Chapter 8
James’ head is spinning in circles.
His thoughts were going 120 miles an hour. No, faster. Way faster. He couldn’t even comprehend half of his thoughts.
‘Stupid Evan dyed Barty’s hair green, so Barty dyed his blonde hair pink.’
‘Oh, that sucks for Evan.’
His blonde hair. His beautiful curls.
‘Evan’s convinced his eyes are green. I think they’re obviously hazel, but Barty says they’re multicoloured. Eyes can’t really be multicoloured.’
But Evan’s eyes were multicoloured. They shined so intensely green in specific sunlight, but with house lighting they were obviously brown. In the sunset they looked almost orange like, and in warm light they were golden. Beautiful. His beautiful eyes.
‘So, Barty ruined Ev’s favourite pair of jeans today, and now Evan only speaks in French to piss Barty off.’
Evan who could speak French. Evan who acted like he could only speak French, because he knew James was James.
James had been lied to. It was all a lie. Evan never really liked him. Sure he acted like it, and maybe not all of it was a lie, but most of it must’ve been. Evan can’t really like James for James. Because James is… Well… He’s James. James who’s Regulus’ ex. And Regulus, oh god Regulus.
Regulus was right in front of him. Staring at him with an unreadable look.
He pulled out a chair and sat down, leaning his arms on the table and his head on top of his palms, watching James. James glanced at the door.
He wanted to get out. He wanted to bolt, just like Evan did. But James didn’t have that luxury. ‘Hi Regulus,’ James managed to get out, not looking at him, not calling Regulus Reg like he always did. Regulus noticed that too, and James could hear his sharp intake of breath.
‘I’m sorry James, I am, really. I wish I wasn’t so stupid,’ Regulus muttered. ‘Stupid? I think it’s more crazy than stupid of you to show up here. Why are you here Regulus? You’re the one who broke up with me, remember?’ James said, fidgeting with his hands. Regulus sighed and nodded. ‘I did, yeah. Doesn’t mean I want my best friend to date you,’ he answered.
‘I don’t think you get a say in that, Regulus,’ James said, his eyes snapping up to look Regulus dead in the eyes. Regulus stared at him for a minute in silence before he softly muttered ‘you knew,’ and kissed his teeth. ‘I didn’t. Well, I guess I did, but I just didn’t acknowledge it. I was too happy with him to even think about the fact that he was the best friend of the boy who broke my heart.’ A short silence from James. ‘But apart from that, you still don’t have a say in it. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at yourself,’ James said, eager to pay the bill and get out of the restaurant and find Evan.
‘You don’t get it, James. I am-’ ‘No, no I get it. I get it more than you get it, because I get you. So don’t start acting like I don’t know you like the back of my hand. We’re not strangers, I’m not scared to admit that. But you’re not my boyfriend, and you’re not my friend, so you don’t get a say in my love life,’ James said, hurt and anger playing in his voice. His fists were clenched but his eyes were tearstained.
Regulus said nothing. He didn’t dare look at James, and James realised he just won a battle he didn’t want to fight anyway.
He sighed deeply and stood up. ‘I’m getting out. You can get back on your own I assume?’ James said, his back facing Regulus who was still sitting on a chair, staring at the burning candle on the table that was slowly losing its light. ‘I can.’ And that was all that James got as a reaction. No thank you, no James, no sorry for ruining your date, no nothing. So James sighed again and paid for the table. He took Evan’s dessert with him though, because Evan had been telling him about his profound love for tiramisu and how he had heard this tiramisu was one of the best ones in the area. He couldn’t bear to leave it.
He mumbled a strangled ‘thanks’ to the hostess and left the restaurant to go looking for Evan. He wanted to go into the grassy fields a few miles from here first, because Evan loved the stars and that was the best place to see them. However, James was pulled towards the beach to look for Evan, because Evan had never been in the grassy fields for as far as James knew, and Evan lived closest to the beach.
He entered the beach barefoot, not daring to wear his nice shoes in the sand when it was dark and he couldn’t see a thing. He was confused, and tired, and he really really wanted to go home and just lay in his bed, but the urge to take care of Evan was bigger. He wanted to know if Evan was okay. He couldn’t just leave Evan to himself when he was in a position like this.
