Avengers Meet Darcy
Natasha Romanova felt god damn amazing, she just had one of the greatest sleep of her life while in bed with a total stranger, someone she trusted as far as she could throw her. Which was probably pretty far given her size, seriously she was just so tiny, and full of muscles, yet so dainty and strong. She wanted to take her limbs and touch them until their forms were molded into her psyche, she wanted to caress her until they both were panting. She-she was going into horny thoughts wayyyy too fast. She groaned, damn it she wasn’t supposed to be feeling this horny about an unknown.
Granted she wasn’t a complete unknown, after all she had done some digging on her before sleeping, she wasn’t a complete idiot. Plus last night she had sent a sample of her own blood in to have it tested for any unknown substances. She was a paranoid daughter of a bastard, sue her, still the lab results had come back clean so she wasn’t under the influence. Well chemical influence, but other kinds were still on the table, for example magical influence. She didn’t have a way to verify that, yet, but considering they hadn’t fucked she was leaning towards the fact that she hadn’t had magic used on her. They mostly ended up in bed because it seemed both of them were very horny and touch starved.
Most people would scoff at the idea of magical influence, but not Natasha, she knew Magic was a thing, she had gone up against it several times. Which meant she knew who her paramour was, it was hard to know the wizarding world and NOT know who the woman in her arms were. But she found, she didn’t really care? Like the woman treated her like her own damn person even after finding out she was an avenger, so she was willing to extend the same courtesy to her.
And just maybe, Natasha wasn’t the only one who wanted this. Darcy was holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world, and nuzzling her like a fucking cat which had no right being as fucking cute as it was. Maybe she should keep her as a pet. The redhead looked back through the window and took a deep breath of the strangely clean air coming from the open window. The smog had completely disappeared after a month of non-stop cleaning and interrupted traffic, New York was starting to finally heal. Natasha could just enjoy this morning for a brief moment.
She let herself not be Black Widow or even Natash Romanova, she was a woman who didn’t even know her real name and just wanted to be held. Even as she thought that thought, she could feel the mask of Black widow/Natasha slip into place. She felt just, so weary. She saw the exact same thing reflected back at her when she looked at Darcy’s eyes.
“So still up for pranking the avengers this morning?” Darcy asked, her accent was like liquid honey, and the mischievousness of her tone did things to Natasha.
Natasha was blurted out hell yes, but held back because she totally had self control. She swore she was about to say yes. Instead what came out of her lips was, “Can I kiss you?”
YUP TOTALLY HAD SELF CONTROL.
Instead of denying her or being annoyed at being cut off, Darcy just smiled a smug catlike smile, and said. “Well, I am your sugar baby, Mommy.” Before all but pouncing on her, she soon found their tongues in a duel for dominance.
Pranks could wait a little bit.
When Tony woke up in the morning he had a very startling realization, you see hehad beenpranked. There was no other fucking explanation for last night. He couldn’t believe he fell for it, he had been really off his game after that whole shareholders meeting it turns out. Yes, that’s it, Natasha is a really good friend and knew that a good prank after the bummer of a night he had would be great for his mental health so she had gotten a fake sugar baby. A fake sugarbaby who had spent the night with her. YUP! A fake sugarbaby who was spending a late morning with her, ya know Natasha I can kill people with a flick of my wrist, the one who definitely hadn’t flirted with Pepper in front of her fake sugar baby. The very clearly fake British fake sugarbaby. Yes. Worldview restored.
He would ask Jarvis to run an ID after breakfast. Yes, a great plan.
Right now he was just waiting for the rest of the Avengers to show up, because yes he had sent out an SOS and demanded that they all be here for this. After all, what's the point of a prank if it’s not shared. Also he was never going to let Natasha live down her outfit or her choice in prank as long as Jarvis had the info. Which would be forever because his baby/son invention was never going to go away he would make sure he would live forever. He was the proudest mother of all and his greatest invention had to be shared with all.
Yes, Tony was making sound decisions today.
