The Lady in Pink
"I've got it!" Alexander slammed a heavy textbook in the Gryffindor table. James and Sirius stayed back in the common room, neither felt particularly hungry. And Remus wasn't about to challenge them right now. He would be there for them any time, but this felt private. And Remus hadn't enough experience on parents to be of any help, his mother abandoned him when he was five and his father committed suicide before that, so he was very much not going to be of any help that required the use of words.
"You've got what?" Mary tried to eye the book, but Alexander obscured the title with his hands on the cover and his fingers on the spine.
"The prank." He sat, finally. "Two birds with one stone as well. One is that it will piss off Dumbrige." He'd taken to calling her names, Remus felt that saying her name was insult enough, no need to badmouth someone who had already been badmouthed by God. "And two, it will probably help get James and Sirius out of their slump a little, a shred of normalcy."
"Anything that will piss that bitch off, I'm in." Marlene was adamant on being a thorn on Umbridge's arse, she hated her so much it made Remus like her more. "And helping the guys, obviously."
"Fair point," Mary join in agreement, "so what's the plan?"
"Have you heard of Malicious Compliance? Doesn't matter, but it does a bit so we start following her example to perfection..." He almost grew horns from the devilish smile on is face.
Barty and Alexander talking was never good. For the general public, it was better when Regulus was moderating between them, Barty pours gasoline and Alexander lights matches like their lives depend on it. It is better for the general public if Evan is involved, but it's worse for the specific demographic they may be discussing. Evan points the compass of their spray-painted-with-flames-pirate-shit.
"You got him last time, so it's only fair for me to have a go." Regulus approached, and that was absolutely not heading a good way.
"Wee reminder McGonagall asked us to keep our heads low." Regulus hoped it would help, but at least it absolved him from being responsible.
"Wee?" Alexander was the first to react to him, and it made Regulus feel... odd, still. "Someones' been spending time with Mary and Lils."
"What? Are you jealous?" Regulus side-eyed him, it was a fun game. Even after everything, he could indulge in a little match of wits.
"Normally, I'd just steal Dorcas and these two from you." Alexander looked at his wrist as if looking for a watch, he's not once used a watch in his life. "But my agenda about to get quite busy for that. Don't ask questions pretty boy, I'll answer and you'll liable." It was somewhere between a warning and a threat. But either way it was bait. Goading, which Regulus was too good for. But Pretty Boy is hard to resist.
Luckily, the common room's door opened with a loud argument between three boys- "That's the bitchy blond boy?" Alexander pointed shamelessly. Barty and Evan nodded.
"Maybe he still has that pig tail above his ass." Barty laugh was guttural, he threw his head back enjoying the memory.
"What are you doing thinking about his ass?" Evan shot him a violent glance. Barty had a type after all, and preppy blond asshole was not too uncommon in Slytherin.
"Tell me this is not about that?" Regulus wanted peace and quiet, he was free to read and be now, until they were ordered to do something by Dumbledore or McGonagall or something to stop the war, properly, but for now, he wanted to rest, not for his friends to put a hit mark in the back of a general prick. And Regulus Black didn't need anyone's help to get back at a prick. He was more than plenty capable of handing it, if he wanted it, not only would the blond bitch be cursed but so would the next seven generations of his bloodline.
"It is, and we know you can do whatever and curse his children--you think loud when angry, you should work on that--but let us take initiative for once." Alexander was well on his way over to the trio headed by the blond.
He stopped in front of him, keeping eye contact to a maximum, making him as uncomfortable as he could. The two other's stopped behind the blond. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Whitisthiminingifthis." Alexander had his wand out already. "Newsflash blondie. You're out, new management is in, that's Reggie-you can't call him that, obviously. Regulus or Lord Black for you. The other two you better just not make eye contact with, they have self control issues and probably rabies. And those two are dense." Alexander was making faces now, like truly baffled by the thoughts of the two big brutes behind blond. "Merlin, do you have to mental prowess to breath? There's no mind for me to look into. Salazar on a pole!"
"My father will hear about this insolence!" What kind of daddy's boy bullshit was that? We're fifteen at least.
"I'll bite. Who's your father Blondie?" He's making a scene I better just stop it before...
"I'll have you know I am Draco Malfoy. Son of Lucius Malfoy and heir to one of the sacred 28!" Oh Merlin.
"Oh Merlin." Alexander said what he was thinking. "I was mistaken them, you can call the mean one. Well, the mean one in the middle. You may call him Uncle Lord Black."
The Common Room was empty except for them, which was plenty lucky due to the following things that happened after that statement: Barty became a hyena on helium gas. Evan screamed "SHIT YOU NOT!" at a volume Regulus hadn't heard from his before but would be willing to bet was proper for a banshee. And Regulus, well he was a kind fellow, kind enough not to murder Alexander ON THE SPOT, "The ONE THING. One thing, McGonagall asked was to keep it low, not let anyone who didn't have to know KNOW ABOUT THE GODDAMN TIME TRAVEL! MERLIN WILDE! You are so unbelievably irresponsible."
"I'll just obliviate him then, Godric no need to get so testy." Alexander pulled out his wand.
