Chapter 7
Barty was bored out of his mind.
He’d expected that Evan would have stuff to entertain himself in his abnormally empty house, but he didn’t. Barty had tried to sleep already, he pretended to read in Evan’s french book, he’d taken a dive in Evan’s swimming pool, but nothing seemed to satisfy him.
He slung his arms around Regulus’ neck, who was actually reading one of Evan’s boring french books. He received a deathly glare and a push hard enough to send him to the floor. ‘What?’ Regulus snapped, irritated, not even looking at Barty. ‘Let’s do it. Let’s crash their date,’ Barty said, earning a surprised look from Regulus. ‘Seriously? I thought you didn’t want to do that?’ Regulus asked him, a bit suspicious.
He was right. Barty had said to him at first that he didn’t want to ruin anything else for Evan because his life was complicated enough already. But now he was bored, and he missed Evan, so his morals didn’t really matter anymore.
‘Okay, sure. Let’s go then,’ Regulus said, after earning a look from Barty. Barty grabbed one of Evan’s lingering red sweaters, because it got chilly in France when the sun was under and he was sure Evan didn’t mind.
The two of them made their way to Evan’s location, which was still turned on for Regulus. Not for Barty of course, because Evan was holding a bullshit reason above his head. Barty didn’t even do anything wrong. He really didn’t get Evan’s troubles. He didn’t get a lot of things though, so it must be fine.
One of those things was the creation of cereal. He honestly has always wondered how that’s made. It’s always just… there, in a carton box at whatever supermarket Barty’s shopping. It freaks him out.
When they entered the restaurant, Evan and James were halfway through their main dish. They were talking animatedly and Barty turned to look at Regulus with irritation. He shared his irritation with the wall and not with Regulus though, because Regulus was already storming up to them. He was at Evan’s table before Barty could catch up with him, and Barty could hear the laughter die out at the sight of Regulus by both boys.
James’ eyes were as wide as saucers, looking right at Regulus’ fuming face and icy cold eyes. ‘What? Regulus?? How… When? Why?’ James stuttered through his questions. Evan had diverted his eyes and softly moved his chair a little back. He was planning on bolting, Barty could see. Evan turned his legs to the side of his chair, unnoticed by James and Regulus, but most definitely noticed by Barty. The two boys shared a look, tears in Evan’s beautiful multi coloured eyes, and Barty nodded once. It was small, but Barty knew Evan saw. Barty turned his attention to Regulus who was seeing red.
‘I’m not here for you James. I’m here for Evan,’ Regulus sneered, his gaze turning to Evan’s chair, which was now empty. Regulus frowned and looked up. ‘Where’d he go?’ Regulus said as Barty shrugged. He knew, of course he did. But Evan needed time. This was not how Barty imagined this would go down. ‘Fuck! Barty, where did he go?!’ Regulus screamed in desperation, hands flying up to tangle themselves in Regulus’ mess of curls. ‘Don’t fucking scream at me Regulus! You caused this, not Evan, not me! You are the reason we’re here where Evan doesn’t want us. You’re the reason why James doesn’t want you anymore,’ Barty said, his anger slowly bubbling down. His angry eyes flashed towards James who was still sitting there, shocked, and he looked away again.
‘I’m going after him. You’re not.’ And with that, Barty turned around and stormed out of the restaurant in search of Evan.
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Evan’s hands were shaking when he entered the almost deserted beach.
He was cold, underdressed, crying, and the only thing that he wanted to do was cry. So he did. He put on some music through his airpods, because Evan without his airpods wasn’t Evan. He calmed down when Taylor’s ‘exile’ started playing, the song drifting his thoughts away from here for four minutes and forty five seconds, but he started profusely crying again when ‘tolerate it’ started.
He felt sick. He’d been lying to the boy he liked, to make sure that boy liked him too and didn’t see him as an enemy. Then he’d lied to his best friends, and then they came to set him in his place and he bolted.
And the worst thing was that now that the moment he saw Barty again, on his couch, he couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss that tore open Evan’s heart.
It felt like seeing it for the first time again, like he was there in that exact moment, watching his best friends lock lips with each other on the dancefloor. Watching Barty’s mouth slide open, inviting Regulus’ tongue which was giving willingly. And Regulus knew. He knew Evan still loved Barty. He knew Evan was there at that party, he knew Evan was watching, because Regulus had asked him to hold his cup while he did something fun.
Because it was so fun to be betrayed by his best friend. So fun.