He was in the middle of continuing his sound decision of retelling the prank to Cap, Brucie boy, Robinhood, and Point Break; when Natasha decided to finally grace them with her presence. He turned a wide shit eating grin ready to call out Natasha on her bullshit. Ready to show the world that she was actually a prank…ster? He felt his jaw drop and his eyes bulge out of his head, because The Fake Sugar Baby was wearing Natasha’s clothes, and perhaps more shocking was the fact that Natash was there with her… WITH HICKIES. NATASHA ROMANOVA HAD FUCKING HICKES!
Tony couldn’t really believe what he was seeing, and judging by the looks on the other Avengers' faces neither could they.
Natasha who was holding hands with the prank. The prank woman who was wearing Natasha’s clothes. The woman who looked like a smug ass cat, who had given BLACK WIDOW hickies.
Tony didn’t know how this could be a crazier day.
“Hello team, this is Darcy.” Said Nat, sitting down with a genuine smile, and Tony’s worldview was shattered.
OH FUCK OH SHIT DEFCON 0! This wasn’t a prank.
The moment she saw the avengers faces Darcy realized this was the best prank ever. Here were Earth’s ‘Mightiest’ heroes, struck dumb by a few hickies and her mere presence, yup she was having the time of her life. Best of all on top of the awesomeness, she had slept like a fucking baby, she had spent the early morning snogging the shite out of a cute redhead without her inner Ron bothering her about her apparent penchant for redheads or her inner Sirius saying that she had the same taste as her dad, which gross Sirius, if anything she had her mom’s taste for jocks… Super heroes counted as jocks right? Any pattern with her dates was purely accidental given that she had dated like four people, and like, only one of them was a redhead. Well maybe two now, she didn’t really know where she currently stood with Natasha past a one night stand and a prank.
Darcy wasn’t going to make plans past today or tomorrow, she didn’t want to scare her or get her hopes up, but she would be open to something if Nat was interested. It wasn’t like she had anything important to do.
Besides, the most important part was that when she was with Nat she wasn’t bored. She hadn’t been bored as they danced and pretended to drink, as they played all their little mind games with one another trying to guess who and what the other was, she hadn’t been bored with the snogging and the passion, and she just… Natasha made her feel light. The spy made her feel like her past and the sins weighing down her soul weren’t there. So yeah she definitely wanted more of her, but also was content to take it at Nat’s pace. She was well aware that she had the emotional depth of a spoon and could fall very fast and at the drop of a dime so she was willing to not be the one to push for things.
Miss Black was struggling to come to terms with just how much Nat was different, how much this lightness seemed to lift the weight upon her shoulders. As if the crushing despair of her Divinity wasn’t weighing her down, sure she had Theodora and he was one of things that held her together but they were also growing up and slowly but surely they wouldn’t need her any more. Recently it has felt so easy to just forget people cared, forget that she was still human, forget that she had morals, it was so easy to just not care. Simply because those she cared about had moved on, had their own lives, they had no need for her anymore. Little Theodora now at an age where being around his ‘mom’ was cringe. Which, letting your age and your friends define what is okay and not, is the cringe thing here Teddy.
Now there was Natasha, and sure it had only been one night with her but… There was something about her, something about their interactions, this feeling she could feel within her chest, this kind of lightness that reminded her of when she was raising Teddy. This was the kind of lightness that made divinity easy, and yeah she knew deep down in her very essence she wasn’t really human any more she had ascended to something more. Still this feeling, this tether to humanity, she craved it, relished in it, needed it. It was why Nat was so terrifying in her eyes, she probably had no clue the effect she had on her nor the power she already held over her. Over her budding strange and fucked up feelings, her magicaly warped and groomed young adult brain stuck in stasis by Death Magic and something greater. The feelings that had finally pushed her towards a moral apotheosis where she could unshackle herself in an eternal hedonistic dance where she indulged in all the pleasure and power she had at her fingertips, where she could become something greater, something glorious.
She didn’t want that, she didn’t want to ascend, she wanted to stay with Theodora, with Hermione, Luna, Ron, she wanted to watch them grow old, to be the cool aunt she… She shook her head, no point getting lost in those thoughts now. Besides she had another anchor now, one that she could devote time to. Well potential anchor, no use getting too attached too fast.