"You called me testy?" Regulus' voice was low, dangerously low. How in the ever-loving fuck did he ever like him?.
"Time travel?!" Draco cut between them. Not him again.
"He looks just like Narcissa actually." Evan was being unhelpfully reflective.
"But if he was wearing Lucius' hair as a wig." Barty pointed like he would, say, a clown.
"Let Cissy out of this." Regulus' wand turned to them. Curse ready at the tip of his tongue to roll off to his wand.
"CISSY?" Draco was looking dreadfully confused. STOP MAKING SUCH A FUSS.
"Obliviate!"DAMN IT! Alexander shot the spell at the brutes and they fell to the ground unconscious.
Regulus and Draco looked at him with a dangerous look, agreeing in the sentiment.
"What? I don't think I over did it, but like, I had to hold back, their minds didn't seem to have much storage so I hope I didn't like clear it all, you know? Should I do Cissy's kid now?" Salazarhe's hopeless.
"Stop calling her Cissy!" Draco was verging on his head splitting open.
"Let's all... calm down..." Evan said between repressed laughter, laughter attempted on repressing and failed to.
"So should I do him too?" Alexander pointed at Draco with his wand.
"What if he doesn't swing that way?" Barty said with a lewd smile to add his joke. Regulus needed new friends.
"Everyone swings my way." Why? Why did I ever like him?
"Weren't you with Regulus?" Evan joined in. Murder, it's the only way out of this now.
"We sort of broke it up. So I'm free to go back to my whoring days. Haven't told Mary though, she'll want to throw a party." Merlin have mercy on me.
"We should throw a party!" Barty would always take up an excuse to have substances.
Regulus put his hand to his temple and rubbed his headache off. "I want to obliviate myself." I'll do it I swear.
"I'll do it for you." Alexander pointed his wand at him.
"No!" Regulus rose his wand in reaction. He's so careless!
"What... is... this?" Snape was now in. The worse person to barge in right now. Nosy bitch.
"Himself isn't it." Alexander rolled his eyes. Nice to know not everything he says is wrong.
"Spare me." Regulus was talking to some higher power, who was hopefully listening.
"Professor!" Draco basically ran for him, "They're saying all sorts of outlandish foolishness! They must be on some substance."
"Buzzkill." Barty scoffed. I.
"We're not though." Evan elbowed Barty. Am.
"True enough." Out.
"Mr. Black." Snape turned to Regulus, who had already had enough. He's out of the room already. This was entirely too much for him.
The time-travelling sixth years were the first to arrive to the Defence Against the Dark Arts. Which couldn't be a good sign if you asked Hermione. Sure Harry's Mother--Lily. Evans? Lily would probably do. She was constantly on time, early even. The rest she always found hanging out somewhere outside when they should just about be getting into class. Marlene often enough sat with Dorcas, very close together, but that's not the kind of thing Hermione would be investigating. Sure she was curious about how or why all of Harry's parent's friend groups got here and now, but gossip wasn't really on her mind. From what she'd seen, Regulus was probably the safest bet for knowing what was happening, he seemed the most serious about it, but he was a Slytherin and they have historically not been really helpful for Herminoe and her friends, but it was that or Lupin-Remus Lupin, Professor Lupin? Remus. He never called the other anything but Professor Lupin so Remus would work wonders. Remus turned out a teacher so he would hopefully know something. But it turns out Professor Lupin was hot and threatening when he was younger, and never left alone by Sirius Black. So it wasn't like Hermione had any chance to catch him alone either.
Wait. Them arriving on time wasn't the oddest thing happening. Why were they all on the first row? No--not that. Why was everything they were wearing EYEBALL-SCATHING-PINK? And sitting up straight and with their textbooks?
She was just dropping of something to Professor Umbridge, but this didn't seem natural. The poor seventh year class already had Fred and George, the school wouldn't survive another pranking ensemble surely.
Still, this wasn't her problem to handle, she had enough trying to find a way to get Harry to support the cause more actively. Merlin knows they need it. But no, he's being a bitch about it, yes Cedric died last year, and his parents came back to life? Well, Lily and James Potter are now in the picture again, but none of that stops Voldemort from moving his forces forwards while the Order are starving for help.
"I'm not asking." She crossed the front rows where the time-travelling sixth years were camped out on. All staring at her with the odd deliverance of a manor servitude team, which was giving her the creepiest crawls on her skin.
They all kept their hands over their textbooks, which was odd enough in itself.
"Well, we're not doing anything wrong. In case you were wondering." Alexander gave her the single most polite smile she'd ever seen.
"We're just being exemplar students." Sirius tilted his head like a creepy statue in a horror film.
"Totally perfect." Marlene straightened her back more than it already was. She had her hair pulled back into a slick-back ponytail which was weird enough as it was, Marlene's hair was wild and almost like a lion's mane.
Hermione slid the note she was asked to deliver and almost turned tail, but well, she was curious. "If I were to ask..."
"We wouldn't possibly ruin the surprise." Sirius posh-ed up his already plenty posh accent.
