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Darcy Lily Potter-Black, no longer The-Boy-Who-Lived, sacrificial goat, pariah/jesus figure of the British Wizarding world.
No, now she was The-Woman-Who-Killed, great ‘dark’ witch, dark lord killer, generally considered too dangerous to disagree with, minor living deity of several international cults, and her personal favorite the magical world’s nuclear bomb equivalent, the ICW go to solution when things went south. She was also the ICW’s most annoying problem of all.
But worst of all she was bloody bored, and that was before she factored into the account that she was annoyed and just done with Magical Britain as a whole. Seriously, the back-asswards society couldn’t be dragged kicking and screaming into a proper era if their lives depended on it. They were to set in their ways and even with all of her clout and power, she was sick of watching them sink back into the same rhetoric.
She was bored out of her mind, then again that wasn’t unexpected, especially for a very possibly immortal woman who hasn't aged since she came back from the dead at the age of 28. Oh, did she also not mention that she had also learned some of the vilest forms of magic, just to stay alive and be able to kill a horrifying monster who just would. Not. Stay. Dead.
Well, Soul Magics were, in theory, weren’t inherently evil or bad. However, in practice to do soul magic, you generally needed souls, which meant that most of the field required death, or using your own soul; which no self respecting Dark Lord would ever do. Unless it was in an attempt to gain immortality.
It was also so easy, once you have the power, the skill, and the knowledge, to just corrupt not only your own soul for power but use other people's souls to empower you. It was one of the things that had made Tom so effective, and an utterly despicable bastard, he used the Dark Mark to sap bits of the souls of his followers to empower himself. He sacrificed people for more power, twisting him into something inhuman and terrifying…
So it wasn’t really a surprise that Soul Magic was banned, and that Soul Mages were generally, rightfully, killed on sight.
Now knowing this, factor in the fact she had killed one of the most deadly Soul Mages in history and as much as it rankled her to admit, yes Tom had been one of the most deadly Soul Mage in recent history. As much as it was true that Grindelwald was generally more deadly and did more damage, he was not a Soul Mage. Which was annoying because it had made Tommy boy smug. So she had become the better Soul Mage. Out of spite. Here she was, one of the most despicable kind of mage, herself.
Granted she wouldn't sacrifice someone's soul. Well, she wouldn't mess with anyone's soul unless they deserved it, or they wanted to transition, but that was just helping out her brother and sister’s so that was fine, and really it was way more blood magic than soul magic, even if it used it as reference. Still… There had been that old dark lord sealed under Athens, and that other wanker in China, oh and Karkaroff after he kept managing to run away the cowardly bastard, she had bonded his soul to a hamster wheel. And that cheap bastard lady in the amazon forest.
…
Ok, so she did use souls of some bastards, but she wasn't twisting an innocent soul she was delivering justice to fuckers who hunted innocents. Or at least that is what she told people, truth be told she was leaning into being a boogey-woman of the underworld at this point. She wanted people to fear her, so they would do the smart thing and not be terrible fucking people... Maybe putting the fear of god into people was one of the reasons people were worshipping her. Maybe she should stop. But it was so effective, granted it also eroded her self control just a bit. Hence why she had recently disappeared from the magical world.
Besides she hadn't made any mass sacrificial rituals, or any of the vile shit that assholes with too much egos tended to do, but some lives were already forfeit, and really, why waste a soul when she could use it to save someone. Or make soul mead… that shit was DIVINE, oh Hecate she sounded like a dementor. No more making Soul Mead… Unless they were real bastards, or she had a hot date. Look, Soul Mead was delicious, it would be hard to give it up.
…
So yeah, she had killed one of the worst Soul Mages in history, and was one herself. It was always so fun for her to point that out to people, after all Soul Magic was outlawed universally everywhere, but with the amount of old monsters and wanna be Dark Lords who experimented with phylacteries and other subsuming rituals, you needed an expert on how to actually get rid of the bastards for good. So she was kind of a grey area and everyone just ignored the fact that she herself was a Soul Mage. She mostly had a pass for killing the bastard-who-hyphenated-his-name, or as she called him. Mister, “I chose what I thought was a cool name as a kid but it was cringe as fuck so I had to put a Taboo on it to get people to stop saying it.”
