Seigneur des Bords
“I’m telling you, I don’t know of any traitors,” Edgylus repeated for the twentieth time. You would think they’d trust him more, seeing as though he had done nothing but give The Order invaluable information on raids, bombings, and compromised meeting locations. Why would he be so loyal and put himself in danger so often, just to give them up? There would be no gain.
“Edgy, you’re really sounding like the traitor right now,” Pandora admitted with a small sigh.
“Look, I’ll help you figure out who it is, but I can promise you it is not me. Cross my heart and everything,” Edgylus sighed looking from Dorcas to Pandora, then finally settling his gaze onto Jame. “If you wrongly accused me of treason—which I have been committing against my actual country for months—my brother would never forgive you.”
“Oh come on, that’s coercion!” Jame whined, looking at Dorcas pleadingly.
“I dunno, I think we should trust him, Cassie,” Pandora suggested, looking at Dorcas as well.
“B-but—” Dorcas stammered, clearly frustrated. Edgylus smirked at her, the others turned away from him and unable to see the manipulation going on.
Honestly, Edgylus should be the traitor. He’s so good at lying, courtesy of The Value Meal™ and he’s also quite good at betraying those he’s “loyal” too without it catching on. Well, maybe he shouldn’t because it really would be a bad look if he actually was the traitor. Okay, scratch all of that. He is not a traitor and he will be taking down Riddle alongside The Order because that is where his loyalties lie.
“Look, if you don’t want my help, I don’t give a fuck, but if you still think I’m the traitor when you leave my house—which you all should really not be here—I will personally find the traitor and suggest very violently that they kill you and whoever you hold dear,” Edgylus spat at Dorcas, venom dripping from his words. There was no real malice behind what he was saying, but as much as he would dislike doing any of that, Edgylus Zakk was not one to give empty threats. And he knew Dorcas knew that.
“I—” Dorcas was floundering. She didn’t know what to say, but she clearly wished her dear mother and girlfriend no harm. “Fine.”
“Fine what, Dorcas?” Edgylus raised an eyebrow, basking in the glory of having the high ground.
“You can help.”
“I can?” Edgylus scoffed.
“We—I…need your help,” Dorcas forced out. She looked about ready to strangle him, but Edgylus knew she wouldn’t. She knew better than to pass up on a chance to get his help.
“Great.” Edgylus smiled. “I have a few theories.”
“Wait, what?” Jame stopped, looking at Edgylus as if he’d just grown another head.
“Really?” Dorcas was looking at him the same way.
The only person who didn’t look surprised was Pandora. “Didn’t I tell you he’d know? Little man’s smart and scary observant.”
“Okay, cool, you’re calling me a little man now.” Edgylus forced a smile. “So, I have information that could possibly make or break this war and you want to spend our precious time in my house—which, again, you all need to leave very soon—to call me short.”
“Pandora, Great Sigmas,” Dorcas sighed, wacking her friend over the head.
“What? He is short!” Bless that clueless girl’s brain, Edgylus knew she didn’t mean anything by it, but he was feeling particularly petty.
“Okay, so I guess you don’t care that I think Lily is the traitor,” Edgylus sighed, tilting his head back and mock-pouting at the ceiling.
“No, no we definitely do—wait, what?!” Dorcas whipped around to face Edgy, who tilted his head back down to meet her gaze with a smirk.
“Lily?” Jame furrowed his eyebrows. “But—but that doesn’t—I’ve known her for so long…”
“Exactly. Why would anyone suspect loyal Lily? It’s not like she passed the Alpha entrance test nearly instantly…” Edgy trailed off, shrugging. “But what do I know? I’m just a little man.”
“Wait—are you suggesting Lily…bribed her way into the Alpha faction with information?” Dorcas pieced together slowly. She looked up at Edgy. “...no.”
“Yes.”
“Great Sigmas…”
“And if you want my help to prove it, you’re going to leave me alone for a week, then I’ll report back.”
“What if we need to reach you?” Jame looked concerned. Edgylus could’ve scoffed right in his handsome face.
“Don’t.”
“Edgy, come on,” Pandora whinged, tugging on his shirt sleeve.
“I’m your inside man, so let me do my inside work, in peace.” Egylus pulled away from Pandora, turning toward his window, which overlooked the driveway. His parents and a group of high-ranking Alphas were making their way up the drive. “Shit, guys. My parents are here.”
“Fuck!” Dorcas exclaimed, eyes wide. “How do we—?”