The first thing James saw was a dark silhouette contrasting the starlit sky. Someone was walking towards James, and James was stupid enough to ask ‘Ev?’ before the person was close enough to him so he could see. ‘Yea?’ Evan reacted, looking at James. James’ eyesight really sucked in the dark, but the vague outline of the guy looked like Evan. And why would a stranger react to James if he called out to someone else who wasn’t them? ‘Are you okay? Do you need a hug?’ James asked, and before James knew it, Evan was closing in and kissing James.
James felt weird. He didn’t know if it was because he just spoke with Regulus, or because Evan tasted like cigarette smoke, which he never did. Even if Evan took a stress cigarette, he refused to kiss James until he’d brushed his teeth or eaten something, so his mouth didn’t taste like cigarettes. James broke away from Evan. ‘Ev, you never kiss me after you’ve smoked?’ James asked, confused.
That’s when Evan let out a soft snicker. ‘That must be because I am not Ev. Better luck next time Jamie.’ And oh, oh shit, James messed up. He knew who this must’ve been, because there weren't many options other than Bartemius freaking Crouch Junior. He was stunned, and before he knew what he wanted to say to Barty, Barty had disappeared into the night.
He screamed out of anger and agony and hurt and everything else that was conflicting his supposed summer away, until someone else walked up to him and asked him ‘Êtes-vous d'accord?’. Are you okay?
‘Wait.’ The stranger frowned. ‘James? You… You came looking for me?’
James wanted to cry. And oh, James wanted to scream and kiss him senseless. Because why wouldn’t he come looking for Evan? Evan was his boyfriend and he really caught feels for Evan. Evan said it so surprised and confused, and James didn’t want to think about why Evan was so surprised about it, but now James couldn’t do anything else than that. He couldn’t help his anger boiling up, because no one ever thought that they should’ve worshipped Evan, let alone look for him when he’s upset.
‘Of course I came looking. I care about you, you know?’ James said, his eyes earnest, but his stomach in his knots. He wished Evan didn’t see what happened a few minutes ago, and he hoped to just not upset Evan any further, though he hated keeping secrets. ‘I- Oh… That’s… Sweet,’ Evan muttered.
‘Come here Evy. What happened?’ James asked him, opening his arms for Evan, who fell right into them. James felt Evan trembling before he heard his soft sniffles. James bit his lip and closed his eyes. He hated it when people he cared about had to cry. He wanted to say something, but Evan beat him to it.
‘It… It just feels like they wanted to stab me in the back. And I survived, so they- they came back to really finish it off. They’re my friends, they’re supposed to be happy for me. I finally have something for me, something I’m proud of and something I love, and now they- they…’ Evan trailed off, his words muttered in James’ jacket. ‘They want to take it away,’ he finished, hiccupping.
‘And, and- then he dares to go after me! And he starts telling me that I have to give him a chance and that I’m using you, which I’m not, because I think I may actually start to fall in love with James, and- and, and he tried to get me to kiss him, and he was being all flirty like he did with his flings! But- I would never, because I’m with James and I- I… I…’ Evan stopped rambling on and let go of his tight grip on James.
‘I just said all of that to you…’ he finished his rambling, looking at James with big eyes and tear stained cheeks. James gave him a comforting smile. ‘It’s okay Evy. We can ignore it, if you want?’ he proposed, but Evan raised his eyebrow, as in to say ‘ignoring that is quite impossible’. ‘Okay… Do you want to talk about it?’ James asked him, frowning a little bit. Evan shook his head firmly. An even worse idea.
‘So what do you want to do?’ James asked him, thoroughly confused now. ‘I’m actually craving ice cream, if that’s okay with you?’ Evan said, but James could see in his eyes he meant to ask ‘if we’re okay’. And they were, so James nodded. ‘I brought your tiramisu with me from the restaurant, but if you actually crave ice cream, we could go and grab some,’ James said, holding out the little white box for Evan, who stared at it.
‘I really, really don’t deserve you,’ Evan said, his eyes earnest. He smiled at James.
‘Thank you. Do you want to share?’ Evan asked, but James shook his head. ‘No, I don’t really like tiramisu, but you go ahead and eat it,’ he answered. Evan scrunched up his nose in disagreement. He looked so cute when he made that face.