She didn’t really call him that, as she didn’t want to spend more mental energy than necessary on a dead fucker. But it did make her chuckle when she thought about it.
Still as much as she liked to pretend he had just been a British problem, he hadn’t really been by the end. Turns out Magical Britain wasn’t the only placed that was fucking racist. By the end of the war, his extremely pureblood based views didn’t really make him popular with the many places where nobility just wasn’t a thing, but all kind of xenophobic murderous bastards were all for any excuses they could have to torment, murder pillage and rape. That or just bastards who wanted to make bids for powers locally with his backing. Also sadly a lot of magical places had nobility meaning his dogma dug in all around the globe.
Darcy meanwhile, had been made into the antidote. Into the Weapon. Dumbledore had succeeded and he had made the perfect anti-voldemort. Too bad for her ex-corpse of a headmaster she didn’t ascribe to his second-third-millionth chance mentality. She didn’t need an army, not anymore, she disliked any kind of following. Her blood was made of phoenix tears and and basilisk venom, she was immortal and mostly invulnerable, healed nearly instantly, she was stuck with a body in her late twenties, she was so saturated with death, and soul, magic that any kind of flesh, blood; not that you could use her blood for anything except poisons, or bone that could be used to bind her just didn't work. Oh how they had tried. Believe me they tried, and they died for it. Perished amidst their own hubris, stupidity, and fear. It was why they had started to worship her and ignore her use of Soul Magic. She would never allow them to touch Teddy again.
Maybe she had issues.
After voldeshitz, there were many Dark Lord wannabes and old immortals who wanted their turn of glory in the ensuing chaos. Darcy had worked for years now, making sure they understood that NO they did not get to have free reign to do as they pleased. She was not going to let them harm those who simply wanted to live their lives. So she acted as a Bastion against the Dark Lords and Immortal Idiots. She knew so much magic that it took the magic out of magic. She could snap her finger and make someone disappear, she knew so many ways to kill people that she had blank page syndrome fighting magical nazis. It was a serious problem, it really affected her terrifying aura when she made four people in a row turn into statues of salt instead of alternating.
SO yes, she was an expert on soul magic, and every government still standing turned a blind eye towards her. Because they couldn’t deal with her, they couldn’t afford to try and kill her or her loved ones. There would be naught but ash left if they tried. She had officially attained the level of scary that was useful, the level of scary that Dumbbells had been too much of a coward to achieve. No one misgendered her either, which was an added bonus. Turning people who were asses to you into endangered animals and sending them into preservations were a great way to help the planet, and get people to respect you. She was single handedly responsible for the re-acceptance of trans people in the magical community. Undoing the damage Tom and Dumbledore had caused.
Still she was growing very bored, with her current occupation. She had killed every magical Nazi stupid enough to make themselves known or even be slightly noticeable, she had cowed every government, she had convinced the ICW to be generally less shitty, made all the good charity and generally trusted her friends to take care of things. Now however, she just didn’t want to do that any more, her kid was in bloody highschool, which meant that he wanted to spend less time hanging with her and more with his friends. It stung but it also made her so happy.
But also she was sooooo bored.
One thing was for certain though, bad things happened when she was bored.
Maybe she could do something someone her age would do? Like go try to get drunk in a club, and fail again because her blood was so poisonous that alcohol did nothing. Get laid with someone who wasn’t trying to stab her. Enemies to lovers really wasn’t an option when your enemies are magical nazis, and the people she met the most were enemies. Well that and teachers, and other moms. They were all non-magical, she had NOT let Teddy go to a magical boarding school, she knew from first hand experiences how unsafe that shit was. She had decided that she would tutor/train her child in magic, besides they were really into sciences and had gotten into some highschool that focused on technology and sciences.