“Look, okay—don’t mention this to anyone—erm, the closet. It has a passage out of here and into the alley behind Borgen and Burks—just don’t…don’t look around too much, okay?” Edgylus chewed his lip. The Order would be compromised and they would all likely be tortured—if not killed—if Walburger and Onion saw Jame, Pandora, and Dorcas up here, but Edgylus really didn’t want these people intruding on his passage.
It wasn't—well, okay, it was bad, but really it was the sad boy poetry he wrote that Edgylus didn’t want Jame, Pandora, and Dorcas to find. The sex-dungeon shit he could live with being known. It really wasn’t a secret that Edgylus was a total slut—just omitted from most conversations he had with uninterested parties.
And besides, Edgylus was a taken man now. Speaking of which, Edgylus was quite concerned for Remu’s wellbeing.
Edgylus watched as Pandora scrambled into the closet, closely followed by Jame. Before Dorcas could follow suit, Edgylus caught her wrist.
“Look after Remu for me. Please.” The desperation slipped into his voice, even though he had prayed it wouldn’t. Clearly Great Sigma Merlin did not believe in prayers.
Dorcas gave a slight nod, determination in her features. Then she was slipping into the closet and Edgylus was alone once again.
He would never admit it, but he didn’t mind the company of the Order members. Honestly, 21 Grimace Shake Lane (A/N: The credit goes to my beta for this fabulous renaming of JK Rowling’s terrible Grim Old Place. I wanted to name it 21 CanUDoSumForMe Lane, but never mind that) was lonely most of the day. Edgylus didn’t get out much, seeing as though his parents treated him as if he was made out of porcelain. But he did leave often—without their knowledge of course—and he had access to many books and the ability to write emo poetry. He was named after the famous poet, Edgy the Luster, and Edgylus really took it upon himself to live up to that name.
To pass the time trapped in this grim, old place, Edgylus liked to read Edgy’s poetry. His favourite poem by his namesake was entitled Boner.
Boner-
He had
What Mary would call
A Boner
Uh-oh
Boner
Alert
-Edgy the Luster :3
Edgy really found this poem relatable. He, too, often had a boner. Honestly, you’d think boredom would drive you to be more creative, and it does sometimes, but most of the time Edgy is just really horny.
Great Sigmas he needed to see Remu.
Lost-
Without my love
I am
But a
Man
And what is a
Man
Without his
Love?
Lost
I am
Lost
-Edgylus
Maybe he should go help with the bomb mission.
A sharp knock on Edgylus’ door shook him out of the urge to throw himself into his boyfriend’s arms.
“Edgylus, we have guests!” Walburger’s clipped voice came from the other side of the wooden slab.
“Coming, Maman,” Edgylus replied, equally emotionless. Time to bottle up his feelings!
Edgylus sighed slightly, wiping a single tear, careful to drop it onto his second favourite Edgy the Luster poem: Sex.
Sex-
He stuck
His Thingy Thing
In the Womanly Part
She scream
Both screamed
-Edgy the Luster :3
It served as a reminder as to the delicacy of sex. An act so violent, so rough, yet so intimate and tender. Something Edgylus longed for every day. His libido was quite high.
About ten minutes later, Edgylus was sitting between his parents, across from some decently pretty Alpha girl and her parents. They wished for them to “get to know each other.”
Really what they were wishing for was a wedding, but Edgylus knew his parents would never say that outright—at least not in front of company. No, that sounded so improper.
Edgylus knew the routine by now, he would take the girl on “walk,” and then lead her into the alley behind Borgen and Burkes, take her into his sex dungeon and scare her off. Usually these girls were holier-than-thou and wildly pure, but on the off-chance that the girl was into that sort of thing, Edgylus would start chanting Edgy the Luster poetry at them in French while brandishing a random star necklace. That usually did the trick.
But this girl? Oh, she was going to be easy.
Edgylus and this girl—Emma was her name, it appeared—got about two blocks from Grimace Shake Lane when they simultaneously turned to each other and simply stated: “I’m gay.”
Edgylus smiled slightly at her confused face. You see, none of these girls ever assume that “playboy” Edgylus Zakk would be gay, but really not one girl can lay a claim to even seeing his room, let alone his dick.
“You are?” Emma gave him a quick once-over.
“What? Do I not look gay enough for you?” Edgylus cocked an eyebrow at her.
“What? No—it’s just…well—you’re…you,” Emma stammered, curling some of her golden-brown hair around a finger.
Edgylus hummed in affirmation. “And you look like a raging lesbian. Are we happy now?”
“What the frick frack did that have to do with anything?”
“Had to let our readers know.”
