as it caught. His body trembled as his magic rushed through him, working its way down his arm and into the wand. It was exhausting and he could feel the core resisting, but he pushed through it. This had to work.
He opened his eyes. “Incendio.”
The tip of the wand lit up. Red, orange light lit up the room. Sparks shot toward the fireplace.
“No…”
The sparks fell short. They petered away into nothing before reaching the hearth. No. This had to work. He had to get out. Regulus snapped his eyes shut again. He pictured the flames and cast the spell.
“Incendio.”
But the resistance was too great. His head spun and his body shuddered. Maybe it was the wand. Maybe he was too tired. Maybe the fates just liked laughing at him. He lowered the wand, scowling at the stupid, cold fireplace. Struggling to supress the urge to scream.
Of course that didn’t work. That just would have been too easy.
Focus. Come on. Another solution.
Regulus spun around and scanned the room for an idea. He stopped on the desk and marched over to it, opening up the first drawer and rifling through it. It was Sirius’ now, not his fathers. Maybe he had a muggle fire starter somewhere.
I just need a tiny flame. Come on.
The first drawer was just parchment. Old letters and such. Useless. He moved onto the next one, but it was just parchment again. The third and fourth were just more of the same. He was starting to panic. He had to hurry.
Regulus opened the fifth drawer and just about froze on the spot.
There was no muggle fire starter. But there was something else. Something smooth and cold. Something he hadn’t been allowed near in far too long…
A potion scalpel…
And it wasn’t just one. Beside it were several others. A pair of scissors. A letter opener. Pins, nails and screws. It looked like someone had just thrown a bunch of random sharp objects inside the drawer and forgotten about. Well, that’s likely exactly what had happened. Sirius and Remus had kept this door locked for a reason…
He swallowed as he eyed the scalpel. The sharp blade. Maybe luck was on his side…
With a shaky hand Regulus reached inside the drawer and pulled it out. It was like a breath of fresh air feeling it in his grasp. The metal warmed at his touch and his heart skipped a beat as he carefully rubbed his thumb across the handle. His skin itched at him to bring it closer. To bury the tip in his flesh. The images flashed through his head. His wrists sliced open. Blood staining the floor.
It had been so long…
Regulus slipped the scalpel into his back pocket and shut the drawer. His head was swirling. Did he even need the floo now? He had a way out… but if he tried anything now Remus would notice the blood and they’d drag him to St Mungos…
But if I wait for the full moon…
A plan started forming in his head.
Regulus opened the next drawer. If he couldn’t find a way to start this fire, then he had a backup plan. He shut the drawer and opened the sixth. He had the scalpel. He’d wait until the full moon and with Remus away he’d figure something out. He closed it and opened the second last one. He could do it right under his brothers nose, while he was meant to be sleeping.
Regulus opened the final drawer, hoping like hell it might have something. He couldn’t waste any more time. He needed to get out or get back. It didn’t have a fire starter. But something else caught his eye…
The telephone…
Will…
Regulus felt his face flush as the tall, blonde-haired boy jumped into his head. He glanced down at the back of his hand. The numbers were gone now, but he had them written down… and Sirius had shown him how to use this thing just last night…
“Just ask for Will and we can organise to hang out when you’re free.”
Maybe… it couldn’t hurt to just call… to hear his voice… there was no fire starter… he was going to be waiting until the full moon anyway…
Regulus pocketed the telephone and shut the drawer. He didn’t have to decide now. He just had to get back before someone noticed his little excursion.
Carefully, Regulus slipped back into the hallway and closed the study door. He didn’t bother locking it. There was no reason for them to suspect him. He hurried back into his room and dumped Rons wand back where he found it and took long, deep breaths, trying to keep calm. He had a blade. He a way out. He’d gotten away with it. It was all going to be okay.
I get to die…