So when she met the teachers and other parents, it was nice to not be known as the crazy Soul Mage, or Lady-Who-Killed. Sadly the only moms she had met who were gay, were happily married and not interested in the mess of a war veteran that she was. Was she even a veteran? She was war herself. A one woman army, a weapon… Who was she kidding, yeah she was a war veteran, war was all she had ever known. Also she now looked less like a teenage mom, and more like an older sister. It was so odd not aging as her kid grew up. The fake mustaches did not help.
Also it wasn’t like she could date in the magical world either, after all there was the usual dealings with her being… Basically magical jesus? She hated that, it was one of the reasons she had yanked Teddy out of the magical world, well that and the attempts on their life. Growing up and hearing stories, they had learned at a young age that their mom was worshiped by smallish cult all around the world that revered her as a sort of ‘Mother’ protector Saint, because Voldemort had been such an international monster and Dumblefucks had hyped her up and hailed her as a magical baby jesus, a lot of people had realized that it was pretty unlikely. But then she had done the impossible and survived multiple AK’s to the face. So yeah, Teddy finding that out had been weird.
Now that she was an immortal adult with blood that melted concrete and had spent her childhood killing the same man over and over again. Only then to continue to purge the same type of magical assholes… There were many reasons she was living on the non magical side. One of which was to never ever interact with her church. She did pop in every once in a while to make sure they didn't spout shit in her name, like that time someone had tried to say she wasn’t pro trans rights (which, how? She literally was trans herself). It really didn’t help with the whole worship thing, but it did help her feel less guilty knowing she could avoid a crusade or two.
She sighed, she hated being bored. Teddy was spending the night at a friend's house to do a project for school so she had nothing to do… Maybe she could just dress in a way that would make any of her worshippers pale and go have fun in a club or two. She probably needed it and it was the next best thing to therapy. She took a look at the clock and bit her lip, what the hell, why not. She got up and headed to her closet, it was time to go cut loose.
What was the worst that could happen?
Natasha Romanov, AKA the Black Widow was tired. After the whole Loki fiasco, there was just so much paperwork. Fury was always in need of information on the team, Thor came and went to try to inform the earth about Loki’s trial on Asgard, along with trying to rekindle whatever he had with ‘Lady Jane’ after he ghosted her for a year, Steve Rogers was trying to get used to the internet and catching up on 9/11, Nagasaki, Hiroshima, and the cold war, Clint was trying to be sneaky about going to see his family, Banner was avoiding any shield agent he could, and Tony fucking Stark was enjoying his free time as Pepper took care of most of his shit.
Serriously, fuck Tony Stark, spoiled rich boy with a god-complex. Pepper was too fucking good for him. The girl did not deserve to be in that abusive/toxic relationship, she had made it known she was there for her. However she got the distinct impression Pepper thought she was after Tony. She almost gagged at the thought, yeah not only no but HELL no. She would much rather get Pepper into bed, or ‘Lady Jane’, or that Darcy chick who worked for Jane… Or well any girl really, sure she slept with guys on occasion but that was always for work and it was never gratifying since it was all performatory. Like really, couldn’t she have one mission where she had to charm a female supervillain? That would be nice, and who knows maybe the power of Lesbianism could save the day.
The point was that she was angry, tired, and horny. Besides with the whole work association with men, it felt like half her sexuality was ruined because of said work. That and growing up she hadn’t been given a choice, even now it felt like she didn’t have a choice. Well this was making her more depressed than normal. At this point she was half tempted to actually listen to Clint and do the whole therapy thing.
She ignored her phone, it was most likely Clint trying to convince her to take a break, or Fury asking for updates. Take a break from what she didn't know as they weren’t actively fighting anymore, even if they had been on one of two missions, but Shield had forbidden the team from going to just help everyday people, to the great annoyance of Steve.
A day ago she had almost laughed herself to near death when she noticed him looking at a cat stuck in a tree from the balcony of the newly renovated Avenger tower. He had sad puppy eyes, but in the end hadn’t gone against orders. Even after the cat incident he had tried several times to go out, but his seven foot tall ass was too noticeable to go anywhere discreetly. So yeah the Avengers were basically benched for now, because they were too noticeable in public and were being kept in reserve for the ‘big threats’. Which felt kind of shitty, but eh it didn’t matter, Natasha was mostly just annoyed at her past self for not wearing a fucking disguise before helping fend off an alien invasion.
