Chapter 3
Sirius
Sirius opened his eyes to a room cloaked in complete darkness, his curtains blocking out most of the morning summer sun. As he shifted his weight, the crumpled sheets clung to his skin, and he could feel the coarse fabric rubbing uncomfortably against his body. A dull throb pounded in his temples, his mouth dry and sour.
He groaned and turned over, burning his face into his pillow.
He was not in the mood to wake up yet. Sirius’ body felt heavy and the idea of moving sounded worse than Christmas with his mum. The room itself seemed to be swaying even as he lay still, mimicking the rhythm of his unsettled stomach. He hated hangovers.
With a reluctant sigh, Sirius stuck out his arm blindly searching for the wand he usually left on his nightstand. Moony would be coming back today and he’d promised he’d last full to stop doing this. Honestly, he hadn’t meant too, but as the hours ticked by he couldn’t stop himself from reaching for the firewhiskey to calm his nerves. He’d already used the last of his calming daughters and wasn’t willing to ask Snivellus to brew him more. Bastard had made him feel bad enough asking the first time and he was not going to explain that he’d already been through what should have been a month's supply in 2 weeks.
His hand came into contact with his wand and he silently summoned a pepper up potion.
The muffled sounds of everyday muggle life filtered in from beyond his bedroom window. He could just make out the faint sound of morning traffic and chatter as pedestrians walked down the pathway. His mother hated those sounds and used to have silencing spells cast over everything so none of that ‘filthy muggle stuff’ could infiltrate her home. He grinned thinking about how much she’d have hated what he’d done with the place.
The first thing he’d done was get Bill Weasley to use all his curse breaking know-how to remove Walburga’s painting. Then he’d blasted off every single family member he didn’t like off the tapestry (the whole wall was just a singed smoking mess now). He’d also been very pleasantly surprised to discover his own bedroom exactly as he’d left it, even managing a smile when he noticed the still very permanently stuck to his wall posters.
The summer before his 5th year his mother had been going on and on about how he would be expected to marry as soon as he was of age and that if he didn’t find a suitable pureblood girl himself they’d get one for him. Sirius had known she was well aware of the reputation he’d earned at Hogwarts and he knew that’s why she was bringing up the topic. Everyone his age had girlfriends and he thoroughly enjoyed messing about with as many girls as he could that he knew would make his mother mad. He had no interest in actually settling with any of them, but his mother didn’t need to know that. He was perfectly happy spending his time with Remus, James and Peter, enjoying his hard to get bad boy reputation.
After that conversation he’d snuck out, purchased the most lewd muggle magazines he could find and displayed them right above his bed so they were the first thing anyone saw coming into his room. When he’d told his mates about it on their return to Hogwarts that laughed at his genius but had playfully asked why he’d put them somewhere he’d never actually get to see. Sirius hadn’t really understood what they meant by that which had only made James and Peter laugh harder. Even Remus had quirked an amused eyebrow at the fact his whore of a best friend couldn’t figure out why on earth he’d want to see those pictures all the time.
In hindsight he found it quite funny how clueless he’d been, he didn’t know how he hadn’t put the pieces together.
The bottled potion dropped onto his pillow, right beside Sirius’ head and with a groan he forced himself to roll over. He uncorked the bottle and gulped it down in one go, hoping the faster it went down the less likely it would come back up. Remus was right, he was getting too old for this.
Sirius kicked off his sheets and sat up, leaning against the cool wooden headboard as he waited for the potion to kick in. He could barely remember anything that’d happened last night by the time he’d gotten to his second bottle. He vaguely remembered being pissed at Kreature and hastily stripping down to his boxers before collapsing into bed, but it was awfully muddled up. All he knew was that the alcohol had really gotten to his subconscious.
He’d dreamt of Regulus. It had been vivid too, almost like he’d actually been there in his room, looking down as his little brother. Sirius shut his eyes and watched the scene play out.
Opening the door, seeing the small form of his brother curled up on the floor. Confusion, recognition, horror. Seeing himself in the mirror. Slamming the door shut. What was truly tortuous was that dream Reg was the exact same Regulus who’d stood by that night and watched Sirius get beaten within an inch of his life. The one who’d smirked at his suffering after all Sirius had done to protect him.
