am i still ill?
Harry returns to the common room of his dormitory. Ron and Hermione are sitting by the fire, talking in hushed whispers. Ron makes eye contact with Harry. Harry swallows. “How could you break up with my sister like that, Harry? She said you never even liked her!” Ron’s voice is harsher than Harry’s ever heard. He’s never seen Ron angry; not at him. Harry feels the tears swell again, “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to figure shit out and-”
“You were using my fucking sister to figure your shit out?”
“No! Of course not, Ron, I wouldn’t do that.” Harry tries to keep his voice calm. He always tries to maintain level-headed in arguments to avoid saying things he doesn’t mean. His voice is already hoarse from crying earlier, but he keeps his tone calm. Ron stands up from his chair and steps into Harry’s space; face to face, “My sister has been crying since you broke up with her, and yet you come in with a fucking grin on your face? Did you even care about her?”
Harry nods, “I care about her! That’s why I even broke up with her in the first place. I knew I’d only end up hurting her.” Ron scoffs. Hermoine shuffles uncomfortably in the chair. She looks like she doesn’t want to be here. Harry relates.
“You broke up with her because you’re fucking selfish. Save the excuses, Harry.”
“I know I was selfish, Ron. I couldn’t carry on in a relationship I wasn’t happy in, no matter how much it hurt breaking up with her.” Harry feels a tear slowly roll down his cheek. He brings his hand up to quickly wipe it. He knows he’s fucked up. Ron will likely never forgive him, especially when the truth gets out. Harry will lose Ron: his first friend and best friend. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He has no one. Fuck.
“You weren’t happy? Why the fuck did you wait so long to break up with her, then? If you knew you weren’t happy, you should have broken it off the second you knew. It’s been two years, Harry!” Ron grabs Harry by the collar, “Don’t go near me or my sister again. Fuck it, don’t go near anyone in my family. Never speak to me again.”
Harry opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He’s just lost his fucking best friend. He knew this would happen. No matter what reasons he has, Ron is always going to take Ginny’s side. Harry looks over to Hermoine, who shakes her head, stands up, and pulls Ron off of Harry. She says something to Ron that Harry doesn’t catch, and then he’s alone in the common room.
He’s alone, period.
He’s going to see Ron every day.
He’ll have no one to sit with during lunch. No one to study with, no one to go out with, no one to laugh with. No one. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to be alone. Then he remembers.
“But, just know, I’ll be here for you if you need me.”
Harry rushes upstairs to his dorm, feeling the angry stares of every single boy, no matter the year. He tries his best to brush off the feeling of eyes on him, but he can’t ignore Ron as he walks by Ron’s bed. He makes eye contact with Ron, who scoffs and turns away from him. Harry sighs, flops on his bed, and looks at the top of his four-poster bed.
Now he just has to wait for everyone to fall asleep.
*****
Harry doesn’t even know how he knows the password to the Slytherin dormitory, but he does. Maybe he overheard while he was snooping around in his cloak. Maybe a Slytherin was talking too loud one morning. Harry mutters the password, and the painting swings open. Harry’s been in the Slytherin common room before, but never when it’s empty. He has the chance to look around at the paintings on the walls, glance at the fire, and look at the light flickering off the walls. It almost looks inviting.
Harry goes up the stairs, his heart hammering in his chest. He can’t afford to get caught doing shit like this, but he doesn’t want to deal with the unbearable pain alone. Harry needs to talk to someone before he does something he’ll regret. Before he goes back into old habits. He can’t go back to…He can’t.
Harry knows what he’s looking for, but he doesn’t know the exact location of it. He quietly makes his way past the main dormitory, careful to not wake the sleeping boys in the room. His eyes fall on a wooden door at the end of the hall, and he walks toward it. His hands have begun to sweat. What if he didn’t mean what he said? What if he was just being nice? What if he still hates Harry?
Harry shakes his head. Draco doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean.
Harry reaches his hand up and quietly knocks on the door. He hears some shuffling around, and then the door swings open. Draco is standing in front of Harry in his robes, seemingly confused. He watches as Draco’s eyes dart around the room, and then they widen. Harry grins, despite knowing Draco can’t see him.
Draco steps to the side, creating space for Harry to come in. Harry brushes by Draco and hears the door shut quietly behind him. The second the door is shut, Harry pulls his hood off.
“What are you doing here, Harry?” Draco asks. Harry sighs, “I’m sorry. Ron told me to never talk to him again, and you said I could come to you whenever I needed to, and I have no one right now-”
Harry takes a shuddering breath. Draco gestures for him to sit down, and Harry does. Harry sniffles, “I’m sorry, I can leave if you want me to.”
Draco shakes his head, “No, no. I meant what I said, Harry. You can come to me whenever you need to. Especially when you’re like this.” Harry nods. He rests his head on Draco’s shoulder, and Draco tenses up before quickly relaxing. Harry tries his best to steady his breathing. It’s easier with Draco here, he notices. He calms down faster, and words flow out easier.
“I’m sorry that Ron is being a dick. Did he let you explain why you broke up with her?” Draco asks. He’s rubbing soothing circles on Harry’s back. Harry leans into the touch. “I tried. He didn’t want to listen to me. It’s what I get, I guess.”
Draco scoffs, “You don’t deserve any of this, Harry. You just didn’t want to hurt Ginny, and that’s completely respectable. You deserve a chance to figure out yourself, everyone does.”
“I did what I thought was right, and sure, I figured this would happen, but I wasn’t prepared for it. I thought that Ron might understand me if he let me explain,” Harry struggles to get through his sentence as his voice breaks and his tears flow. Draco is as patient as ever, though.
“He let his emotions cloud his judgment. Let his head clear for a couple of days, and he may come back around. And if he doesn’t, you have me.” Draco stops, “I know it’s not ideal, but I’ll always be here for you, Harry.”
Harry smiles, “I know. It’s not so bad, after all. You understand me more than I thought you would. I can’t believe how wrong I was about you.”
Draco sighs sadly, “Most people are.”