While she was being honest with herself, she had to admit that she would make an awesome supervillain, and hey jilted lover could make for a good origin story and messing with the avengers could help stave off the boredom too! Maybe Nat could defeat her with the power of gay or something. Though having your first date in a few years turn into a megalomaniac mad magical god empress on the second date would probably be bad for her mental health. Both of their mental health if she was being honest. Still if they didn’t work out she at least had options to stave off the boredom.
So she would refrain from apotheosis, and just indulge in the mischievousness of pranks. Tel père, telle fille. A brainless pranker till the end.
Darcy banished her thoughts and decided to tune back into the conversation to check back on the level of chaos they had instilled. Cap was speaking.
“I’m sure Miss Black is a very nice wo-”
“Oh please, call me Lady Black-Potter, I kicked a lot of arsses for the knighthood!” She interjected, just because it seemed like Cap had managed to almost put a bit more order to the team and that just would not do.
“You what? Jarvis context here buddy?” That was Tony, looking like he had been slapped.
“Lady Black-Potter was knighted by the Queen twelve years ago. I Damn the Queen!” She declared, because while she might be British she did have a problem with noble’s regardless of Magical or Mundane in nature. Also, Hermione was going to be so jealous she got to meet the first AI in the world.
“Oh, how stereotypical Tony-man, a British Butler” Before Stark could put a word out, she turned toward the closest camera to look into Jarvis’s ‘eye’ “well Jarvis if you ever want to work for a better employer and not some Yank let me know, I’ll leave a business card.” She knew of the AI, how could she not, Hermione had floo called her at 3 am after she had spent a week hunting down a lich in Hawaii to ramble excitedly at her about it. She loved her autistic best friend, more than just platonically, not that she would ever tell her that, but by herself, sometimes she just wanted to shut her up. Be that by spell or kiss she wasn’t sure yet. Not when she was happily married.
“No! You can’t have him! Jarv ignore her!” She noticed the mans wide eyes and frantic waving of hands brought a small smile to Natasha’s face and that alone made it worth it. Oh how she wanted more of that smile.
Suddenly, Thor with the biggest victorious smile, before bellowing out, “HAH, you see I am right this time! She is a Lady! You people are the ones being improper! I am so sorry for the lack of decorum that my shield brethren have shown you.” Darcy had to resist the temptation to glare at the god. She was also doing her best to ignore the fact that in terms of RAW power she vastly outstripped the god. Nope definitely not thinking about that right now…
Cap, flustered tried to defend himself. “I-Thor, this is an exception, there are very few-”
“What asses did she kick with-” Hawkeye asked, and yes she knew it was him because last night before bed she had done some research on the other avengers. Can’t prank people without knowing your targets.
“Actual Ladyship and Lord-”
“You’ve been naysaying me when I knew that mortal still have proper nobility for acts of bravery-”
“It doesn’t- Well it does but that’s really rare-"
Hawkeye continued to mutter ignoring the main fight “-that scrawny ass emo frame-”
“Jarvis, can I have an ibuprofene this is killing-” Tony looked like he regretted all his life choices.
Darcy loved causing a bit of chaos, and judging by Nat’s reaction she was also enjoying it.
“Like she is so small, I can’t imagine her actually kicking someones ass.” Hawkeye continued to rant.
“I bet she could kick your ass.” Muttered Banner.
“Say that again you green marshmallow!”
Pepper gave a snort and did her best to just continue eating whilst ignoring the chaos as Cap glared at Clint before he jumped at Bruce’s throat. She had to admit that Mister America was quite adept at keeping everyone in line.
Darcy felt lips against her scalp, and all the noise suddenly stopped. Which was annoying because nooooo her entertainment! All that chaos just instantly canceled out and ruined. But at the same time her heart did a little flip and her tummy fluttered and just URGH! It wasn’t fair! What with her annoyingly small frame she wished she could be taller and be the cool buff gf, instead of the goblin gf, but also it was really fucking awesome being the shortstack gf because she was getting a kiss on her head and she felt so cute and why did it make her feel so good? But on top of that that small lil kiss had shut up the Avenger’s table. That was a badass move on Natasha’s part. She blushed as she felt a soft chuckle against her, the warm breath doing things to her. Fuck what was she thinking about? That had forced her gay ass brain to hard reset.