‘No, no. Let’s get you some ice cream. Where do you want to go? My treat, seeing as I was supposed to pay for dinner and I… didn’t,’ Evan insisted. James snickered softly and gave in, taking Evans arm and guiding him away from the beach. ‘There’s this really nice ice cream place just around the corner,’ James explained, after getting a confused look from Evan.
The little shop illuminated the street more than the lanterns did, with its warm comforting light. The shop was gorgeous and small. It was one of James’ all time favourites. They went in and James decided to take one of the biggest ice creams they offered, just because he could. Evan grinned at him and flashed his credit card. ‘It’s almost like you know my mission to spend as much of my father’s money as possible,’ he said, still grinning as the device beeped and Evan took out his card.
James’ eyes widened. ‘Wait… What?’ Evan snickered and looked at James through his lashes, innocent eyes gleaming in the warm lamp light. ‘It’s really his own fault. He gave it to me and said ‘do whatever you want to do’, so I did,’ Evan said, still grinning. ‘Ev, no. I wanted the biggest ice cream, so I had to pay for it. It’s only fair,’ James said. ‘And your father shouldn’t have to pay for it,’ he added, eyeing the card warily.
‘No, I ruined dinner, and then I bolted without paying, even though I was going to pay. Eat your ice and enjoy it,’ Evan said, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. James sighed, and gave up. ‘Alright then. I’ll uh, enjoy it. Thanks,’ he muttered, enjoying it indeed, but still feeling bad that he spent so much money that wasn’t his on ice cream.
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‘I kissed him.’
Regulus scoffed and muttered ‘figures,’ before continuing with his sulking session on his bed. ‘No, no, you don’t get it. I kissed him, I kissed James,’ Barty said, not really sure if he should be cocky or guilty about it.
This seemed to get Regulus’ attention though, because he clicked off his headphones and sat up. ‘You did… What?!’ And oh, Barty knew he should’ve looked guilty now.
But where was the fun in that? ‘I kissed James to piss off Ev. He’s gotta stop being such a cocky asshole and he has to realise that we are the ones who are always there for him, not James. And James was so willing. He kissed me back just as much as I kissed him. Must’ve enjoyed a different set of lips,’ he grinned, eyes flaring with a little bit of crazy. ‘Fucking asshole you are! You just want to ruin everything for us, huh? Huh?!’ Regulus sneered, balling his fists into the sheets to keep himself from doing something stupid, most likely.
Barty didn’t get it. Regulus’ relation was already ruined anyways, and he wanted James back, so what did it matter to him if Barty kissed James? In Barty’s eyes, he’d just helped Regulus tremendously.
‘Oh my god, you don’t even realise it!’ Regulus yelled, after getting no reaction from Barty. ‘No, I don’t. Isn’t this helping you? Why are you so mad at me?’ Barty asked, but that earned him a smack on his head from Regulus. ‘The fact that I don’t want Evan and James together, doesn’t mean that I don’t want Evan to be happy! You’re ruining the last bit of happiness that your supposed best friend has in their life! Because he’s not on good terms with both of us, and lord knows if he’s made any friends. It’s not like Pandora and Dorcas are here to be a neutral party or something!’ Regulus shouted, eyes blazing icy cold and angry.
‘Oh.’
‘Oh? Oh? That’s your reaction to hearing that you probably just ruined Evan’s entire summer?! I wouldn’t blame him if he threw you out of the house after this. And don’t you dare to drag me into this… mess you’ve created!’ Regulus yelled, before pushing Barty out of the way and storming out of the room, banging the door harshly in Barty’s face.
And yeah, Barty probably messed up a little too much.
Oops?
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It was well over midnight when Evan and James finished their desserts.
James had taken him on a walk around the block and Evan really enjoyed it, even though he normally didn’t like to walk somewhere without a plan of where to go. He didn’t walk just to walk, but James did.
‘James, I have to tell you something,’ Evan said, his eyes on the floor. James softly reached out to lift his face up and look at him. They stopped walking, and Evan softly grabbed James’ other hand. ‘I uh… I wanted to have a dinner date today because… yeah,’ Evan muttered, his cheeks slowly colouring pink. ‘Because? You don’t have to tell me you know,’ James said, looking at Evan with those chocolate brown eyes Evan couldn’t resist.
