Will you be my fake boyfriend?
It was an ordinary day.
Harry was just on his way to Defense Against the Dark Arts, tuning out Ron and Hermione’s somehow romantic bickering, when he heard someone shouting his name.
“Potter! Hey, POTTER!”
Harry turned, and saw Draco hurrying through the corridor towards him. Ron and Hermione looked back, too, and Ron’s eyes narrowed when he saw who it was.
“What do you want, Malfoy?” he snapped. “We’ve got to get to class.”
“Go to class then, Weasley,” Draco’s words lacked their usual bite. “I need to talk to you, Potter.”
Ron and Hermione gave Draco suspicious looks. They were somehow unaware of the fact that Harry and Draco fought mostly for fun - sure, it was real in first year, and then it was just something to add some interest to their school years. They were clearly unwilling to leave Harry alone with Draco. Harry, however, had not a single worry about it, so he waved them on.
“Go on, I’ll catch up.”
“Are you sure?” Hermione asked, glancing between him and Draco.
“Yes,” Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Go on. If I never show up, feel free to send a search party.”
Slowly, clearly thinking that it was a very bad idea, Ron and Hermione turned and headed off down the corridor to Defense. Harry turned to Draco.
“In here,” he said, ushering Harry through a door into an unused classroom. After checking the ceiling for Peeves, Harry crossed his arms.
“What’s up?” he asked. “Don’t tell me you actually lured me out of sight to murder me. I would hate for Ron and Hermione to be right.”
Draco scoffed. “Please. If I was going to murder you I wouldn’t have called attention to myself in the middle of a crowded corridor. I have some finesse, Potter.”
Harry laughed. “Yeah that’s probably true. So what’s up then? They will send a search party, so we better hurry it up.”
Draco looked oddly uncomfortable. It was a look completely out of place on his face, and it immediately set Harry on edge.
“Okay, I need you to hear me all the way out before you say no,” Draco said slowly.
“I’m officially worried,” Harry declared. “What’s going on?”
“Okay, my father had a talk with me over the summer,” Draco said. “Apparently, having not dated anyone yet does not show promise for bringing a ‘pureblood Malfoy heir into the family’ soon enough for him, so he’s declared that if I’m not in a serious, looking-to-marry relationship by April he’s setting up a betrothal to Pansy. And he can do that, because betrothal contracts are binding regardless of if you’re of age or not until you leave school.”
Harry’s mouth dropped open. “Your father is a fucking lunatic.”
“Tell me about it,” Draco snorted. “There are several problems with this. One. I have no interest in dating anyone at the present time. Two. I can’t stand Pansy. Three. I am very. Very. Gay. Which my father knows, but he couldn’t care less about it unless I am actually in a relationship with someone. Because apparently his insanity stops just before forcing me to marry a girl if I’m actually in love with a guy, but he can force me to marry a girl if there’s not a specific guy in the picture.”
Draco was rambling, which never happened. He sounded nervous. Harry began to see where this was heading.
“Draco…”
“I said hear me out first!” Draco cut him off, sounding vaguely panicked. “It’s probably not what you think it is!”
“I think you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend until we graduate so that your father doesn’t have time to set up a betrothal contract and you can get out of marrying Pansy Parkinson,” Harry deadpanned.
Draco paused, looking at him. “Okay, so it’s exactly what you think it is.”
“Do you think people will believe I’m gay though?” Harry asked musingly.
Draco gave him a sideways glance. “Are you… not?”
Harry couldn’t help it. He laughed. Draco looked at him like he was insane for a few moments, before he nervously started laughing too.
“Okay,” Harry said, taking a deep breath to force himself back into seriousness. “Let’s say I agree to this. What exactly does it entail?”
“Well,” Draco paused, apparently thinking. “We would sort of have to sell it. Like… going on dates, holding hands, maybe the occasional kiss on the cheek or something? Malfoys are not supposed to go about flaunting PDA so it won’t shock anyone if nothing much happens, but we’d have to sort of sell it that we’re in love through the way we interact.”
Harry nodded slowly. “For the record, if it helps sell it, we can do all the PDA you want. I’m not shagging you, though.”
Draco snorted. “I would not expect you to. It would help sell it though, blatant affection… alright, don’t be surprised if I show up and snog you then.”
Harry laughed. “Noted. You have my full consent to do basically whatever the fuck you want. Who would know it’s fake?”