Was it this house playing tricks on him? Was it the fact his brother's birthday was getting closer? The anniversary of his death not long after?
He knew there was no logical answer, but he couldn’t stop himself from wondering.
Sirius didn’t want to see him. He had closed that chapter of his life a long time ago. Locked it shut and had no intentions of ever retrieving the key. He wasn’t even ready to see Andromeda, and she’d been the only one to stand by him after he got disowned. Regulus may have been a child but he’d been one too. He’d barely been a toddler when he started taking the blame for his brother's mistakes, taking the punishments to protect him.
Sirius scoffed. He shouldn’t have bothered. All he did was help keep a death eater strong enough to serve Voldemort. Maybe if he’d let his brother take the hits he wouldn't have grown up to be such a blood coward, actually put it together that Orion and Walburga didn’t really have his best interests at heart.
“Too late for that,” Sirius sighed.
Regulus hated Sirius. It was just the way it was.
After that night though, despite it all, sometimes Sirius had let himself hope that Regulus would show up on the Potters doorstep and ask for help. Even after he’d heard the rumours of a mark on his brother's arm, he’d stay awake late into the night, hoping Regulus would knock on his apartment door and beg for amnesty. It was stupid. He knew that, but he couldn’t help it.
After graduating in the summer of ‘78, he and Rems had bought an apartment in muggle London. Moony had thrown a fit when he found out Sirius had bought the place and insisted on paying Sirius rent. Merlin that was a lifetime ago. A year later he stopped hoping his brother would show up, because his brother was dead. He hadn’t even finished Hogwarts. And Sirius hadn’t even cried. Sirius had shed his last tear over the Blacks in 1975, by 1979 they’d long since dried up.
“That’s called karma Reg,” Sirius whispered, finally moving to stand as the potion set in.
With the throbbing in his head easing and the nausea subsiding, Sirius was grateful to see Kreature had finally gotten around to washing. He came out of the shower last night to discover the elf had taken all his clothes. Not in the mood to fight, he’d fished out a pair of his old dress robes, but thankfully he didn’t have to do that this morning. He threw on one of Remus’ old t-shirts and a loose pair of joggers before heading downstairs hoping breakfast wouldn’t upset his stomach.
As he reached the staircase, he looked over his shoulder and caught sight of Regulus' door. For a brief moment he paused, tempted to open it up and peek inside. He didn’t. No point.
He wasn’t in the mood for anything hot. He didn’t understand people that said hot breakfasts were the best way to cure a hangover, all they ever did was make him feel worse than before. Instead he fixed himself a bowl of cereal and sat down with a cup of coffee, looking over yesterday's daily prophet he hadn’t had a chance to read.
Dead. Dead. Critical. Dead.
And oh, what joy. He was the mastermind behind the attacks.
He turned the page and scanned the headlines for something interesting. He groaned. More werewolf legislation. It had been somewhat lucky he’d gotten out of Azkaban when he did. After Remus’ condition was outed, the department of magical creatures had doubled down on enforcing the registry, leaving it near impossible for him to find any work. He’d been reluctant to accept Sirius’ help at first, but relented after Sirius managed to convince him that it was just him paying rent to stay at Hope’s cottage. It had taken them a while, but they managed to fall back into their old life. And Sirius couldn’t have been happier.
His only wish was that Harry had been able to join them, but as a still technically convicted mass murdering criminal, taking custody of his godson wasn’t really an option. But he’d be coming soon. Dumbledore offered a compromise, Grimmauld place under the Fidelius for headquarters and Harry could visit for the last few weeks of the summer holidays.
Merlin, he was excited. A year was too long, especially after 12 in Azkaban.
Knock, knock, knock.
Sirius looked up instantly, a grin already on his face. Moony was back.
He heard the door click open and leapt up, knocking his coffee all over the paper. Oh well, Kreature could deal with it. He was busy.
