What the fuck?!

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
F/F
F/M
M/M
G
What the fuck?!
Summary
Harry Potter, after blowing up his Aunt, is sent to stay at the leaky cauldron. And gets bored. Who wouldn't? Any 13 year old would be after all. So, after a while, he decided to pop to explore Diagon Alley and buy a few things. Chaos follows, like it usually does. Fun, right? !TITLE MAY CHANGE, I'M CONSATNLY UNSURE OF IT!!I WRITE THIS LATE AT NIGHT, WHEN I CAN'T SLEEP, SO UPDATES ARE ALMOST ALWAYS WRITTEN IN ONE NIGHT AND ARE UNEDITED, I WILL EDIT AS I GO AND PROBABLY REWRITE ONCE IT'S FINISHED! This fic is subtly inspired by Lily's Boy (Go read if you haven't its so good ive read it like 7 times) as well as every fic and prompt ive probably ever read, but ofc is my own work, so it will NOT be the same. There will be big differences.
All Chapters Forward

The Start.

This will be my first ever work, and I'm still learning to write, so please let me know of any mistakes and give me feedback, its very appreciated.

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Harry Potter laid in his bed at The Leaky Cauldron, staring up at the ceiling, and all he kept thinking was, 'What a shitty day'.

I mean, in all honesty, a lot of them were now-a-days. Well that is a fat lie. They always had been. There was everyday he had to stay with the Dursleys, gaining more bruises, more cuts, more scars. There was Voldermort in first year. And again in second. Then there was Marge. Marge and her stupid dog. And, to make matters worse, he snapped and blew her up. Blew her up! Well... More like inflated he supposed, but still. Then for some reason he only just then decided to run away, actually did run away, spotted some weirdly big dog, hoped onto a magical bus, and ended up in the Leaky Cauldron, where he had been strongly advised not to leave. What bullshit.

He sighed and rolled onto his side, looking out at the night sky through the rattling window, a train passing by. Why should only he have to stay locked away? I mean, there is the whole Boy-Who-Lived thing, but surely some random killer, whilst still on the run with everyone looking for him mind, would do something to him in the middle of Diagon Alley?

Prison after prison, that was exactly his situation. He just wanted to be free of everyone trying to protect them from invisible threats.

Maybe he would stay inside for a few days. Stay inside the Leaky, look out to see if anyone is watching him. Like... whatever Ron called the Wizarding version of police. Something beginning with an 'A'… He remembers they wear a red uniform. So… he will just observe and see if any are out making sure he stays. If there wasn't, he was free to roam about. Even if there was, he had his Fathers' invisibility cloak so he could easily sneak out of here. He’s done it plenty of times running around Hogwarts without anyone having a slightest clue. He was genius.

With that, he closed his eyes, drifting off into another nightmare riddled sleep. At least it wasn't too bad this time.

 

Over the course of the next few days, Harry sat around and secretly observed the people around them. He sat, ate, did homework and half listened to conversation around him, trying to find some form of entertainment. After the 4th day, he concluded that no-one was watching over him. He felt out with his magic in case someone may be invisible or disguising themselves, but he didn't find a thing. He had freedom to do whatever he pleased, and he grinned to himself.

He knew most wizards couldn't feel out for others magic. He knows others can't even feel their own unless it was an extremely powerful spell they were using, yet he used it to his advantage. Use whatever you've got right?

On the 5th day, after breakfast, in which Tom insisted on him having 3 portions (was he really that skinny? Gosh), he snuck out into Diagon behind a group of past Hogwarts students that he briefly remembered had left after his first year, one being a previous head girl but he doesn't remember her name.

Quickly sneaking away from them just as easily as he snuck with them, he started exploring Diagon Alley for the first real time. I mean sure, yeah he had been around before, but both times had always been such a rush and he only ever went into where was necessary.