Well, she could easily dye her hair and with a bit of makeup magic she could look however she wanted, so her face was her disguise in a way. Though Clint had said not to think like that because it was bad for her mental health or something. Her mental health was amazing, she had top marks in therapy. She ignored the voice that sounded suspiciously like the fool who thought arrows were a good weapon in combat, telling her that breaking in and stealing the notes and replacing them to say she was fine and cleared for action did not count. If they didn’t want her to do that then they should have thought about that before making her go to mandatory therapy, well that and made the office more secure.
Natasha didn’t know if she wanted to go out in an actual disguise though. She just wanted to go out, as herself to not be trapped under a mask. She was always under a mask, how long until she forgot what was underneath? Was there anything under it?
The main reason she didn’t want to go out though was she didn’t want to be gawked at, yeah she was really annoyed at her past self, but there was nothing she could do about it now. She sighed and got comfortable on the couch in Stark’s Tower, sure she no longer worked for Stark but it was one of the few places she could just get away. Besides for as much of a fuck boy that Stark was he had good food and coffee around, as well as had made it known that any of the ‘Avengers’ were free to swing by to live/hang out here.
Truth be told she didn’t hate Tony, she just didn’t like how arrogant he could be, how he seemed to think he was the only one smart enough to make decisions. How because he had made a ‘special’ suit he deserved accolades, or how he let himself get lost in a bottle of booze and pushed away the woman who in spite of everything loved him… Ok so she was being bitter because she was lonely and hadn’t had a good date in, well ever, and he had Pepper fucking Pots who was a bloody goddess. Honestly she was just too damn good for him.
“Sooooooooooooo, are you going to tell me why you are sulking on my leather couch like a discount Batwoman or do I have to guess? Is the Long John Silver cosplayer giving you trouble? Or is there trouble in paradise with big bad and green?”
‘Think the Devil’s name and he shall appear,’ Natash did not let out her sigh, or roll her eyes. She was in far too much control of her body to do something like that. “I am not sulking Tony, I am relaxing. Unless I am misremembering, didn't you actually offer me a room here?” She looked over and this time she did raise a singular eyebrow.
“Well, yes but Jarvis has informed me that you were told to take a day off by our local Robin Hood, and you’ve been lounging on the couch surfing the same section of Nitflox for the past hour like a millennial spinster. Really Nat, at your age on a Friday afternoon?” Tony let himself fall on the couch like the diva he was. “How sad! You should be traipsing the streets of the city, listening to Florence and the Machine while getting drunk and running from the guy you thought was hot but actually it was just the club light at three am!”
“That sounds like you’re talking from experience.”
Completely ignoring her sass, Tony continued. “Besides, I am planning to host a party later today and figured you don’t want to be a part of that.” Tony waved at one of his cute robots to bring him a beer. DUM-E if she remembered correctly. It brought him a can of sweetened concentrated milk which he started sipping like wine straight from the tin can like the human trash can he literally was. He yoinked the remote out of her hand and picked a random movie to throw on. The manchild chose Klaus, which, while she could appreciate the animation, but it was far from christmas.
Worst of all Tony has a habit of putting the damn movie on loop every time he could get his hand on a TV remote. Or even when he couldn’t he would order it on. At this point she was fairly certain he was doing it just to annoy the other Avengers. Originally it had started as a powermove against Thor, because the Asgardian was a techno-idiot who didn’t know how to convince Jarvis to change the movie again. However, it apparently had become something that helped with his anxiety or something. Natasha thought that he just identified with Jasper too much.
Natasha raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And What makes you think I don’t want to be a part of a party?”
“Ah that is easy, you would probably end up killing half the people by the end and I would thank you.” he said, taking a sip of his tin can of sweetened condensed milk.
She shot him a confused look and waited for him to elaborate.