‘No, no I want to tell you.’ He took a deep breath and softly squeezed James’ hand. ‘I’m uh, I’ve actually turned sixteen yesterday,’ he said, feigning a crooked smile and looking at James quickly, before looking away again.
‘What? Ev, why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve gotten you something, I would’ve made this day special for you,’ James said, frowning. Evan sighed deeply. ‘It’s… I don’t really have the best memories of my birthday, so most times I just celebrate alone with a cupcake in my bed and my Airpods in,’ he explained, James’ eyes still big and unbelieving. ‘But, why? How? Who would want to ruin your birthday?’ James asked. Evan knew the question would come, and he dreaded the answer.
‘It’s a long story. Maybe I’ll tell you someday, but don’t count on it. I never talk about it, really,’ Evan muttered.
When he was young, he thought the world would end when he turned sixteen. But now, he realised that the world wouldn’t end before he’d have his fair share of pain and sadness.
It was comforting for Evan, in a weird way. To know he would live at least a little longer than this summer, even though it meant he’d have more pain to come his way.
He also wanted to ignore the fact that Regulus and Barty flew out to France on his birthday, without realising it was his birthday. They should’ve known though. Evan told them and they used to remember. But now they were only here to criticise Evan.
‘Ev… Is, your birthday, is that the reason that Barty and Regulus came today?’ James asked him, also picking up on the fact that they were here and he hadn’t heard them say anything close to ‘happy birthday’ to Evan. ‘No, it’s not,’ was the only thing Evan said, before looking away and blinking back tears.
‘They forgot? How could they? They’re your best friends, right?’ James asked, a disbelieving look crossing his face. Evan nodded. ‘Pandora and Dorcas did send me messages at twelve a.m. though. Even Panda, who was in her time an hour too early,’ Evan explained, trying to stir the conversation away from Regulus and Barty, without much luck.
‘Yeah, and they’re not even here. Regulus and Barty should’ve at least congratulated you, even if you’d rather they did not. Now they just look like bad friends, because they forgot your birthday,’ James said, certain of his point. The worst thing was that Evan agreed with him.
His feelings were hurt when they only managed to be mad at Evan for trying to be happy after being heartbroken, not even realising that Evan was wearing his favourite outfit, and he put a little more work in his hair than most times. He wore his limited edition dior perfume, the one he never wore today, because even if he didn’t like celebrating his birthday, he would’ve liked to have a good day. But that wasn’t in the cards.
‘Hey, Evy, please don’t cry. Come here,’ James said, pulling Evan closer into a hug. Evan hadn’t even realised he started crying, but it felt fitting to cry. Again.
He really was blessed to have great birthdays.
‘What about this? You come back to my house and we have a sleepover to at least make the day after your birthday a little better? You can sleep in my bed, and I’ll sleep on the floor, I really don’t mind. I don’t want you going back to your home and crying yourself to sleep,’ James said, softly stroking his head.
‘I like that idea,’ Evan managed to get out, sniffling and hugging James tightly. James wasn’t letting go of Evan though. He held on until Evan let go and smiled at him. A genuine smile through the tears.
‘Come on,’ James gently whispered, guiding Evan through the cobbled streets into his house. It was big and warm and comfortable, way more than Evan’s lonely house was. Together they sneaked up the stairs, and into James’ room.
‘James, I don’t want you to sleep on the floor. Come on, your bed is big enough for two,’ Evan said, smiling softly and opening his arms.
And surprisingly enough, James complied without protesting and slid into the bed beside Evan. He turned around once, to click out the lights and put off his glasses and turned back to Evan, carefully shimmying closer.
‘Goodnight former birthday boy,’ James muttered softly, pressing a careful kiss to his forehead. Or well, he tried to kiss Evan’s forehead, but kissed his nose instead. Evan chuckled softly and smiled. ‘Goodnight Jamesie,’ he muttered back before pressing a kiss to James’ lips.
And when Evan closed his eyes, he finally felt like this day wasn’t a complete fail.