Better Ridiculous Than Boring (Drabbles)

Hermione often cursed their broken floo. She cursed it because it meant that, every morning, as she unlocked the door of her shop, she would see the five of them marching down the street from the apparition point. It meant that, every morning, they would wave, as good natured neighbours were inclined to do, and she would wave back, as she herself was a good natured neighbour. It meant that, every morning, Draco Malfoy’s warm smile melted her heart a bit more. The days he had his son with him were even worse. On those days, it was everything she could do to stop herself outright melting into a useless puddle. 

That morning, though, she didn’t curse their floo. She didn’t think about Malfoy’s smile or his strong shoulders or his adorable son. She was far too busy with her plans to rip out a certain witch’s hair. 

“Pansy whatever-your-middle-name-is Parkinson! Get out here! How dare you stand Neville up!” Hermione hollered as she marched into The Snake Pit Apothecary. She glanced around, slightly surprised to find the shop empty, but assumed they must be hiding after Parkinson had left Neville sitting alone in a restaurant that she had chosen. Hermione had contained her ire until lunch time, at which point she crossed the Alley and decided to see what the hell they were playing at. 

“There’s no point in hiding! You owe Neville some kind of explanation, at the very least.” She called, frowning at the empty shop. She’d seen customers wandering in and out all morning with strange expressions on their face, and suddenly realised she hadn’t actually seen any of the slytherins arrive that morning. She began to wonder if anyone was there at all. The door was unlocked, though. Feeling like something was wrong, Hermione flipped the sign from ‘open’ to ‘closed’, and ventured into the back of the apothecary. 

“Hello? Is anyone here?” She called. “It’s Granger? Hermione. You know, from Flourish and Blotts? And, er, school, I suppose? You know who I am, I don’t know why I’m specifying.” She tailed off, feeling foolish. Peering around the immaculately tidy storage shelves, she frowned again. There wasn’t anyone back there either. Zabini was almost always brewing something, judging from the amount of times he’d managed to fill the shop and subsequently Diagon Alley with various colourful smokes and vapours. 

“Hello?!” She shouted a little louder, and panic gripped her as she heard crying. Following the sound, she came upon what seemed to be Malfoy’s office. In another situation, she would have been smug about how easily she dismantled his wards, but she was becoming genuinely worried that something bad had happened. She shouldered the door open and her fears were confirmed as she found Scorpius strapped into a high chair, tears rolling down his face. 

“Hello there.” She said softly. “I’m sorry if I frightened you. You’re alright now, Scorp.” She unclipped him and lifted him from the chair, recoiling as the smell of his nappy filled the room. 

Hermione’s wholly unrequited and, in hindsight, ridiculous crush on Draco Malfoy had crept up on her. They’d become civil during their eighth year, leaving Hogwarts as indifferent, but still friendly, acquaintances. She’d been happy for him when she’d seen the announcement of his marriage to Astoria Greengrass, a pretty ravenclaw a few years younger than them. She’d sent flowers a few years later when it was announced that Astoria had passed away, not surviving childbirth due to a blood curse nobody had known she’d had. The circumstances surrounding her death weren’t common knowledge, but she’d happened upon a very drunk Theo Nott one night in the Leaky and he’d spilled everything to her after they’d gotten talking. 

Over the years of being in each other’s orbit, Hermione had observed that Malfoy was a doting father. It was one of the things she was most attracted to, in all honesty. Scorpius wanted for nothing, and was never, not ever, left alone. 

“Let’s get you sorted out, shall we? Then we can go and find Daddy and the others.” She said to the boy, changing the nappy with a series of spells she’d learnt so that she could help Ginny and Harry with their children. Scorpius’ skin was red raw, and Hermione was concerned, as it all but proved that something had happened. Malfoy would never have let his son get in such a state, she knew that for certain. 