She sighed and leaned against the taller woman. Part of her was a tad disappointed she had to admit, because well it was kind of like playing your cards a bit fast, but Nat was only a beginner prankster and that was okay because Darcy had all the time in the world to teach her, and teach her she would so long as the woman wanted her around.
Bloody hell, so much for not falling too fast. She gave a deep sigh and just let some of her anxiety wash away as she leaned against Natasha. As they sat down for some food, she wondered what Theodora was doing? She missed her child, even if they thought they were too big to be mothered.
Theodora Potter-Black, because yes they were just as extra as their mum and had chosen to take her last name instead of keeping her birth parents name. For a moment they wondered if it made them a bad person that they didn’t really care about their birth parents, ya know the two that were not in her life? Like yeah sure they had died fighting a great evil and what not, and sure they were always described as brave and all that nonsense. But part of them… her. Part of her, she was feeling a bit more feminine today, anyways part of her just felt that they were both idiots/cowards. After all, they had both died. They had both left her alone. If they wanted her respect, or wanted her to care they shouldn’t have abandoned her.
Or they should have done what Mum did and come back from the dead.
Also like, from what they had pierced together from the war veterans that had known her parents, they weren’t exactly the best. Like from what she could tell Remus wasn’t actually that much of a good guy? Constantly pushing people away, didn’t do his duty as an uncle to look after mum growing up, never told her mum stories about her parents even though he was one of their best mates. Also seemed to think that because he had Lycanthropy he got to push everyone away and be a brooding asshole. That fact alone pissed her off more than anything. People with Lycanthropy weren’t fucking monsters yet this dickwaffle seemed to disagree. Oh did she mention that time mum had accidentally let slip that her sperm donor had tried to abandon her biological mother mid war? Only for Darcy to chew his ass out? Yeah, not exactly ideal father material. If he hadn’t died he probably would have abandoned her or some shit.
And while her research had painted a nicer picture of Tonks, it still wasn’t great. Nothing like her real mum. Tonks came off as quite… naive? Foolish? Bullheaded? Arrogant? Like she shacked up with an older guy who was known for abandonment and self worth issues and was actually surprised when he abandoned her. At least until she went to get his ass, and decided the best way to keep him around was to get him to knock her up. Yeah real fucking role models right there. Then there was the fact that Tonks was a younger woman taken in and working for an extremist illegal militia, oh did she mention she was also part of the corrupt ass magical police? Which one thing Theodroa had learned through her life was true ACAB, and that must be applied here. Also the fact that Tonks was seeking to reach a normal with a guy and have a kid before going to die in a war, was confusing. Why have a kid in the middle of the war if you were fighting on the front lines???
OH! Another reason to dislike her birth parents, both were a part of the group that had kept her mum in a fucking abusive home throughout the years. So yeah, fuck her birth parents she hoped she never met them in the after life, it wouldn’t be fucking pretty. Yeah to say she had mixed feelings was being reductive- Before she could continue to brood properly, she was being poked at.
“Hey Parker, why are you poking me with your sticky ass American hands?” She asked her best friend with a raised eyebrow, her hair shifting to pink to let him know her preference for gender right now.
“Well about that, I need your help since you’re the only openly enhanced person on campus.” Peter looked around, and she could see the tension and anxiety in his twink shoulders. Oh shit her best friend was really out of sorts if he wasn’t annoying her back.
“Come on Pete, I know a place where we can have a private chat.” She dragged him off to a room before throwing up a silent privacy ward. Not that he would know that or anyone else, mum had taught her to do things without wands or words. After all after being kidnaped a few times in her childhood her mum said ‘fuck it’ and taught her how to be a badass. Regardless, everyone else at school just thought she was an enhanced that could change her appearance. Well except the wixen that went here, after all Potter-Black was a worldwide household name in the wixen world. Mostly because of the cults and the fact that her mum was a living atom bomb equivalent. Which could she just say, BAD ASS.