‘The night we met’ was followed up by ‘tied together with a smile’, another Taylor song that described Evan a little bit too much to not earn his tears. He sniffled through the song until he heard footsteps approaching him. Evan turned around and saw a small light in the starry darkness that the French coast brought today. It would’ve been a beautiful night for stargazing.
The small light became more clear as the mysterious person came closer. It was a cigarette. It was Barty, because of course it was. Evan was secretly relieved though to know it wasn’t James or Regulus there. Because Regulus and James can’t really understand him like Barty can, and Evan was beginning to think that no one could.
Barty plopped down in the sand beside Evan. He stared at the sea which was lapping in small waves on the beach not far from the two of them. Barty put out his cigarette in the sand, but put it in his pocket instead of leaving it in the sand. Evan switched his airpods from noise cancelling to transparency, lowering the volume of his music and listening to Barty’s unruly breathing.
They sat in silence for a little while, just listening to the sounds around them and Evan listening to Sabrina Carpenters ‘Lonesome’, because his playlist seemed to want to make him cry today.
He sighed deeply and turned to Barty, a big lump in his throat. ‘Do you have one for me?’ Evan asked, his voice hoarse. Barty turned to him, eyes big and puffy. Evan hadn’t heard him cry, but it seemed so obvious now that he was looking at Barty that he was shocking and shaking from his tears. He tossed the pack of cigarettes to Evan without a word, still looking at him and trying to weakly smile but failing.
‘I uhm… Evan I really had no idea. I am so, so, so sorry,’ Barty muttered out, still looking at Evan. A small tear escaped from his pristine blue eyes. Evan fought the urge to kiss it away. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t. Not to James. ‘It’s not you I’m mad at,’ Evan whispered. Though deep down, he knew he resented both Regulus and Barty for the kiss.
‘It doesn’t matter if you’re mad or not. I did something wrong and I felt bad, so I apologised. I should’ve done that way earlier,’ Barty said, his eyes firm. Evan only now realised Barty was wearing a red sweater. It looked weird, but weirdly good. ‘It’s not… You shouldn’t even have to apologise. You did nothing wrong, you didn’t know.’ Evan stumbled over all the words he wanted to say, his eyes flying everywhere, from Barty’s distressed ones, to his hair, the sea, the stars, and back again.
‘No, that doesn’t matter. Ev, I’m here for you okay? I want to see you happy. If James makes you happy, be with him. I’ll keep Regulus away, I promise. If you want us gone again, We’ll go. Just tell me,’ Barty said calmly, shifting in the sand to face Evan. ‘I… I don’t know what I want,’ Evan said, starting to cry again. He tried, he really did, to not cry, but he just couldn’t. ‘Oh Ev, love. Don’t cry, please,’ Barty muttered, shifting closer to Evan and pulling him into his arms. ‘Come here, it’s okay. Shh…’ he whispered softly.
Evan buried his face in Barty’s stomach and shook because of his tears. ‘I-’ Evan started, hiccuping in between his words. ‘Sorry- for- crying-’ he sniffled, his arms wrapped tightly around Barty’s back. Barty softly combed his fingers through Evan’s hair to calm him down a little. ‘It’s okay. Let it out, love. I’m here for you.’
And that’s what Evan did. He cried until his tears burned and his throat was raw and sore. His cheeks were red and puffy, eyes big and glistening from the spilled tears. He must’ve looked terrible, but Barty seemed to have another opinion on that. He was staring at Evan. Full on, open mouthed staring. His eyes were big and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Evan wanted to tell him he could say anything, but then he got the terrible taste of insecurity in his mouth. Because what if Barty was staring at Evan because he was so ugly? What if Barty was just insanely disgusted by him and only realised that now?
‘Ev, you’re still shaking. Are you okay?’ Barty asked, his big eyes turning into a frown of concern. ‘I uhm… I’m okay, just a little cold,’ he said, diverting his eyes again. Barty mumbled a quick ‘oh,’ before shaking off the red sweater and giving it to Evan. ‘Here. It’s yours anyway. I grabbed it from your home,’ Barty said, after which Evan frowned. ‘I don’t have any red sweaters though, are you sure?’ he asked, putting the sweater on. The moment he put it on, it was clear who the owner of the sweater was, because of the distinct smell on it.
‘Yeah, it was slung over a bar stool in your home,’ Barty said, frowning. ‘It’s James’. He must’ve left it at my home or something,’ Evan said, pulling on the long sleeves. ‘Oh.’