She lifted him up again and he nestled into her side, grabbing fistfuls of her hair as they left the office. There was probably some food around for him somewhere, which she resolved to find sooner rather than later. Surely Scorpius hadn’t been on his own since last night? 

“Is anyone here? I’ve, um- I’ve got Scorpius, he’s ok. If something’s happened, I’m here to help.” She called. A distant banging caught her attention, and she whirled towards the noise. Making her way through the shelves, she pulled out her wand, keeping her other hand firmly on Scorpius. She came across a locked door with a foggy glass panel in it. The room on the other side seemed to be filled with purple smoke, and she huffed, assuming that Zabini was likely to blame. 

“Bubble heads on I think.” She muttered, casting the charm on the child and then on herself. She then put a shield around the door, stopping any fumes from escaping into the shop once she opened it. The banging came again, and it seemed like someone was trying to break out from inside. 

“Hey! I’m trying to get it open! Stand back!” She called. With another wave of her wand, the door swung open, bathing her and Scorpius in the purple gas. She vanished it quickly, and upon seeing that it was pouring from a cauldron sitting atop a long workbench inside the room, she encased that in another bubble. “Hello?” She said tentatively, stepping inside, holding Scorpius close to her.

Hermione jumped as a golden retriever headbutted her in the leg. The dog was wagging its tail excitedly, nosing her in the knee, as if it was pleased to see her. 

“And just who might you be?” She asked, frowning. She hadn’t known the slytherins owned any pets. A ruffle of feathers caught her attention, and she looked up to see a large eagle perched on the workbench, watching her with careful, yellow eyes. She immediately wrapped her arms around Scorpius, turning him away from the bird. “What in Merlin’s…” She muttered. The pieces of the puzzle only clicked as she looked down to the floor, seeing a black cat chasing a white ferret. 

“Oh for Circe’s sake. Parkinson, leave him alone. How in the name of Godric did you turn yourselves into bloody animals? Do you know how irresponsible that is? Leaving a young child on his own whilst you lot piss about in here?”

She hadn’t been stared at by a ferret with quite as much venom in his gaze before, but the look that Malfoy was giving her made her wonder if this hadn’t been the result they’d wanted. 

She tilted her head, still holding Scorpius tightly. “It was an accident?” She asked. She was fairly sure ferrets couldn’t roll their eyes, but there was something in his little face that made her think he was saying ‘Well, obviously it was an accident, Granger.’ in his drawling tone that he only seemed to use when he was talking to her. 

She huffed. “Right, I’ll do my best to work out what was in Zabini’s nightmare potion and turn you all back. Is there food here for Scorpius? Would one of you be able to show me?” 

The dog - Theo Nott, she surmised - headbutted her again and then trotted out into the shop, weaving through the maze of shelves with more ease than she had. He showed her to a small kitchen which, to her surprise, had a muggle fridge in it. She found several labelled portions of milk inside, and gave Scorpius two of them, not being sure how long he’d gone without. 

He drank it all happily, and immediately perked up, which made her feel better about the situation. She burped him, vanishing the small amount of vomit that covered her shoulder with minimal fuss, and then took him back into the workroom where she’d left the others. Accio’ing the chair from Malfoy’s office, she strapped him in and got to work. 

Later that day, Hermione chuckled to herself as she chopped up the ingredients. It must have made for a surreal picture, she imagined. Nott and Zabini were outside in the small yard area, after they’d become restless trapped in the small space. She’d advised Zabini in particular to make the most of his ability to fly before he lost it again. Not many got that opportunity. Parkinson was curled up in a ball on the windowsill, fast asleep. Whether that was something she usually did, or just the effect of being a cat, Hermione didn’t know. Malfoy was doing his very best to help her break down the potion, trotting about on the workbench and handing her things as well as he could do with only his mouth. He was also keeping a keen eye on his son, who was far happier now that he’d had some food. The two Malfoy boys made for pleasant company, but she vaguely wondered if that was only because neither of them could speak. 