“UH! What did you just do?” Peter asked with wide eyes
She blinked and turned to Pete, “wait… you could feel that?”
“Yeah?!?!? Felt like this wave of power that washed over me and…” He was pacing back and forth eyes wide and breathing heavily. “Oh my god I sound like my aunt when she was into crystals, what’s happening to me Theodora!” Oh shit he used her full name, yup Parker was having a panic attack.
“Ok… that is uh, take a deep breath Peter. Come on buddy,” she was trying to walk him through calming down from his panic attack. “That was just a privacy ward I can cast so no one can overhear us,” she explained.
“Wait, you can do more than just change how you look?” He asked his breathing slowly coming back into an acceptable range.
“Uh, yeah? Look it’s a long story and I need permission from mum to tell you everything, but for now I’ll ask for it so tell me. When did you start awakening to your powers?” It wasn’t hard to figure out why he had come to her, hell, he had even said it earlier. He was here because he was developing his own powers, and was freaked out.
He flinched and ran a hand through his hair, she noted he flinched as it seemed his hand caught on the hair and tugged on it. “Look it uh, remember that trip to Oscorp last month?”
She gave a nod and waited for him to gather his thoughts.
“Right, well I uh, didn’t know you could just like, get enhanced?” She blinked and just looked at him waiting for him to continue. She knew that his brain was running several Kilometers a minute right now and that she just needed to wait for him to get his thoughts in order. “Right, during the trip I got bitten by a fuckingspider and now I’ve got sticky spider powers, like I was sticking to the damn wall earlier, not to mention I was almost hit by a car this morning and had this weird sense of danger and lept out of the way, but when I did leap it was like two stories into the fucking air, and I am A LOT stronger than before and my senses are like dialed up to 11… Also like I broke three doors this morning and I AM rightfully freaking the fuck out right now, and like since you are enhanced I was kind of hoping you could help me figure out what the fuck is going on??!?! Because like I am damn near having a panic attack? Like between the enhanced senses, and this new danger warning thing, not even talking about the fucking superstrength, I am just constantly on edge and you were the only one I could think of to come to for help? Can you help me? Please?”
The desperation in his voice really worried Theodora and she could just tell how much anxiety he was under. So she did the only thing she could think of to help calm him down, she gave him a hug. After the awkward first few moments Peter relaxed into the hug and hugged her back, she had to resist grunting as he gave a squeeze. He wasn’t joking about being a lot stronger, bloody hell.
“Yeah, I got ya Peter, don’t worry… Though I will need to contact my mum she is great at weird shit.”
“Thanks… I uh sorry im just really freaking out.”
“Yeah, no worries.” A mischievous smile overtook her face, “hey Pete wanna see something cool?”
“Sure?” He asked, tilting his head to the side like an adorable confused little puppy. Honestly she needed to stop hesitating and finally introduce him to her girlfriend at some point.
She took a step back, closed her eyes, reached up her sleeve and took out her wand. Just because she could do most stuff without a wand didn’t mean she could do everything and this was one of those things. She thought about her mum, and how awesome she was and how she was always there for her. She thought about her love for her mother and then raised her wand.
“Expecto Patronum.” A silvery misty Thestral burst from her wand cantering around the room before returning to her.
“Woo.” Peter said, eyes wide and confusion written on his face, “what’s that?” She totally didn't preen at the awe in his voice.
She smirked and ignored Peter before turning to her Patronus. “Go find mum and tell her I need her help.” With that she watched the silver messenger fly away through the walls.
“Ya know I am really glad you could see it, most people can’t see the Patronus Charm, it requires having access to magic to see it. So whatever is going on with you def has a magical element to it, so while we wait for mum to get here why don’t we take some time to run some experiments?"
“Magic?” Was all Pete could muster.
She gave him a wide shit eating grin, “magic is boring, science on the other hand? Science is cool, come on Pete lets poke at your powers while we wait.”