“Ok I lied it isn’t a party, it’s a shareholders meeting and Pepper scheduled it for here, something about showing off the tower to help promote a sense of unity? Or something I stopped paying attention to, after she told me I had to attend and shake hands with a bunch of old people. But hey if you want to show up and liven up the party, that would be great.”
She snorted and shook her head, “on second thought I think I will just head out, that does not sound very unpleasant. Though I will probably ask Jarvis to send me a recording of your suffering later.”
“I would be honored to send you a highlight video, Miss Romanov.” Jarvis said, the look of betrayal on Tony’s face was priceless.
“Yeah, yeah laugh it up.” He muttered into his beer.
“Right, well guess I am off then, guess I’ll head home for the day.” She stood up enjoying the way her back popped as she did so.
“Just like that? Not going to go out and have a good time?” He scrambled to get something out of his top, before he threw her a credit card. “Happy birthday! Don’t spend it all on the same bar and please, have fun, for the both of us.”
“It’s not my birthday,” She said with a roll of her eyes.
“Well, you never told me so I am making today your birthday! Jarvis mark it down in the calendar.” He said throwing pocket confetti and lint in her vague direction.
“Understood sir,” In spite of herself she found herself smiling a bit as she shook her head.
She glanced down at the card, a bit dumbfounded, somewhat touched, and wondering whether spending Tony’s money would actually make this more enjoyable. Perhaps she could actually go to a bar or two. See how recognizable she actually was when not drenched in alien guts.
Tony Stark threw himself into his couch and sighed contently, pulling a chocolate cigar from a compartment on the couch. Pepper had pestered him into being healthier and… Well he could still have some fun with it. He did his best to ignore her exasperated look from across the room as she pulled up a few documents she had wanted to deal with after the ‘investor party’. Urgh.
Tony stuck the cigar in his mouth smirking and reaching for the remote, when he felt his body start to tense. Confusion ran through him, wha… what? Nothing had happened? His hands started to shake as his eyes lost focus, this… this wasn’t right. There was no explosion, no sudden loud noise, nothing to remind him of the sense of crushing emptiness and despair. His breath started to quicken; his focus disappearing as everything fell away. His extremities felt cold, as his body rapidly lost heat within the void of space, they tingled, reminding him that this was a one way trip. He could make out the ships, they were coming to take everything away from him, and yet he was only focused on one thing.
Pepper. He could lie and say he had roughly 8 million reasons for carrying this bomb into the great beyond but that would be a lie. He was doing it for her, he was doing this so she could live. So she could see tomorrow. Because she was the best part of him, and he wasn’t going to let these aliens take that from him.
He had tried to call her.
He felt his chest pound as his vision narrowed even further. He had to make sure she was safe, he had to get the bomb…
A gentle hand touched his shoulder, “Tony?”
He snapped out of his daze, his breath coming in ragged, only now was the concerned face of Pepper slowly coming into focus.
“Tony? Jarvis said your vitals were spiking, do you need me to contact someone?” The worry in her voice was… He felt his heart twinge, he loved this woman.
“No, n-no Darling, that-I’m okay. Just spaced out.” He flinched at his accidental reminder of his ‘trip’. He got up to move his crispy 43 years old billionaire bachelor body and just, try and focus on something else. Pepper wanted him to be healthier, and after… everything, he wanted it to. Kinda. It was hard admitting that he was shit at being alive, at taking care of himself. Maybe he actually wanted to be alive now. Also he was like, old old.
Oh. Pepper was hugging him. That was nice. Feeling her warmth seep through his body, chasing the feeling of all encompassing cold and entropy from his flashback. He suppressed a shiver, The Void didn’t feel like Space, he knew he had been in Space. Space doesn’t turn you into icicles, well that wasn’t true it did, it just took time. Because the particles were so far and few in between, however, your body would still eventually lose temperature and you became a popsicle. That wasn’t the big worry though, no you would be dead long before you froze. What actually kills you in space is radiation and pressure. Where he had been, however; The Void… Well part of the reason he had lost heat so fast was that the atmosphere had leaked into the beyond thus creating an area in which he could lose heat.