“I wonder why you ended up as the animals you did.” Hermione said. She’d been chatting with Malfoy on and off all day, finding his ferret face oddly expressive. “Can any of you cast a patronus? Is it the same?” She asked, and he shook his head. He moved to the window, and indicated towards Nott, who was chasing his own tail. He then scampered back over to her, and headbutted the pocket of her jeans, where she had a few Galleons. 

“Coins…? Oh! Is Nott’s patronus a niffler?” She asked, and the ferret nodded. “I haven’t met anyone who has a magical creature before.”

Time passed and the sun went down as she continued working. Zabini was still out flying somewhere, but Nott had come in and flopped down by her feet, nosing her leg every now and then. Parkinson had sloped off into the shop itself, wandering around the shelves. Hermione had allowed Scorpius to pet his father earlier with her supervision, an experience that was utterly surreal and presumably embarrassing for the blonde wizard, so she’d enjoyed it immensely. She'd made decent headway with untangling Zabini’s mess, but she wasn’t quite there yet. Malfoy had been watching his son more and more instead of helping her, and she felt like he was losing hope. 

“We’ll get you turned back, you know.” She said quietly, and he looked up at her with as much scepticism as a ferret could muster. “You’re doubting me? Even after everything that’s happened?” She asked, smirking down at him. He headbutted her in the wrist and she chuckled. “Look, Malfoy, I’ll take care of Scorpius for as long as you need me to, I promise. I know you probably feel bad about him being alone last night, but it was an accident. He’s completely fine, completely unharmed. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” He looked up at her again, and she smiled. “Ok, so it was partly Zabini’s fault.” She relented. 

Her potion bubbled noisily as she waited for it to boil for the correct amount of time, filling the silence that hadn’t felt as loud until now. 

“I always thought we could have been good friends had things been different.” She said, somewhat surprising herself with her sudden honesty. “We’ve got a fair bit in common.” The ferret nodded, creeping slightly closer to her. “I’ll get you all out of this, Malfoy. However long it takes.” 

The look he gave her made her spine tingle. It was as if he was saying ‘I know you will.’

It took all night, with her having to stop every now and then to tend to Scorpius, but around 8am the next day, Hermione was confident that she’d done it. Parkinson had also become quite needy, demanding that Hermione fuss her ears, and she was planning on never letting her live that down. 

“Ok, who is going first?” She asked them, after she finally managed to get Zabini to come back inside. None of them moved. “It’s safe, I promise. I was second in our class at Potions, I know what I’m doing.” Malfoy was an incredibly smug looking ferret as she said that. 

Nott then moved forward, sitting down in front of her and tilting his head up. She raised an eyebrow as she reached for one of the vials, and he nodded his sandy head. Her potion was a glittering orange, and she hoped that it being the opposite of Zabini’s original purple concoction was a good sign. She mentally went over her precautions, glancing back at Scorpius, who was under another bubble head charm and behind several protective shields that she hoped would be unnecessary. She said one final prayer to Merlin before helping Nott drink the liquid. 

He moved back from her, breathing and panting heavily. He glanced up at Scorpius, and then back towards his friends, before keeling over and collapsing on the floor, unmoving. Hermione blinked. If she ran now, could she avoid being arrested? The only witnesses were three animals and a baby, maybe she could get away with it. It was an accidental death. She’d been trying to help, she’d only wanted to-

Nott stood up with a broad smile on his face and bundled Hermione into a tight hug. 

“You’re bloody brilliant, Hermione Granger!” He gushed, and she smiled into his shoulder. 

“Gods, I thought I’d killed you for a second there, Nott.” She replied, letting out the breath she’d been holding, and he laughed. 

“Call me Theo, please. It’s only right, seeing as you helped us out. Oh, Scorp, are you ok? We didn’t mean to leave you on your own, little man, I’m so sorry.” He all but ran to the baby, scooping him up and gently kissing his head. Hermione smiled, before turning back to the others. 