Exploring was honestly the best decision he had made so far. The amount of shops he hadn't noticed before or even most of the names of them, honestly never caring much about them. For instance, he had no idea there was a shop that sold 2nd hand broomsticks, called simply 'Second Hand Brooms.' Or that there were multiple joke shops around. He only ever heard of Zonkos through listening in to conversations about Hogsmeade. There was a travelling agency, and a junk shop. Multiple bookstores, potion stores, as well as specific shops for specific animals. Kids toy stores, which made him ache over his childhood, adult toy stores, which made him blush beet-red and hurry away as quickly as possible, furniture, sweets and drinks, clothes, jewellery, everything. There was even a tattoo shop, which he definitely wasn't old enough for but definitely wanted one. The wizarding ones moved, and that would be awesome to get. A piercing shop was right next to it, and he noted it down for future use. He went from shop to shop, buying some but not much. Pair of gloves, a shirt, bag of sweets, a tea at ZE's Cafe (and found out it was named after a descendent of Slytherin), a quill which refilled itself automatically, a pack of 5 password-needed notebooks, and a jacket.

He was about to head back to the Leaky Cauldron to call it a day after finding even more different roads to go down, and expose more shops, when he spotted a wand holster in a shop window. Walking in, intrigued, he was immediately hit with a strong smell of leather and a sight of hundreds of wand holsters covering walls and shelves. After small looking at labels to find that they are magical, and so when worn they become tailored to you and your wand, have a few enchantments and are overall extremely useful, he was set on buying one..- until he realised he didn't have enough. Harry frowned, downbeat as he walked out the shop. He really wanted that wand holster. Next year maybe?

It wasn't until he looked up as he entered the main alley when his mood shop right up. Gringotts. He could just simply go and get some more! Grinning, probably looking a bit stupid, but so far no-one has recognised him so he doubts anyone will give a flying toss, he walked up to Gringotts.

He walked in, uncaring about the threat outside, which, as passing by, he heard a few muggleborns whispering about it. Honestly, he was amazed by how grand and beautiful the bank was, hearing Uncle Vernon call muggle banks dull and lifeless over the phone multiple times to his co-workers seriously had lowered his standards drastically. Gringotts was gorgeous compared to anything he ever imagined. The magic as well was amazing to feel out.

Walked up to the main desk, there was a small realisation that the bank was mostly empty, but he thought nothing of it. It was a Tuesday after all. Stopping, he stood rather awkwardly as the goblin at the desk didn't notice him, just continuing to do what looked like paperwork. Or was simply ignoring him, he wouldn't put it past them.

As kindly as he could, Harry cleared his throat, and the Goblin looked up. After a moments silence, he spoke up, "Hello.. Goblin.. sir..?" Merlin he sounded awkward didn't he?

The Goblin simply smirked, looking equally amused and terrifying, "Ah, Heir Potter, may your enemies vanquish. I see you've finally decided to read our letters then?" The smirk turned into a sneer.

Dumbfounded, Harry blinked once. Twice. Then, "Excuse me?"

"I assume you finally want to go over your inheritance." The goblin sneered, narrowing his already small eyes.

Harry swallowed, unsure of what was going on. 'Story of my life', he thought bitterly.  “I.. uhm.. have never received any letters.. inheritance for what exactly?"

The Goblins face turned blank, staring at him for what felt like years as he squirmed under the intense look under those eyes. Then, the Goblin stood, "Follow me, Heir Potter."

Harry just nodded, baffled on whatever was going on. Wait- Was he calling him Heir? Heir for what?!

After about a 3 minute walk through the halls of Gringotts, which he never knew existed, and more and more questions entering his brain, he was led into a room. An office, he corrected himself as he looked around. There were 2 Goblins already in there, yet 3 desks, yet they were all formed to create a semi circle around a seating area in the middle of the room. It contained 4 chairs, 3 on one side and 1 on the other. Unsure on what to do as rapid fire Gobbledegook, he looked around the room, feeling the magic, reading titles of books.

He got a bit distracted and jumped when the one on the left spoke to him directly, leaving his desk to join the other 2 who had at some point sat down at the table, "I believe introductions are required then Heir Potter?"