He took a deep breath and regretted it immediately, the air was tainted with the smell of old money grubbers. He caught a vague smell of his investors that remained in the air and frowned.
“Jarvis, could you deep clean the living room tonight? I don't think we’ll have anyone else tonight, and it smells really bad here. Like my grandmother's wardrobe. Bless her heart.” He did his best to ignore Pepper’s worried looks he didn’t want to feel the massive amount of guilt that was caused by worrying her.
“Of course sir. Though, perhaps you should consider going to bed? Also Miss Romanov has brought a visitor.” Jarvis’s voice echoed over the speakers and he felt a strong surge of regret.
Fuck, he was a real piece of shit wasn’t he? Even causing his AI to worry. He completely missed the second part of what was said.
“I… Actually You might be right.” His voice went down a level as he turned to Pepper. “Do you want to come with me?” He did his best to ignore the wavering of his voice, to ignore the desperation. He was fine, there was nothing wrong. He had no problems, everything was fine. HE was fine.
“You know what, su-”
Before Pepper could continue, the door to the living room opened to the most insane of sight. Really, all traces of weariness and fear sublimated from Tony’s body as he was forced to process the insanity that had just entered the room.
Coming in through the front door, almost tripping, dressed in the most I was in a club-ish leather jacket on a 10 grand Princess Elsa vibe dress and weird fluffy rich person scarf over her shoulders, star shaped sunglasses, came in Natasha fucking Romanov.
His mind screeched to a halt and his jaw hung open. Natasha Romanov, AKA Black Widow, AKA Avenger workaholic #3, AKA Miss Dark Hot had Serious just walked into their shared avenger space, visibly tipsy, or at least pretending to be. He frowned, knowing her kind of neurotic ass, there was only like a 5% chance she was actually drunk since she was way too much of a control freak to be drunk with a stranger. Speaking of said stranger… he glanced at the young woman who was next to her giggling and leaning into her.
Where Natasha wore a dress that must have cost him a fortune her ‘friend’ was in something much more… uh… She was dressed like a whore, he really had no other way to describe it, or an action flick heroine. A short skirt with little silver spiders that, if she bent over at all, would surely flash the world. Fishnet under mesh stockings, a black crop top that showed off sculpted abs Thor would be jealous of, and spiky reddish black messy ‘I just got fucked’ hair. Oh, another distinguishing feature was that she had just a ton of piercings. Made him wonder if he should re-pierce his ears. No, that would feel way too midlife crisis. unrelated to the amount of piercings, he also swore her eyes were glowing green.
Also side note how the hell was she not freezing? It was like tits cold outside.
Tony didn’t know how to process this. Pepper, apparently, didn’t share his weakness.
“Hey Nat. Whacha got there?” Actually Pepper was out of it too because she would never let her accent out if she wasn’t completely and utterly bewildered. Also she was normally much more eloquent than that.
“A smoothie.” To underline her point, Natash took a long and loud sip from the straw of a smoothie that Tony somehow hadn’t noticed. He was really out of it apparently.
The literal fae, because really, only a creature of fiction could be there, or perhaps a mirage, snorted at the stupid joke and giggled, which made Romanov straighten her back and smirk smugly, as if making this woman laugh was the height of her week. A week where they had gone to punch Banner’s apparent nemesis in Transilvania. How the Hulk had a vampire for a nemesis will be a mystery that he will never solve.
Tony was about to pipe up and ask for the deets like the teenage girl he was at his core, when the mirage, because he refused to accept that this was an actual real person until she could shake her hand and offer her a job just to be able to promote her. Because whatever work she was doing, she had to be doing an amazing job if Natasha was plain smiling, when said mirage spoke with a heavy british accent.
“Awww Darlin’ aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?” Her voice felt weirdly heavy? Like there was a weight to it that sent a chill down his spine.
“Of course, sweet cheeks. First up we have” Natasha hickuped slightly, “Fuck-boy Extraordinaire and all around alright guy Iron Stark! I Mean Tony Man.” Her friend threw back her head and let out a loud laugh before placing a hand on Natasha in such a romantic manner that Tony felt bad for even witnessing such an event.