“So, who wants to go next?” She asked, and the animals clamoured to get the next dose.

“I’m so sorry, Scorp.” Malfoy muttered as he held his son in his arms, bouncing him slightly.

“Thank you, Granger. I’m not sure what would have happened if you hadn’t come looking.” Parkinson said, somewhat awkwardly, and Hermione smiled. 

“I don’t know if you heard me when I first came in. I came over to shout at you for standing Neville up.” 

Parkinson groaned. “Salazar, he’ll never forgive me for that. I’ve never stood anyone up in my life.” 

“That boy is completely smitten, Pans, cut the bullshit.” Zabini said, earning himself several glares from his friends who hadn’t quite forgiven him yet. 

“He does have a point. I was only annoyed because I knew Nev was looking forward to seeing you.” Hermione said, and Parkinson raised an eyebrow. 

“I haven’t blown it? Or Blaise hasn’t blown it on my behalf?” She asked, and Hermione chuckled as she shook her head. 

“No need to talk about what you may or may not be blowing in front of the child.” Theo grinned, and Parkinson scowled at him. 

“For what it’s worth, I am really sorry. I’d never deliberately put Scorp in danger, you all know that. And I’m sorry if I have messed things up with Longbottom, Parks. You deserve to be happy.” Zabini said, wringing his hands.

“I suppose it’s a good job we set up shop opposite the golden girl, eh?” Theo said, clapping his friend on the shoulder. Hermione rolled her eyes. “No harm done, mate, but could you maybe be a bit more careful in future?” Zabini nodded, smiling sheepishly before yawning loudly. 

“Gods, I’m shattered. I can’t imagine how you must feel, Granger. I say we’ve earned a few days off, what do we think?” 

“Once I’ve owled Longbottom, I’m going to sleep for a week.” Parkinson agreed, and Hermione snorted. 

“You’ve been asleep this entire time, more or less.” She pointed out, and Parkinson feigned offence. 

“Oh, the lioness has claws, does she?” She smirked, sounding vaguely impressed. “I’ll see you around, Granger. I’ve got a feeling we’ll be seeing more of you.” Her eyes flickered to Malfoy, before she dragged Zabini and Theo out of the shop behind her. 

Hermione turned around to see Scorpius reaching for her. She smiled, and Malfoy passed her the child without any hesitation, which surprised her slightly. 

“Everything alright?” She asked as the boy grabbed her hair again. 

He rubbed a hand over his face, looking exhausted. “I feel horrendous, but yes, everything is alright. Salazar, Granger, I can’t stop thinking about what might have happened if you hadn’t come over when you did. With Scorp, I-” 

She cut him off. “Scorp is fine, Malfoy. Nothing bad happened. Like I said yesterday, you don’t need to feel guilty, this was an accident. They happen. I was here, and he’s ok.” She bounced Scorpius slightly on her hip, and the boy giggled. 

“Thank you. I haven’t a clue how to make this up to you. I know we’re the last people that deserve your help.” 

She shrugged. “You don’t owe me anything. I’m happy I was able to help you out, especially this one.” She smiled at Scorpius, and was rewarded by a sharp tug of her hair. She laughed, as Malfoy smiled at his son. 

“Scorp, Granger has been very nice to us, can you not physically abuse her?” 

“Ah, it’s alright. I don’t mind.” She replied. “Mm! I was going to ask, why do you have a muggle fridge? I didn’t know the Alley even had electricity.” 

He smiled again. “I’ve found it’s the best way to store the milk. Magic doesn’t do it in quite the same way, it doesn’t last as long. With him only having me, we were struggling before the muggle fridge.” She smiled sadly. “My flat came with one, and so I tried it out. We haven’t looked back since.” 

“You don’t live in the Manor?” She frowned, and he shook his head. 