Harry swallowed and hesitantly went and sat down in the only seat left, "I suppose?"

"Well, I am Ragnok, a curse breaker and gold dealer." The one on the right- Ragnok- said, he was the one who brought him here.

"I am Nagnock, gold dealer and vault protector" Said the one on the left.

"And that leaves me as Odberg," the last and middle one stated, "I am a vault protector and inheritance ensurer."

Harry just nodded along, no clue on what else to do honestly. What is one supposed to do? "Right.. Well you all know me, probably, so... what am I doing here?" he blurted out, the nerves getting to him, as he ran a hand through his already wild hair.

"It has come to my attention," Ragnok spoke, obviously taking lead of the conversation, "that the letters we have been sending you over the last few years have not been received. Is that correct?" Harry slowly nodded.

"Rather unusual," Odberg stated, "not to worry though Heir Potter, this shall only take 2 or so hours."

"Uh- I'm sorry but.. why are you calling me Heir?" he asked, feeling rather stupid.

"We will get to that Heir Potter" Nagnock waved a hand as he spoke, and a blank piece of paper, as well as a small dagger appeared in front of Harry, "simply prick your finger and all will be explained. 3 drops on the parchment will suffice."

He looked down, rubbing the back of his neck wondering if the Goblins were having him on. Sighing, he relented, and picked up the dagger. He pressed the blade into his hand, and held it over the parchment so the blood would drip onto it. After all 3 drops made contact, they sunk into the paper and started to form words. Watching and reading as the words formed, he tried to make any sense over what he was seeing:

 

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Name:

HarrisonJamesPotter(Half-Blood)

 

Parental Figures:

Mother: Lily Donna Potter Nee Evans (Squib-Born, presumed Muggle-born)
Father:James Fleamont Potter (Pure-Blood)

 

Other:


God Father:Sirius Orion Black (Pure-Blood)

God Mother:Alice Longbottom Nee Prewett (Pure-Blood)
God Brother:Neville Frank Longbottom (Pure-Blood)

 

Lords/Heirships:

1st Heir Potter: Heir at 11, Lord at 17, 15 if no previous Lord (Father)
1st Heir Peverell: Heir at 10, Lord 15 (Father)
1st Heir Black: Heir at 11, Lord has no specified age. (God-Father)
1st Heir Ravenclaw: Heir at 13, Lord at 17, 14 if no previous Lord (Mother)
1st Heir Longbottom: 1st heir (NFL) at 10, 2nd Heir (HJP) at 13, Lord taken by Neville Frank Longbottom at 13.
Others too distant to be relevant at the time.*

 

Blocks/Compulsions/Ect.:

Magic Core(Grey) Block, Albus Dumbledore, 20%
Trust Compulsion, Albus Dumbledore, 60%
Influence Compulsion, Albus Dumbledore, 50%, deteriorating.
????, ?????, ?????%

 

Other:

Magic Core:Grey
Wizengamot Votes:13
Wizengamot Seats:4
Wizengamot Proxy:None after all Heirships have been claimed by age, Previously: Albus Dumbledore.

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"What the fuck?!" Harry yelled, looking down at his paper. Why did it just get more and more absurd!? First, his God-Father was a freshly broken out of Azkaban murderer, then he finds out he had a God-Brother.Then he finds out he has Heir and Lordships all lined up, and that Dumbledore has spelled him, and that he had a very big influence on the Wizengamot, which, to his knowledge, was where Wizarding Laws were made, and that Dumbledore had been using his votes?! And finally, yet it was the first thing he read... his name was Harrison?

 

WHAT?!

 

Couldn't he had been Just Harry? His life would of been so, so much easier if he could of just been a muggle or something.

 

"Indeed, Heir Potter," Odberg smirked, "if you would like, we can tell you all you need to know, and we can go ahead and give you your Rings."

 

Harry never looked up from the paper, letting out a huff of breath, still processing what was on the paper, reading over and over again. He then realised he was spoken to and snapped his head up, nodding. Merlin this is going to take a while isn't it?

 

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