Hermione kept the time-turner McGonagall gifted her last year around for academic purposes only. It was the only responsible use for it. Still, if there was a matter of being on time to a class, say, which would start simultaneously as this one, and she were to stay to watch what happens, she would be using the time turner to get on time to said class, which would constitute an academic purpose, she figures. She sits near the back of the classroom, just tucked away enough that Umbridge might not pay attention to her.
"Not one word?" She pushed one last time before students started arriving, and she was once again turned down. It became clear enough once the time came, Umbridge stepped out of her office and marched down the tiny stairs in that godawful blazer-skirt combo and that fucking ugly hat. Maybe she should set it on fire like she did Snape's robe's in first year.
Of course Professor Umbridge stopped before the sixth years of the time travelling circus. "What is the meaning of your uniforms?" She was finding it insolent. Then Sirius repressed laughter like a professional and answered politely "We came to the understanding Professor Umbridge, that you are right on every matter. And seeing as Dubledore isn't a fitting role model for young witches and wizards, we wanted to pay homage to you Professor, the only decent role model at school."
She seemed taken aback by this answer. Sirius moved his hand a little as he settled back from talking. It shook then. The book, that's why they were keeping them shut close with so much weight probably. Still the professor took the answer with a giddy laugh.
Perhaps they disguised Monster Books and were planning to set them off in her class. It would be an alright mess, but not much of a prank. She might have wasted her time waiting.
She turned to her blackboard and flicked her wand, a piece of chalk started writing sets of pages. Then she turned back. "Please open your textbooks to page 143. We're starting our module on poltergeists."
The second they heard the word open, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Alexander and Dorcas lifted their arms, pulled away to open their textbooks, they slammed open. The textbooks opened by themselves and started projectile vomiting, blasting some sort of viscous pink paint or something of the sort. It hit the ceiling through the dragon skeleton hung above them and everything it touched started turning pink.
Professor Umbridge screamed in horror. No words but a simple, "Ah-" before she was swallowed by the pink wave. Students started running out of the classroom, and the sixth years were drenched in the magical paint as well before running. The textbooks were still blasting away enough that the floor was already damp with the substance, Hermione couldn't do anything but gasp in awe of the prank before deciding to run away, her feet already turning pink and so were her socks.
"Come on!" The crowd of newly arrived pranksters grabbed her as they laughed and left the pink stained classroom and professor behind them. And she ran with them, skipping a class was a bit of new territory for her. But she was caught up in the moment, Dorcas grabbed her hand so she wouldn't fall behind. She could head James and Sirius laughing like they'd just gotten out of the circus, and Remus smiling, grinning from cheek to cheek. A few cheers from Marlene as they ran all the way outside before getting to the lake and falling next to a large tree with a comforting shadow, where everyone was giving a triumphant breath of escape.
"That was insane!" Hermione scoffed with a smile, having a little better understanding of why Fred and George did what they did. It was thrilling, she couldn't deny that.
"No. That's going to be insane." Alexander pointed back at the castle, the tower where the DADA classroom is... and it's... "it's turning PINK!"
"Oh, wait." Alexander pulled out his wand and made a quick chant with a spiral motion at Hermione, who was turning all the way pink as well, and it started slowly receding. "Don't wanna get caught with the hands in the dye." And none of them were pink, it was a simple counter-charm, but a great opportunity for plausible deniability. This kind of genius idiots were the former members of the Order of the Phoenix, or, would turn out to be them later on. Oh but this was giving her a brilliant idea Harry would hate.
"Would you guys want to join Dumbledore's Army?" She just blurted out.
"We're already in the Order. Were." Sirius was first to blurt it out, earning a slap from Remus. "Oi! What was that for? She already knows. She asked us to JOIN it."
"Not the Order, exactly." Hermione got back into mission mode, "But since we've got Umbridge-" Marlene interrupted to correct to the name Umbitch, "- as a DADA teacher, we're learning nothing, and since Voldermort is back, perhaps you'd like to join us in teaching the students interested in eventually fighting. Harry's teaching since he's got the most experience defending himself against the dark arts, but sure you're all capable." Dumbledore trusted them, so she would trust in that.
"Anything that pisses off DUmbitch." Marlene pointed her middle finger at the pink tower, the pink stain was expanding though the castle still, it was reaching the Ravenclaw tower already, the castle was a brilliant sight right now, the students started flowing out of it in a horde of pink.
"But we can't leave out Reggie, Barty and Evan." Alexander stopped James and Sirius from shaking on it too quickly. "They also want Voldemort gone, for less noble reasons, but this them are not death eaters." Sirius seemed to agree after a moment. James was hesitant but, well he believed in the good in people.
Hermione mulled it over in her mind.
"You're not getting a better pottioner ever. And you can't get anyone better at teaching curses than Barty and Evan. The non-lethal ones if you want." They would need as much help as possible.
"Even if you don't trust them. Regulus hates the Dark Lord enough to make up for that. Barty joined to piss of his father, who's dead now, so he's not joining, and Evan just wants to shag Barty so he's cool either way." Dorcas was vouching for them too...
This probably wasn't the smartest move... Hermione thought still, but that hat put her in Gryffindor, not Ravenclaw, for a reason, "Alright, I'll bring you to the next meeting." She took a risk, sue her.