“No. I never went back after…everything. My mother moved to France after her trial, and so it’s just stood empty ever since. I need to sort it at some point, but it’s a lot, and I can’t be sure it’s even safe. I won’t take Scorp there before I’m certain.”

“You’re a very good father, you know. With everything that’s against you, he’s your priority. It’s admirable.” She said. 

“I wanted to be a better father to him than my own was to me.” He replied simply, and she nodded. 

“I reckon you are. If my opinion counts for anything.” 

“It does.” He said quietly, watching her with his son intently. “Salazar, sorry, you’re probably wanting to head off. You’ve been working for hours.” He said suddenly, and she huffed out a soft laugh. 

“I’ll probably follow Parkinson and sleep for a week, but I’m not in any rush. If you want to sort the shop out, I’ll watch Scorp. I’m assuming you’ll be closed for a few days now.” 

He nodded. “Yeah, I should close things properly. Thank you, Granger.” He replied, heading out into the shop and locking the door. She frowned. 

“I thought your floo was broken?” She asked, and he froze before turning to look at her. 

“Um. No?” 

“Parkinson said it was. I thought that was why you all used the front door. Why you all wave obnoxiously at me every morning.” 

He ran a stressed hand through his hair before looking at her again. “It’s so I get to see you. So you know I’m here and you might come over and argue with me. It’s usually the best part of my day.” 

She blinked. “Seriously?” 

“Is that creepy? I wasn’t trying to be. I’m really tired, I have no idea what’s coming out of my mouth.” He cringed.

She laughed, making Scorpius follow suit. “I like arguing with you, too. Nobody else does it properly. They’re too nice, or too slow, or they don’t get it.” 

“Wait you- As well?” He gestured vaguely between them and she snorted. 

“How about we revisit this conversation later? When we’ve slept a bit?” 

“That’s probably sensible. I’m not completely convinced I’m awake, to be honest. Are you a dream?” He prodded her in the stomach and she laughed again.

“Do your dreams usually look like this?” 

“You holding my son? Yes, they do.” He replied immediately. There she went again, nearly melting into a puddle. 

“Sleep first. Confessions later.” She repeated, and he nodded, not looking entirely happy with the plan. 

She followed him around the shop as he tidied up, ensuring no cauldrons would cause havoc whilst they were closed. She’d often wondered what it might be like to try and find her place in a family like his. As it turned out, it was as easy as breathing. Scorpius continued to tangle his hands in her hair, and every so often, she caught Malfoy watching them, a small smile on his face and something she didn’t dare name in his eyes. 

She passed the boy back to him as they stood in front of the fully functional floo. She said her goodbyes, made promises of having The Conversation soon, and went to reach for the floo powder when a strong hand pulled her back. Her lips met his and she smiled into the sweet kiss. She pulled back and raised an eyebrow. 

“You smell like bat spleen.” He whispered. 

“How on earth are you single with compliments like that?” She whispered back. He smirked. 

“Maybe I’m just very picky. I think Scorp and I deserve the best.” 

“Do you now?” She replied. 

“Something golden, I would imagine.” 

“That doesn’t make much sense, Malfoy.” She pointed out. He shrugged, prompting a confused Scorpius to grip him tighter.

“I haven’t slept, you can’t hold me accountable for that. You haven’t slept either. Go home, get some rest. I’ll wait twenty four hours and then bother you relentlessly.”

“You’re allowing me that long?” She asked sarcastically.

“You should count yourself lucky I’m letting you leave without me at all.” He met her eyes and she smiled.

“So terribly generous of you, especially after I saved you from a permanent musteline existence.” 

“How do you still have the ability to use big words? Go on, leave before I do something embarrassing like beg you to stay forever.” He pushed her back towards the floo with a smile.

“That would be embarrassing, you’re right.” She grinned, grabbing a fistful of powder. “Tomorrow, Malfoys.” She said, addressing both father and son.

“Tomorrow, Granger.” He replied. His wide smile matched her own as she disappeared in the green flames.