Sirius all but ran down the hallway and jumped into Remus’ open arms, burying his face into the crook of Moony's neck, arms wrapping around his neck. Remus gripped Sirius just as tightly back, arms around his waist, pressing his face into Sirius' messy hair.
“Missed me or something, did you Pads?”
Sirius let out an affirmative sounding noise and pulled Remus in even harder, as if they hadn’t seen each other in years. Remus smiled. Merlin. He didn’t know how he’d survived so long without this.
Sirius loosened his grip slightly, and looked up at Remus.
“How are you feeling this morning? Did the moon go alright?”
He always asked the same questions. He couldn’t bear the fact he couldn’t help him through the transformations anymore. He hated the thought of Remus going through it alone. He’d spent every full moon for 12 years walking in circles around his cell as padfoot, and the last year drinking calming draughts and firewhiskey.
Remus’ gaze softened and he cupped Sirius’ cheek in his hand.
“I’m fine. I promise,” he said, letting his gaze drop flicker to Sirius's lips, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Sirius’ “Especially now I’m here with you”
Sirius' chest fluttered just like it always did when Moony did this to him. No one had the power to make him feel so weak at the knees except him. He gazed into his familiar brown eyes. Just happy to have him here. To be in his arms.
“Good,” he said “because you’re right I did miss you and I-”
Sirius was cut off as Remus pressed his lips against his. It was soft and warm, and everything Sirius had been wanting for the last 2 days ago.
The world around them faded into insignificance as they leaned into each other, deepening the kiss, savouring every moment of it. Sirius twisted his hands through Remus hair, twirling the soft curls between his fingers, as Remus dropped his hand from Sirius face, sliding down his chest. Sirius felt the hand press against him, and suddenly Remus had him pressed up against the wall, one hand squeezing tightly at his waist. Their lips moved together in slow, passionate exploration, like they were teenagers against, kissing for the first time.
Remus pressed himself harder into Sirius, and Sirius tilted his head back as Remus peppered kisses along his jaw, making his way down to Sirius neck. Sirius sucked in a sharp breath, and Remus pulled back and chuckled softly at his reaction.
“I might have to leave more often if this is how you react after just two days”
“Don’t you dare,” Sirius replied as he surged forwards and pressed his lips to Remus once more. Merlin this was heaven. Sirius was melting into Remus, their bodies becoming one. He let out a soft breath of pleasure and Remus responded, kissing him with even more urgency. Remus’ hands roamed, tracing the contours of his body, while Sirius kept his fingers twisted in his hair.
I’ll never get sick of this
Finally, they pulled apart, gasping for breath, faces pressed together, eyes closed.
“Any chance a poor beggar could grab some breakfast?” Remus whispered.
Sirius smiled and let his hands slide down from Remus’ neck, down his arms until their hands met.
“I love you, Moony” Sirius said as he wound their fingers together.
He’d really missed him.
“I love you too, Pads”
Really, really missed him.
---
They’d gotten to breakfast eventually, after a few spontaneous stops in the hallway. Mostly Sirius’ fault, but Remus didn’t complain.
Sirius took his seat, head in his hands leaning on his elbows watching as Remus made himself some oats. With a hefty helping on sweet toppings. Sugar, chocolate, a heaped spoonful of peanut butter.
“I don’t know how you can eat that, surely you feel sick afterwards?”
Remus responded by putting another spoonful of peanut butter straight into his mouth.
“I’m just better than you,” he teased as he pulled the spoon out completely clean and stuck it into his oats.
Sirius rolled his eyes.
“One day, I’m going to lock all the sugary sweets away from you just to laugh as you get withdrawals.”
Remus gasped in mock offence, “You wouldn’t dare”
“Oh I’d definitely dare”
Remus just smiled, shaking his head as he leaned against the kitchen bench and began eating.
In the comfort of each other's company, they chatted about everything and nothing. Sirius told him about the book he was reading, then teased Remus for being a bookworm when he confessed he’d read four in the time Sirius had read one.
“I’m savouring it”
“That’s what all the slow readers say”
“And that’s what people who read so fast they can’t remember the plot say”
Remus told him about a young muggle couple he’d seen holding hands in the park across the street and Sirius started listing all the places he wanted to take Remus once he was allowed out.