“Ideally no one,” Draco sighed. “But I also understand that you’ll probably want to tell Weasley and Granger-”
“Oh, no,” Harry shook his head. “They are getting on my nerves right now. I would be more than willing to take this opportunity to fuck with them.”
Draco gave him an odd look. “Fuck with them?”
“Well,” Harry said, grinning. “They like to shit talk you. Sorry if you didn’t know, but they do. And if I were to be dating you, I wouldn’t stand for that, now would I? They’d have to watch their mouths. And they’d have to put up with your presence. And be nice to you. You’d have to be civil back, of course, but it’ll probably be killing them the whole time.”
Draco snorted. “Is that you saying you’ll do it?”
Harry stared at him for a moment, apparently weighing the pros and cons in his mind, before he nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll do it. But we have to be mind numbingly, disgustingly in love in front of Ron and Hermione at all times.”
“I think we have to be mind numbingly, disgustingly in love in front of everyone at all times in order for this to work.”
“Yes, but they’ve been driving me mad with all their disgusting romance for months. So now we get to return the favour.”
“Alright.”
-{}-{}-{}-
They had not decided when or how they were going to introduce this idea to the rest of the school. In all honesty, Harry had expected them to meet up again to plan it out. What he was not expecting was what Draco did the very next morning.
Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table, eating breakfast and ignoring Ron and Hermione’s romance, as per usual, when Draco appeared behind him out of nowhere.
“Hey, you!” he said cheerfully, swinging onto the bench so he was sat on Harry’s lap and kissing him on the mouth. “Good morning!”
Ron and Hermione both froze, staring at them. Ron’s mouth dropped open. The rest of the Gryffindor’s were having very similar reactions.
“Good morning yourself!” Harry said, just as cheerfully. “Sleep well?”
Ron dropped his fork. Hermione coughed.
“Like the dead,” Draco said, still on Harry’s lap. “Oh, excellent, bacon. Pass me that plate, would you, Weasley?”
This was clearly just to rile Ron up, as there was not a single coherent thought in his mind at that moment. He just stared at Harry and Draco, looking alarmed and baffled. Hermione recovered herself quicker, clearing her throat and passing the plate of bacon across to Draco.
“Thank you very much, Granger,” Draco said, taking the plate from her and grabbing several pieces of bacon off it, before handing it back. He put the bacon on Harry’s plate, keeping two pieces. “Sorry to cut our time short, but I’m about to be late for Charms. See you during Defense, Harry?”
“Yep,” Harry said, grinning. “Have fun in Charms.”
“Good luck in Transfiguration,” Draco said, swinging his legs back over the bench and standing up. He walked away, waving at Ron and Hermione over his shoulder as he took a bite of the bacon.
Harry turned back to his plate, and picked up one of the remaining bacon strips. He glanced up at Ron and Hermione, who were both staring at him as though worried he was about to drop dead.
“What?” he asked innocently.
“Harry…” Hermione said, glancing between him and Draco, who was exiting the Hall.
“What the fuck was that?” Ron exclaimed. “I - you and - you - Malfoy-?”
“Well, what did it look like?” Harry asked calmly.
“How long has that been going on?” Hermione asked, her voice nearly a whisper.
“When the bloody hell did that happen?” Ron said, his voice nearing a shout.
“Oh, ages ago,” Harry said, fighting with all his might to keep a straight face. “I can’t help it if you two haven’t noticed, can I?”
“But-” Ron and Hermione said in unison.
“Well, if you must know, right at the start of term,” Harry said, making his and Draco’s ‘love story’ up on the spot. “But we thought it might be better to keep it a bit of a secret, considering our… history. But then his father tried to arrange a betrothal to Pansy Parkinson, so we decided we should make it public to put an end to that.”
“THe start of term?” Ron asked, his voice sounding very strangled. “And… and you didn’t tell us?”
“Well, I didn’t think you’d take it well, to be honest,” Harry said. “That’s what he wanted yesterday, you know, to ask if it was okay to be open about it and tell me about his father. I didn’t know he was going to do that today, though, or I might have warned you.”
“Well…” Hermione said, clearly disapproving but trying to be supportive. “If… if you’re sure, Harry, and you’re… happy…?”
“Yeah, I am,” Harry said brightly. “Oh, I forgot my book in the common room. I’ll meet you guys in Transfiguration, okay?”
“Okay,” Ron and Hermione both said weakly.
Harry, smiling brightly at all the dumbfounded expressions of his classmates, stood and hurried from the hall, on a mission to inform Draco of how they started dating.