Then it clicked what she said, “Wha.. Hey!” Before he could speak any more Natasha cut him off.
“And next to him is one of the most prettiest girls I have ever gayed for Pepper Pots.” There was a hint of flirtatiousness in her voice that caused his jaw to drop. Wait… was… No she wasn’t flirting with Pepper there was no way.
“Tony, Pepper, this is Darcy McThecutest, she’s my Sugar Baby.” Apparently that was supposed to be enough of an introduction, because the duo proceeded to ignore their dumbfounded expression and were now halfway to Natasha’s room.
Their stupor was broken by a loud “Toodles!” From the British girl as Nat’s door slammed.
“What? The Fuck…” He blinked and looked over to Pepper with wide eyes. She never cursed like that.
He chose to ignore her outburst.
“Did… did I just hallucinate that? Jarvis, did we hallucinate that?!”
“No sir it appears Ms. Romanov has indeed brought her date back to the tower before messing with you and Miss Potts and promptly disappearing to her room. As a… British adjacent being, I do hope that Miss Darcy will stick around.”
“Right…” He put down his chocolate cigar and stared at the closed door for a second. “Pepper let’s go get some sleep. Maybe this will make more sense in the morning.
It actually made less sense in the morning.
Darcy woke up feeling warm and content, wrapped around a body like an octopus, sure she hadn’t gotten laid last night but it had been much more fun than she had anticipated. As much as she had wanted to ravish the delicious woman she had picked up last night Darcy had refrained, because she was a paranoid daughter of a bastard and it appeared she wasn’t the only one.
They had both caught onto the fact that they had been pretending to be drunk. Though for vastly different reasons, after all she couldn’t get drunk as far as she knew and allowing yourself to act silly is half the fun of being drunk. If she had to guess Natasha because of her work, and fear of losing control or fear of being taken advantage of. Who knows could be some super serum bullshit as well.
Granted that last part was just a guess on her part, she hadn’t even realized this was the famous ‘Black Widow’ until she had dropped that bomb-shell on the way back to ‘her place’ aka Avengers tower. The look of shock on Natasha’s face when she had asked ‘Who?’ had been priceless. Yeah, she actually knew who Black Widow was, though she hadn’t realized what she had looked that sexy till last night, but that's besides the point. Darcy wasn’t much of a TV person. She knew what it was like to be in the limelight, to have everyone judge you based on preconceived notions, she knew what it was like to be a public figure.
So she had told her that, “I don’t know Black Widow, I mean sure I am grateful for her saving the place I live… But I don’t know her, and I am not sure I want to get to know her. Who I do want to get to know though, is Natasha Ramonav, sexyass lady who can hold her liquor, has a sharp sense of humor, a great ass, and is supper fucking dangerous while walking in fucking heels. Really like, are you fucking magical?”
Natasha had blinked at her and then thrown her head back and laughed, sadly it seemed like the word magicals had gone over her head. Too bad, just meant she would have to hide who she was, for now. Still Natasha had turned around and asked if she wanted to mess with her friends and well Darcy was a prankster at heart. So she said she was down as long as no one got hurt, she wasn’t a bully and wouldn't be one unlike her father. Still she would count last night as a win, after all she had ended up in the woman’s bed and had a wonderful night's sleep. Sure they hadn’t fucked but… well she could see it happening if this kept going.
Right now, she was cleaning up in an in-suite bathroom and getting ready for round two of pranking. Fucking with the Avengers. Holy Shit, she had the chance to prank the Avengers. Teddy was going to be soooo fucking jealous, either that or chastize her for being silly… again.
She was basically magical Jesus! She got to be silly! She had even bribed someone to add it to her bible. She probably could have just asked but - also technically she was probably closer with Krisna with the whole kicking evil but as a child repeatedly, but also she got killed for their sins so…
Also saying she was magic lady Jesus was just so fucking funny.
She smirked and nodded to her reflection and smirked.
It was time to prank the Avengers.