Barty’s frown cleared away and it was replaced with a different kind of emotion, one that Evan couldn’t quite place. Now it was Evan’s turn to be confused. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, trying to catch Barty’s eyes, which he firmly held on the sea. ‘Nothing. We’re here for you,’ Barty said, locking his jaw. Evan frowned and put a hand on Barty’s shoulder. ‘Hey, no. Stop that. Look at me, tell me what’s wrong. You just… closed off out of nowhere,’ Evan said, finally catching Barty’s eyes. ‘Did James sleep over at your place? Because there must be a reason his sweater is lingering around your home,’ Barty snapped. It sounded a little too angry to just be out of concern, but Evan ignored it.
‘No, he didn’t sleep over Barty, why would he? We’ve barely been together. And apart from that, why do you care?’ Evan questioned, eyes narrowed. ‘You’re not just here to talk with me about everything James and I have done, just so you can pass it through to Regulus, are you? Because if you are-’ ‘No! Why would you think that? I’m just here to be there for you. Why do I have to have a second motive other than wanting to help you!’ Barty yelled back. Evan flinched from the sudden raising of voices, but Barty didn’t notice.
‘Oh I don’t know. Maybe because you flew around the world to get to me because Regulus was mad at me dating James?’ Evan asked, mad but not screaming. ‘I didn’t come along to be Regulus’ ears. I came along to see you! Because I missed you, and I wanted to see you and I… I don’t know, okay?!’ Barty said, frustration and desperation painted on his face. Evan’s eyes glistened again with tears.
He’d secretly hoped Barty would’ve finished his sentence with three words and eight letters, but he wouldn’t. Of course he didn’t. Evan knew his love was one sided.
It wasn’t with James though. He had James for a reason. He liked James, he really did. And James liked him too. James was good, Barty wasn’t.
‘Okay,’ Evan said in defeat. ‘No don’t- wait what?’ Barty muttered, confused. ‘Okay. If you say so,’ he shrugged. He stood up and walked closer to the water with Barty on his heels, still confused. ‘Why.. Why aren’t you fighting me? You were two minutes ago,’ Barty asked him, grabbing his shoulders and turning him around to face Barty. His bright blue eyes were too bright for the darkness around them. They pulled Evan in in an enchanting kind of way, impossible to resist.
He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to drown in his eyes, and never leave.
‘I… Uh… Uhh… Yeah,’ Evan blubbered. Barty snickered softly before brushing Evan’s curls out of his face. They curled way more in France than in Britain at school. It must’ve been the amount of salt water hanging in the air here or something. Evan didn’t really know, but he liked his curls.
Barty’s hand lingered on Evan’s cheek for a little bit too long. A split second too long to be normal, too long to not cause Evan’s cheeks to burst in flame. Evan blinked quickly twice and stepped back, his shoes getting wet from the water, because of course that was just his fucking luck.
‘No, stop. Barty you can’t do shit like this. It’s… I’m with James,’ Evan said, earning a frown from Barty. ‘Shit like… what? What am I doing? Being here for my friend?’ Barty asked. He sounded really confused, but his eyes were earnest, no frown on his face. ‘No. Nuh uh. Don’t act like you don’t know what you’re doing. You know exactly what you do, you always do this,’ Evan said, realising how unstable his breathing was. His chest was going up and down in rapid tempo, his heart beating faster than he thought was normal.
‘I never do it with you, though. This is different,’ Barty said, reaching out to touch Evan again, but Evan stepped aside. ‘Different how? Because you don’t want to have a fuck and bolt again?’ Evan sneered, his eyes blazing. Barty looked at him, speechless. Evan’s heart slowed in pace and he nodded once, twice, three times. His expression turned to a bitter smile, paired with angry dark eyes. ‘That’s what I thought. I’m with James, Barty. You’re too late,’ Evan said, before turning around angrily and starting on his path to get off of the beach.
‘But Evan please! Wait, please! Ev!’ Barty yelled, running after him, but stumbling and falling into the sand. Evan rolled his eyes and walked on. ‘Ev! I was stupid okay?! I didn’t realise! I- I should’ve… I’m sorry!’ Barty tried everything to get Evan to stop. His words were unclear and very breathy, because Barty started to lose his breath from trying to keep up with Evan’s quick pace. ‘Give me a fair chance? We both know you’re only using James to get back at Regulus!’ Barty said, hitting a weak string of Evan.
He turned around furiously. ‘Barty, if you’re so fucking desperate for a simple fuck, go ask Regulus. Seeing as you loved kissing him so much!’ Evan said, expecting a reaction from Barty and raising his eyebrows as a challenge. Barty scoffed. ‘You know what? I think I’ll do that,’ Barty said, before smirking slightly and walking past Evan. He hit Evan’s shoulder on the way out, as the last subtle ‘fuck you’ he could give.
And before Evan left the beach, he’d started crying again.