Better Ridiculous Than Boring (Drabbles)

Theo all but bounded through the floo, incredibly excited to share what he’d just seen with his husband. All of that was pushed aside, however, as he took in the scene before him.

“The fuck am I looking at?” He said, making the two of them jump.
“Um…it’s…an affair?” Harry replied as Theo grinned widely at him.
“Mm. Voracious. There isn’t a surface in this room that Potter hasn’t had me on.” Pansy said, not having moved from her place under their shared blanket.
“Well I certainly hope you cleaned up after yourselves. We eat on some of these, you know.” Theo smirked, vastly entertained by what he’d stumbled across. His very bearded, long-haired husband relaxed on their sofa, matching face masks with one Pansy Parkinson as they watched some sort of violent-looking muggle film. Gods, he’d dine out on this for months. Years, maybe.
“I simply couldn’t help myself, Theodore. He’s too delectable, I just couldn’t keep my hands to myself.” Pansy said flatly as she finally bothered to stand up. She folded her arms, and Theo mirrored her pose.
“I thought you were going out with Malfoy.” Harry said, pausing the film and vanishing the slices of cucumber that sat on the coffee table.
“I have been out with Draco. I am now home. The ‘going out’ portion of the evening has finished. You know, I realise you’re in a bit of a slump with your Ministry career going down the toilet as it were, but turning to that harpy feels quite extreme.”
“Harpy?!” Pansy exclaimed, and Harry finally broke, bursting out laughing.
“Look, nobody else will watch these films with me. You all ask too many questions about the actors being trapped in the little box, it ruins the immersion. I’d watch them with Mione, but she doesn’t like all the blood. She only watches gushy period stuff.”
“Surely blood is fairly central to ‘gushy period’ stuff?” Theo frowned, and Pansy snorted.
“It means time period, you moron. Granger likes watching people ponce about in petticoats and bonnets and frilly shirts. Romance and soppy shite. That sort of rot.”
“And since when did you become an expert in muggle film, Pans?”
“Since Potter educated me on the subject. I agreed to be his film buddy, on the condition that I get to sort out his pores. You could see them from across the room, it was horribly off-putting.”
“Hey!” Harry exclaimed, but Pansy levelled a withering look at him. “Yeah, alright, fair enough.” He grumbled.
“Good gods, I hadn’t realised your mental state was this bad, love. Befriending Pansy of all people. That’s a cry for help if ever I’ve seen one.” Theo snarked.
“I am quite enjoying my time off, actually. I’ve not had a break like this in…Well, maybe ever.” Harry replied. “I’ve been busy these last few years.” He smirked, and the other two groaned loudly, as they usually did whenever Harry got cocky and pulled the Chosen One card.
“You utter prat. Where’s Granger when you need her? She’s so diligent in her efforts to humble you.” Pansy said, and Theo suddenly remembered what he’d been so excited about.
“Hermione Granger? Mm, she’s in Draco’s house. Or their house, I suppose. They’ve just adopted a dog.” Theo said casually, as the other two blinked at him.
“Sorry?” Harry gaped, as Pansy burst out laughing.
“Gods, the swots finally pulled their heads out of their arses.”
Theo chuckled. “You know Drake can’t hold his drink, so I dropped him back through the floo, and there she was, reading on the sofa. This little fluffy thing trots in, noses the lanky twat in the leg, and then hops up onto her lap. It was stomach-churningly domestic. I’ve never seen Granger’s eyes go that wide. She was begging me not to say anything, so I promptly shoved her blonde beau in her general direction and came home. This might go down in history as the best day of my life, actually. You know how much I adore catching my friends out in the midst of their folly.” He grinned, waggling his eyebrows.
“A wedding on the horizon, then?” Pansy asked, and Harry shook his head incredulously.
“Malfoy and Hermione. That’s insane.”
“No more insane than you and I, my love. There’s something to be said for a gryffindor-slytherin match. Pans, why don’t you owl Weasley? Let’s get us a full set.”
“I have no intentions of becoming a broodmare to a thousand ginger sprogs, thank you.” She sniffed.
“We set up Zabini with the wrong Patil twin.” Harry lamented sarcastically.
“Blaise with a gryffindor? He’d sooner marry Umbridge.” Pansy replied. “And I much prefer Padma to Parvati. There’s only so many times I can sit through having my tea leaves read.”
“Longbottom then?” Theo suggested, and she made a show of thinking about it.
“You are named after a flower. He likes those.” Harry pointed out. Theo snorted.
“Theo! Theo, you can’t say anything. We’ve only been together a few months but I promise we were going to-” Hermione cut herself off, having immediately launched into speaking upon exiting the floo. “What is this?” She asked.
“Potter’s having an affair.” Theo said with a smirk.
“Passionate.” Pansy added with a nod.
“Aggressive?” Harry turned to her, and she frowned.
“What exactly are we doing that’s aggressive?”
“Oh, I think his proclivities are my business.” Theo chimed in as Pansy turned up her nose.
“Mad, the lot of you.” Hermione shook her head.
“You are shagging Malfoy, Mione, you’re not really in a position to comment.” Harry grinned, and she huffed as she turned to Theo.
“You couldn’t keep your big mouth shut?”
“Obviously not. Today has been like all of my Christmases coming at once.”
“What’s your dog called?” Pansy asked innocently, and Hermione sighed heavily.
“Prometheus.” She said in a tone that suggested it had not been her choice.
“That adorable ball of fur is called Prometheus?” Theo laughed, and she threw her hands up listlessly.
“You try telling Draco not to do something once he’s got his heart set on it. It’s like herding erumpents.”
“Oh he’s Draco now, is he?” Pansy smirked, and Hermione hid her face with her hands and groaned.
“Please don’t be dicks about this.”
“That is not a reasonable request to make, and you know it.” Theo shot back.
“Hermione, why have you abandoned me in my time of need?” Draco called from the floo. The tall man staggered into the room, almost tripping over the rug as he shuffled his feet.
“What part of ‘don’t follow me’ was so hard for you to understand?” She asked.
“You don’t give the instructions, I give the instructions.” He replied, and Harry grimaced. Pansy gagged as Theo grinned wider than he maybe ever had before.
“I’m completely sure now. This is the best day of my life.” Theo announced. Draco bundled Hermione into his arms and dragged her back towards the floo, flipping the three of them off as he left.
“You’ve made this so much worse.” Hermione said flatly before they disappeared in the fire.
“Longbottom did get quite fit all of a sudden. Maybe I should owl him.” Pansy mused thoughtfully, tapping her chin with her finger.
“You can’t be busy dating Nev all the time. I’ve block-booked you for this.” Harry said, waving the tv remote at her.
Theo snorted one final time before disappearing towards the kitchen, incredibly content with the way his life had turned out. It might be a little ridiculous, but it was his, and he wouldn’t change it for anything.