“Corfe Castle and Barafundle Bay and Castlerigg Stone Circle and Bowlees-”
“You’ve been really bored haven’t you”
“Oh dreadfully. I’ve even got some international destinations in mind”
“Here we go-”
“The Twelve Apostles, Machu Picchu, Plitvice Lakes, Pamukkale, Mu Cang Chai-”
“Do you want me to write this down?”
“Would you mind?”
They even talked about Harry. Sirius loved hearing Remus tell him all about the things Harry did the same as James and all the ways he acted exactly like Lily.
“Oh Merlin and then he looked Draco dead in the eye and said ‘Pity you can’t attach an extra arm to yours, then it could catch the snitch for you’”
“Oh Lily would be so proud of him”
“She really would be. Maybe less proud about the sneaking to Hogsmeade with a deranged serial killer out to get him”
“True, but James would have given him a trophy”
They didn’t talk about the war. The first or the second. They kept the conversation light and easy. It wasn’t hard. It was always easy between the two of them and as they talked Sirius eventually made his way over to Moony, sitting on the counter top so they were eye level.
“I forget how short you are sometimes”
“I am not short, you’re just freakishly tall”
“Hmmm... nah that doesn’t sound right”
“Excuse me? I’m 5’10 that is not short thank you-”
Remus chuckled as Sirius tried to defend himself. He moved in toward him, standing between his legs and gripped Sirius hips.
“- it’s not my fault you were bitten by a giant too-”
Rude.
“- I’m taller than Lily and Mary and Dorcas and Em-”
True.
“- James only three centimetres on me Moons, that's nothing-”
Three centimetres was definitely something.
“- and Marlene doesn’t count because I am certain she was using her hair to cheat-”
She wasn't. But Remus was bored.
So to remedy that, he pulled his completely oblivious boyfriend toward him, pressing their lips together to shut him up. It worked.
Remus pulled back and Sirius was completely red in the face.
“Finished yet?”
“With you? Not a chance”
Sirius leaned in again to-
“NO!”
The two men stilled. Their heads turned toward the staircase that led upstairs.
Remus looked at him with a puzzled expression.
“Sirius is someone else...”
Sirius leapt forward, jumping off the table and heading toward the stairs without a word.
He knew the dream had felt too real, but he hadn’t really thought...
“Sirius” Remus shouted after him, chasing him as he bolted up the stairs.
He had to make sure.
Sirius reached the top of the stairs and didn’t hesitate, walking straight down the hall, stopping just outside the last door. He reached for the handle-
Remus beat him to it.
Sirius looked up at him.
“Let go I have to-” he whispered, making the frown on Remus’ face deepen.
“Sirius what’s going on? Why are you going there? Who is-”
A voice cut him off.
"Stop, please stop. Let me go"
Merlin... it wasn’t a dream...
Remus' eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. His grip on the handle tight end so much his knuckles began turning white, but he didn’t open it.
“Sirius was that who...”
He was cut off again by the same voice.
"Leave me alone, please. Make it stop."
Sirius shivered. It was definitely his voice... Sirius looked up at Remus, trying to think of something to say. But what exactly was a good thing to say in this situation? Oh so you know how you asked me to stop drinking yes well I didn’t listen and last night I got smashed and had a really, really vivid dream about Regulus being here, except surprise, I’m starting to think it wasn’t a dream and my dead brother is actually somehow alive behind this door.
Instead of saying that, he just blinked, mouth hanging open as the blood drained from his face.
Shit, shit, shit.
He did not want to do this. He did not want to see him. He’d been all for it while downstairs a moment ago but now, standing right here, he wasn’t sure if he had it in him.
Remus made the choice for him.
The door swung open and Remus pushed his way in.
And low and behold... a small figure with black hair, wearing robes 3 sizes too big curled up on the foetal position, hands over his head and eyes shut tight.
“Regulus?” Remus whispered as he strode over to where the boy lay and knelt down beside him.
At the sound of his name Regulus' eyes opened and he jumped back at the sight of the two men.