Emma looked around in confusion. “Who?”
“So, anyways,” Edgylus said, turning back to walk down the sidewalk more. Emma quickly followed suit, not wanting to be left behind. “Our parents are definitely going to keep trying to set us up.”
“Well, yeah? Obviously.” Emma shrugged. “It’s fine, I can usually scare ‘em off.”
“Okay, but what if—and please don’t see this as a proposal—but what if we got married and were just…unfaithful?” Edgylus has been waiting for this. Ever since he had read that one poem by Edgy the Luster…oh what was it? Fuck Bitches, Get Money. He had known this would be the only way out.
Fuck Bitches, Get Money-
To the world
It appears
I fuck bitches
I get money
To my wife
It appears
I fuck men
I make money
To me?
It appears
My wife fucks women
My wife spends money
Fuck bitches
Yes
Get money?
Not guaranteed
-Edgy the Luster :3
“I—what?” Emma furrowed her brow, voice going up an octave in confusion. “You want to…you want to be a beard?”
“If that’s what you’d like to call it, yes, but I refer to this as the ‘Fuck Bitches, Get Money Mentality.’” Edgylus whipped out his book of poems and shoved it into Emma’s chest without looking at her.
“Page forty-one.”
Emma flipped through the book and read quietly, letting out a small ‘oh’ in understanding.
“Do you agree?” Edgylus looked over at his (hopefully) to-be wife. Man, this place was far too devoid of lesbians. Why couldn’t Lily have been born an Alpha?
“Erm, I guess so? What does this—”
“Great, so you’re going to sit on a bench somewhere for about two hours, then return to my house. I have errands to run, but don’t tell anyone about this parting or our plan—minus the marriage part.” Edgylus looked around, then down at his hand. He popped off one particularly feminine ring, then slipped it onto Emma’s left ring finger. “There, you’re now my fiancé.”
“Wait—where are you—?” Emma called, but Edgylus was already booking it down the streets of Alpha square, praying that Remu would still be in Betapolis.
Edgylus quickly checked his watch. It was around thirteen, maybe the mission was still going? Likely not, but Edgylus could try and catch damage control.
“Ticket to where?” The teller woman titled down her readers, giving Edgylus a mean once-over.
“I said to Betapolis! I am a trained field medic and I am on call for a bombing!” Edgylus put on his very best impression of Walburger, which was far more useful than he’d like it to be.
“Oh, of course, hop on the train now, Sweetie!” The woman was flustered now, seeing as though she was obviously in the wrong. It put a smile on Edgy’s face as he turned away and hopped on the next train to Betapolis, without paying so much as a cent.
On the train, impatiently longing for his boyfriend, Edgy sketched their life together, after he murdered his parents and divorced Emma. He wasn’t even married to her yet and he was already wishing she was Remu.
(A/N: Yes, this is a Frog_Juice original, feel free to clap.)
Oh Remu…
Edgylus really hoped he was okay—he was supposed to be on the refugee relief team, helping children and Sigmas know Remu is not good with children. That’s why they would never have kids if they got married.
Edgylus hopped off the train with fervour, heading for the allies.
Alleyway-
The dark
The stank
The cover of unremarkable
My home
With the ratatatatas
-Edgy
He wrote that while sprinting like Usain Bolt toward where he hoped Remu would be. But he…wasn’t.
It was a bloodbath.
Blood-
Blood is
Tasty
But not when
People you care about
Are the ones
Bloodied
-Edgy
Gideon and Fabian were dead in front of the school, Kingsley’s head in the bushes, but at least Rabastan still stood. The last person left of the school evacuation crew.
“Rabastan!” Edgylus called to his acquaintance.
Rabstan whipped around, face shifting quickly. “Edgylus! Why are you here?”
“To find Remu.” Edgylus stopped running, suddenly out of breath. “Did damage control show up?”
“No, there wasn’t much damage to control. We ended up dismantling the bomb, but not without casualties.” Rabastan gestured to the dead bodies on the school’s front lawn.
“So Remu’s fine?”
“If he wasn’t doing anything else, I assume so.”
“Okay, well, I’ve got to go…” Edgylus trailed off, turning around and sprinting right back to where he came from.
He should probably be checking up on children or performing autopsies, but Remu always came first and Edgylus was missing his boyfriend.
It took Edgylus about twenty minutes and twelve horny poems to make it to his boyfriend’s hideout in Omega Village. Edgy swung open the creaky door, sneezing at the dust that met his cute nose.