Natasha was on top of the fucking world right now. She was powerful, she knew that, she had been trained for it, she had spent her life perfecting herself as a human weapon. It was a point of pride, amidst literal gods, geniuses, monsters, and magic she stood as their equal not because she was more, not because she was special but because of her ability to perform threat assessment and her hard earned skills. She knew her capabilities, and she knew that all it took was one unlucky shot would go down her like any other civilian. It really put things into perspective, especially after having spent so much time around enhanced people like Rogers, Oddinson and Banner. Who were all very, very, hard to put down.
With that in mind she knew that Darcy Potter-Black was dangerous. Not just because of what she had dug up on her, but because she could sense it. Every one of her hard earned senses were blaring danger just being in her vicinity. Darcy was powerful, and right now she had that cutie in the palm of her fucking hand, not through deception and deceit, but through mutual understanding and a bit of a crush. Emotions, something honest and vulnerable, and damn, it felt good. Like playing with a tiger or something. She also wanted to kiss her, again, really badly.
The little Fury inside her head wanted her to report this to him and to try to manipulate the elusive powerhouse into a meeting with the big Fury outside of her head. She did her best to ignore that part of her, while the little Clint inside of her head was not so subtly hinting at the number of paid leave she had accumulated and that Stark would definitely pay for both of their trips to Hawaii. If for no other reason than for a chance to recover from having his mind blown.
Everyone had settled down, breakfast was done, and currently her and Darcy were now lounging on the living room couch, everyone else was standing around awkwardly or flopped on one of the many other chairs. All the Avengers looked like they were in a fugue state every time they saw the two of them. Except for Thor, he just looked at them with a big smile and gave them a thumbs up, even though he didn’t really seem to get the concept of a sugar baby. For which she was kind of glad?
Right now Darcy was laying on top of her, napping, while she pet her head with one hand like she was an actual cat. Definitely as touch starved as me. Natasha’s other hand was shamelessly feeling up the woman’s abs, because holy shit she had abs that Cap might be jealous of. Cap and Hawkeye were pointedly trying to ignore them while Hawkeye tried to teach the man out of time what video games were. Steve Rogers who had been iced in 1945 before the first computer was ever invented. Honestly that more than anything had driven home how different this must all be for the man.
To her surprise, Steve was genuinely stoked about games. His view of the whole thing was just, such a breath of fresh air, the wonder on his face. So damn pure, like what the hell? How was Captain America real? He was very excited to try out Wolfenstein, though Clint wanted to get him started on 2D games first. Honestly she figured Cap would get his way, who could say no to his pouts, they were weapons grade cuteness.
Natasha continued to leisurely ignore Fury’s text messages, she would deal with the consequences later but right now… Right now she just wanted to continue enjoying this. Her friends unabashed joy over learning about video games and getting to play them for the first time, her new pet the woman in her lap, the way Tony was staring at the two of them like he had just seen a unicorn. She just wanted to enjoy life. Of course that was when a whole ass glowing animal cantered into the room, the thing looked like a cross between a skeletal horse and some sort of reptile, as the face definitely had reptilian features.
“UH… What is that?” She asked, drawing everyone's attention to it. Instantly everyone was on high alert, Clint was reaching for a bow he had stashed all around the tower. Cap was in the midst of quickly getting up, Bruce had distanced himself from the rest, and Tony was looking around in confusion.
“Oh you can see that, neat. Don’t worry it’s here for me.” The woman in her lap said, sitting up as the skeletal horse made a bee-line for her.
Darcy slowly got up, stretching like a motherfucking cat, again, her definitely new girlfriend was a cat woman and the world could pry her from her cold dead hand, and booped the thing in the nose.
Og course that was when the most bizarre thing happened, the thing opened its mouth and spoke. In the voice of what sounded like a young woman? “Mum, my friend needs help. Magic shenanigans. Could you come fast?” Then the thing just disappeared in a cloud of soothing light.
“What said that!?!?” Tony asked looking around in confusion, she ignored him and the rest of the Avengers instead focusing on Darcy. Natasha stood up and took her hand, she wasn't letting her go.
“Welp my child calls, Toodles.”
“Wha-” With that Natasha felt her world twist, and then the two of them popped out of reality.