The memory of last night flickered through Sirius's mind. Regulus cowering before him. The flinch when Sirius had lifted his arm. Guilt swallowed him whole as he watched Regulus’s eyes widen in a mix of shock, confusion and fear as his eyes darted back and forth between Remus and himself.
He hadn’t dreamt it at all... He’d... Merlin... And then he’d left him here alone.
He’d scared the kid half to death then left him alone, probably terrified he’d come back any moment.
Regulus was the first to find his voice.
“What's going on? Who are you?” he said shakily.
Sirius realised then that in the morning light and without the robes, he probably looked alot less like their father and he sighed with relief. Not that, that did much to help the situation.
Remus turned back to look at Sirius, as if expecting Sirius knew exactly what to say.
“W-why are you in my house?” Regulus stuttered.
Merlin. He hadn’t done that since they were kids.
He is a kid, a voice in his head chided.
Remus turned back to Regulus and reached forward, very slowly. Apparently this was the right approach. Regulus didn’t flinch back this time, but he did watch the hand very cautiously, as if half expecting it to suddenly turn into a Blast-Ended Skrewt.
Still, silence. Nothing but the sound of anxious breaths filling the space.
Then Regulus’ eyes doubled in size. He slapped away Remus’ hand and pushed himself back, but didn’t get far as he hit the mirror behind him.
Had he stayed in the same place all night?
Regulus’ hand went to his pocket, clearly reaching for his wand, but his hand stopped halfway, realising it wasn’t there.
He looked at Remus. Then at Sirius. Back at Remus. Back at Sirius.
“What is going on?” He said louder and more firmly. “Who are you? Why do you look like-” He faltered as his gaze flickered back and forth furiously between the two men.
Apparently silence was the wrong answer.
Remus didn’t have time to react as Regulus dove forward past him. Remus tried to reach for him, but Regulus was too fast, already standing and out of range. Regulus looked at him and Sirius looked back, taking in each other properly for the first time.
Regulus looked him up and down, an indecipherable expression on his face, too many emotions mixing together to paint an accurate portrait. Had he always been this small? Regulus had always been on the shorter side but had he really been this small? He was at least a foot shorter than him, maybe a few inches more. The oversized robes weren’t helping. And he was thin too, concerningly so.
His hair was dark as ever, but it was dull, falling just below his ears. His grey eyes were bloodshot with dark shadows below them and his skin was dry and pale. He looked sick. Sirius tried to think back to the last time he saw Harry, at the end of his third year. Harry had definitely been taller, definitely more filled out and even he’d been skinny for his age. In his dream he’d picked Regulus to have been about the same age as he’d been that Christmas, 13, but he must have been wrong. There’s no way he would have left Regulus here looking like this... right?
Regulus watched him back with the same level of scrutiny. Looking at the tattoos that covered him. Clearly trying to figure out who exactly was in front of him.
That was when Remus made a second grab, but again Regulus was too quick, swerving right and ducking.
Instinctively, Sirius took a step forward thinking his brother was falling, but in that moment Regulus took his chance and bolted past Sirius out the door.
“Shit.” Sirius said as he spun back toward the door and without thinking Sirius shifted into his animagus form, chasing after him. Remus hot on his tail.
As Padfoot, he’d caught up and overtaken Reg before he’d even made it to the stairs. Sirius shifted back in front of him, blocking his exit. Regulus tried to back away but his luck had run out. His foot caught on his trousers and he slipped back, directly into Remus who was standing right behind him.
The contact shocked him and he jumped back up. But he was trapped between them.
What was going on?
---
Regulus
Right now, standing there, trapped between two men that looked eerily similar too a pair of boys he’d seen only yesterday, what the fuck was the only sentence he could seem to put together.
One minute he’d been on the floor listening to someone call his name and the next he was looking into the face of a man that Regulus was certain could have been Remus Lupin in 20 years time. Normally he would have been a lot more upset that someone had caught him in the middle of one of his moments, but at the time he’d been a little preoccupied by the fact that behind him, standing in the doorway was a man who looked almost like his father, but looked a hell of a lot more like another relative. And if 30 year old Lupin was here, it made sense that a 30 year old Sirius wouldn’t be far behind.