“Edgy?” Remu’s voice came from his nest in the corner. It was a bunch of beanbags and blankets, not an actual nest, don’t worry fam.
“Ah, I’m so glad you’re here!” Edgy shut the door behind him, rushing over to his pookie-bear. “Did you hear about the school?”
“Yeah,” Remu looked down slightly. “It’s great that they saved all of the kids, but sounds like it was a bloodbath for The Order.”
“Yeah…” Edgylus took his boyfriend’s face in his hands, cupping his scarred cheeks. “But at least we’re both okay.”
Remu gave a small smile, then pulled Edgy into a deep kiss. Remu pulled Edgylus down onto his lap, as he was sitting and Edgylus was not, and Edgy deepened the kiss with his tongue.
(A/N: I’m not actually sure if anyone wants the excruciating detail that I am planning on writing and I don’t actually want to write it either, but I’m going to because, while I may be very uncomfortable right now, you can only get better. So, enjoy my very first work of smut. It will be extremely bad—and mostly that way on purpose.)
Remu groaned into Edgy’s mouth, spurring Edgy on. He began to grind his hips down on Remu’s hips, his boyfriend having completely laid flat, Edgy on top.
Remu slipped his hands under Edgylus’ shirt, sliding it up his body until they had no choice but to break their kiss in order for him to get it fully off.
Soon, all of their clothes were discarded, Edgy back in his position on top, kissing Remu with fervour.
“Remu—” Edgy groaned as Remu gripped his hips harder. “I—I have something I want to try.”
“Anything,” Remu said against his lips, sending a shiver down Edgy’s spine.
“So, uh,” Edgy sighed as they pulled apart, ignoring the small whinge from his boyfriend due to lack of contact. “I kind of…drew it.”
Remu raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Well, let’s see it, then.”
Edgylus clambered over his boyfriend, reaching into the back pocket of his discarded skinny jeans (Walburger really liked skinny jeans) and grabbing his drawing from earlier.
“I want to do this,” Edgy said, tapping the paper.
“Aw Edge, you want to get married?” Remu joked, pointing to the rings on their fingers in the sketch.
“No, you dunce—well yes—but right now I want to do it doggy style (A/N: I just said “I hate myself” outloud to absolutely no one).” Edgy tossed the drawing aside, crawling over Remu to get situated on the far side of the nest, facing the wall.
“But then I won’t be able to see your pretty face,” Remu pouted, shuffling over to position himself behind his planking boyfriend. “Can you hold that?”
“I need my core workout today.”
“Whatever you say, Edginglord.”
“Oh I love it when you call me that,” Edgylus moaned.
With that—fuck foreplay—Remu gripped Edgy’s arsecheeks, pulling them apart, then guiding his MASSIVE COCK (I’M TALKING ABSOLUTE SHLONG, THIS MAN WAS PACKING THIRTEEN INCHES) into the hole. Edgy let out a loud moan, his body shuddering. That might have been because of the plank, but he really did need his core workout. You didn’t get an eight-pack and keep it without core workouts.
(A/N: I am doing ABBA so dirty rn I’m listening to Hasta Mañana 😀🔫)
Remu grunted as he began pumping. “Alexa, play Song’s I’d Fuck To on Spotify!” (A/N: This is actually my personal sex playlist, no critiques allowed.)
“Playing Songs I’d Fuck To on Spotify,” the wiretap responded. As the opening notes of Star Star rang out, Remu adjusted his rhythm to the song.
Edgy jerked, gripping the sheets as his boyfriend began singing along.
“Baby, baby, I've been so sad since you've been gone! Way back to New York City! Where you do belong!” Remu serenaded Edgy, fingers digging into his glass skin, sure to leave a bruise.
Edgy let out a loud moan as Remu shifted and began thrusting his phallice into his prostate.
“That feel good, Baby?” Remu teased, slowing his rhythm.
Edgy let out a low grunt of frustration, attempting to back into his cock.
“Alright, alright,” Remu conceded, sliding most of his length out of Edgy’s hole, then slamming the entire thing right into his g-spot. Edgy nearly screamed from the rough contact, stifling it by biting his lip.
Remu bent over his steady dick rhythm (A/N: I cannot, for the life of me, spell that word), latching his mouth onto Edgy’s right oblique. Edgylus’ breath hitched as Remu grazed his slutty little waist with his teeth, licking and teasing the area before he finally chomped his chompers down and bit.
“Great Sigmas!” Edgylus gasped, arching away from the bite, but he was definitely into it. “Blankets, unlike my mother, they keep me safe. Blankets, unlike my mother, they don’t file a court case. Leonardo DeBussio.”