That had been too much. Way too much.
So he bolted. Planning to head for the floo. He didn’t have much of a plan beyond that, but could you blame him? Yesterday he had been at Hogwarts, having a completely normal day and then he’d woken up here in the middle of the night, seen his fa... oh... it hit him harder than a stupify. Had that man been... Sirius?
His stomach had twisted so much as the realisation hit him, he slowed and suddenly... the man... Had appeared in front of him again. Surprised and desperate to escape he’d turned to flee and the stupid robes ruined his floo escape plan again as he tripped on the trouser leg and fell straight into... the other man.
Regulus felt what the fuck was not only a completely fair response to be having right now, but an entirely rationale reaction to this entire situation. Who was going to pop up next? A middle aged James and Peter? Had they screwed up an ageing potion and were hiding out here? Yes. That must be it.
That didn’t really explain why they’d come here of all places, or why he was here, or why they had taken such a dangerous potion when the four of them wouldn’t have brewed something correctly even if Slughorn had them under imperius.
But having an explanation for what he was seeing helped him relax, even if it was just a little, just enough to compose himself so he would stop acting like a foot in front of his brot- Sirius and his friends. Lord knows how that would use this against him. Merlin. This had to be the worst day of his life.
Taking a deep breath, Regulus stood up straight, pushing his shoulders back and shifting back into his mask.
“I am going to ask one more fucking time,” he said, his voice dark and low. “What is going on, why are you here and do you both look like you've taken expired ageing potions?”
Sirius spoke up.
“R- Reg- Regulus? Is- Is it really you?”
That was... not the response he was expecting... had they fallen victim to memory charms too? He clenched his jaw, frustrated. Why wouldn’t they just do what he asked? No wonder Sirius got disowned.
“Sirius gets to the point and answers the questions. Of course it's me. YOU are the ones trespassing. Now tell me why you’re here before mother and father find us and we both cop it.”
Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance. Still ignoring him. What were they playing at? Just because they looked like adults didn’t mean they got to treat him like a child. He was more mature than Sirius would ever be and Lupin... well ok maybe he was on par with Regulus but certainly not better.
“Regulus...” Remus started cautiously, “What was the last thing you remember?”
The last thing he remembered? What sort of stupid questions was that? And why in Salazar's name had they decided it was his turn to answer questions when they hadn’t given him the same courtesy?
Regulus closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm.
“The lake,” he opened his eyes to glare at Sirius. “You lot decided it would be hilarious to drop me in and watch me drown, remember?”
Sirius swallowed.
“I... I mean I... yes I remember...” he sputtered out, guilt all over his face.
Serves him right, Regulus thought to himself.
He waited for a follow up question. He waited for any sort of continuation. But he got nothing.
Regulus turned back to Remus, hoping that the lesser idiot of the two would start making some sense but he was just looking at Sirius, a stern look in his eyes. It was almost like they were having an argument with each other in the heads. Why was he not included in this conversation? They were in his house? He hated being left out and not knowing all the information of a situation. It stressed him out more than anything and Sirius knew that.
Regulus huffed. Sirius was probably doing it on purpose just to annoy him.
“Are either of you going to answer any of my questions or are we just going to wait for Mother and Father to stumble in on the ‘let's trespass and annoy little Regulus while we are at it game’ because I’m already sick of it.”
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Come on just-
“Regulus, I think it would be best if you came down to the kitchen with us. Is that ok with you?”
Lupin's tone was soft, calm, and for a moment he was almost fooled into thinking he was talking to one of his professors rather than his brother's best friend.
It must be a perfect thing, he reasoned.
“You do realise that if Mother and-”
Remus cut him off with a weak smile. One of those smiles adults give you when they're about to deliver bad news. “Don’t worry, they-” he quickly glanced across at Sirius who gave him a slight shrug. “- your parents aren’t here at the moment, it’ll be fine”
His insides felt uneasy. He had a bad feeling about this.
His face must have betrayed him because both Sirius and Remus gave him that weak, apologetic smile again. He looked down at his shoes, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable with all the attention.
“Fine.”