Remu shuddered. “I love it when you quote poetry to me. That’s so sexy.”
Remu increased his pace, as Sweet Child ‘O Mine began playing and he was attempting to match the timing. Edgy was in pure ecstasy, listening to Slash shred on the guitar while being filled up to the brim by his bricked up and beautiful boyfriend.
Edgy reached down to stroke his throbbing cock as Remu’s pumping became erratic, clearly signalling orgasm on the horizon.
“I want you to cum in my mouth, Remu,” Edgy said suddenly, stopping his hand on his cock. Remu slid his cock out of Edgy’s arse, Edgy flipping over.
Remu began to stroke his length as Edgy kneeled impatiently under it, mouth slightly open as he stroked his own cock.
(A/N: Hey fam! Just a friendly reminder that I hate myself for this <3)
“Great Sigmas, you’re so pretty,” Remu groaned, stroking his cock even harder. “I want to fuck your pretty face.”
“Only if you still cum all over my pretty face,” Edgy giggled, batting his eyelashes seductively.
“Fuck, yes.” Remu let his cock go, fisting Edgylus’ hair in his hands and forcing his open mouth over his throbbing member.
Edgylus willingly opened wider, shifting closer for easier access as Remu began thrusting into his mouth to the beat of Fat-Bottomed Girls by Queen. Edgy was nearly choking on his cock with each thrust, eyes watering, but he was enjoying this.
“You’re my little slut, aren’t you, Edginglord,” Remu moaned as Edgylus swallowed around his phallus.
Edgylus hummed at this, taking his own, forgotten cock in his hands and stroking fervently. Just as Edgylus had nearly reached the edge, Remu was yanking his shlong out of Edgylus’ mouth and jizzing all over his inbred features.
Edgylus saw white as he began lapping up the thick ropes of cum and when he came back to himself, Remu was laying beside him, just as worn out as the opening notes of Africa by Toto began to play.
Remu looked angelic with his flushed tan skin and sweat-covered muscles. Edgylus was reminded nearly every time they came face-to-face why he had chosen to put his whoring days behind him and settle down.
“Fuck, I love you, Re-Re,” Edgylus sighed, laying on his side to stare at Remu’s fluttering eyelashes.
Remu turned his head to look at Edgy. “I love you too, Edginglord.”
Edgylus pulled his boyfriend into a sweet kiss, letting himself ignore his problems for a few more minutes, but when Remu pulled away, he knew it was time for him to face his responsibilities.
Edgylus sat up slowly, reaching over his boyfriend to grab his clothes and start re-dressing.
“Oh, where are you going?” Remu whinged, making grabby hands at Edgylus. Edgy sighed fondly, yanking his skinny jeans up his flat arse (😞).
“I have business to attend to at home.” Edgy couldn’t bring himself to admit that he was getting married. It would crush Remu. Either way, if everything panned out correctly, Edgylus would never have to marry Emma. This was just a fall-back.
“Alright then, heir to the Zakk Throne.” Remu threw his head back, revealing his enticing Adam’s apple. Edgy groaned, stopping himself from crawling right over there and biting.
“I love you, Remu,” Edgylus said while leaving, shaking his head slightly.
“I love you, too!” Remu called after him.
Edgy smiled into the cool evening air as he quickly made his way back to the train station. Emma was probably headed back by now and he needed to make it back now.
Edgylus was slipping off his boots at the door of 21 Grimace Shake Lane about thirty minutes later, opening the door quietly.
“Where have you been?” Walburger’s shrill voice rang out from the kitchen, stopping Edgy from taking the staircase into his room. He should’ve used the passage, but he realised their guests had gone far too late.
“I just—I needed to take a walk.” Edgy couldn’t stop his voice from shaking. His mother was a terrifying person.
“And leave your fiancé? You’re going to be a terrible husband, Edgylus!” Walburger was next to him now, fingernails digging into his forearm. “But at least you found a bride. Congratulations on not scaring this one off.”
“Thank you, Maman,” Edgylus said, stiffly. His mother let go of his arm, allowing him to go upstairs to wash up before dinner. Somehow she didn’t see the cum matting his curls, but that was probably for the best.
After dinner, Edgylus sat down at his desk overlooking the neighbourhood below and took out his pen.
Betrayal
Someone here
Has betrayed
A fragile trust
Made
In the depths of war
A flower
Or a prince
A diamond
Or a belle
Who’s to say?
-Edgy
Now was the time to lock in. Edgylus was hungry for answers and he would get them. One way or another.